I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 89

“Are you alright?”

“The person who should be asking that is me. …Erma’s true nature was no different from the Emperor’s. She confessed to everything she had done.”

Had he always intended to kill Erma from the start? No, he must have decided after hearing the Count’s words. The Duke wasn’t someone who would make such a hasty decision. After talking to Erma, he beheaded her. What exactly did they talk about? I couldn’t know.

Since Erma was already dead, I didn’t want to ask for details. Part of me was curious, but the other part didn’t want to know. There was nothing good to be gained from it, anyway.

“It’s a bit disappointing that the connection with the Emperor was already severed.”

“…”

Ah, if only the Emperor could have felt the same as having his head cut off. I, too, felt disappointed. No, I felt more disappointed. The Emperor was the one who killed me six times. One of those times, he had beheaded me at the guillotine, and another time, he had used his own sword to kill me. And yet, I had only repaid him by stabbing his eye. Back then, I thought that was enough, but now, looking back, it didn’t feel sufficient.

“Are you going to kill the Emperor too?”

“At the end of a war, you kill the enemy’s leader.”

“…”

The Duke, as if reading my thoughts, gently stroked my head and whispered.

“I’ll make sure he dies as cruelly as possible. I’ll use my hands, my weapon, everything.”

“…I wasn’t hoping for that…”

“Weren’t you?”

Wasn’t I? I thought for a moment. Didn’t I want the Emperor to die cruelly? I…

“No. I do want that.”

“You’re still making it difficult to say.”

The Duke kissed the top of my head as he spoke. As I found comfort in his embrace, the doctor entered with some new medicine. I hadn’t thought about it earlier when I was out of it, but now, seeing myself in the Duke’s arms in front of the doctor and attendants, I felt embarrassed.

“Take these pills in three doses, 30 minutes apart, and take the liquid in the blue bottle right away. The liquid in the ivory bottle should be mixed with the herbs boiled for an hour in a pot. Slowly pour it in while simmering for another hour, drinking a small cup every 20 minutes.”

After hearing the instructions, Resili prepared the pot and placed it on the table, receiving the ivory bottle and herbs from the doctor. There was so much medicine to follow one episode of dizziness. As the mixture started to boil, the room was filled with the bitter scent of the medicine.

Bohen brought various things to cleanse my palate after I had taken the medicine. Colorful candy, fruit-flavored thin candies, and finely chopped ice candies. Caramel and round chocolates. The variety of things meant that the medicine must have been terribly bitter.

Though I knew the taste from previous times, it still made me feel uneasy. My tongue tingled, and it felt damp underneath, a different sensation than sourness.

“How’s Riseon doing?”

“He’s recovering well. Sir Rebien, the young baron, has been tending to him constantly.”

Riseon had been moved to the guest room, and I hadn’t gone to visit yet. If it were before, I would have set aside everything else to be by his side, but now, I couldn’t bring myself to, feeling an uncomfortable unease. Instead, I’ve been putting it off under the excuse of being busy. But I couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.

“Would it be alright if I go visit him?”

“Yes, it should be fine.”

Even though it had been a serious injury, he was recovering smoothly already. Truly, a strong knight was a strong knight. But that leg…

“How is his wound… How is Riseon’s leg? Do you think he’ll be able to hold a sword again?”

The doctor bowed his head again.

“Right now, if it heals properly, he’ll be able to lead a normal life. He might even be able to use a sword if he has the will. However, it will require tremendous determination.”

“Not impossible?”

“Correct. Fortunately, the wound didn’t hit any vital areas, so though it worsened with the strain, there’s a chance he could recover. But it would take… more effort than anyone could imagine.”

I thought carefully about the doctor’s words. There was a slim chance, but it was so faint. If he gave up and focused on normal life, things would be easier. If he wanted to pick up a sword again, it would take an effort so intense that it might be better to die.

The doctor seemed to have phrased it as optimistically as he could.

“I understand.”

The doctor, after bowing, left, leaving the medicine behind. I took the medicine and the pills as the doctor instructed. It was as bitter as I had expected. After swallowing three pieces of candy to help with the aftertaste, I looked at the Duke.

“Your Grace.”

“…Now?”

I couldn’t help but smile. I had only called him “Your Grace,” but he seemed to understand what I wanted to say. I was about to tell him I was going to visit Riseon. The Duke frowned.

“How about resting a little longer?”

“I’ve rested enough.”

The Duke sighed but didn’t stop me. He let me choose comfortable clothes, and we left the room. When I said I wanted to go alone, he called for Sir Leon to accompany me, and he headed to his office.

“Are you alright, Your Grace? I heard you collapsed.”

“It’s nothing serious. Do you have any busy tasks today?”

“I may have forgotten about it, but I am still your personal guard, after all.”

Ah, that’s right. With so much going on, I had forgotten. Riseon’s guest room was about a 10-minute walk from my room. Perhaps because I still felt a little heavy, I felt the cold. I pulled my fur coat tighter around me.

“Your Grace…”

“……?”

Sir Leon’s voice suddenly came from the floor. Had he tripped or something? I turned my head, confused, and looked down. A striped cat was following me.

“Was that you just now?”

“Yes, you know I can speak.”

“……”

It was truly strange to hear Sir Leon’s voice coming from a cat. It made sense that Sir Leon was hiding somewhere, speaking every time the cat opened its mouth. I picked up the cat… I mean, Sir Leon, with both arms. The striped tail swished from side to side as he protested.

“Your Grace, cats really don’t like being picked up like this.”

“…But you’re not a cat.”

“Right now, I am.”

“Then make a cat sound.”

“Meow.”

“……”

I raised an eyebrow, then lowered Sir Leon back down. He followed me leisurely as I walked down the corridor. It was cute… definitely cute, but something in my mind was resisting.

“This is why I couldn’t speak the first time we met at the palace. I was worried you’d faint from the shock.”

“I’m already shocked enough.”

“See, this is why you should be shocked when you’re calm.”

“…Now that you say it, you’re right.”

I responded seriously, then looked down at Sir Leon. He really did look like a perfect, cute cat. Even his fur was all puffed up because of the winter. Then, as I reached the door to Riseon’s room, I realized why Sir Leon had suddenly turned into a cat—he was trying to comfort me.

Before turning the corner, I looked at the cat-Sir Leon and said:

“Thank you, Sir Leon.”

“Ah, please don’t say that. It’s nothing.”

“It really was something.”

I blinked, and before I knew it, Sir Leon had returned to his human form. It seemed he always returned to the same state he was in before transforming into a cat.

Turning the corner, I saw the guards posted outside Riseon’s room. The guard next door probably belonged to Revien’s room.

The guards notified the room of my arrival, and the door opened promptly. Inside, Riseon was lying on the bed, propped up by cushions.

“Where’s Revien?”

“He went to take a short rest. I don’t need continuous care.”

“Right…”

Sir Leon, as if he’d never been a cat, stood behind me with his arms behind his back, perfectly still. The two exchanged only a brief glance.

“Brother, about your leg…”

“…Yeah.”

“Did you hear from the doctor?”

“Not yet… I didn’t ask. I was scared.”

Even Riseon was scared of that? I hesitated for a moment before speaking up.

“They said it’s really difficult, probably more painful than dying, but there’s a chance you could recover. The odds… are really low, though. It might even be close to impossible.”

Suddenly, Riseon’s face brightened, as if a light had been turned on. He stared at me quietly, unable to hide a small smile, then closed his eyes.

“Thanks for telling me that.”

“…”

“I won’t give up.”

I watched him quietly. Could I have answered like that? Could I have smiled like that? I didn’t think so. Riseon was truly impressive.

“You’re really amazing… I don’t think I could’ve done that. I would’ve given up.”

At those words, Riseon’s expression darkened in an instant. Had I said something wrong? But then, something unexpected came from him.

“This is what I’m talking about, Yurein… What we took from you.”

“…”

What did he mean? I almost understood, but not quite.

“We were supposed to share it between the three of us, but we ended up sharing it between two. Money, love, opportunities, and emotions.”

“That…”

In truth, it wasn’t really that they took it from me, but that our parents hadn’t divided it fairly.

“I know what you’re thinking. But we’re the ones who turned a blind eye and pretended not to know, even though we knew it was unfair.”

“That… sometimes, people can’t help it.”

“Why are you making excuses for us? …Yurein, I’m going to recover, become a knight again, and do whatever I can for you.”

The sincerity in Riseon’s calm expression was clear. My second brother. My family. He said he was sorry for everything and that he would do anything for me now. So…

“…Does Revien feel the same way?”

After the brainwashing was undone, Revien had immediately brought Riseon to Isser. I wondered if he thought the same way. For brainwashing to be effective, there had to be common ground. He had tried to send me to the Emperor’s mistress to raise the family’s status, but did he truly think the same way? Just as I was about to ask, Riseon spoke.

“I feel the same way.”

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