My Roommate is a Gloomy, Sensitive Guy Who Cries Over Everything - Chapter 33

Chapter 33: Do You Still Want Someone Like Me?

Lin Zhiyu suspected he was talking nonsense.

But in the next second, he watched Lin Rangchuan rise from on top of him with a melancholy air. As the man’s fingers brushed past his stomach, Lin Zhiyu’s body trembled as if a grain of ice had been dragged across it.

“I never imagined you would sleep in my bed,” Lin Rangchuan whispered, his erratic breath fanning against the side of Lin Zhiyu’s neck.

Lin Zhiyu noticed that while the man’s expression was distant, his actions were anything but.

“So, is it because of me that you’ve become like this?” Lin Zhiyu’s face flushed. He kept his arms wrapped around the man’s neck, refusing to let go. “Then just sleep next to me. Don’t go back down to the floor.”

Almost instantly, Lin Zhiyu felt the skin beneath his palms tighten. Blood surged, and the heat became scorching. He pulled his hands away as if burned and issued a warning: “If you try anything, you’re going back down.”

Lin Rangchuan suddenly sat up, breaking free from the embrace. “You should know that I will have desires for you.”

“Just from lying in the same bed?”

Lin Rangchuan had a habit of wearing things on his right wrist when he slept; currently, it was a wristband, which he was anxiously tugging at. “Yes.”

Lin Zhiyu maintained that innocent expression. He hopped out of bed, rummaged through the closet, and found another quilt. “There, now you won’t. Hurry up, come here, sleep.”

Lin Rangchuan sprawled on the other side of the bed like a dead fish. His arm was curved in a circling gesture, leaving a hollow space just large enough to fit a “little fish.”

Despite the lights being off, eyes closed, and separate quilts between them, Lin Zhiyu felt a damp, licking sensation across the back of his neck around 3:00 AM. A nimble tongue was tasting his tender, sensitive skin.

Lin Zhiyu frowned, unaccustomed to the sensation, and the person immediately lessened the pressure. But soon, he felt a warm liquid slowly trickling down his neck.

It was tears.

Lin Zhiyu bit his lip and opened his eyes, colliding unexpectedly with a pair of eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The corners were damp, the pupils dark and focused, staring at him in total silence like a ghost of the night.

Giving up on his resolve, Lin Zhiyu tossed the quilt aside and burrowed into Lin Rangchuan’s embrace. “Can we sleep now?”

He felt his limbs being slowly imprisoned as he was locked in from front and back. Lin Rangchuan lowered his head to lick his chin before burying his face in the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath. “Goodnight, Baby.”

This pathetic act is exactly like the ‘Senior’, Lin Zhiyu thought, rolling his eyes slightly where the other couldn’t see.

…

Lin Zhiyu slept soundly through the rest of the night until dawn. When he woke, the air was misty with warmth; the man hadn’t left, still lying quietly in his arms.

Lin Zhiyu watched Lin Rangchuan’s features for a while, muttering to himself. When he’s asleep, he’s actually quite well-behaved and peaceful.

He says he doesn’t want to, then holds me all night.

The money issue… what exactly is the money issue? Lin Zhiyu wasn’t as optimistic as he appeared; his mind was filled with worries that didn’t belong to someone his age.

Before long, his arm was gently lifted. Lin Rangchuan, his back to him, stood up groatily and sat at the desk as if on autopilot. He turned on the computer. Lin Zhiyu peeked out with wide eyes.

It was on the breakfast menu.

Lin Zhiyu wrapped himself in the quilt and crawled to the foot of the bed. “I don’t want BBQ pork buns today. I want spring rolls.”

Lin Rangchuan efficiently made the change, then glanced back at him. “We only slept together for one night. How things were before is how they remain now.”

Lin Zhiyu looked at him unhappily. “I can’t even change the menu now?”

“You can,” Lin Rangchuan said. “But why the sudden craving for spring rolls? Are the pork buns not good? If you don’t like that shop, I can buy them somewhere else.”

Lin Zhiyu flopped back down, frowning at the words. “No, I just suddenly felt like eating them.”

“Why suddenly? You haven’t had pork buns for three days. Didn’t you say you wanted them yesterday morning?”

Tastes change, obviously. Lin Zhiyu hadn’t had enough sleep. “Are you going to be this annoying?”

They hadn’t even started a real relationship, and he was already being a nuisance.

Lin Rangchuan kept snapping his wristband. “Understood.”

When he returned from washing up, Lin Rangchuan put on his watch. Lin Zhiyu watched him from the safety of the covers. He was dressed simply today: a black base layer, a black down jacket, and jeans. His hair was long enough to touch his eyebrows, and his skin had a pale, sun-deprived quality that gave him a youthful, boyish look. He was young to begin with, but he always acted so old-fashioned.

Lin Zhiyu suddenly said, “Buy the pork buns too. I can eat those as well.”

Lin Rangchuan paused, looking at Lin Zhiyu as if his secret, fragile thoughts had been seen through. His gaze made Lin Zhiyu feel shy; being early morning, he covered his face. “I’m hungry.”

Actually, Lin Zhiyu hadn’t thought much of it when he asked for the buns, but he suddenly realized that Lin Rangchuan seemed to want Lin Zhiyu to demand more from him, rather than a fair trade. As long as Lin Zhiyu needed it, Lin Rangchuan would get it for him.

…

By the time the breakfast was brought back, Lin Zhiyu was dressed and waiting in the living room. He took a sip of water to clear his throat and began on the spring rolls. He asked casually, “I thought you woke up at four or five in the morning to knead the dough yourself. Turns out you just buy them.”

“Do you want me to?”

Afraid he’d take it seriously, Lin Zhiyu waved it off. “Just talking. I’d rather you stay in bed with me a bit longer.”

Lin Rangchuan’s heart warmed unexpectedly. He whispered, “If that is what you wish…”

Before he could finish, Lin Zhiyu gave him a firm answer: “I wish, I wish.”

The arts festival was set for the first night after the New Year holiday, but one day of the holiday was required for rehearsals. Lin Zhiyu planned to catch up on assignments during those two days and took leave from the milk tea shop. Qin Rui found out.

After Lin Zhiyu explained over the phone, the two started chatting.

Lin Rangchuan placed a fruit plate on the coffee table. As he passed by, he caught a glimpse of the long blocks of text being sent back and forth. Behind Lin Zhiyu’s focused back, a ghostly voice rang out.

“Now that there’s no ‘Senior,’ is it someone else?”

“What do you mean?” Lin Zhiyu was surprised by how silently he walked, but he habitually put down the phone and looked up with a strawberry.

“Nothing.” Lin Rangchuan shot a cold glance at the phone.

Lin Zhiyu didn’t want to get his hands dirty, so he placed the strawberry in Lin Rangchuan’s hand for him to feed him. “Are you still going to the milk tea shop?”

“If you’re short on money, you can come to me. Why go to the shop?”

Who exactly is at that shop that you’re so eager to go back? Do you want your wrists to get tendonitis, or do you just enjoy standing until your back aches? Is that tiny salary really that much? I gave you that money anyway.

“Will you always give me money?” Lin Zhiyu took a bite and looked up at him. He only took half a bite, letting the juice stain Lin Rangchuan’s palm.

“Supporting one of you is no problem,” Lin Rangchuan flexed subtly.

“Then tell me, what is the ‘money issue’ you said needs solving?” Lin Zhiyu seized the chance to ask. Lin Rangchuan fell silent again, turning back into a “mute groom” and a heartless strawberry-feeding machine.

His phone vibrated. Lin Rangchuan looked at a video call invite from Lou Chen and declined it.

Lin Zhiyu was full. “I’m staying home to do homework this morning. Do you want to stay with me, or do you have other work?”

Lin Rangchuan tucked his phone away. “None. I can stay with you.”

Lin Zhiyu smiled, believing him. “Then stay with me.”

…

They didn’t return to the cramped desk or Lin Zhiyu’s room. Instead, they sat at the wide, bright coffee table with the heater blowing—two laptops, papers everywhere—a scene of quiet perfection.

Only Lou Chen, far away in the university dorm, was pulling his hair out over the messages.

[Lin Rangchuan: Postponed for now.]

[Lou Chen: …]

[Lin Rangchuan: Don’t freelancers get a three-day holiday?]

Fine, fine. Lou Chen had no choice but to call everyone one by one to explain.

Lin Zhiyu got a headache from the homework. Taking a break, he saw Lin Rangchuan working intently. He crawled over to look; it was graphic design. Lin Zhiyu didn’t look at the image; he looked at Lin Rangchuan, whose eyelids lowered as if avoiding something.

“He told me you helped make a lot of posters before. Why the charity work?” Lin Zhiyu asked, already knowing the answer.

“I was bored.”

Lin Zhiyu pouted and poked his cheek. “Dishonest elementary student.”

Lin Rangchuan almost laughed. He was just afraid that if he heard the real answer, the boy would run away. What other reason could there be? It was simply because Lin Zhiyu worked there; he didn’t want him to be in a difficult position and wanted to feel like he was working alongside him. As for the work itself, it didn’t matter. After all, the Student Union only recruited freshmen, and he had long missed that window.

“I can’t focus with you looking at me like that.” Lin Rangchuan’s fingers curled slightly around the mouse.

Lin Zhiyu wanted to laugh. “I’m just looking at you.”

“You don’t usually look at me like this.” As if your eyes only hold me, when really you’re thinking of another ‘Senior’.

“Is that so?” Despite his words, Lin Zhiyu leaned in closer, sniffing the man’s cheek like a small animal before quickly pulling away. “Carry on, then.”

Lin Rangchuan’s fingertips trembled. He couldn’t tell if he felt disappointed or relieved. “Okay.”

The break ended. Lin Zhiyu continued his homework until he got stuck. He turned the laptop around, and Lin Rangchuan naturally took over to finish the task for him. As for his own design, it wasn’t even 10% finished.

This behavior had also appeared in the “Senior”—the anxiety and instability, even going into seclusion for days because of a lack of inspiration. But Lin Zhiyu couldn’t judge the man before him by that standard; perhaps the solution was simpler than he thought.

So, when Lin Rangchuan finished the assignment and returned to his own computer, Lin Zhiyu stretched out a leg and rested it in Lin Rangchuan’s lap while he lay on the carpet. The weight of the leg in his lap made Lin Rangchuan’s sense of security nearly overflow. The boy had no idea how much of an impact his small gestures had.

Lin Zhiyu was both perceptive and pure. He knew the man craved him, had dark thoughts, and had done bad things, yet he still tolerated him. In this state, Lin Zhiyu actually fell asleep on the rug.

Lin Rangchuan took a throw blanket from the sofa and covered the boy’s stomach. This time, the design process for the poster went much smoother; he finished the whole thing in a day.

When Lin Zhiyu woke up, he was draped over Lin Rangchuan. He was being held in a straddle, his chin resting on the man’s shoulder, surrounded by warmth.

“Lin Rangchuan?”

The only response was the pressure of a palm on his back. Lin Zhiyu’s face heated up; he wasn’t as “self-taught” as he thought he was.

“How did it end up with you holding me?”

“You kicked me in your sleep. I held you, and then you stopped moving.” Lin Rangchuan’s lips brushed against his ear as he spoke.

Lin Rangchuan made a move to put him down, but Lin Zhiyu tightened his legs. “Just like this. I’m tired. Let me rest a bit, don’t move.” He was rambling, hardly knowing what he was saying.

“I need to cook.”

“Can’t you just carry me while you do it?” Lin Zhiyu was groggy and held on tighter.

In the end, no cooking was done. They ordered takeout instead. It was expensive—over a hundred yuan for two portions—but the taste was decent.

The straddling position was too tiring for his legs, so Lin Zhiyu shifted to sitting sideways on the man’s lap, barely needing to use any strength of his own. The size difference was significant; Lin Rangchuan could easily hold him like a doll.

Lin Zhiyu admired the design work, resting his chin on his hand. “Are you staying home tomorrow too?” Thinking of something, he added with dissatisfaction, “I feel like I don’t even know your schedule…”

Before he could finish, Lin Rangchuan said, “I sent it to you.”

Lin Zhiyu checked his phone. It was Lin Rangchuan’s itinerary and class schedule, packed full. Even today I had tasks, but they were crossed out.

Lin Rangchuan: “Don’t misunderstand. I’m not trying to let you control me. Of course, even if you do control me, I don’t mind. I can’t stop you…”

Lin Zhiyu showed him his screen. “Saved.”

Lin Rangchuan’s finger moved, and he sent another chart. Lin Zhiyu clicked it; it was a calendar with the 1st through the 6th circled. “What’s this?”

“My emotions can be very unstable sometimes. During this period… I don’t mean anything else, I just want you to stay away from me for these few days.” Lin Rangchuan picked at a small scar on the back of his hand.

“Okay, I see.” Today is the 1st, Lin Zhiyu thought, observing his reaction. On the surface, the man seemed resistant, yet he was currently holding him, had voluntarily handed over his schedule, and looked as if he’d give up his bank card if asked.

Lin Rangchuan was like those characters in TV dramas who hide the truth “for your own good,” dragging out a story that could be solved in ten episodes into dozens.

…

Because chorus rehearsal ran late and Lin Rangchuan had a day packed with work, Lin Zhiyu mercifully didn’t make him come to pick him up. By the time he headed back, the school gates were closed, but since it was a holiday, he managed to get out without having to climb walls.

Before leaving, Lin Zhiyu texted Lin Rangchuan saying he wanted roasted sweet potatoes. The other only replied with a “smile” emoji. So passive-aggressive. Lin Zhiyu was about to scold him when another message arrived.

Do you want corn too?

For no reason, it warmed Lin Zhiyu’s heart. He looked forward to eating sweet roasted sweet potatoes as soon as he got home; he could almost smell them.

Wait, it wasn’t his imagination. He actually smelled them. The faint scent wafting through the air was real.

Lin Zhiyu’s footsteps paused as he turned into the entrance of another alley, hearing the sound of an argument inside. It was a stranger’s voice, one he had never heard here. This was a remote area; most of the village residents were elderly or H University students. Everyone was familiar. The streetlights here were broken and the alley was pitch black. Lin Zhiyu wore a large scarf—Lin Rangchuan’s style—which covered most of his face, leaving only his clear eyes visible as he tried to discern what was happening.

He saw a few burly men. One with a floral arm tattoo seemed to be the leader, smoking a cigarette. “She’s the one who told me to find you. She even paid the travel expenses and told us not to make the trip for nothing—we can definitely get money from you.”

A cold, indifferent voice rang out. “Find whoever owes you the money.”

It was familiar. Lin Zhiyu’s brain buzzed like a software bug.

“Hey, you and your mom are treating us like a ball to be kicked around? Let me tell you…” Before the man could finish, the leader interrupted him.

“Enough.”

Lin Rangchuan had a faint, mocking smile, looking at them as if they were inanimate objects. “Who told you to be as obedient as dogs? She told you to find me, and so you came.”

A fat man kicked a nearby pile of trash. “Dammit, I can’t take this!”

Just then—

“Hey! What are you doing? I’ve called the police!” Lin Zhiyu couldn’t see well, but he could hear, and he knew the person being surrounded was Lin Rangchuan. He ran over and stood in front of him. “I already called the police, they’ll be here in a few minutes. Are you going to hit someone?”

Before he could finish, the men exchanged glances. The fat man started cursing. “What the hell are you talking about? Everyone knows the police here are just for decoration, and they’re far away. Who cares about this crap!”

“Who are you talking to?”

The fat man looked up, stunned. The look in Lin Rangchuan’s eyes was even more vicious than before, his dead, heavy gaze fixed on him as if he were a corpse.

The leader, experienced in debt collection, realized this man was not to be trifled with. He pulled the fat man back. “That’s enough! Stop it!”

Lin Rangchuan’s eyes swept over them eerily. “Watch your eyes and your mouths. There won’t be a next time.”

The men watched Lin Rangchuan’s back as he walked out of the alley. The fat man cursed again. “So arrogant for someone who owes money. Who the hell is he? His mom didn’t lie to us, did she?”

“There’s no lie about it, that’s her son!” The leader blew out a smoke ring and laughed. “I never expected to get money from this guy anyway. If you really started a fight just now, you would’ve lost half your life.”

“No way!” The fat man was bewildered.

“Do you know what kind of person is most feared in a fight? Someone who isn’t afraid to die. That guy’s eyes just now… he’s that kind of person. Who would dare touch him?”

…

Lin Zhiyu was pulled into another alley. The cold wind blew his scarf loose. Nearby was a full trash can and a discarded lunch box; spilled rice and meat emitted a damp, rotting smell.

Lin Rangchuan took two steps, then stopped, pinning the boy against the wall. He lowered his head, his nose brushing against Lin Zhiyu’s, his voice raspy. “Scared?”

Lin Zhiyu didn’t say a word. In the dead of winter, sweat had broken out on his forehead and the bridge of his nose. His backpack fell to the ground as he was picked up, his back against the wall and Lin Rangchuan in front of him, completely imprisoned.

Slowly, he found the rhythm of their breathing and body heat. Lin Zhiyu’s mind was blank; he gripped the person in front of him tightly, refusing to let him move an inch away. Soon, a trembling, warm breath brushed his lips.

Lin Rangchuan’s tone was full of cruelty and despair. “This was my life before, and it might become my life now. Those people won’t let me go until the money is paid back. Do you understand what I mean? Do you still want to be with me?”

“I wasn’t surrounded by a happy family. I don’t have the conditions you expect and I can’t meet your ideals. I’m just a person hiding in a dark corner, someone who didn’t even dare to admit who I was and only dared to appear before you with a mask.”

“Do you still want someone like me?”

Lin Rangchuan frowned in self-loathing. Through his blurred vision, Lin Zhiyu saw him give a very faint smile. He had surrendered all of himself, seemingly leaving no way out, but in reality, he had handed all the power of choice to the other.

Yes or No—it was just one sentence away.

“Lin Rangchuan…” Lin Zhiyu’s breathing was shallow. “You’re holding me too tight.”