Self-Perception - Chapter 36

The night in Li Family Village was filled with a blanket of stars, unlike the oppressive, pitch-black void of the city where not a glimmer of light can be seen. They ate in the courtyard under a pavilion like structure made of wooden frames, where a stone table and several wooden chairs were set.

The meal Lu Shu prepared wasn’t extravagant, but it tasted surprisingly delicious.

Wen Jinyan had originally intended to eat lightly that evening, but finding the flavors so good, she greedily ate a bit more. Compared to her, Gu Wansheng ate very little, just a small taste of each dish, strictly maintaining her physique management.

After finishing, the two sat and rested for a while before bidding Lu Shu goodbye. Lu Shu took a flashlight and escorted them back to the farmhouse inn.

As they went upstairs, Wen Jinyan stopped at her room door, and Gu Wansheng stopped as well.

“Why are you following me?” Wen Jinyan turned to ask.

“Will you come over later?” Gu Wansheng took half a step forward, closing the distance between them.

“Yes.”

Receiving an affirmative answer, Gu Wansheng’s lips curled into a satisfied arc. She then asked, “Then can I ask how long it’ll be? I’m afraid I won’t hear your knock if I’m showering.”

“In that case, perhaps you could just give me a key to your room.”

Wen Jinyan had returned the key Meng Qiu gave her long ago, she currently had no way to get in.

“Oh, right,” Gu Wansheng muttered, “Look at my head.”

She hurried toward her own room, not forgetting to tell Wen Jinyan to wait at the door. Gu Wansheng returned quickly and pressed the key into Wen Jinyan’s hand.

“I’ll be waiting for you in the room.”

That sentence somehow sounded like an ancient concubine waiting for the Emperor’s visitation.

Wen Jinyan closed her door and first sent a message to Su Muqing asking if she had eaten.

Su Muqing replied instantly: [Hmph, so you still remember me. I thought your heart only had room for “Teacher Gu” now.]

Reading the words, Wen Jinyan could practically hear Su Muqing’s voice. She immediately sent a “Red Envelope” (money gift) over.

Su Muqing: [Thank you, Boss, for the red envelope. Did you and Teacher Gu eat well? Do I need to order a meal for you two? (Rubbing hands.jpg)]

Wen Jinyan: [Dismissed.]

Su Muqing: [Alrighty.]

Wen Jinyan: [Wait.]

Su Muqing: [At your service. ω]

Wen Jinyan: [You can tell Zhang Wen about the next step of the plan now.]

Su Muqing: [Are you sure? No need to observe for a few more days?]

Wen Jinyan: [I already know her weakness.]

So, there was no need to observe further. Su Muqing didn’t ask more, simply replying: [Okay.]

Wen Jinyan: [One more thing.]

Su Muqing: [(ò ó)]

Wen Jinyan: [Use fewer emoticons. You’re not a child anymore, be more mature.]

Su Muqing: [.] [Sister here will be eighteen forever.]

After that message, Su Muqing went completely offline.

Wen Jinyan tossed her phone onto the bed and went to shower. Only after drying her hair did she head over to open Gu Wansheng’s door.

The room was empty, but the sound of running water came from the bathroom. Wen Jinyan sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the bathroom door. The door was frosted glass, the person’s movements were obscured, ensuring privacy. But hearing the water stop and start fitfully, Wen Jinyan’s mind automatically filled in the blanks. By the time she realized what she was doing, her face was flushed.

Gu Wansheng emerged stepping through a cloud of steam. The vapor trailed behind her, reaching all the way to the corner of the bed.

Tonight, she wore a red silk camisole nightgown, which made her skin look exceptionally fair and delicate. Having just bathed, her face carried a crimson glow, and her eyes were misty, giving her naturally affectionate gaze an even more lingering, soulful quality.

Her shoulders trembled slightly. Wen Jinyan draped the cardigan she was wearing over her.

“It’s almost winter, and you’re still dressing so lightly?”

The cardigan still carried the warmth of Wen Jinyan’s body. Gu Wansheng pulled it tighter. “I was in a rush when I came, transferred straight from a flight, so I forgot.”

Her fingers gripped the shoulder of the cardigan, pulling it closer. It had a faint scent of clean pine, very fresh, very pleasant.

“Get into bed quickly so you don’t catch a cold,” Wen Jinyan urged. Gu Wansheng took the opportunity to grab her hand. “You don’t catch one either.”

Having given her cardigan to Gu Wansheng, Wen Jinyan was only wearing thin long-sleeved clothes. Only when Gu Wansheng mentioned it did she seem to feel the chill, rubbing her arms.

“Click.” Gu Wansheng turned off the light.

As their body temperatures drew near, the warmth under the covers rose. Facing each other, Gu Wansheng placed her hand on Wen Jinyan’s waist. She didn’t move it, but she shifted her body closer.

“There’s a big gap in the middle,” Gu Wansheng explained. “Don’t let the cold air in.”

In the darkness, the room was so quiet they could hear each other’s breathing and a tiny bit of laughter from Wen Jinyan, as if it were vibrating from the bottom of her throat.

“I didn’t even ask.” I didn’t ask why you were getting closer.

“Jinyan.” Gu Wansheng propped her head up with her other hand. Her breathing was a bit shallow, and her heartbeat was loud. Wen Jinyan heard it clearly and felt the nervousness becoming contagious.

So, Wen Jinyan also moved closer toward Gu Wansheng until they were only a breath apart.

“Do you… like me now?”

If Gu Wansheng had asked this a few months ago, Wen Jinyan might have said, “What answer do you wish to hear?”

But now, having adjusted to the dark, she looked into Gu Wansheng’s eyes. Even in the night, she could feel those eyes were bright, filled with both apprehension and anticipation.

Wen Jinyan took the hand resting on her waist and held it firmly in her own. With a touch of joy and reverence, she leaned in, touching something soft, just like the very first time they kissed, slow and gentle.

But something was different. This time, as she drew close, she heard her own heart screaming. The frequency of the thumping was high. She could even feel her blood circulating faster otherwise, why would she feel so hot?

“Why ask so suddenly?”

Why? Gu Wansheng thought. Perhaps because the feeling Wen Jinyan had given her these past few days was too different. She couldn’t say exactly what it was, but she felt she could finally try to break through that thin “window paper” of uncertainty.

The constant ambiguity, the kisses, the physical intimacy, the constant tolerance and closeness… it had left her stranded between reality and illusion, like being in a mist, drifting and unsettled.

It made her heart swing between certainty and doubt: Does Wen Jinyan have feelings for her? Does Wen Jinyan like her?

She was caught in a loop. She must like me, otherwise why would she kiss me? Why is she so submissive to me, responding to every word? But another voice in her head would say. Wen Jinyan has never actively shared her life, she is so calm about everything I ask for. Does she really like me?

In these recent months, Wen Jinyan had been willing to ask about her whereabouts and her past life. Those proactive messages had given Gu Wansheng such surprises, tiny things that might seem trivial to others.

Gu Wansheng didn’t answer; instead, she received a kiss. This kiss was different from all the previous ones.

“This is my answer,” Wen Jinyan said.

“Jinyan, I’m very dull, and I lack confidence… can you give me a bit more of a certain sign?”

Her voice grew smaller, and her breathing unconsciously became very light. As she spoke, her eyelashes pressed down slightly, trembling. Even if she couldn’t see clearly, Wen Jinyan had an intuition.

The corners of Gu Wansheng’s eyes must be soft right now.

The palm Wen Jinyan held in her hand was still shaking, the physical manifestation of a person’s trepidation and nerves.

Gu Wansheng was nervous? In Wen Jinyan’s mind, Gu Wansheng was a figure of dazzling lights. Under the lens, she was confident, composed, and elegant, fitting every word of praise. Yet such a radiant person, someone who shone so brightly on screen, was here in a small room, on a bed, facing her.

As an equal.

The window rattled slightly from the wind outside. Gu Wansheng heard her heart beating out of rhythm, and in the next second, a gentle voice pierced through her ears, striking her heart directly.

It was deafening.

“I like you, Gu Wansheng.”

It felt as if fireworks were exploding in her heart. Gu Wansheng took a deep breath, then let out a heavy, long exhale.

She was so nervous she had forgotten to breathe.

“What’s wrong?” Wen Jinyan asked.

In the dark, Gu Wansheng laughed very, very softly. “I just felt like I came back to life.”

Like a fish deprived of oxygen flapping on the ground, just as it was about to suffocate, it was gently swept up by a wave, embraced, and returned to the ocean.

Wen Jinyan was that wave.

“Are you silly?” Wen Jinyan’s eyes curved with a smile. How could someone actually forget to breathe out of nervousness?

“I’m not,” Gu Wansheng countered, moving her hand inside the other’s palm, only to realize it had gone numb. “You wouldn’t like a fool.”

“It’s late. Sleep,” Wen Jinyan said, turning over. Gu Wansheng naturally pressed up against her, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

“Goodnight, Yan Yan.”

Goodnight, wife, Gu Wansheng added in her heart.

Gu Wansheng woke up early the next day to catch her flight. The sky was still a shade of dark, and Wen Jinyan was sleeping soundly beside her.

Gu Wansheng propped herself up on the duvet, leaning her upper body forward. Her hair fell naturally, intertwining as her fingertips brushed Wen Jinyan’s face. Wen Jinyan nuzzled into her palm comfortably.

The woman’s lips curled up. Her fingertips moved, and sensing the heat source moving away, Wen Jinyan chased after it.

Like a little kitten.

After quietly packing her luggage, Gu Wansheng softly closed the door and left with Meng Qiu.

By the time they reached the airport, a sliver of white was showing on the horizon. Gu Wansheng thought it was beautiful and took several photos. She handed the phone to Meng Qiu. “Look and see which one is the best?”

Meng Qiu took the phone and scrolled through. After a long while, she asked, “Sister Gu, aren’t these all the same?”

Gu Wansheng: “How are they the same?”

Meng Qiu stared at the photos for several minutes, completely baffled. How are these not the same?

“Forget it, I’ll choose,” Gu Wansheng took the phone back.

Meng Qiu: So? What is my purpose here?

Having picked the photo, she sent it. Gu Wansheng locked her screen. She thought she would have to wait until she got off the plane for Wen Jinyan to wake up, but to her surprise, Wen Jinyan called her directly.