If I Throw Myself into His Sea - Episode 2.9

“There’s something I want to ask. What kind of lives do children on land generally lead?”

“You’re curious about life on land?”

“To be precise, I want to know about her life. I’ve been bound to the sea my whole life, so it’s a life I can’t even imagine.”

Irene quietly listed the kind of life she’d heard from her nanny: being born, meeting family, being loved, finding love, and bearing the fruits of love. A life where one could leave their love in the world and depart with a smile.

Pereian, who had been listening silently, ran a hand through his hair and groaned softly. Those who grew up lacking happiness and love couldn’t easily imagine such a life.

Irene, who had heard the nanny’s explanation, was the same, and it seemed Pereian was also having trouble picturing it in his mind.

“I hope she lives that kind of life.”

Pereian, having collected his confused thoughts with that soliloquy, recounted his past to Irene. Not too deeply, just the minimum he could tell someone who knew about his past.

Among those stories was one about Irene, or rather, Ruine. About a girl on land he used to talk to through a conch shell. Pereian was explaining this in front of the adult Ruine, without even realizing she was the girl in front of him.

Again, the numerous slights and discourtesies his father, other royals, and the nobles of Deltia had committed against him filled the conversation.

This time, it wasn’t something she was hearing from someone else, but a recollection from the person who had suffered because of it.

Irene had certainly heard some of it from Ian in the past, but hearing the situation at the time from the adult Ian felt more unfamiliar.

Irene fixed her gaze on the floor of the stairs, her eyes darting around. She knew that the people of Deltia hadn’t been kind to Ian, but to think that Ian had been afraid of them and had visited this place as if fleeing.

Ian wasn’t that kind of boy to Irene. He was a child who lived steadfastly and confidently, even when those around him scorned him. He was a boy who knew how to comfort Irene, who was in a similar situation, and even advised her not to just put up with things.

I thought he never feared violence, even if he resented his royal father. But realizing that his strong facade was Ian desperately trying to hide his fear back then, my head throbbed.

It wasn’t betrayal.

If anything, it was guilt. Why hadn’t I properly recognized Ian’s instability? Ian was just a child like any other.

And why, in the past, did I whine every day about my own troubles to Ian, who must have been having even more painful days? Did I seek comfort?

Irene swallowed countless questions she wanted to ask him. But the truth can’t be hidden forever, and soon, one question she couldn’t swallow burst out,

“You must have hated him. For not understanding how hard it was for him.” “What is that supposed to mean?”

“…Maybe you still hate him now.”

I had always wanted to ask. Whether he resented me for not understanding Ian’s pain. Whether, when he was scared, I had been so oblivious and only thought of myself, seeking comfort by talking to him. Whether that was why he couldn’t confide in his pain. Maybe Ian cut off contact because he was tired of putting up with me.

The questions kept branching out in a negative direction. If this was true, wouldn’t I be committing another sin just by setting foot in Ian’s sea?

Pereian silently gazed at Irene’s eyes, filled with anxiety. His quiet crimson eyes seemed to hold an indescribable emotion.

“What do you know to say such things?”

He ran a hand over his face and said in a damp voice,

“I never did. Not for a moment did I ever hate him.”

It was a sincere voice. Pereian, seemingly choked up, couldn’t finish his sentence and averted his gaze from Irene.

Silence returned.

Neither Irene nor Pereian could easily speak. Behind the awkward air, magical fireworks signaling the end of the banquet lit up the sky.

It was a night when she learned of the pain Ian had hidden for years, yet felt even more distant from Pereian before her eyes.

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