I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 65

The Emperor and the knights decided to look around the palace some more, leaving a man behind to keep watch over them.

As the Emperor’s return approached, so did the inevitable death she would have to face with reverence. The man, while checking the faces of the royal family, came up to her and whispered:

‘You’re not a member of the Charlier family.’

‘……’

‘Run. The opportunity is now or never.’

But what about Princess Tisha? Aren’t they looking for her?

A fleeting thought crossed her mind at that moment. Just as that happened, a sharp sword sliced through the ropes that tightly bound her.

What Kayeina needed was decisiveness and courage. She had long been unable to yearn for survival due to the guilt of possibly killing Natasha. But when the opportunity to escape presented itself, her body acted on its own.

She ran and ran again.

Leaving behind a scream that felt like it would tear her apart.

She had escaped the palace, but there was nowhere to go. With the fall of the royal family, the streets were crowded with people. Merchants and innkeepers had all retreated into their homes, waiting for peace to return.

An outsider had no place in this world. Wandering the streets was no longer an option. After much hesitation, Kayeina returned to her hometown.

As expected, she was not welcomed at home.

“Stupid girl! You crawled out of there on your own? What about the money? What about my money?! Ah… You’ve never been useful, you worthless thing!”

Since Kayeina had left the palace, she couldn’t bring any of the wealth she once had. The royal family had fallen, and the palace had crumbled. No matter how much she cried out, it was pointless. They couldn’t hear her.

Now that she was home, she had to start working again. Although they weren’t even like family to her, Kayeina was the only one who could feed her senile parents and lazy siblings.

She used her experience in the palace to apply for a job at a family that had posted a job listing. However, while all the other maids were hired, no one called for Kayeina. It was because of her commoner birth. A noblewoman from the fields couldn’t possibly compare to her.

Then, much later, she received a letter of acceptance. The Asheart family, the family of the knight who had saved her, had decided to hire her.

The day she received the letter, Kayeina spent all her money and headed north.

‘A former palace maid, huh?’

‘Ugh, disgusting. She looks so country. How could the Duke put someone like her with us?’

The environment at the Duke’s residence wasn’t much different from the palace. The noble ladies, who had entered as Kayeina’s peers, were quick to tear her down.

Firstly, she was a maid from a fallen palace, and secondly, she was a commoner, not a noblewoman. There was no one here to protect Kayeina, like Natasha had, so there was no fear of repercussions.

‘The princess is doing well. She spent a few months mostly locked away in her room, but now she’s active again. She’s earning part-time living expenses and doing well with the housework. I’ve noticed a smile on her face recently.’

One day, Kayeina, working at the Duke’s residence, received a letter from Sir Dante.

He had been struggling to find work near the kingdom and had been slowly moving toward the empire when he happened to hear news of Kayeina.

The letter, which mentioned Natasha’s stories, was very welcome to Kayeina. Sir Dante had offered to deliver news about Kayeina on her behalf, but she politely declined.

In truth, she didn’t exactly feel happy about hearing news of Natasha. There was a part of her that envied Natasha’s simple but happy life.

Why is it that you can live happily, but I ended up like this because of you?

At times, these thoughts would surface. Was she the only one she could blame? The bitterness and resentment, unspoken and unnoticed, had slowly turned into a pointed, angry focus aimed at her beloved friend.

Even though she tried to push these feelings away, they couldn’t be discarded. The resentment, which had grown alongside her, had become uncontrollable over time.

So, when she heard that Natasha was marrying Sieghart, a strange sense of happiness overtook her, instead of worry. She thought the marriage to her enemy would only bring unhappiness.

‘Kayeina!’

However, when she saw the Duchess again, she seemed happier than ever. She shone with beauty, just like Princess Natasha. She was still the great woman everyone respected and loved.

Why are you so happy here? This place was nothing but harsh for me…

When the life of the maid, once scorned for her treatment of the princess, began to improve, Kayeina felt as though the world was crumbling. Nothing had changed; it was as if the past had repeated itself.

“Don’t I deserve to be hated? You almost got me killed. Since that day, my life has been completely miserable!”

And so, it was.

She had manipulated those who would harm the princess, sowing discord.

On the day of the coronation, she had attempted to poison her, planning to bring her down. When that failed, she changed the target to the Duchess, threatening her life.

Her hatred for the woman who survived with tenacity had reached a boiling point, and she had pushed her from the terrace.

Once she realized that God did not wish for the woman to die, she decided to throw her into the pit of misfortune herself.

She would make it seem like Natasha had committed adultery, hoping to destroy the trust and love Sieghart Asheart had for the Duchess.

“So, you should live unhappily, too. You should live each day in misery like I did. Why?”

“……”

“Why are you still living happily?”

But now, even that plot had failed.

God desired her happiness. The one who pushed Kayeina into the abyss had surely favored the woman.

“Of course, you deserve it. I almost died because of you… Why are you living happily? Why?”

Kayeina Ten found this truth utterly repulsive.

Why couldn’t she be loved by the gods? Why couldn’t she shine like Natasha?

Why couldn’t she escape the misfortune of that day?

“…So that’s why? You betrayed me over and over because you couldn’t stand to see me happy?”

Natasha asked, her voice hollow, as she looked at Kayeina, who had once been the one to offer her solace when she was struggling. Natasha was shocked, unable to believe that Kayeina could think such thoughts.

Happiness?

I…

I was happy.

“YES! I hated seeing you smile so prettily in front of me, loving me while shamelessly getting closer!” Kayeina yelled, her anger bubbling over.

“So, you joined forces with my enemy, the Emperor?” Natasha’s voice, though calm, was filled with disbelief.

“Yes! Just like how he butchered the royal family, I thought he’d behead you!” Kayeina snarled, her words spilling out like venom.

Her anger was so overwhelming that spit flew from her mouth.

Lies.

Natasha, who had always remained calm in the face of Kayeina’s accusations, whispered to herself.

I didn’t live happily when things were hard. Even when I was cornered and couldn’t do anything, you betrayed me just like in this life.

‘The lady’s sincere efforts are appreciated, and we will release her. But know this: You owe me. I’ll collect this debt slowly, over time.’

You used Kail Letius to save me, only to turn my affection for you into worthless trash.

‘If you go to the duchy, the child will be in danger, won’t they?’

‘That’s right. The journey to the duchy will be very tough…’

Even when a fleeting romance had become my last hope, you still wished for my misfortune.

You always, shamelessly, wished for my unhappiness.

Because I was alive…

Natasha gripped the cold bars. The chill of the iron crept up her skin.

“I didn’t want to live!” she suddenly screamed.

“I never wanted to live. I’d rather have died. If I had to live like this, I’d rather die. I wanted to ask the gods, why are they so desperate to keep me alive? Why won’t they let me die?”

Her voice cracked, the words splintering into multiple tones as they left her lips. By the end, her voice was so strained it sounded more like metal scraping than human speech. The clear, sorrowful tone of her voice had turned into the growl of an animal.

I should never have gone out that day. I shouldn’t have bought that silly gift for Alex Ludrio.

I should have stayed in the palace and faced death. By defying my fate, I only invited betrayal and deceit.

Betrayal from the man I loved and the friend I cherished was like a rotten apple lodged in my chest. It caused unbearable pain, and then they left.

“Every time, with icy, sharp blows to my heart. You saw me covered in blood and still smiled happily. In the face of life and death, I wished for death so badly, I no longer cared for regrets. In those hopeful days, even if I had drunk poison and died, I wouldn’t have felt sorry…”

“…”

“Yes, maybe this is enough. In the end, I was destined to die. I was, I was! I survived only to live in misery… I thought it wouldn’t be so bad to end my life when things were a little better, rather than living in the agony of a future full of unhappiness.”

Natasha’s face twisted in anguish.

Somewhere along the way, her face had become covered with a transparent liquid. Tears fell from her chin, continuously dripping without her even wiping them away.

As her gaze met Kayeina’s face, it became blurry. She squinted, wiping away the last traces of tears.

The expression Kayeina wore was exactly the same as before. A look of contempt, her eyes locked on Natasha, as though refusing to even acknowledge her words.

Only then did Natasha realize. Her pleas had only seemed like pitiful excuses to Kayeina.

Her heartfelt cries of desperation meant nothing to her old friend. The conversation, which defied the past, was nothing more than an excuse, an emotional appeal that fell on deaf ears.

“When I wrongly chose the people I should have feared and those I should have kept close. When you pushed me off the ledge, drunk, without a care, and then pretended to worry about me the next day.”

The energy drained from Natasha’s voice as she spoke.

“When you lied to me about spending the night together. When you announced my pregnancy in front of the Duke… Just once, you should have stopped.”

“…”

“If you had stopped, none of this would have happened.”

With a final, exhausted sigh, Natasha let go of the bars.

She lowered her gaze, and saw countless droplets on the floor. Her dress had become soaked, the colors dull and stained by the moisture.

“Why should I stop? There was no reason to stop, and there never will be!”

“…”

“I’ll stop when you die, once and for all.”

It was a proof of the exhausting emotional toll.

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