I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 55

“I’ve always wanted to say this. I didn’t think you’d remember me, and I worried writing a letter might come off as a nuisance… so I could never gather the courage to reach out.”

“You’re… thanking me?”

It was hard to believe what she was hearing. She had expected a knife to fall, but instead, she was met with warmth.

“You’ve helped people like us so much. Thanks to you, settling down here was a lot easier. As you probably know, as time went on, interest in duchy citizens and immigrants faded, and the Imperial family quickly cut back on social support.”

“…”

“When that happened, the House of Aschart stepped in to help us. And after you became the duchess, their support became even more active.”

This was news to Natasha.

As the lady of House Aschart, she did manage donations and welfare programs. She regularly reviewed the reports, especially because of all the bureaucratic fees involved. But she had never seen any organizations linked to her homeland on the lists.

Since she couldn’t use the family’s official funds for that cause, Natasha often donated under a false name. But from the way the baron’s daughter spoke, it was clear she wasn’t referring to those anonymous contributions.

If it was under the name of House Aschart…

Only two people had the authority to make official donations from the Aschart family. One of them wasn’t involved, which left only one person.

She turned and looked straight at the one responsible.

Sieghart was sitting there with an unreadable expression, listening quietly. But the moment Natasha’s eyes met his, he quickly looked away. That was all the confirmation she needed.

Now she understood who the baron’s daughter had been talking about.

After that, the conversation with her continued more casually. Natasha told her she could write to the duchy anytime if she wanted to talk more. After exchanging polite goodbyes, Natasha and Sieghart left the café.

As Natasha stepped through the door that Sieghart held open for her, she turned around. He happened to be looking at her too, so their eyes met naturally.

“That was the best I could do. It was the only way I knew to apologize to them.”

Sieghart was the first to speak.

He didn’t mention any names. He didn’t need to. Natasha understood everything without a detailed explanation.

“And I thought it would be more meaningful if it was done in your name, not mine. Even as a way of saying sorry to you, Natasha.”

He spoke clearly, like someone who had already made up his mind. His words were well prepared and left no room for her to argue.

“I see.”

She couldn’t say much to that. Calling it an unwanted gesture felt unfair, especially since her people had benefited. But she also couldn’t bring herself to thank the man who had once destroyed everything.

Once again, Natasha thought to herself that being on the receiving end of his apologies was never a pleasant experience.

During the trip, they had spent their days in surprisingly meaningful and rewarding ways. Natasha couldn’t fully accept just how much she had come to enjoy traveling with Sieghart.

Each region they visited, though now under the Empire, had changed in its own way. Some still held onto the essence of the old kingdom, while others had completely adapted to the Empire’s ways. The former brought a deep sense of longing. The latter left her bitter. She was glad to see them all again, yet in every place, she felt the weight of guilt.

Both she and Sieghart were outsiders, and perhaps that was why they managed to maintain a good relationship throughout their journey. With no one else to rely on, it was natural that they would turn to each other.

They shared meals, exchanged small conversations, went on walks after eating. Natasha didn’t know why she was spending such peaceful days with that man. But every time she stopped to reflect, she found herself smiling—just a little.

Three days into the journey, Natasha stopped trying to reason everything out. She didn’t want to waste the little time they had left by overthinking every emotion. So she let herself go with the flow.

And on the day, they had only three days of travel remaining, the two of them finally began their return to the duchy.

As expected, it didn’t take long to get there. Once they crossed the bridge separating the Empire and the duchy and passed through the checkpoint, the journey would be over.

Inside the checkpoint, they were asked to show identification. Natasha handed over her ID, which clearly listed her name: Natasha Aschart.

“Oh!”

The guard checking her ID reacted with surprise. He looked at the ID, then back at her, blinking rapidly.

“Princess! It’s me, Reon!”

“Reon?”

“Yes! I worked at the palace for quite a while. You don’t remember me?”

Natasha repeated the name silently, trying to match it to a face. Then she looked closely at the guard’s smiling face. His features slowly overlapped with the image of a younger boy she once knew.

“Oh!”

Finally, she gave a small nod, as if to say the memory had returned.

Reon had joined the royal knight order right after his debut and served faithfully until he became an adult. Since he was around Natasha’s age, they didn’t see each other often, but she had always felt a bit closer to him than most.

“Sir Reon, why are you here…?”

The checkpoint was not considered a prestigious post. It was known for its harsh conditions, low pay, and lack of competition. Even commoners could apply easily.

As someone with a royal knight background, Reon had strong credentials. He could have joined a noble house’s guard or become a personal knight. It didn’t make sense to Natasha that someone like him would end up in a place like this, where his talents were clearly being wasted.

“That’s… well, I suppose a knight who failed to protect the royal family doesn’t have any worth left now.”

Reon answered while scratching the back of his head with an awkward smile.

To put it more plainly, he had been stripped of his knighthood for failing to protect the royal palace.

Back when Natasha was living in hiding as Tisha Winter, she had deliberately avoided reading any news about the royal knights. She hadn’t known things had come to this.

Realizing that, she no longer needed to ask why Reon, a noble’s son, hadn’t taken up a position within his family’s estate. It was clear his fall from honor had also cut off any support.

“I see…”

A feeling of discomfort settled in her chest. His misfortune seemed like another consequence of her own tragedy. She was once again reminded that she wasn’t the only one whose life had been shattered that day.

Suddenly, the voices she hadn’t heard since the first day of the trip broke in again without warning.

“He says his life was ruined because of you!”
“And look at you, going on some happy little trip while he probably resents you inside, even if he’s pretending to be kind!”
“Just wait until you turn around. You’ll see that cold, bitter glare!”

The voices swarmed around her, dragging up the truths she feared most and forcing them into her ears. As if reading her mind, they fed her thoughts she didn’t want to face.

A vivid illusion took over her senses.

She turned her back and imagined Reon’s cheerful face turning into a bitter glare. He cursed her over and over again. Then, in that false vision, he lunged forward, drew the sword from his hip, and stabbed it into her stomach. While she cried in pain, he laughed and told her she deserved it.

It felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her body trembled so violently that standing became nearly impossible.

“Ah…”

She gasped for air, and in that moment, someone grabbed her hand.

Their eyes met instantly. His were a deeper red than hers, silently asking if she was alright.

And just like before, the voices vanished without a trace.

The chaos in her ears disappeared. The noise of the real world returned, dull but steady, like a tide rolling back in. It felt as if she had finally returned to reality.

She steadied her vision and looked ahead. Reon was still standing there, staring at her with a confused expression, completely unaware of what had just happened. He was still holding her identification card, which clearly read her name: Natasha Aschart.

“I’ll be going now. Thank you for coming to greet me.”

“Please enjoy the rest of your trip!”

She had more she wanted to say, but Natasha chose to hold it back. She gave him a short farewell and turned to leave the checkpoint with Sieghart.

As they reached the final doorway, Natasha suddenly stopped. Then, without hesitation, she ran back toward Reon.

“Sir Reon!”

Startled by her sudden approach, Reon turned to her with wide eyes. Just as he opened his mouth to ask if she had forgotten something, Natasha, still slightly out of breath, spoke first.

“Are you alright?”

“Pardon?”

“I mean… you may not be completely happy, but are you able to live in peace? Are there small moments in your life that bring you comfort?”

At first, Reon looked confused, as though trying to make sense of what she was asking. He seemed ready to ask what she meant, but when he saw the sincerity in her face, he paused. Then he thought seriously before answering.

“I suppose I’m doing alright. I may not be truly happy, but I do find small joys that make me smile. Even if sadness doesn’t overwhelm me, I still remember the precious memories… and sometimes, I miss them.”

“I see…”

Her shoulders eased as she took in his answer. Then, still looking into his eyes, she asked something she had long been holding inside.

A question she hadn’t been able to ask the baron’s daughter on the first day of the journey.

“Just… tell me honestly. Do you hate me?”

“Hate you? Princess—no, Madam—how could I ever hate you?”

“I’m living in peace now, and yet… everyone from the kingdom still mourns that day. Isn’t it shameless of me?”

“No. Not at all.”

Reon spoke with rare firmness in his voice.

“Madam, I truly want you to be happy. Whether it was then or now, you were too young. You don’t need to carry this pain by yourself, and you certainly don’t need to take responsibility for all of it.”

Reon, who had known her since the palace days, saw right through the guilt she was trying to hide and gently comforted her.

Caught off guard by his unexpected kindness, Natasha stared at him, her expression blank. Reon smiled warmly, as if he understood everything without needing to say more.

He didn’t try to explain further. Instead, he held that gentle smile, and when he noticed someone approaching behind her, he simply offered a quiet farewell in perfect timing.

“May Charlier’s little sun always finds happiness.”

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