If I Throw Myself into His Sea - Episode 1.24

Whenever Pereian visited Coral Palace, a commotion arose.

By rights, a monarch should use the magic only a royal could wield to care for the people, but conversely, many attendants were overwhelmed by his violent energy. The queen, a land dweller, was unaffected, but those with weaker constitutions who were nearby when the disturbance occurred would collapse or complain of headaches.

It wasn’t a serious illness, but Atina transitioned Coral Palace to a small-scale system to prevent greater harm. It wasn’t a dismissal. Attendants in poor condition were sent on vacation to their families, and some were temporarily moved from inside Coral Palace to the external landscaping department.

The Coral Palace, now much quieter, was as silent as death. Decorated with coral, the exterior was as colorful and splendid as ever, but the interior was devoid of life.

The owner of Coral Palace, Irene Iphraim, was ill every day. She had been suffering from body aches before, but she groaned even more after the monarch’s visit. Whether her heart had finally fallen ill from her husband’s constant neglect, her condition was not good at all.

“Lady Irene.”

Coral Palace, with its reduced staff, suffered from a labor shortage. Atina had to cut back on sleep and work twice as hard to take care of Irene.

When she first set foot in Coral Palace as the head maid, Atina had never foreseen this kind of life. On the contrary. She dreamed of a glamorous life in Coral Palace. She thought that her remaining life would be spent serving a precious queen with the utmost care, sharing tea with her, and adorning her beautifully.

“Atina, you look very tired. Close your eyes for a moment, quickly.”

Far from precious, a mistress with a body full of scars. She herself was heartbroken by the monarch, but a woman who offered her bed to her subordinate, who looked increasingly exhausted. She never thought she would serve such a woman as her mistress.

Moreover, instead of adorning her, her daily life was filled with the overwhelming task of preventing her from breathing her last.

It was a life of deadly busyness, but somehow, Atina didn’t dislike this life. She was just worried.

Since stepping into the Coral Palace, it seemed the Queen’s condition was steadily deteriorating. Atina spoke softly to Irene, who pulled her to the edge of the bed. It was a question she had pondered many times since the Lord’s visit, finally managing to utter it.

“Irene, by any chance, do you harbor feelings for the Lord?”

The day the Lord entered Irene’s bedchamber unannounced, Atina paced anxiously outside, trying to grasp the situation. The door wasn’t completely closed, so snippets of conversation leaked out, and she could see Irene’s figure. After eavesdropping on the Lord and Queen, Atina came to one conclusion.

‘Irene feels something for the Lord.’

Her mistress yielded to the Lord’s rudeness. No matter how difficult and harsh her life had been, she was always submissive, never getting angry. Her yearning gaze, her face despairing at not being trusted. The Queen didn’t beg for the Lord’s love, but there was definitely love in Irene’s expression that Atina had glimpsed that day.

“It showed, didn’t it.”

“It can’t be, Irene. You mustn’t.”

Telling her mistress that she shouldn’t love her husband was more than twice as difficult as she had imagined.

Moreover, Irene was confined to this Coral Palace by her husband, the Lord, so for the head maid of the Coral Palace to say she shouldn’t love him was a punishable offense. But Atina didn’t yield.

She was afraid that if things continued this way, the Queen would slowly die, knowing she would never be loved in return.

“You mustn’t love him. A love that can’t be received.”

“Atina.”

“Will kill Irene.”

He is that kind of person.

Before becoming the head maid, Atina worked as a maid in Amchogung, assigned to the Crown Prince.

Even from afar, it was clear that the Crown Prince was far from qualified to succeed Deltia.

As the only legitimate son, his attempts to keep the illegitimate sons in check were almost thuggish.

His main target was the current monarch, who, despite being an illegitimate son, possessed immense magical power.

Therefore, Atina also knew the secret that the current monarch had a past full of scars. And she was the only person who survived after witnessing Pereian Richard behead the Crown Prince out of revenge.

It wasn’t because of her connection as a friend of Sipri that she survived. The servants present trembled and begged for their lives as they watched the Crown Prince endlessly vomit blood.

Only Atina truly mourned the death of her first master, rushing out to collect the body. With trembling hands, she smoothed down his eyes, which had not yet closed, and tidied his clothes.

No matter how thuggish her master had been, that was all Atina could do in that situation.

When she came to her senses, everyone was dead, killed by the blood-soaked illegitimate prince.

The current monarch, who had slain all the royals who had despised him and was left alone, stared at Atina’s name tag with a chillingly empty face, then left. She became the head maid of Sanhogung shortly after Pereian Richard’s accession to the throne, around the time he proposed marriage to bring a princess from the mainland as his queen.

Atina still didn’t know why he remembered her name and appointed her as head maid. However, whenever she saw those red eyes, she was reminded of the image of him killing everyone and leaving alone, which often made her gag.

So, Irene Iphraim, her second master, should not love such a man. He was a person who had killed everyone without any emotion. He could kill the queen at any time.

“Please don’t die of love, Your Majesty.”

Irene had always instructed me to call her by her name, but at this moment, it seemed I needed to speak this way to get through to her.

As expected, Irene was greatly shaken. Whether she was shaken by having her love discovered or by the honorific “Your Majesty,” I couldn’t tell.

“Loving him in this underwater palace won’t last long.”

As the advice continued, Irene stroked Atina’s hand with a gesture as if soothing a child and nodded.

“Atina, I don’t really know either. Is what I’m doing love?”

She had looked at her cold husband with more fervent eyes than anyone else, yet she didn’t seem to realize it was love.

“To me, it feels more like lingering attachment.”

It was foolish. Nevertheless, Atina listened silently.

“Atina, have you ever had someone who supported you during your most difficult moments?”

“……”

“I do.”

Atina let out a shallow breath at the incomprehensible words. She felt drained. She had told her not to love the monarch, but suddenly, the most difficult moment?

Even if being in this sea was the most difficult, Pereian Richard had never supported Irene Iphraim.

“I have someone like that.”

“Why that…! His Majesty is not that person!”

“That’s why I say it feels like lingering attachment.”

Because she couldn’t read her true feelings, Atina felt utterly frustrated. The queen’s face, as she spoke of lingering affection, seemed to be spilling over with love once more.

“He resembles a kind person I know, Your Majesty.”

Irene couldn’t reveal the whole truth to Atina, so she twisted it.

Atina’s dazed expression seemed to say, ‘But that man isn’t kind,’ making Irene smile briefly.

“Thank you for your concern. I’ll keep Atina’s words in mind.”

Even as she said it, she found herself ridiculous.

To harbor feelings for a husband who threatened her repeatedly. To be unable to easily abandon love and act so foolishly. And to even reveal her affections without properly concealing them. She must seem pathetic. She made a decision.

Pereian Richard, thankfully, I don’t yet deeply love the you of today.

‘Only the feelings I had for Ian.’

Only those feelings I want to cherish for a lifetime. How could she forget the child who had been her support during the most difficult moments? It was something that would be criticized as lingering affection, it was love, but Irene couldn’t shake it off.

The conch shell that Ian had sent to the mainland was Irene’s lifeline. The memory of being saved was like an illness. It showed little sign of healing, making Irene suffer repeatedly.

The love stemming from that memory was also like a brand, and no matter how much she tried to overlay it with a new brand of indifference, it would never be erased.

‘I can’t help it if I seem pathetic.’

Looking at Atina, who still cast worried glances her way, Irene closed her eyes with a calm expression, as if to reassure her.

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