I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 66

After the visit to Kayeina, Natasha emerged from the solitary confinement room. Her legs seemed to lose strength, and before she could take more than a few steps, she collapsed completely. The knight on guard, startled, almost stumbled but rushed to support the Duchess.

“Are you alright? I’ll escort you back to your room!”

“No, it’s fine. I want to go alone.”

Natasha, refusing the knight’s help, stood up on her own. The knight, still concerned, murmured a hesitant “But…,” though it was left unsaid.

Leaning against the wall, the woman slowly moved forward. Her unsteady body swayed from side to side.

As she aimlessly wandered down the hallway, she ran into Sieghart Aschart. Upon seeing her, he abruptly stopped, as if he had been searching for her.

“Natasha, are you alright?”

Sieghart asked, his voice calm but laced with concern. Only then did Natasha belatedly realize her own condition. She gently wiped her face, her tear-streaked skin feeling tight and rough, as if a thin film had been laid over it.

She wasn’t sure. Was she alright?

Still, it didn’t feel like the world was crumbling down as it had when she was betrayed by that man. Perhaps it was because she had grown numb to her emotions; the betrayal of a dear friend, though shocking, wasn’t as devastating.

It was just… simply…

Natasha removed her hand from her face and hid the trembling, fragile part of herself in the folds of her dress. Her lips, unable to be concealed, were gently bitten to hold back her emotions.

She avoided answering and instead looked at Sieghart. He remained unchanged, his gaze as brilliant as ever, but Natasha, seen through his beautiful eyes, appeared anything but.

“Tell me, Sieghart. If… if I were to really have a child, what would you have done?”

“….”

“Would you have hated the idea of a child from such humble bloodline becoming your heir?”

It was an abrupt and reckless question.

To throw such a question out into the open. Even Natasha herself couldn’t understand her sudden outburst. Yet, despite having many opportunities to brush off the mistake, she didn’t.

Sieghart’s expression froze, like stone. His response seemed to say that her words were nonsense. But he didn’t point it out, as Natasha appeared to be in such a poor state.

“I never thought of it that way. The thought of having a child with you would have made me very happy. Even when I heard it from the maid, I couldn’t have doubted it. At first, I was simply happy, like a fool.”

“….”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I love a child of yours, Natasha?”

Sieghart gracefully extended his hand. In his grasp was Natasha’s hand, which she had been hiding.

No matter how much she tried to form her hand into a fist, as if to reject contact, it was in vain. Sieghart followed the curve of her hand and gently caressed the back of her hand. His demeanor was calm, as if following some natural order.

To Natasha’s surprise, her trembling slowly ceased. It was exactly as Sieghart intended.

She stared at him in a daze. Sieghart Aschart, that man was steadfast. He was upright and earnest.

She turned her gaze away, as if it were simply the truth that he was speaking.

It’s a lie.

She repeated it to herself.

That was a lie.

It was the sweet whisper of a devil trying to soothe the weak Natasha.

But it was warm, kind, soft, and a comforting blanket. A blanket that a girl, facing a cold winter morning, desperately needed.

Even if it were crawling with bugs, the girl, exhausted by the cold and loneliness, had no reason not to wrap herself in that blanket.

“You’re really… so different from the person I resent. In an almost strange way…”

Even knowing that the Sieghart from her past was different from the current Sieghart, Natasha found herself captivated by his answer. Through him, she healed her past wounds.

The wounds she thought time had healed, gradually began to close as if they had never been healed in the first place.

Natasha took a step closer to him. Sieghart, with open arms, welcomed her into his embrace.

She naturally stepped into the space he had created for her, burying her face in his chest as she stood there for a long while. Still holding the shirt tightly in her hand, she lifted her head and asked:

“Tell me. Is there something you’re hiding from me?”

It was as if she was forcing a confession, seizing the opportunity before it slipped away.

She was tired of being betrayed by the people she had trusted. She was exhausted from facing the dark truths of all the people she had loved. She wished they would first confess and beg for forgiveness.

The woman was not a fortress, unshaken by any attack. When struck by a blow, it was natural for her to crumble.

The sandcastle, which had slowly sunk from the top, now only had a shallow base left. Finally, Natasha felt a desire to protect her last fragile pieces.

No longer… truly no longer, did she want to be swept away by the winds and tides, to collapse again.

“Even something small, anything at all… would you confess now?”

It was ironically Sieghart Aschart who was the final person.

In her past life, he was the man who had cast her into the abyss. But in this life, he was the one who led her toward salvation.

“……”

Sieghart remained silent for a long time.

“……There’s nothing, is there?”

She asked with a desperate voice, almost as if hoping for there to be nothing.

After a moment, Sieghart nodded.

With that firm gesture, Natasha might have felt relief.

Unaware that behind his steadfast answer, there was a deception waiting for her.

A week later, Kayeina Ten’s punishment was decided. Contrary to everyone’s expectation that she would face harsh consequences due to her crimes, the punishment turned out to be nothing more than a restriction on entering the Aschart Duchy.

It was clearly the last mercy of the Aschart Duchess. People respected Natasha’s grace in not punishing the one who had eradicated her.

Everyone looked forward to Natasha’s next steps. Would she speak at a social gathering about how she overcame the unfortunate events? Or would she return to the Duchy and root out Kayeina Ten’s family?

They were all wrong.

Natasha Aschart did not show her face anywhere.

However, ten days later, an uncertain rumor spread among the palace maids and knights that she had appeared at the imperial palace.

The Aschart couple had a simple tea time after dinner. The strong sunlight made the large zelkova tree offer a nice shade. At the Duke’s order, a servant stood next to the Duchess with a large parasol.

Freshly baked scones and fragrant flower tea were served.

The rich aroma of the scones, generously spread with butter, filled the air. Natasha took a bite of the scone, barely tasting it, then left it on her plate. She wasn’t in the mood to eat, as finishing it would make her go hungry during the afternoon meal.

Even Sieghart, who didn’t usually enjoy sweets, had taken a tiny bite, just a piece the size of a fingernail.

If that was the case, why even go to the trouble of preparing such a fancy spread? He always ordered the dessert stand to be filled, saying it should at least look nice.

After the sweetness lingered in his mouth, he cleared his throat and raised his voice.

“By the way, there’s one question you haven’t asked me.”

He removed the teacup from his lips and made eye contact with her, an expression that seemed to ask, What do you mean?

“About why I gave that child such a light punishment.”

All the servants of the Duke’s manor were dissatisfied with her decision. Why had Natasha been so lenient with Kayeina Ten? They asked, accusingly, as if she were being unjust. Even the young ladies and their wives, with whom Natasha had exchanged letters, sent swift replies, questioning her decision.

She had expected Sieghart Aschart, the one who was physically and legally closest to the matter, to speak up. But for some reason, he had not mentioned a word about Kayeina Ten for three days.

Just like the day he had asked for her to impose only an exile order on Kayeina and nothing more.

“You never make the wrong call, my dear.”

“…….”

“Since the person involved desires it, I didn’t want to step in and judge the matter myself. And how could I, when I would be handing you the reins again? It would only encourage cruelty.”

“……I’m glad you understand, at least.”

Natasha smiled briefly. Yes, he was this strange man. The one who pretended to look into her abyss—no, the one who actually did and was the only person who truly understood her.

Even if it was all part of an act, there was no reason to reject what she needed most right now.

“When did you start suspecting that child?”

“Not long ago. I started noticing strange signs one day.”

He gave a vague answer, one he would usually explain in detail, but today, he kept it brief.

His ambiguous response gave Natasha a slight sense of certainty.

He had known from the beginning. Whether to cover up her own mistake or not to make Natasha feel like a fool, he kept the truth hidden.

“I see… You might have figured it out before I did. You see, I can never easily suspect the ones I love. I always—”

“…….”

“I always only realize after it’s too late…”

It felt distant.

What if Natasha, who had always considered Kayeina her own, had never doubted her to the very end?

If the situation had gone as, it did, and Sieghart had been poisoned, with Kayeina being framed as the culprit. What if she had sacrificed her pride and happiness to prove Kayeina’s innocence to the Emperor?

If she had spent a passionate night with Sieghart, and had accepted the results of her pregnancy with calmness. What if, later on, when the man denied the child, she had desperately pleaded for her own innocence?

Her life would have been changed, as miserable as it had been before.

So, you see, I regret it. Princess!

Amid her internal monologue, a bright voice suddenly reached her ears.

It was the voice of the friend Natasha had loved so dearly.

Now that she thought about it, ever since she came to the Duke’s manor, you hadn’t spoken with such a pure voice.

The truth she suddenly realized made her emotions fragile.

Love, love had made the woman fall to her knees.

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