No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 46

It had been six months and three weeks since I took over Cecilia’s body.

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t tired. But I’d thought it was something I could endure.

In some ways, it felt lighter than living as myself.

Unlike me, someone who left a wound in her mother that would never heal, Cecilia had been an innocent victim.

A pure victim. It was a comfortable role to play. There were times I’d seriously considered becoming Cecilia for good.

But I never could bring myself to do it.

Even if no one else knew, I couldn’t stop myself from drawing a clear line between Cecilia and me.

The decision to divorce Edgar wasn’t about me—it was to fulfill Cecilia’s final wish.

She had filled pages of her diary with the desperate plea that she no longer wanted to love Edgar.

Before I read that diary, I had planned to maintain a calm and quiet life as Countess of Linton, making sure not to provoke Edgar unnecessarily.

Of course, I never fully trusted him and had planned to protect myself just in case. But without that diary, I wouldn’t have decided on divorce so soon.

Now, I had Josephine, Marchioness Federica, and even the Queen on my side.

I had worked desperately to grow close to each of them.

Gone was the idea of a quiet, discreet divorce like I had once imagined before reading Cecilia’s diary.

Instead, I would make the process as noisy and public as possible—loud enough to repay Edgar with the pain and humiliation Cecilia had endured.

My past life had ended in misery.

I never received forgiveness from my mother, and I never reunited with my father.

Poor Cecilia. Of all people, she had to end up with someone like me—someone who might not even qualify as human.

Contrary to Ricardo’s romantic ideas, I wasn’t even a beast.

At least beasts had the dignity of following their instincts. I had neither instinct nor identity.

If I had to name what I was, “monster” would be more accurate.

Ricardo… Yes, all these tangled thoughts were because of him.

He had become the obstacle to my decision—not to become Cecilia.

“My Lady, the Count is about to leave now.”

Sarah looked at me with concern as I sat blankly in front of the vanity.

“My Lady! You need to go see him off!”

Snapped out of my thoughts, I returned to reality.

Today was the day Edgar left for his business trip.

“What about Miss Elodie?”

According to rumors—and Edgar himself—he always brought Elodie along on these trips.

“I’m sure they’ll meet somewhere along the way. As if someone like her would come all the way here dragging a trunk.”

Yesterday, I’d had Justin watch Elodie’s villa for me.

She went about her usual routine. There wasn’t a single sign she was preparing for a trip that could last weeks.

Sarah, no longer bold enough to treat me casually, fidgeted with nervous urgency.

She was supposed to hurry me along to Edgar, but I made no move to get up, which surely unsettled her.

“And the nanny?”

“She’s already outside, waiting. Not just her—everyone in the household has come out to see the Count off.”

I finally stood up, reluctant.

I threw a shawl over my comfortable indoor clothes.

“You’re going out like that?”

“I’m not walking him all the way to the gate.”

“Still… won’t that hurt the Count’s dignity…”

Sarah trailed off. She couldn’t force me into a formal dress just to save Edgar’s pride.

“Who am I to say anything, really…”

Within the Linton estate, I was no longer the powerless mistress I once was.

Edgar may have still been with Elodie, but he made no effort to stop my recent activities—if anything, he encouraged them.

From the head maid down to the lowest hired workers handling dirty chores, everyone bowed deeply when I passed.

Only Sarah, still tethered to Countess Rosette, hadn’t fully submitted.

I could have punished her—but I didn’t. I still needed her.

To find proof that Edgar and Countess Rosette had made deals involving Cecilia’s estate, I had to keep Sarah close.

I had Martha search Sarah’s room on occasion, but all she found were a few notes about my outings and general plans.

Still, during this trip, Countess Rosette would surely try to make contact with Edgar.

This wasn’t just speculation. For two years, Cecilia had been nothing more than a living shadow.

Edgar and Rosette had no reason to pay her any attention.

But over the last six months, I had made a point of disturbing Countess Rosette’s peace.

I hosted dinner parties. I befriended Josephine.

Through Josephine, I met Marchioness Federica. I even had the rare privilege of speaking privately with the Queen—and then, at her request, became Marchioness Federica’s companion.

From Rosette’s perspective, what could possibly be more threatening?

Even Edgar’s softened attitude toward me must’ve made her uneasy.

From her point of view, the worse things were between Edgar and me, the better.

In the early days of the marriage, Cecilia had been nothing more than a reminder of Edgar’s failure.

Not only had he used her wealth to rescue his failing household, but he was also shackled to a second wife from the lowly family of Count Rosette—someone who now held all the leverage.

Countess Rosette had likely taken every opportunity to provoke Edgar’s sense of humiliation, driving him further away from Cecilia.

But now, I was the one raising the honor of House Linton.

I had become the very image of the countess Edgar had always wanted—someone who contributed to the prestige of the family.

“I thought you weren’t coming out.”

Edgar, standing by the front steps, smiled when he saw me descending.

He looked utterly pleased with himself.

“While I’m away, the lady of the house is in charge. Everyone here knows how busy the Countess has been lately. Don’t trouble her over trivial matters—use your heads.”

With that, Edgar looked at me, clearly expecting some emotional response.

He was hoping for gratitude, maybe admiration. I gave him neither.

“You never miss a chance to make a speech, do you?”

“You really don’t have a soft side, do you?”

He grumbled.

“Didn’t you used to be a bit cuter?”

“If you want me to go back to that, I will. It’s not hard to sit around waiting for you at home, doing nothing but smiling sweetly.”

That affection had been Cecilia’s. The kind of love that blinded her, deafened her—one that longed only for Edgar.

“Just don’t regress, I’m begging you. As long as we behave ourselves in public, I’m satisfied with things as they are.”

He was satisfied with a counterfeit—a fake gem—while real treasure went ignored. It worked out for both of us, in a twisted way.

Outside, a two-seater carriage was waiting.

Since Elodie would be traveling with him, it made sense that the carriage wasn’t larger.

But the luggage compartment was already packed full—with only Edgar’s trunks.

“Is Miss Elodie going to ride with her bags in her lap?”

“What?”

“Look. Your trunks are taking up all the space. Women usually need more when traveling, but you’ve taken the whole compartment. Where’s she supposed to put her things?”

Even the fact that it was a two-seater was odd.

When two people traveled together, the norm in this society was to use a four-person carriage.

“Elodie’s a modest woman. She only needs a few cosmetics for a trip like this.”

Edgar coughed awkwardly, clearly flustered by my observation.

“She’ll need at least a change of clothes. Even if she lives like a nun, she can’t possibly travel with just one outfit.”

Edgar’s lip twitched—his temper beginning to boil.

“Well, it’s between the two of you, anyway. Miss Elodie’s a commoner—maybe she knows how to pack light.”

This wasn’t the time to provoke Edgar. I needed to keep things calm—this trip was crucial for uncovering the location of Cecilia’s estate.

I kept my tone casual, as if my questions had been pure curiosity.

“Don’t forget Marchioness Federica’s gift. I already told her you’d be bringing something, and she asked me to let you know she’s looking forward to it.”

Mentioning the Marchioness did exactly what I intended—it redirected Edgar’s focus to House Linton’s reputation.

“Of course. Honestly, that’s the whole point of this trip.”

“And your business, too, of course. I don’t know much about it, but you’re clearly a brilliant businessman who’s rebuilt House Linton with your own talents.”

Edgar didn’t flinch. He accepted the compliment without shame.

“Once we have an heir, you’ll be more involved in the business too.”

So, unless I had a child, I wouldn’t be a “true” Countess of Linton.

“Let’s take our time thinking about that.”

I chose a gentle answer over defiance.

It would help ease Edgar’s suspicions.

“Right. No pressure. You’re still young—we have plenty of time.”

I lowered my head to hide my face.

If Cecilia had lived, Edgar would’ve made sure she had a child.

Even if she found out he had betrayed her, she wouldn’t be able to leave him then.

Exposing the truth would mean revealing that child’s father was a fraud.

Cecilia wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to do that.

And Edgar knew her gentle heart. That’s why he still hadn’t given up on the idea of having an heir with me.

“Oh, and I almost forgot—the Queen invited me to the palace with Marchioness Federica.”

Just as he was about to climb into the carriage, Edgar turned around, a blank look on his face.

He missed his step and awkwardly stumbled to regain balance.

“She asked about your schedule too, but I told her you were away on business.”

I called Justin and had him bring a footstool—the kind normally used by the elderly or the infirm to help them board a carriage.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier!”

Edgar snapped.

“Because you never told me when you were leaving. Should I have told Her Majesty that I don’t even know my own husband’s schedule and ask her to wait for confirmation?”

Edgar bit his lip and kicked the stool Justin had placed for him.

“There will be more invitations like this.”

I said it deliberately—to remind him that I would be increasingly involved in court events.

I wouldn’t let Countess Rosette look down on me, throwing around information I didn’t have.

“Fine. I’ll share them next time.”

“Please do. At least a month in advance.”

“Got it. Fine.”

The more I appeared to grow closer to Edgar, the more likely Countess Rosette would make a mistake.

“Safe travels.”

I waved lightly at Edgar’s departing carriage.

I had much to do while he was gone.

I needed to investigate Elodie’s villa—and through Sir Juan, find out which mercenaries Edgar had hired.

I deliberately shut Ricardo out of my mind.

He kept trying to place a crown on my head that I never wanted, kneeling before a queen I never asked to become.

But now that I knew his true intentions, I had no reason to see him again.

I would never be part of his fantasy.

Support