It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 10.14

“Just drinking tea, having meals, taking walks like normal people…”

 

“…”

 

“Going on a picnic with our son, washing up together after, sleeping in the same bed, waking up and seeing you first thing in the morning—things like that. Just the ordinary things everyone else does. That’s what I want.”

 

And yet, for some reason, she still looked at him as if nothing was good enough. She bit her lip hard and glared at him.

 

She looked at him like she didn’t believe a single word he said.

 

“Even just that would be enough…”

 

Rayan’s voice gradually faded. He couldn’t even blame her.

 

There had been a time when he had treated Ines like… like a mistress, enough that she instinctively remembered it even after losing her memory.

 

It was his fault that she couldn’t trust him now.

 

“…What do I have to do for you to believe me?”

 

In the end, Rayan asked with a tired voice.

 

“Just tell me what I need to do.”

 

“…”

 

“Maybe I become stupid whenever I see you. I really don’t know. I don’t know what I need to do so you won’t keep looking down on me like that. So you’ll believe that I want more than just your body.”

 

Hearing his words, Ines closed her eyes. Just like he said, Rayan really was clueless.

 

Unless he let her go—both from this place and from himself—she would never be able to truly trust him.

 

And separate from trust, she couldn’t fully ignore everything he was saying.

 

“…Your Highness.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Ines looked at his throat as he swallowed nervously.

 

Without realizing, the words slipped out.

 

“You said it before, didn’t you? That you’d do anything I wanted.”

 

“I did.”

 

“Then keep it up.”

 

“Keep what up?”

 

“Your composure. That thing you say disappears every time you see me.”

 

After saying that, Ines began to unbutton his shirt one by one. His right shoulder, which had only been loosely bandaged, was revealed.

 

“Try to keep it…”

 

He repeated her words silently, then asked quietly,

 

“Do you want me to surrender to you?”

 

Surrender. The word sounded strangely sweet when Rayan said it.

 

A grand duke was someone who never had to bow to anyone. He wasn’t supposed to.

 

Would a man who didn’t even hesitate to blaspheme the name of Emperor Lezan ever have looked up to someone else?

 

Probably not, ever in his life.

 

“…Yes.”

 

Ines answered coldly.

 

“I want you to be completely powerless in front of me.”

 

“Alright. Whatever you want.”

 

Reading her expression, Rayan gently pulled her up onto him.

 

“!”

 

Startled, Ines instinctively reached for his right shoulder to steady herself.

 

The bandage around his wound soaked red again, but neither of them paid it any attention.

 

With trembling hands, she pressed against his chest and sat upright.

 

As she sat down on his warm body, she naturally felt something.

 

‘This…’

 

Even without looking, she could clearly feel his heated presence. It surprised her—but didn’t feel unfamiliar. It was a strange feeling.

 

Her dull, dry black hair fell over Rayan’s cheek.

 

He caught her hair and kissed it. Even as he did, his green eyes never left hers.

 

His voice was sweet.

 

“I’m always under you. For the rest of my life. So do whatever you want with me.”

 

The moment she saw what he placed in her hand, she knew he meant it.

 

It was the dagger—cold, solid, still stained with his dried blood, gleaming with a bluish edge.

 

Rayan whispered with a look like he was offering her the most precious gift in the world.

 

“I love you.”

 

“…”

 

“If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.”

 

His eyes were burning with heat, but the dark heat she felt between her thighs was completely different.

 

Whether she stabbed him in the neck or plunged it into his heart, he wouldn’t resist.

 

It wasn’t because he thought she wouldn’t do it. He truly intended to give her the chance to end him.

 

Ines brushed the sharp blade against his dry cheek and rough lips. Even as it barely missed his skin, he only lowered his gaze.

 

That expression was—

 

It really, really annoyed her.

 

Ines bit her lip as she looked down at his composed and calm face.

 

‘This isn’t it.’

 

This wasn’t the expression she wanted to see.

 

She threw the dagger aside. Then her hand began to move down over his waist where she was sitting.

 

“…Ines?”

 

Rayan, about to say something, drew in a quick breath. Her hand didn’t hesitate. The sound of a buckle coming undone mixed with the rustling of fabric.

 

“W-Wait, Ines—”

 

“Don’t move.”

 

The reverent mood, as if he were prepared to accept whatever punishment she gave him, shifted instantly.

 

His half-lowered green eyes were now filled with an excitement he couldn’t hide.

 

He clenched his jaw and let out a low breath through his teeth, trying to hold back moans.

 

“….”

 

Ines didn’t think about what to do. She simply let her hands move according to old memories.

 

Maybe it was because she recalled those unpleasant acts she had learned during her life in Jenaire. It wasn’t hard.

 

‘I guess I’ve done something like this before.’

 

Ines scoffed inwardly. But she didn’t know that she had never actually used what she learned on Rayan.

 

She used to fear him during sex. Sometimes, just seeing him standing there made her heart drop in terror.

 

Pleasure always came with the chilling feeling of being devoured alive. He was too big, and everything was too much for her to handle.

 

And Rayan had never once asked her to do something like this.

 

He wasn’t exactly gentle during their time together, but at least he never asked her to perform something obscene.

 

She was small, fragile, and painfully naive. Just keeping up was already too much for her. Asking anything more would’ve been absurd.

 

So of course, he had never imagined a scene like this.

 

His vision turned red and then filled with her blue again. He let out a short breath.

 

The sounds coming from him were no longer neat. They grew rough and fast.

 

Her warm, slender fingers clung to him like tentacles, drawing out his heat without rest. He couldn’t control his ragged breathing.

 

“…!”

 

Then, just as she suddenly slowed her hand and began to tease him with agonizing slowness, his hand rose instinctively.

 

But he couldn’t bring himself to hold her hand, and instead gripped the sheets helplessly. Rayan’s face twisted with desire.

 

Ines watched every reaction in his body, just like he had once done to her.

 

‘…Looks good.’

 

The more desperate he grew—scratching at the floor with his nails—the more a faint sense of satisfaction grew inside her.

 

A man who sat so high and mighty, a man she once couldn’t even look at, now writhed and begged for her.

 

His handsome brow furrowed deeply, veins stood out on his tense neck. But he never closed his eyes, so his green eyes reflected her expression perfectly.

 

A satisfied look on her face.

 

“Ah… Ines, Ines… hah…”

 

As she rubbed him with fingers warmed by the humid heat, Ines accepted her own contradiction.

 

The more chaos she saw in his eyes, the more she felt like she was something great.

 

Even though she knew none of this meant anything.

 

So what if she mattered this much to him?

 

What changed just because she found comfort in that?

 

Maybe what she truly wanted was to see him begging—humiliating himself—while she tore herself down with her own words.

 

Maybe she just wanted to escape from the pitiful inferiority complex that had always eaten her up inside.

 

It wasn’t a healthy way to reclaim self-worth, but it worked.

 

‘He’s someone I can control like this.’

 

Rayan Eleanor was a thorn that dug deeper the more she tried to deny him. If this was a fate they kept coming back to, she no longer wanted to run.

 

How long would she keep avoiding, begging, crying?

 

If she didn’t want to be controlled by him, then she had to take control—just like he always said.

 

She just had to follow her heart. If she wanted to give it, she would. If it faded, she’d let go and leave.

 

If she wanted to meet someone new, she could. If she found a new love, she could let go of the past without regret.

 

‘Whatever I want.’

 

But there was one thing she needed to know for sure. Just as Rayan reached his peak, Ines suddenly stopped her hand.

 

Her voice fell, flat and dry.

 

“I want to ask you one thing.”

 

His lips, cracked and scabbed from dry breaths, were still beautiful.

 

As she gently brushed those trembling lips, he instinctively stuck out his tongue and licked her fingers. He was deeply thirsty.

 

Looking down at him, Ines quietly asked:

 

“Was there ever a single moment… when we were truly happy?”

 

Even through the dizziness and pleasure, Rayan was speechless.

 

“….”

 

One of her eyes shimmered coldly with moonlight, while the other reflected the warm glow of the fireplace.

 

That contrasting light pulled him in helplessly.

 

Without him realizing, the bloodstained dagger was once again raised to his throat.

 

“During the six years I don’t remember… did you ever deceive me? Or Caesar?”

 

“….”

 

“Not even once?”

 

The sound of rain and firewood all stopped. Only Ines’s emotionless voice clung to his ears.

 

“Are you saying… you just didn’t realize you loved me?”

 

The blade of the dagger was pressed precisely against the throbbing vein in his neck. That sharp and cold feeling made his whole body shiver.

 

The woman holding his life quietly let out her voice.

 

“If you lie to me here…”

 

“….”

 

“Then there will really be no forgiveness, Rayan.”

 

His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.

 

Now, he was the one being closely watched—his eyebrows, the twitch under his eyes, the tremble of his breath as he inhaled and exhaled.

 

Rayan held his breath and looked at her expression, swallowing dryly over and over again.

 

She had postponed judgment to hear his final confession, but her face showed no emotion.

 

At last, his lips parted.