I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 76

Just as he had often teased, the woman was frequently unwell. Even a little cold would leave her bedridden with a fever for days.

So, when Sieghart learned that Natasha had walked into Douglas Forest in the middle of a snowstorm, it was enough to make him worry deeply.

He looks… relieved.

But Sieghart’s expression looked like someone who had just found peace of mind.

Her feet, unable to withstand the cold, were now swollen and bandaged. He must have noticed them. There was no way someone as sharp-eyed as Sieghart Aschart could have missed it.

Especially since his gaze had already scanned down her body more than once.

Then why was he acting like he hadn’t seen the injuries?

Why…

“Natasha… I’m so glad you made it back safely.”

Why did he look genuinely happy that she was alive?

Logically speaking, no one would have expected her to die out there. The knights and maids had chased after her and brought her back unharmed.

And yet, Sieghart wasn’t reacting as someone concerned about her condition. He looked like someone who had feared for her life.

“Truly…”

As if he knew the truth of what had happened that day.

Natasha glanced at him, uncertain. His hands trembled as he gently touched her, and there was something unfamiliar in his face.

He is Sieghart.

And yet, he was not the same Sieghart she had known for the past two years.

Then what was this unease, this instinctive warning screaming at her to run? Her entire being flared with doubt, as if her body knew something her mind hadn’t accepted yet.

His footsteps stopped at the door. “Wait, Your Grace!” Meliana’s frantic voice came from the hall. But it didn’t stop him. The doorknob turned without hesitation.

Light poured down on Natasha’s face as she sat on the floor. The flickering flame in Sieghart’s hand danced in her eyes. Slowly, she turned her head to meet his gaze.

Their eyes locked, refusing to look away. Red eyes examined each other closely, quietly.

Drip. Drops of melted wax hit the floor. As they cooled in the cold air, Sieghart’s polished shoes stepped directly onto the hardened wax.

“Ah…”

Her eyes followed him up from his shoes to his broad shoulders and down his defined jawline, until she was looking back into his eyes again.

Who is this man?

The question rose without warning.

That man was not the Sieghart Aschart she knew.

He wore the same face as yesterday. He spoke with the same voice and tone. His eyes showed the same emotions.

But he was not the same person. Natasha was certain of it.

And then, like shards of glass piercing her mind, the truth hit her.

It was you.

That man… was that Sieghart Aschart.

The one who had dragged her into the depths of misery.

“You…”

It was rare for Natasha to speak first. Her voice echoed through the room, cold and thin. The man flinched, his shoulders tensing. It was far too much of a reaction, like a leaf caught in a breeze.

“Who are you?”

If it were the Sieghart she knew, he would have raised a brow, narrowed his sharp eyes, and given her time to explain, as if asking what nonsense she was saying.

That was the arrogant Sieghart Aschart she had come to know.

But the way he reacted now confirmed everything.

“No. Let me ask a different question.”

“…”

“Who… are you really?”

Her lips trembled as she spoke. If he was the leaf, she was the storm beneath it. Just a pebble dropped into her would send ripples spreading wide, distorting everything.

“Why… Why do you keep making me feel so wretched?”

“…”

“Why…?”

Was he a different man?

No. He was completely the same.

Then was he someone she could still trust?

No. She could no longer trust him.

Then why did she still lean on him, even without realizing it?

That too, she knew, was coming to an end.

Natasha pressed both hands against the floor and dragged her fingers across it. The delicate skin beneath her nails scraped against the rough wood and split open.

Bright red blood streaked across the pale floor, just like the blood that had spilled over Douglas Forest that day.

“Was this the secret you were hiding, Sieghart?”

Her voice broke into a scream, rising from the base of her throat like something being ripped out. The words spilled out, sharp as metal, leaking between trembling lips.

She didn’t care who heard. Not Meliana, not the other servants beyond the door.

In that moment, Natasha was blind to everything except her own despair.

The way people looked at her, or how Sieghart might be feeling, none of it mattered. Nothing could silence the words spilling from her mouth.

“What do you think I was suffering for all this time?”

She had wrestled with many emotions, but guilt was the heaviest. It clung to her more than anything else.

At first, she had been suspicious of his kindness, even considered it fake. Yet somewhere along the way, she began to seek it. And every time she realized this, the voices of her lost family crushed her from within.

Her selfishness didn’t stop there.

Natasha had started to protect her own feelings for Sieghart Aschart. She told herself that this life’s Sieghart was different from the one before. A weak excuse she forced herself to believe.

She had even felt guilty toward him. It seemed unfair to blame someone who hadn’t committed those past sins. More than once, she had scolded herself for holding it against him.

She had been wary of Sieghart’s affection, even while quietly craving it.

So, she tried to forgive him. Forgive the one who had destroyed her family.

Because this Sieghart seemed different.

Because he had played a part in changing her life. Because maybe some of her happiness had come from him.

Maybe, Natasha Aschart had begun to care for him, even just a little.

“It was all a lie.”

“…”

“You deceived me. From the beginning to the end, it was all a performance.”

He didn’t speak. He looked lost, like someone disconnected from the moment. His expression was hollow, unfocused. He seemed just as detached from reality as she was.

She thought she saw his lips move, but no sound followed. Instead, her mind filled with the memory of his past words.

“It’s only natural for a married couple to share the same room.”

Even in their first meeting, he had seemed suspicious. He had offered gentle acts that he had never once shown in their previous life, and it had confused her.

“Are you saying you don’t hate me?”

“If there was a way to prove it, I would.”

He had insisted he didn’t hate her, as if that alone would be enough.

“When the honor of the woman I love is under attack, I must act.”

In their past life, he had never cared about the Duchess’s reputation. But this time, he did.

“Then you must know how to argue against me.”

“You’re wrong, Tisha.”

“You will fall in love with me.”

He had confidently said that the Natasha who resisted and defied him would eventually love him.

And now it all made sense.

Because he was the same person.

He had known her weaknesses and used them against her.

“I swear I’ll never leave you. I want this marriage for one reason only. Natasha Aschart, to keep you by my side.”

It was no longer laughable.

He said he would never leave her.

He said she was the only thing he truly wanted, just to keep her close.

“So this was the secret, Sieghart? The one you said I’d never find out? The one you were so sure I wouldn’t uncover?”

“…”

“This was it?”

Her breath escaped her lips, light and hollow. Her head tilted back as she looked up at him, putting strength into her gaze. Her lips trembled, and that tremble reached her eyes.

Tears welled up, blurring her vision. Sieghart’s figure twisted and distorted like wrinkled paper.

Wax hardened on his brown shoes. The candle flame, once flickering in the draft, finally died out. The room darkened into quiet dusk.

Still, Sieghart said nothing.

Natasha had endured that silence for too long. She understood exactly what it meant now.

A bitter smile broke through as she murmured to herself.

“Then you should have hidden it better.”

“…”

“If you promised to keep it secret, you should have carried it all the way to the end. If you were going to be found out this easily, you shouldn’t have promised anything. You shouldn’t have tried to comfort me. You shouldn’t have acted like you cared.”

He had accepted every condition she had added to their marriage. Conditions he had never even considered in the past. He had agreed as if they were nothing.

On their wedding day, the man who had once refused the ceremonial kiss had touched her lips without hesitation.

“All the kindness you showed me, pretending to care, it was all fake.”

When she accused him of being insincere, he dismissed her words as baseless assumptions.

Every morning, he left handwritten notes for her on the table. And when she threw them away, he gently scolded her, saying it was cruel to discard something made with care and emotion.

Yet this same man had once taken her carefully painted portrait and removed it from the hallway, simply because he didn’t like the way she had colored his eyes. Afterward, he painted a portrait of her with his own eye color and gave it to her as a gift.

She let out a dry laugh.

She had never imagined his changes could be part of a deception.

She had been in pain, unable to accept who he had become. And all the while, Sieghart must have known exactly how she felt. Yet he kept playing the part.

From the beginning, until now and always.

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