No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 83

Contrary to the noisy rumors before my entry into the palace, the day I actually departed for the Queen’s residence was quiet.

Edgar had relentlessly sent letters and messengers to express his desire to see me off.

If Marchioness Federica hadn’t stepped in, he likely would’ve ignored my wishes and shown up uninvited—just like when he forced his way into the marquess’s garden using Sarah as a pretext during the luncheon. This time, the Marchioness firmly shut him out.

Unfortunately, she also banned Ricardo.

“Regardless, Cecilia, you are still the Countess of Linton—for now. It’s not proper for a married woman to appear reliant on another man.”

For now. The way she said it was layered with meaning. I tried to guess just how far ahead the Marchioness had foreseen things.

After spending time at the marquess’s estate, she must’ve come to understand that Edgar and I were not close—in fact, we regarded each other more as enemies than spouses.

I had come to this place to escape him. Having decided which side to stand on, Marchioness Federica no longer tried to urge reconciliation.

After meeting Countess Rosette, she seemed to understand that becoming the Queen’s lady-in-waiting was my only way out.

I had escaped my stepmother’s abuse through marriage, only to find that my husband was blatantly unfaithful—and even planned to send me off to a convent.

Marchioness Federica was not someone who lacked the empathy or intelligence to understand what she hadn’t personally experienced.

“The Earl of Linton isn’t powerful enough for His Majesty to feel compelled to accommodate him.”

In other words, “It’s a relief Martha can intervene without causing political waves.”

“I know Cecilia is a modest young woman. I truly hope you achieve what you’re reaching for.”

It was a gentle way of telling me not to ask for more than I already had.

“I won’t ever forget your kindness, Madam—not even at the end of my life. I’ll always think of you as I serve Her Majesty.”

I gave her the answer she wanted to hear. And sure enough, she smiled in satisfaction.

It was a promise to remember her favor, even if I grew ambitious later. A response designed to please someone as wise and watchful as she was.

I left for the Queen’s residence in a carriage bearing the crest of House Federica. It struck me, then—it was the first time I had ridden in a carriage alone. Even for the briefest errands, I’d always had Sarah or Martha with me.

Sitting near the edge, I looked at the empty space across from me.

Once I divorced Edgar, I probably wouldn’t get to ride in such a grand, spacious carriage anymore. But at least I’d finally be able to travel on my own.

Of all the things I’d had to adjust to in Cecilia’s body, the constant presence of a maid wherever I went had been the hardest to get used to.

Sarah had always been a spy for Countess Rosette, and Martha constantly looked at me like she missed the former Cecilia—making it uncomfortable.

Being with Ricardo didn’t necessarily mean comfort either. True, he never watched me like Sarah, and he didn’t miss the Cecilia who used to be. But even he had his own reasons for staying close.

I had planned to cut ties with him once I secured the Queen’s favor.

But things hadn’t gone as expected. The Queen had ordered me to become her lady-in-waiting—an outcome Ricardo had effectively bartered his life for.

I leaned my head against the window, trying to think through the hazy, uncertain future.

Then suddenly, the carriage jolted hard.

“Cecilia!”

Edgar had ridden up on horseback and blocked the carriage. I wasn’t even surprised.

Even with Marchioness Federica protecting me, I knew Edgar wouldn’t give up his final chance without trying something.

“What should I do, my lady?”

The coachman asked.

I told him to grip the reins tightly and be ready to depart at my signal.

When I lowered the window, Edgar’s face was twisted with emotion.

“You’re not even going to step out?”

“I thought we said everything we needed to say.”

He looked like he was about to jump off his horse, so I quickly added,

“If you come any closer, we’re leaving.”

The coachman raised his hand slightly, as if to say Understood.

Edgar bit down on his lip and hesitated, then slowly settled back onto his saddle.

“Think it over again. It’s not too late. Go to the Queen and beg her—tell her you’re too scared to be her lady-in-waiting, that you don’t deserve the position.”

“Our last conversation ended with you calling me insane. That wasn’t just an insult to me—it was a direct insult to Her Majesty’s judgment.”

Edgar looked like he was using every ounce of strength not to shout. His gloved fist trembled where it rested on the pommel.

“If I’ve ever lacked anything, it was having a husband like you. Her Majesty seems very fond of me. I wonder if you ever enjoyed the same honor.”

We were right in the middle of the road. Marchioness Federica had chosen a rarely traveled route to avoid attention on the way to the Queen’s palace, but even so, there were still a few people passing by—glancing curiously at the scene.

They were commoners, and probably didn’t recognize Edgar as the Earl of Linton, but from his clothing alone, it was obvious he was nobility.

“Just tell me where you sent Elodie.”

His voice lowered, unable to ignore the watching eyes.

“As I already said, I have nothing to do with Miss Elodie’s disappearance. Didn’t you say you were done with her? Then she’s no longer your concern.”

Elodie was in critical condition. The midwife had made it clear—if they didn’t terminate the pregnancy, they wouldn’t be able to save her life.

“Are you really saying this wasn’t you’re doing? You didn’t threaten Elodie?”

It seemed Edgar couldn’t believe that Elodie had broken up with him of her own accord, without anyone else’s influence.

“It looks like Miss Elodie got tired of you.”

I stabbed straight at his pride. Edgar staggered.

“Maybe she was scared you’d hurt her if she asked to break up because of the difference in your social standing. Maybe that’s why she ran and hid.”

“Don’t talk nonsense. Elodie has a warm heart—unlike you.”

The man who once dismissed Cecilia’s passionate love as bothersome and foolish was now shamelessly spewing nonsense.

“I had a warm heart too. Don’t you remember?”

I silenced him with that one line.

“You were the one who turned my heart cold. You did that to one woman’s heart already—shouldn’t you have more confidence in yourself, Edgar?”

Strictly speaking, I never really had a “heart” in the metaphorical sense. But from Edgar’s perspective, my argument probably didn’t sound entirely absurd.

He had received me as the consequence of neglecting Cecilia.

“For the sake of the Linton family’s honor, don’t go around looking for Miss Elodie too openly. Surely, the family’s reputation is more important than Miss Elodie, isn’t it?”

I paused briefly and gave the coachman a subtle nod.

“Maybe Miss Elodie realized that too.”

The moment I finished speaking, the coachman set the carriage in motion.

Edgar, still mounted on his horse, sat there stupidly, watching me grow smaller in the distance.

The confrontation with Edgar—something I had mentally prepared for—was now over. I felt a sense of relief as I arrived at the Queen’s palace.

It was just as I remembered it—solemn and suffocating, unchanged in the least.

When I stepped out of the carriage, a servant I’d seen before greeted me with respectful courtesy.

“Lady Cecilia. Before you meet Her Majesty the Queen, please allow me to show you to your room. Her Majesty says you may rest first and meet with her afterward.”

“Please thank Her Majesty for her kindness. Rest sounds wonderful, but I’d also like to see Lady Lorraine. I heard she’s still staying at the palace.”

The servant nodded.

“Lady Lorraine has also expressed her wish to see you, Lady Cecilia.”

The treatment I received now was drastically different from when I first entered the palace as the Countess of Linton. The servant practically bowed and scraped, eager to please me.

“After I show you your room, I’ll bring Lady Lorraine to you once you’ve had a bit of rest.”

“Thank you.”

I followed the servant inside, entering the private quarters hidden from the public.

He gave a brief explanation of each room’s purpose—rooms used only in specific seasons, guest rooms allocated based on rank. There were even five drawing rooms, all maintained in pristine condition just in case Her Majesty decided to use one.

“This is your room, Lady Cecilia.”

The room I was to use wasn’t much different in size from the one I had used at the Linton estate. However, even to my untrained eye, it was clear that the furniture filling the space was of the highest quality.

“There’s a dressing room on that side and a bath on the opposite side. Your maid, assigned to you by the palace, will unpack your belongings, so there’s no need to concern yourself. If the maid doesn’t suit you, just let us know at any time.”

“I’m sure a palace maid is well-trained. Even if there are some differences between us, I believe we’ll adjust in time.”

The servant glanced up at my face, reading my expression. Realizing I was sincere, his overly formal demeanor shifted ever so slightly.

“I will bring Lady Lorraine shortly.”

After offering a polite and neutral bow, he stepped aside to let me rest.

I slowly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

The sheets were white as snow, not a single blemish in sight. Even among the noble households, no one dared to use such pure white linens.

Everything in a noble household required human labor. Even if one hired a laundry maid, it would be a waste to assign someone solely to care for bed linens.

But the royal family could indulge in such luxuries, having maids at their beck and call.

“I mustn’t get too used to this.”

Once my divorce with Edgar was finalized, I would be leaving. Perhaps I’d move away from the capital, buy a modest house, and live a quiet life.

“You’re quite wise to already understand that, Lady Cecilia.”

With a knock, a woman around the same age as Marchioness Federica entered the room.

“It’s easy to become insatiable once you get used to life at the palace. It’s a pleasure to meet you—I’m Lorraine Nastro.”

I gracefully bent my knees and greeted her with courtesy.

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