I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 23

It took me a while to fully understand what the Grand Duke had just said. The first dance, he was asking me to dance with him?

The Grand Duke, asking me to dance? At the previous welcome banquet, he had intended to, but a leg injury had left the matter unresolved, and in the end, we hadn’t danced at all.

I was caught off guard by the unfamiliar and awkward situation. Despite my confusion, I instinctively nodded. The Grand Duke gave a faint smile. That smile startled me even more, but before I could react, he was already leading me to the center of the hall.

All eyes turned toward us. The music paused briefly before transitioning into a new tune. My feet moved instinctively, following familiar steps.

“You seem adept at every dance. Did you learn the women’s steps?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“…Was that a rude question?” he asked, placing a hand gently on my waist.

It wasn’t a matter of rudeness. My parents had been the ones to teach me the women’s steps. Besides, Lamias generally learned the women’s choreography.

As he held me close, the Grand Duke spun us in a wide arc. With the other dancers stopping to watch, it felt like the expansive hall belonged to just the two of us.

“How could complimenting my dancing be considered rude?” I replied.

“I meant the part about who taught you.”

“Well, it wasn’t Your Grace but my parents who taught me.”

“…Still, it sounds as though you weren’t entirely happy about it.”

I found myself chuckling softly at his words.

“Is there anything in this world we can refuse to do just because we don’t like it?”

At that, the Grand Duke gave a wry smile.

“You’re wise.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

As we exchanged words, the music drew to an end. The Grand Duke and I stepped apart and bowed to each other. Just as he straightened and seemed about to speak, a familiar voice interrupted.

“Your Grace, the Grand Duchess.”

I turned toward the voice, and to my surprise, it was the leader of the Rubes Trading Company.

No, not the leader—tonight, he was the third prince of Hasein.

“Your Highness,” I greeted.

“My apologies for the late greeting, Grand Duke,” the third prince said politely, addressing the Grand Duke. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, the Grand Duke asked, “What brings you here?”

“Well…”

I was contemplating when to excuse myself when the prince’s next words made me stiffen.

“I’d like to ask the beautiful Grand Duchess for a dance.”

Is he out of his mind?

I barely suppressed my shock as the prince took my hand and kissed it. I was relieved that my outward reaction seemed limited to a slight arching of my brow.

Technically, it was the right moment to request a dance—our song had ended, and the Grand Duke and I had exchanged bows. As a prince, his rank made such a request appropriate. Collecting myself, I nodded faintly.

The Grand Duke seemed about to say something to me, but he was soon surrounded by women eager for his attention.

“Your Grace, the Grand Duke!”

“Please, Your Grace!”

The women were vying for a dance, and he eventually gave in, choosing the daughter of a count he was on good terms with.

As the hall cleared and the orchestra began a new piece, I forced a faint smile while the prince appeared to be thoroughly enjoying himself.

“The teal truly suits you, Your Grace. I reserved that silk for a special purpose… it seems it was meant for you,” the prince said.

“You flatter me.”

“Not at all! I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you in my life. Even when I met you as a merchant, I was utterly amazed.”

“…”

He was a talkative, frivolous man. What was his angle? He probably thought sweet words could easily charm a twenty-year-old girl like me.

Unlike the brief dance with the Grand Duke, this song felt interminable. When it finally ended, and the last note reverberated through the hall, I let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief.

Bowing, the prince said, “I look forward to seeing the bright future of such a beautiful and wise Grand Duchess.”

If I even had a future, that is… I gave a slight nod and returned to my seat. The Grand Duke was already there. Feeling a sudden wave of fatigue, I touched my forehead and sank into my chair. The Grand Duke turned toward me.

“What were you two talking about for so long?”

Did we even have a conversation?

“Nothing much,” I replied in a dull tone. There really wasn’t much to say. The prince had spent the entire time complimenting my appearance and negotiation skills, and I had responded with half-hearted thanks.

Maybe it was the fact that I had danced with him while wearing the dress made from his gifted silk that left me feeling uneasy. Fidgeting with the hem of my sleeve, I became aware of a gaze. The Grand Duke was looking at my sleeve, too.

“Lasnus silk, is it?”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

For some reason, he seemed interested in my attire. He lightly touched the long slit of the sleeve.

“The embroidery is exquisite, and the quality of the silk speaks for itself. A truly beautiful garment.”

“…Thank you.”

Why was I thanking him? The words felt awkward as they left my mouth.

“Bi, I’m not very skilled in these matters… When Erma returns, I’ll have her procure a few more rolls of this silk.”

“Pardon?”

I blurted out the word before I could stop myself, startled by the unexpected statement. The Grand Duke’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing.

“Do you dislike receiving gifts from me?”

“That’s not it,” I quickly denied. It wouldn’t do me any good to incur the Grand Duke’s displeasure over something like this. Besides, I didn’t actually dislike the idea of receiving gifts from him. It was just…

“I’m just worried that Erma might think of me as a frivolous and extravagant Grand Duchess.”

Not just worried—more like certain. I could already imagine Erma’s snide remarks. I was also concerned that accepting such a costly gift might give him an excuse to criticize me further.

“It’s of no concern since I’m the one instructing her to procure it, not you.”

Would it really be of no concern? My head began to ache slightly. It was obvious what Erma would think of me once she fetched such expensive silk. Still, I forced a smile as I looked at the Grand Duke.

“Then I’ll accept it gratefully. Truthfully, I like this dress so much that I’ve been wanting more Lasnus silk.”

“Is that so?”

“If it’s something Your Grace gives me, it would make me even happier.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Of course, I’d much rather receive gifts from you than that suspicious merchant. Besides, it was clear that the Grand Duke wasn’t particularly pleased with the fact that I’d already accepted silk from the leader of the Rubes Trading Company.

“Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Your Grace.”

The Grand Duke gave a nod and headed toward the hall to dance with another partner.

Sunday, the day of divine absolution and the release of prisoners, marked the end of Erma’s probation. The first thing Erma did after regaining her freedom was…

“Shall I announce him, Your Grace?”

…come to find me.

I was in the library when he tracked me down. The fact that he had sought me out so deliberately didn’t sit well with me.

“Chamberlain Erma, at your service, Your Grace.”

“Is your probation over?”

“All thanks to Your Grace’s mercy, of course.”

For all his words, there wasn’t a shred of gratitude in Erma’s gaze. Outwardly, he wore an expression of utmost loyalty, but there was a faintly unsettling malice radiating from him.

Or was it malice? It was something more insidious—sticky, unpleasant, and impossible to ignore. Only someone like me, who was used to that feeling from Erma, would recognize it. Others seemed oblivious, especially the Grand Duke, who trusted him as both a chamberlain and a friend. That much was clear from the fact that he’d tasked Erma with procuring the silk for me.

“Are you managing your duties well, Your Grace?” Erma asked.

“Well enough that it’s not something you need to worry about.”

“Good to hear. For someone as young as you, even mediocre performance is more than sufficient.”

“Mind your manners, Chamberlain.”

“Oh my, my apologies if I came across as rude,” he said with a bow.

How detestable. If I came across as rude, he said, when his true meaning was plain: You’re just a twenty-year-old Lamia—be grateful for any small accomplishments. His veiled condescension was infuriating.

My gaze suddenly landed on his hands, clasped behind his back.

“…”

He was holding a leather whip, dyed a dull yellow.

The sight made my breath catch. The ground beneath my feet seemed to sway as memories from the past rushed in. The sharp sting of the whip against bare skin.

The familiar object, with blood stains darkening its surface.

“…Chamberlain, that whip…”

Erma had never used it on me in this life. Even in my previous life, he had only struck me a few times under the guise of “education.” But those few times had been terrifying enough.

“Oh, this?” Erma said, bringing the whip forward.

“It’s what I use to discipline the servants. A single strike is enough to make the unruly ones cry and beg for forgiveness.”

“…”

My entire body trembled, starting from my toes. I was afraid. Afraid that Erma might suddenly force me to kneel and strike me. Even though I knew he wouldn’t dare… the fear was overwhelming.

“Not a pleasant thing to look at, is it?” he remarked.

“It must be unsettling for someone as delicate as Your Grace. But sometimes, discipline is necessary to correct behavior.”

Necessary to correct behavior…

Had I been one of those needing correction in Erma’s eyes?

I stumbled back a step, expecting to collapse or bump into a shelf, but instead, I found myself enveloped in something solid yet soft.

“Erma.”

A low voice came from above me.

“How dare you act so insolently in front of Her Grace?”

“Your Grace,” Erma said, quickly hiding the whip behind his back and bowing.

“Leave.”

“Yes, Your Grace,” Erma replied, retreating hastily.

I still couldn’t steady myself, the dizziness refusing to subside. I took a shaky step forward, my vision blurring. Just as I thought I would fall, the Grand Duke caught me, his arm wrapping around my waist.

Without thinking, I slapped his hand away.

“…”

“A… Apologies, Your Grace.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I’ll escort you to your chambers. If you’d rather, I can have Sir Raon take you instead.”

“N-no, that won’t be necessary.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say outright that I didn’t want him to accompany me. Besides, I was too dizzy, nauseous, and aching all over to argue.

The Grand Duke supported me as we made our way back to my chambers.

“Oh my, Your Grace, Your Grace!” Resilly’s startled voice sounded distant. Bohen also emerged from somewhere nearby.

“Prepare a place for her to rest. Is she all right?” the Grand Duke asked.

“…Yes,” I muttered.

“I went looking for you earlier…”

I couldn’t make out the rest of his words. I couldn’t even tell if I was standing on solid ground or floating in midair. I simply collapsed onto the bed, not bothering to remove my clothes.

“Change her clothes, clean her up, and let her rest,” the Grand Duke instructed.

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“And when she wakes…”

“Medicine…”

I interrupted their muffled conversation with a murmur.

“My head hurts… My stomach, too… And I’m cold… My chest feels tight… My eyes burn. …Will someone please listen to me?”

I buried my head in the pillow after rambling. No one would listen to me anyway. Even with Erma gone, I couldn’t stop trembling. It felt as if I had regressed to my past self, speaking in a childish tone as I whimpered.

“She shouldn’t work any more today. Make sure she rests,” the Grand Duke said.

“Yes, Your Grace,” someone replied.

Heavy footsteps faded away, and I slipped into unconsciousness as if someone had extinguished a flame.

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