If I Throw Myself into His Sea - Episode 1.7

Irene cherished that unremarkable conch shell as if it were a jewel. She polished it with the cleanest part of her worn-out clothes until it gleamed, and at night, she gazed at the conch shell as if watching stars. The conch shell was the only star in the basement, a place where even moonlight couldn’t reach.

It was four days later that a boy’s voice was heard from the dry shell. On a dark night, Irene, holding the shell as usual, let out a deep sigh at her bleak reality. It was then.

“Is anyone there?”

Startled, Irene shot up as the unfamiliar boy’s whisper reached her ears. Unsure of where the sound came from, Irene looked around. No one would speak to her, as the guards didn’t stay by Irene’s side at that hour.

‘A ghost?’

Terrified, Irene mumbled in a trembling voice.

“Wh-who are you? Where are you?”

“What it’s a girl? Was it you who picked up the shell?”

With the reply, the conch shell in her hand hummed. With a sense of disbelief, Irene brought her ear to the shell’s opening, and something unbelievable happened.

“You can hear me, right?”

“How?”

“Explanation later. You, be my friend.”

According to the boy, who lived in the Underwater Kingdom, this conch shell was a type of communication device. He had sent the conch shell to the land because he had no one to talk to.

I had cast an awareness spell so that a boy of similar age who could communicate would pick up the seashell, but he seemed unable to understand why Irene had become its owner.

‘Of all people, Rupel picked it up.’ As Irene, who knew the inside story, let out a soft chuckle, the boy grumbled for a moment before they began to introduce themselves.

-Call me Ian. My original name is longer, but. What’s your name?

“Hmm, my name is…”

Irene hesitated for a moment. If she revealed her name, she felt Ian might one day learn of her humble identity and avoid her.

“It’s Ruine. My name is Ruine, Ian.”

Thus, began a thorough lie, hiding both her name and appearance.

Ian would talk to Irene every night. One day, he comforted Irene, who felt lonely, and another day, he confided his troubles to Irene, acting spoiled.

As the years of fifteen and sixteen passed, her relationship with Ian grew closer. Looking back, it was around this time that she had come to cherish Ian. A boy she could rely on.

At first, he had a prickly side, but as time passed, that aspect weathered away, leaving only his gentle demeanor. Just hearing his voice was enough to satisfy her heart.

It was her first love, though she hadn’t realized it, but that feeling kept Irene alive at the time.

She gained little information about Ian through their conversations. Jet-black hair. Burning red eyes. And, as she learned later, Ian was also of illegitimate birth, just like Irene.

While she worried about Ian, who was in a similar situation, her feelings of affection only grew. Irene would blush every time, imagining Ian, whom she had never seen.

-Sorry I couldn’t come for a few days, Ruine. Ian’s calls gradually decreased, starting from the spring when he turned seventeen.

“Did you get hit again?”

At that time, Ian was his father’s physical punching bag. Just hearing his voice, I could vividly imagine his haggard appearance, with wounds on his face.

“Are all fathers like that? Why you, who did nothing wrong?”

Even though she wasn’t the one who was hit, tears inexplicably welled up. As the girl beyond the communication tube sniffled, Ian hastily comforted Irene in a flustered voice.

-I won’t be that kind of father. He added, as if choked up himself.

-…I’ll be a considerate husband to my wife too. He seemed to be thinking of his mother, who was said to have not even been treated properly as a concubine. Irene, slowly stopping her tears, spoke while suppressing her hiccups. “Yes, if I marry Ian, I’m sure I’ll be happy.”

-Ruine, even if the other person is you? “Of course. You’re the person I like the most.”

After saying it, Irene covered her mouth, worried she might have mixed too much sincerity into her words. A sound like someone holding their breath could be heard from Ian too.

Breaking the silence, Ian replied in a determined voice, as if he had made a resolution.

-Someday, I’ll come to the mainland and propose to you, Ruine.

“What?”

-“The two of us, building the warmest home in the world.”

In an instant, Irene’s face flushed red. Irene felt relieved that Ian wasn’t by her side at that moment. If her flushed face were discovered, she might die of embarrassment.

“Ian, you… do you know what you’re saying?”

-“I do, Irene. I want to be your only family.”

Irene knew that statement was a confession. That day, Irene thought that if Ian ever came ashore and, as he had said, they built a home, she too would finally be happy, before falling into a deep sleep. The conversation with Ian ended that day.

Her first love, who left behind only a confession. Only then did Irene realize that this relationship, which she had relied on like a conch shell, was like a bubble that vanished in an instant.

Irene, who spent several more years longing for him without knowing if Ian was alive or dead, was married to the monarch of the undersea kingdom by imperial decree.

“I must see what kind of man your husband is.”

She hadn’t expected that monarch to be Ian. A reunion, or a first meeting. Irene was no longer Ian’s friend. She had merely married the King of the Undersea Kingdom, concealing her true identity as the illegitimate daughter of Epin, and assuming the noble status of a princess. Ian, who had become her husband, was also vastly different from the boy in her memories.

“The noble Princess of Epin finds this sea disgusting too, does she?”

The gentle tone was gone, and a cold inner truth was clearly revealed with every word. Irene, who had hidden her identity with the fake name Ruine and even deceived her appearance by claiming to have silver hair and blue eyes, did not expect him to recognize her.

That was the whole truth of this relationship, which was nothing but lies. At first, she had deceived him with her name and appearance to become friends, and in the end, she had deceived him with her status to become his wife.

Thinking of Ian, who had been consistently deceived by her, a wave of remorse washed over her.

‘I am not in a position to hope for us to grow close like we used to be.’

Still in the quiet clearing, Irene, who had become a stranger in Ian’s sea, thought while suppressing her tears.

‘Ian, even if you don’t recognize me, that’s no reason for me to resent you.’

If there was just one thing she wished for, it would surely be.

‘Don’t treat me as if we shouldn’t touch. Just let me be able to see you by my side.’

Irene clasped her hands together and murmured.

The ends of her words trembled with her choked sobs.

“Please, don’t let my love end.”

Even if their relationship was entirely built on lies, Irene prayed towards the sunlight filling the water’s surface, wishing for this love alone to be forever sincere.

After recalling memories with Ian for tens of minutes more. A presence was heard in the clearing where only the sound of trembling breaths had occasionally echoed.

“Kkiiing…”

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