Secretly Liking Him - Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Winning first place is of course happy, but what is even happier is winning first place together with the person you like!

Gu Xun didn’t even know how he passed the next moments; anyway, by the time he snapped out of it, he was already inside a self-service barbecue restaurant.

Shen Yanzhi was sitting right across from him, slightly lowering his eyelashes, using the meat tongs to flip the roasting meat on the grill pan.

Gu Xun couldn’t help but swallow a mouthful of saliva, unable to distinguish whether it was from craving the food or something else.

Seeing that the meat was almost ready, Shen Yanzhi said to Gu Xun, “Pass your plate over.”

Gu Xun foolishly passed his own plate over, and Shen Yanzhi clipped the meat onto it, and at the end, still enjoined him, “Be careful, it’s hot.”

Gu Xun felt that he was truly so thoughtful…

Then Shen Yanzhi asked him again, “Has your soul come back yet?”

Gu Xun: “Uh… about that…”

Shen Yanzhi nodded; it seemed it had come back. Just now, no matter what was said to him, he just smiled foolishly, but now there was finally an echo.

Gu Xun cleared his throat, using action to prove that his brain could move now. After looking around once, he asked, “Where are my mom and dad?”

Shen Yanzhi: “They went to tour around with the boss.”

Gu Xun gave an “oh,” and began to eat the roasted meat in front of him, feeling that the taste was truly top-tier, and couldn’t help but stuff several pieces into his mouth in a row.

Only when his mouth was completely stuffed full did he discover that the plate of Shen Yanzhi across from him was still clean and spotless, looking like he hadn’t eaten a single bite.

Gu Xun opened his mouth wanting to ask Shen Yanzhi why he wasn’t eating, but then took a look and found that the meat was all in his own plate, and the ones on the grill pan were also just newly put on by Shen Yanzhi.

Gu Xun instantly felt that he, who only knew how to eat, was really too much of that sort of thing, so he actively and proactively requested to help grill.

Shen Yanzhi, however, stopped him: “You eat yours, it easily gets messy when two people grill.”

Gu Xun thought in his heart, how can grilling meat get messy?

Then he discovered that when Shen Yanzhi grilled meat, he arranged it particularly neatly, and when flipping, he flipped them one by one…

Uh, forget it, he had better just honestly eat.

Auntie Shen [Shen Lan] and her husband probably had a pretty happy chat with their colleague; only when Gu Xun was already half-full did the two of them come back.

As a result, when Shen Lan came back, her mood was obviously not high, and her entire expression was collapsed.

So Gu Xun showed concern for his mom: “Mom, what’s wrong with you?”

Shen Lan did not make a sound, and didn’t even look at him once.

So Gu Xun shifted targets and asked his dad: “Dad, what’s wrong with my mom?”

Gu Jingyuan thought about it, but still said to Gu Xun, “Your Auntie Liu and Uncle Chen divorced.”

Gu Xun was originally holding a rib bone and gnawing on it; at this, the rib bone in his hand fell straight into the plate.

Not for anything else, purely out of shock.

If there were any couples under heaven who would not divorce, in Gu Xun’s cognition, besides his own parents, it was Auntie Liu and Uncle Chen.

Auntie Liu was a hugely good and hugely gentle person; when Gu Xun was little, he had once thought for a time why Auntie Liu wasn’t his mom. Uncle Chen also frequently took him along to play together.

The two of them, in Gu Xun’s heart, were truly a model couple more model than his own parents.

How could they just divorce!

Gu Xun asked foolishly, “Wh-why?”

No one answered him this question, and Gu Xun felt uncomfortable in his heart, as if there were a knot.

After Gu Xun went back, he was still particularly disheartened because of this matter. He was already lying on the bed preparing to sleep, yet still couldn’t help but chatter to Shen Yanzhi: “Why…”

Shen Yanzhi, who had not spoken for a long time, said softly, “Divorce is not necessarily a bad thing.”

Gu Xun subconsciously shot back, “Could it still be a good thing?”

After saying it, he also felt this wording wasn’t right, but he still just felt uncomfortable. That feeling was like something had been smashed to pieces; he was a bit disappointed, and a bit afraid.

Shen Yanzhi thought about it and said, “My parents also divorced, and I think it’s quite good.”

Gu Xun: “…”

Gu Xun truly wished with all his might that this topic today had never begun.

Shen Yanzhi sighed lightly: “Divorce is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just that I hope the way they end it won’t be so ugly.”

Gu Xun moved his mouth: “A-Yan, your parents…”

Shen Yanzhi probably felt his tension, and slowed down his tone a little bit: “They divorced very early.”

In the darkness, Shen Yanzhi’s voice was very calm.

Gu Xun heard him say, “They were both busy. When I was little, it was the nanny who raised me. On the rare occasions they were at home, they would argue. Suddenly one day, they said they were going to divorce.”

Gu Xun didn’t know if Shen Yanzhi’s mood was also as calm as his tone, but his own heart throbbed with pain for a moment.

Shen Yanzhi said, “Actually at that time I was quite happy, because they started to fight for custody.”

It was as if they suddenly remembered all at once that they still had him, this son, and wished they could hold everything in front of him to please him, as long as he nodded and was willing to go with them.

At that time, Shen Yanzhi was still small, and thought it was because he was very excellent and both mom and dad liked him, which was why they wanted to fight for him.

In the end, he chose his mom; children, after all, always have a deeper affection for their mother.

It was just a pity that after the dust settled, the only one by his side was still just the nanny.

Oh, later a dog was added.

He thought again, was it because he was still not good enough, which was why his mother was unwilling to accompany him more.

“I read a lot of books, learned several foreign languages, wanting her to like me more and stay home more to accompany me.”

But it was all of no use, until his dad wanted to fight to get custody back again.

Shen Yanzhi let out a smile: “Then I thought, if I changed to the other person, would it be a bit better.”

But the result was still disappointing; they simply fought for the sake of fighting.

Who this son was probably didn’t matter; it just happened to be him.

Thinking of past matters, Shen Yanzhi suddenly lost himself in thought for a moment.

Gu Xun, however, felt even more nervous because of his pause. He wanted to open his mouth, yet didn’t quite dare to.

Shen Yanzhi concluded at last: “Actually, the reason I became like I am now is just because I want others to like me.”

In his bones, he was fundamentally not as good as he appeared to be; he was just used to it and couldn’t change it.

Therefore, sometimes seeing Gu Xun liking him so much, Shen Yanzhi would even feel a bit of guilt.

He actually hadn’t thought about talking to Gu Xun about these things, but once he opened his mouth, it got a bit out of control.

Shen Yanzhi said, “Gu Xun, I am not as good as you think.”

Gu Xun’s heart was like a hedgehog that had received a hidden fright, instantly curling itself up, and then followed a subconscious resistance: “Hahaha, how could you not be! No more chatting, sleep! Sleep!”

Gu Xun felt that he was almost unable to catch his breath; he felt as if A-Yan had words within words.

He was very afraid that next, Shen Yanzhi would say to him: I am not that good, don’t like me anymore.

The moment Gu Xun thought that Shen Yanzhi might already know about the matter of him liking him, he felt fear and wretchedness.

Was his own overestimation of his own capability completely seen through by this person’s eyes?

This feeling truly made Gu Xun feel suffocated.

But Shen Yanzhi still said softly, “You will meet a better person.”

Gu Xun’s brain buzzed loudly, looking as if it were filled with things, yet looking like a sheet of blank space.

Then he shook his head, tears having already arrived in his eye sockets at some unknown time.

Gu Xun said with a hoarse voice, “Won’t happen.”

After meeting Shen Yanzhi, where would there still be any better person? It didn’t exist; it wouldn’t happen.

Gu Xun’s tears came down, yet they were unexpectedly very quiet.

Then he thought of that night not long after he had first known Shen Yanzhi, when he had also cried a messy puddle in front of Shen Yanzhi.

At that time, A-Yan said he was foul-playing.

Gu Xun hurriedly wanted to hold back the tears. He lifted his hand to wipe them; he didn’t want to make Shen Yanzhi feel as if he were forcing him to like him.

It was just that he truly couldn’t hold them back, and the tears were like a opened sluice gate, unable to stop.

In the end, he lifted his arm and covered his face. Even though inside the bedroom without the light turned on it was a patch of pitch black, he still wanted to hide that face which was full of tear stains.

Gu Xun said, “I just… have no way to not like you, and I didn’t want to do anything about it, really…”

If he truly could not like Shen Yanzhi, he also wanted to not like him.

This way, it should be a bit easier to live, rather than being so tired every day.

But even though it was that tired, he was still that happy, and still wanted to work even harder.

He had never thought about obtaining any response from Shen Yanzhi; he just wanted to be by Shen Yanzhi’s side like this, he just wanted to quietly like him like this.

What he hadn’t expected was that A-Yan was too smart. He had thought he hid it very well.

But it was still seen through by A-Yan.

When Gu Xun thought about how he had actually stubbornly insisted on sleeping together with him, he felt that in Shen Yanzhi’s heart, he must be particularly filthy, particularly shameless.

He opened his mouth, yet didn’t know what else would be good to say, but within his gasping sounds, some things were still leaked.

Shen Yanzhi alertly sat up, reaching out his hand wanting to go turn on the light.

Gu Xun discovered it and immediately went to block his hand, tightly grabbing his hand that was just about to turn on the light.

Gu Xun pressed his voice down and said softly, “Don’t turn on the light.”

He didn’t want to be seen by Shen Yanzhi in his current state; he was already very disgraceful, and didn’t want to be a bit more disgraceful.

Shen Yanzhi felt the dampness of his palm, and his brows instantly furrowed fiercely together.

He also didn’t know what was wrong with himself, why he suddenly pierced open this layer of window paper.

He clearly could, clearly could just never say it, and just pretend as if he knew nothing at all…

But he suddenly just couldn’t do it.

Shen Yanzhi was somewhat at a loss; he didn’t know how he should speak clearly with Gu Xun, nor did he know how to make him a bit less sad.

Silence spread between the two people, and the atmosphere was like a balloon being quietly filled with air, as if in the next moment it would explode completely.

Shen Yanzhi listened to Gu Xun’s breathing sound which he was doing his utmost to suppress. He knew that Gu Xun was crying.

He didn’t want to make Gu Xun cry at all.

Thinking that Gu Xun was crying, he felt particularly uncomfortable, as if there were something piercing in his heart—that kind of painful feeling was extremely distinct.

In the end, he only said dryly, “A-Xun, I’m not that good.”

In the darkness, Gu Xun gave an “en,” and it was unknown what his exact meaning was.

Shen Yanzhi felt that he had seemingly messed everything up. He took a deep breath: “I… I will move back to live.”

The moment he finished saying this sentence, he felt that Gu Xun’s hand which was gripping him increased its strength.

Gu Xun said, “Sorry.”