It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 10.9

Ines pleaded with him in a suppressed voice as he stood frozen like a statue.

 

“Please, just leave me alone. Just until the rain stops.”

 

“I’m begging you…”

 

She tried not to tremble, but her body was already beyond her control. In truth, she couldn’t even feel the cold very well.

 

Not cold, not warm—just completely numb.

 

Anyone with sense would know this wasn’t normal. She was just being stubborn for no reason.

 

If she didn’t want to fall seriously ill, she should just go into that man’s arms right now.

 

It would be better to warm her body with his heat and find some stability.

 

But then what?

 

‘I won’t be able to come back.’

 

He had everything she had always tried to avoid.

 

A salvation she hadn’t expected. Luck that came out of nowhere. Kindness that seemed endless.

 

And he was also Caesar’s father.

 

On top of all that, if she thought any deeper about the power he’d gained from her and whatever price he might have paid for it…

 

She probably wouldn’t be able to look down on him ever again.

 

The thought terrified her. So Ines shut her heart even tighter. She purposely made her heart go cold, unwilling to let herself melt.

 

“Once the rain stops, someone will come looking for me…”

 

She thought of the emperor’s friendly smile toward her.

 

Right now, the only person Ines could rely on was Edgar. A man who knew and understood everything about her situation.

 

It hadn’t been long since she’d sworn not to lean on him again, but now she needed him desperately.

 

If not him, then even Lord Robert, who must be far away in Apael… or anyone, really…

 

Her eyes welled up at the painful truth that she always had to rely on someone.

 

Pathetic. But then, had she ever been anything else?

 

Even so, she didn’t want to lean on this man.

 

Ines recalled that one kiss years ago, during those eight days when they had first met in Eleanor’s room.

 

Even though it had been sudden and forceful, she had been naive enough to feel her heart flutter.

 

‘I don’t want to be like that again.’

 

So this was the only way she could resist. The only thing she could do now to protect herself was to curl up and keep repeating the same plea.

 

Ines mumbled in a tearful voice, over and over:

 

“Don’t come near me. Don’t reach out your hand. Don’t do anything to me. Just go away.”

 

“…”

 

“Please, just leave me alone. No matter what state I end up in, even if I die somewhere like this, don’t care. I won’t care either!”

 

She rejected him with her entire body.

 

Even when he took a single step, she flinched, trembling and curling up smaller.

 

“Ines.”

 

Rayan lowered his voice, trying to calm her somehow, but it was useless.

 

“Don’t come… please.”

 

“…I’m the one who should be saying please.”

 

Rayan roughly ran a hand over his twisted face. A deep, endless sigh escaped him.

 

“I’m the one who should be begging.”

 

At last, he strode toward her, gripping his cloak tightly. He forced her to raise her head despite her resistance.

 

She had bitten her lips so hard they had turned pale and cracked, and now even blood had seeped through.

 

Feeling her small, fragile shoulders and seeing the faint trace of blood at her lips pushed him to the edge of fear and desperation.

 

Just like that day, two years ago, when they sat together for tea—she looked like she might collapse at any moment.

 

It felt like an invisible noose was tightening around his neck.

 

Ines screamed like a warning.

 

“I said don’t touch me!”

 

“Please, just let me do something. Anything.”

 

“No.”

 

“Please, let me at least do this. Every time you reject me like this, I feel like I’m dying…”

 

“What are you trying to do to me?”

 

“Nothing. I won’t even touch you. If something happens to you here, Ines…”

 

Holding back his panic, Rayan gently wiped her lips.

 

His thumb picked up a faint trace of blood. His vision blurred.

 

After all the effort to find her, to bring her back—if he couldn’t do anything as she suffered in front of him again…

 

It was like watching her stand at the edge of a high cliff, barely balanced on one foot. He’d rather jump off with her than watch her fall again.

 

His chest rose and fell heavily.

 

All he could think about was that he had to do something—anything—for her, right now.

 

What could he do to show her that he wasn’t someone she had to fear?

 

‘Ah.’

 

Suddenly, Rayan found the answer—how to make himself completely powerless.

 

His voice sank low, eerie in its calm.

 

“You asked me once, didn’t you? If I was testing how far I’d go.”

 

Ines sensed it again—that shift in the air around him.

 

A sudden dread rose in her.

 

How far could he go? She had no way of knowing.

 

How could anyone guess what was inside the mind of someone half out of it?

 

The man who had been kneeling before her now stood up.

 

He pulled something from his coat, then threw the black jacket he had been wearing onto the floor.

 

The soaked garment, heavy with water and adorned with brooches and epaulettes, hit the floor with a wet thud. It sounded like her heart dropping.

 

He was left in just his shirt, the soaked fabric now almost see-through, clinging to his muscles.

 

Even as her body shook, Ines lashed out angrily.

 

“If you’re trying to mess with me like that again, stop it—”

 

But before she could finish, she saw what was in Rayan’s hand.

 

A gleaming, sharp dagger sent chills down her spine.

 

‘A dagger…?’

 

Her chest sank. What was he trying to do?

 

As if answering her unspoken question, he spun the dagger in his hand.

 

When she saw where the blade was pointed, her eyes widened.

 

No way.

 

No way…!

 

“…!”

 

As if to prove her disbelief wrong, he swung the blade mercilessly.

 

The sound of it slicing through human flesh was too real. She wasn’t sure if what she was seeing was real anymore.

 

Blood streamed down from his right shoulder, soaking into the old wooden floor of the hut. The sound of it echoed terrifyingly in her ears.

 

Drip, drip, drip…

 

Ines lost all strength in her arms, which had been hugging her knees tightly.

 

Rayan shook off the blood from the dagger. His breathing, his voice, the atmosphere around him—all were savagely intense.

 

“Where should I cut next?”

 

“You…”

 

“Want to pick?”

 

“What are you… What are you doing…?”

 

The blade still pointed at him. Rayan tilted his head slightly.

 

His next words, spoken calmly, were even more chilling.

 

“Let’s leave out the left arm. I need at least one to do something for you.”

 

“What are you even saying, you’re… crazy!”

 

“Pick which part to get rid of so I won’t scare you anymore, Ines.”

 

She couldn’t answer.

 

Only the sound of Rayan breathing filled the silence.

 

‘He’s not sane…’

 

Ines covered her mouth with the back of her hand, gasping. Her whole body shook.

 

Any reason she had left finally snapped, leaving only raw emotion.

 

“Are you really insane? What are you doing? Do you think I’ll do what you want just because of this?”

 

“…”

 

“You think you can cut wherever you like? If you’re trying to make me feel guilty, it won’t work. If anything, this is—this is…”

 

While she shouted, Rayan whispered in a voice that was completely broken.

 

“It’s just the two of us. Just you and me. And I got hurt.”

 

“What…?”

 

“So what do you think people will assume?”

 

Her breath caught. Was he seriously trying to frame her for attempted murder? That was insane!

 

As she glared at him with teary eyes, Rayan began speaking just as wildly as she had.

 

“You said you wanted to leave. You can go when the rain stops. I’ll let you. I will. I can do at least that much. But—”

 

“…”

 

“But if you don’t come over here right now, I can’t promise what I’ll say.”

 

He hadn’t changed at all. It all ended in cowardly threats again. Ines’s face crumpled.

 

“Why are you doing this to me? Who even are you? What am I to you… Why are you doing all this?”

 

“You’re the only one who makes me like this.”

 

“Why…?”

 

“If you want something, I’ll give it to you. If you ask me to die, I’ll do it. So please.”

 

At last, his green eyes filled with tears.

 

“So just stay here for now.”

 

Just like the blood dripping from his arm and falling from the tips of his fingers, tears began to fall helplessly down his cheeks.

 

Ines stared at him in shock.

 

She had seen tears in his eyes a few times before.

 

Rayan Eleanor, as cold and emotionless as he appeared, always seemed to lose control of his feelings in front of her.

 

But this was the first time he looked like he might completely fall apart.

 

A man holding a bloodstained dagger in one hand, with the other shoulder slashed so badly it seemed he’d torn every muscle, was now sobbing uncontrollably.

 

“Just stay somewhere warm, please…”

 

She was the one being threatened, but somehow, he was the one backed into a corner.