I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 25

The first time I saw the Grand Duke’s face after our wedding was two days later, during a formal dinner at the Grand Duke’s castle. It was the evening before the welcoming banquet, and the Grand Duke had invited me to dine with him.

Countless dishes were served, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything. My stomach churned with nerves, and I merely cut small pieces from a duck dish with a sharp knife. Suddenly, the Grand Duke spoke.

“Grand Duchess.”

“…Yes, Your Grace?”

I hid my surprise and looked at him with a mix of fear and anticipation. His expression was as impassive as ever.

“From this point forward, I will not treat you as my wife… or my partner.”

“….”

“I’ve fulfilled my duty by marrying you, but I have no intention of producing an heir with you.”

“Yes…”

What could I possibly say in response? That was all I could muster. The Grand Duke continued.

“To me…”

“….”

“You are nothing more than an official assassin sent to kill me.”

I almost dropped my fork. An assassin? Me?

“I would never—” I stammered, attempting to deny his words, but my voice was too soft, drowned out by the clinking of silverware. From that point on, the Grand Duke’s attitude remained consistent—he treated me as if I didn’t exist. My position within the castle grew increasingly marginalized.

During that time, the Grand Duke’s frequent absences due to military campaigns meant he was away more often than not. This gave Erma, the chamberlain, even more authority than he has now.

Come to think of it, why hasn’t the Grand Duke been leaving on campaigns lately? The dates and events should align just as they did before…

Back then, with the Grand Duke often away, Erma was the one who frequently sought me out.

“Your Grace, I’ve heard that you haven’t been eating properly,” he would say.

“Oh, Ch-chamberlain…”

Erma always intimidated me. There was something about him that reminded me of my parents, except he didn’t love me the way they did. Instead, every time he saw me, he would find something to criticize. I couldn’t help but check my posture and actions whenever he was around, only for him to reprimand me for lacking composure.

At that time, I wasn’t even carrying out any of my duties as the Grand Duchess. Erma never missed an opportunity to remind me of how shameful that was. I’d tried practicing administrative work, but I constantly made mistakes, leaving me paralyzed with fear at the thought of handling real responsibilities.

“Have you lost your appetite?” he asked.

“Well… yes. I just don’t feel like eating…”

At the time, I even used formal language with Erma, following my parents’ teachings to always show respect, especially as a Lamia.

“Please try this. I had it prepared specifically for you.”

He placed a tray on the table and uncovered a dish. It was a delicate dessert drizzled with clear sugar syrup.

“For me?”

“Of course. The chef even returned to the kitchen late just to make it. All for Your Grace.”

“….”

Though I felt uneasy, I found the dessert surprisingly enjoyable. After that, Erma would often bring me food or check on me if I looked unwell. He was both attentive and unyieldingly strict. Over time, he became the person I feared most—and relied on most.

But now… here in the Grand Duke’s castle, I felt most at ease when I was with the Grand Duke.

Enough to think back on our time together with a smile.

“….”

Looking at the mirror again, the smile the painter had complimented earlier was long gone.

“That’s enough for today,” I said.

“Understood, Your Grace. I’ll see you at the same time tomorrow.”

The painter tidied up without complaint and left. Laden with heavy garments and jewelry, I returned to my chambers. The reason the Grand Duke had rejected me and isolated me within the castle was simple: he didn’t want us to appear as a harmonious couple.

At first, I thought he hated me because I was a Lamia. Many people did. Then I assumed it was because I was inadequate and he grew more distant out of disappointment. But his declaration during that dinner made it clear: he saw me as an official assassin sent to kill him.

Our family had sworn to the Emperor never to use our poison magic. But if the Emperor gave his permission? It wouldn’t even require an external poison—my blood alone would suffice. Close proximity between us would make it all too easy.

Thus, the Grand Duke had eliminated any opportunities for me to be near him, treating me coldly and avoiding any suspicion that we might be close. If I succeeded in assassinating him, no one would question my involvement. A loving relationship between us would have made me less of a suspect.

If the poison in his body were traced back to me, the Emperor could either suppress the incident or frame me as the sole perpetrator to cover it up.

It was unfair, but who would believe me? I wasn’t an ally of the Emperor. In fact, the first time I’d met him was at my wedding. Even if he ordered me to kill the Grand Duke, I wouldn’t have obeyed.

But my parents were different. It wouldn’t have been surprising if they had arranged my marriage to assassinate the Grand Duke, not because of his status.

In that sense, the Grand Duke’s treatment of me in my previous life was understandable.

So why was he different now?

My mind was a tangled mess. I needed to find more ways to uncover the truth.

When I returned to my chambers, Bohen had already prepared my bath. The water was fragrant with herbs and oils sent by the Grand Duke to help calm my nerves. Shedding my heavy jewelry and clothing, I slipped into the warm water.

After hours of riding and sitting for the portrait, my body was sore. Thinking about my past life hadn’t helped either. As the warm water enveloped me, it felt as though it was seeping into my weary body.

It was soothing. I stayed in the bath for a long time, until I started to feel lightheaded. Wrapping myself in a robe, I stepped out—and was startled to find the Grand Duke sitting by the table with a bottle of liquor.

It felt strangely familiar.

“Your Grace, you could have said something if you were here.”

“I wanted you to rest properly.”

“Ah…”

The Grand Duke had brought a bottle of distilled liquor infused with honey and peeled grapes. The sweet aroma filled the air, the bottle already uncorked.

“Would you like some?” he asked.

“…Yes.”

Fresh out of the bath, my warm body found it hard to resist the allure of sweet, cold liquor. I slipped an extra layer over my robe and sat down across from the Grand Duke. Bohen and Resilly approached to dry my hair, a scene that gave me a sense of déjà vu.

The Grand Duke wore a relaxed tunic, and the robe he had likely been wearing earlier was draped over the chair.

He poured me a glass of the liquor. The fragrant aroma of honey and fresh, unfermented grapes tickled my senses. As I brought the glass to my lips and sipped, the liquor—undoubtedly strong—slid down my throat effortlessly.

The sweet aroma lingered in my mouth, and the warmth spread to my stomach. On a chilly Iser night, a combination of a hot bath and strong liquor felt just right.

“This is delicious,” I said.

“Iser has many fine liquors. If you wish, I can bring you a different one every day.”

“…Thank you.”

I glanced at the platter of treats—dates stuffed with nuts, dried figs, and tangy wild berries—and responded politely. The Grand Duke’s unexpected kindness still puzzled me. It wasn’t as though I could simply ask, Why are you being so kind to me all of a sudden?

After finishing another glass of liquor, I waited for the Grand Duke to refill it and carefully chose my words.

“I never realized… that Your Grace could be so kind.”

“Hm?”

The Grand Duke, mid-sip, raised an eyebrow at me.

“You think I’m kind?”

“Yes.”

He chuckled softly.

“That’s the first time anyone has ever said that to me.”

Then, with a slight tilt of his head, he added, “Or perhaps… I’m only kind to you.”

Before I could even process the weight of his words, my face turned bright red. The Grand Duke, still holding his glass, froze momentarily, his expression shifting—not cold, but startled, as if caught off guard.

He downed three more glasses of the honeyed liquor in quick succession before rising from his seat.

“It’s late. I’ll retire for the night. Take your time finishing and rest well, Bi.”

Another unopened bottle of the same liquor sat on the table. Through the clear liquid, intact translucent grape berries rolled at the bottom. His words carried a tone that made it sound as if I were welcome to join him later, though I doubted that was his intent.

Left alone, I slowly emptied the second bottle while nibbling on wild berries. By the time I finally moved to the bed, I found the Grand Duke already fast asleep. Having drunk more than a bottle of strong liquor myself, I felt lightheaded. Settling at the edge of the bed and wrapping myself in the blanket, I quickly fell asleep—just as he often did.

“Bi.”

The Grand Duke’s voice startled me, and I turned to face him.

To my surprise, he had suggested we have tea together. I couldn’t even remember the last time we had done so. The colorful desserts on the table looked as delicate as wax sculptures, and reaching for the teacup felt awkward. The crimson tea in my cup had already cooled.

The Grand Duke leaned against the armrest, his chin resting on his hand as he watched me. His expression was as cold as ever.

“…How have you been?”

Did I answer him? I don’t think I did. It was the first time I had ever heard him ask such a question, and I was caught so off guard that my emotions welled up.

Marks from a whip still scarred my thighs—a painful reminder of the punishment Erma had inflicted when I failed to memorize a single page of text.

“Your Grace,” Erma had said, “these are tasks even children can accomplish. Forgive me, but your lack of progress necessitates harsher discipline.”

At the time, I had considered myself intelligent. It wasn’t until I arrived at the Grand Duke’s castle that I realized my family had merely indulged me. In truth, I was useless, foolish, and unfit to be a Grand Duchess.

That was how I thought of myself back then, largely because Erma and Bihern never missed an opportunity to remind me.

Yet, no matter how ignorant I may have been, the Grand Duke’s question—How have you been?—felt jarring. How could he ask me that, knowing I was being whipped, locked away in a sunless room, and deprived of proper food?

“I… I’ve been well. It’s all thanks to Your Grace’s generosity,” I managed to say.

“That’s good to hear.”

I glanced at the array of bite-sized tarts on the table. My stomach growled faintly. They looked like they would melt in my mouth, but I knew they would only make me feel nauseous. Besides, eating casually in front of the Grand Duke would undoubtedly earn me a scolding from Erma.

Even drinking tea felt impossible. My hands, resting on my lap, trembled visibly. If I picked up the teacup, I was sure I’d spill it.

The Grand Duke, oblivious to my internal turmoil, spoke again.

“Bi, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

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