I've Tried Going Back to Life After Dying - Chapter 32

“Why such extraordinary kindness?”

My father chose his words carefully in response to Clifford’s question.

Clifford was barely a man grown, yet here he was holding his own in conversation with the head of an earl’s household.

This was the Clifford Hildegard knew.

Even in their past lives, setting aside the matter of Helen, Clifford had been a good family man. He’d treated Hildegard as if he’d never taken a mistress, and had doted on their adopted son Austin.

But he was also the head of a great noble house who navigated the cutthroat aristocracy without misstep. Father’s caution now likely stemmed from sensing this hidden aspect of Clifford.

Faced with father’s question, Clifford paused briefly as if gathering his thoughts.

“Why, you ask? Because I couldn’t think of your daughter as a stranger. Would such a vague reason suffice?”

Ah, that—

Hildegard felt dizzy. Those words, they were identical to what Clifford had said when proposing to her in their previous life.

‘I wonder why… I just couldn’t think of you as a stranger. Is that reason not good enough?’

She’d asked him soon after their engagement. Why he’d chosen her as his fiancée.

‘If anything, I’m the one who was chosen. Had you not chosen me; I’d probably have remained single my whole life.’

She’d later learn how empty those words were when he took Helen as his mistress mere years later, but young Hildegard had been satisfied.

It was enough to make her love Clifford alone.

The dizziness passed instantly, bringing Hildegard back from memory to reality. This wasn’t the time, she had to think of Lauren first and suppress her agitation.

“Lauren. What do you wish to do?”

Father seemed perplexed by Clifford’s words that seemed to entangle Hildegard, but turned first to Lauren for confirmation.

“If Professor Vincent is willing, I’d very much like to receive his instruction.”

Vincent smiled and nodded at Lauren’s words. The resemblance around his eyes to Arthur was so striking that Hildegard felt a pang of nostalgia.

Arthur was likely supporting Austin right now, holding up the marquis household that had lost both Clifford and Hildegard simultaneously.

As her thoughts traveled between past and present lives, Hildegard found herself caught in a strange sensation of belonging to both timelines.

When lessons began, Vincent and Lauren proved surprisingly compatible.

“How is it, Lauren? Not too tired?”

Concerned that Lauren unaccustomed to company might be overextending himself, she asked. Lauren answered with visible delight.

“It’s wonderful, sister. The professor knows so much not just astronomy but mathematics and alchemy too. Universities are amazing. I’d like to attend one someday.”

Hearing this from Lauren who hadn’t even entered noble academy yet reminded Hildegard of his past self.

In their previous life, Lauren had persevered through three years at the academy. Even when he couldn’t attend classes, even on days spent entirely in the infirmary, he’d learned with all his might.

After graduation, he’d studied administration under father, mainly handling internal affairs until inheriting the household at twenty-three as father expected. He’d died the following year.

Father and mother’s devastation had been filled with regret, as if blaming themselves for passing the succession to Lauren.

Had we not burdened him with succession, had we relied on Atrey from the start. Could Lauren have lived even a year longer, a single day longer? Father’s later years were consumed by such thoughts.

“Perhaps in this life, Lauren’s burdens will be lighter.”

Even alone in her room, Hildegard’s habit of talking to herself remained.

“Perhaps in this life, Lauren might even choose to attend university.”

Lauren’s previous life, bearing the weight of succession yet living to twenty-four. If granted the same lifespan now, perhaps new paths could open for him.

And Vincent would surely become his guide.

This seemed to mean that in this life too, her connection with Clifford would continue.

“Lauren’s tutor is decided?”

“Yes. He’s overjoyed. If this can motivate him in any way, then I’m satisfied.”

When she told Atrey about Vincent, his sharp mind grasped the implications immediately.

“Why did a marquis’s household get involved?”

“…Apparently, they’d proposed a marriage arrangement for me.”

“With you? Did you know about this?”

At Hildegard’s headshake, Atrey pressed further.

“So, the man who proposed to you introduced Lauren’s tutor?”

“That would be the case.”

“And the count accepted this?”

“Yes. We all met him as a family.”

“Him?”

Atrey seemed wary about Hildegard’s marriage prospects.

“The heir of Longfall Marquisate.”

“You had a proposal from that house?”

“Apparently so. I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know?”

Atrey frowned at her answer.

“No. I’d resolved not to marry. To succeed this household in Lauren’s place, so I never looked at any proposals.”

Atrey sighed deeply.

“Depending on your feelings, I might have lost you to that guy.”

“Atrey?”

“Is he still involved with you?”

“That guy being…?”

“Clifford, obviously.”

“You know him, Atrey?”

Atrey normally didn’t voice personal dislikes, but his displeasure was unmistakable now.

“Who wouldn’t know that cunning bastard? Preferably wouldn’t want to deal with him either.”

But, Atrey continued.

“But if he’s making moves on you, that changes things. Especially with Lauren involved. If he says anything to you, anything at all, you tell me immediately, understand?”

Watching Atrey refer to Clifford so combatively as “that bastard,” Hildegard wondered what to make of this development.