If I Throw Myself into His Sea - Episode 1.21

Pereian strolled leisurely out of the greenhouse. Papers crushed under his shoes fluttered around Irene like the remnants of fireworks.

In the space where Pereian had stood, Irene clutched the least broken glass bottle and sobbed.

Pereian Richard and Ian. Her husband and her first love. They were all the same person, but now, within her, they were distinctly different individuals.

Emotions flooded her. Irene, breathing raggedly, shivered in the now-chilly greenhouse, thinking of ‘Ian.’ The boy who was uniquely warm, unlike the frigid seawater.

The basement where I lived was darker than you can imagine. No matter how long I lived in that basement, I was always afraid of the eerie atmosphere that lingered at dawn, and on nights when I couldn’t fall asleep early because of the pain from being beaten, I would secretly wipe away my tears. I can still hear your voice so clearly, comforting me, saying it was okay, that you were there with me.

Through her tearful sobs, Irene came to one firm conclusion. This too was related to Ian. Ian, that is, Pereian Richard, had grown cold in the years I hadn’t heard from him, and “The day I trust you will never come.” We are now worse than strangers.

“That kind of face suits you better than rosy cheeks.”

The image of him wanting the girl’s smile might have been consumed by the cold and disappeared forever. He would have become a bloodthirsty monarch wishing for his wife’s unhappiness.

“Lady Irene!”

“Ah…”

As the monarch left, Atina cautiously returned, discovering her master collapsed and cried out. A deep sigh poured from Irene’s throat. Tears streamed down her pale cheeks. It was clear evidence of heartbreak.

Two days had passed since Sipri left. This held true even when counting from the time Pereian Richard, the sovereign of the underwater kingdom, visited the Coral Palace.

In the meantime, the Coral Palace’s master remained in her chamber, issuing no orders and making no movements. As if she felt no hunger, her body was visibly losing its vitality to others, yet she alone seemed indifferent, staring blankly. Her stillness was as if she were carrying out an order to live in silence.

Unable to bear it any longer, the Coral Palace’s head maid, Atina, led Irene out of the underwater palace. It was an overstep, but there was no one in this Coral Palace to reprimand her.

“Um, Atina. Where are you taking me?”

“I realized I’ve never shown you the capital of Deltia, Irene.”

Skin as pale as someone who had never seen sunlight in their life. Feeling sorry for her master, whose frail bones could be felt immediately with a gentle touch, Atina quickened her pace.

“Actually, even though it’s an underwater kingdom, the distance isn’t much different from the mainland.”

Once they were out on the street bustling with merchants, Atina squirmed, seemingly embarrassed.

“I just thought Irene needed a change of scenery.”

“……”

“Shall we go back to the palace?”

The Queen gazed silently at the street. Fearing that her mistress might lose even more energy here, Atina turned her feet first toward the entrance of the underwater palace.

“Just a moment, Atina.”

It was Irene who stopped Atina, who was about to turn back. As if she didn’t dislike watching the scenery of the capital, Irene moved her lips with a face that had flushed in the meantime.

“I don’t know the streets of the land well because I live in the royal palace.”

It was true. She was grateful just to go outside the basement, and outside the royal palace, she had only passed by uncomfortably in the carriage going to the sea. Even after coming to the underwater kingdom, the only time she had been outside the palace was the day after spending the first night alone. Moreover, at that time, she had visited a quiet open space and a small village, so seeing such a large market was a first for her.

When she left the palace, led by Atina’s hand, she was afraid that she would encounter Pereian again and hear harsh words, but once she came out, she was naturally moved by the bustling street. In a voice that seemed a little excited, Irene added to Atina,

“I’m okay, Atina. I’ve wanted to look around for a while.”

Irene knew very well that Atina was worried about her. Even though she had been lost in thought while skipping meals, she had noticed Atina’s anxious appearance without fail. If she went back to the palace like this, it was obvious that Atina would suffer, so Irene reassured Atina.

“Thank you for coming out with me.”

The words of gratitude were a bonus. To Irene, Atina was a grateful presence. Irene, who had lived her whole life receiving only the sharp emotions of her father, found Atina, who was struggling to protect her heart, even more precious.

As Irene smiled brightly, Atina, relieved, beamed and took out a pouch of gold coins. Inside, the gold coins, accumulated in the Coral Palace for maintaining dignity, glittered.

“Think about what you’ll do with this money.”

“So much money?”

“You don’t have to spend it all.”

Irene pondered for a moment, then grabbed Atina’s sleeve and asked, “Atina, what would be a good gift for an adult man?”

“An adult man?”

“Yes. I don’t really know about things like that.”

How would I know, if I’ve never had to give a gift to anyone? Irene was ignorant in such matters, so she had no choice but to ask Atina for help.

“An adult man, are you perhaps referring to His Majesty the Sovereign?”

“His Majesty and Sir Sipri. Both of them.”

Irene answered shyly. She was thinking of giving a gift to Pereian, who kept pushing her away.

What did Ian like?

Irene retraced her memories, trying to think of something to give Pereian.

-Ruine, what I like is you.

-I like your laugh. It’s a pleasant sound, always.

-Hmm, any future with you is good for me. Good enough to keep me up for nights thinking about it.

-In a world full of unpleasantness, you’re always someone I like.

‘……I can’t even give this as a gift.’

Ian, why did you like such useless things? Things you can’t give as gifts. Ruine. Ruine’s smile. A future with Ruine. Everything Ian told her when they were young was about her. But it all became useless.

Because Irene is no longer Ruine, and Ian is no longer the Ian he used to be. Irene, pulled from her thoughts, waited for Atina’s answer.

“Everything sold in the shops on this street seems good for gifts.”

“Really?”

“Actually, I haven’t given many gifts to adult men myself.”

Atina bowed her head, seemingly sorry that she couldn’t be of help. Irene wordlessly took Atina’s hand and pulled her along.

“Then Atina, shall we go over there?”

Contrary to her worries that she might have offended her, Irene was staring at a shop with shining eyes. It was a noticeably shabby building, even among the shops on this street. Unlike the other stores that had a few customers, it looked empty because no one visited.

“They’re hanging up shells.”

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