I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 11

“Since we’re talking about Erma, Your Highness, I have one request.”

“What is it?”

The Duke relaxed his previously furrowed brow.

“May I have access to the east wing library?”

“……”

The key to the east wing library was held by Erma. The Duke stared at me intently. Had I said something wrong? Was it too soon? I felt nervous, but then he spoke.

“The Duke’s estate is now your home.”

“Yes…”

“In my home, there is no place you cannot enter. Ask the steward for the key.”

“T-thank you, Your Highness.”

I hadn’t expected it to be granted so easily, so my response came out a little awkward. The Duke answered with a somewhat odd tone.

“You’re not thanking me; it’s only natural.”

After saying that, the Duke stood up from his seat.

“I should attend to the banquet hall. You should rest first.”

“Yes…”

I had planned to wait for the Duke, but the medicine for my wound was stronger than I thought. After taking it, I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up, it was already morning, and one side of the bed was cold.

When I asked Bohen, who brought me breakfast, he told me that the Duke had come late last night, slept, and then left. Truly, he is diligent.

Meanwhile, the talk of the Duke’s behavior still buzzed around the castle. The fact that he had held me close and left the banquet hall with me yesterday seemed to have fueled the gossip even more.

I called for Erma. Fortunately, Erma was quiet, not speaking of the Duke’s favoritism. He still didn’t have the courage to bring up such things in front of me.

Erma, who had bowed deeply, looked up and met my eyes. His gaze was sharp.

“I heard you were looking for something.”

“Yes, Steward. Will you bring me the key to the east wing library?”

“……”

For a moment, Erma’s face hardened.

“Why would Your Highness need the key to the east wing library? If it’s literature, the west wing has a much larger collection.”

The east wing library had been used to store all the financial ledgers of the Duke’s estate. So, it was natural for Erma to react sharply. After all, the amount of gold he had embezzled from the Duke’s estate must be in the hundreds of pounds by now.

The Duke had trusted Erma, who had grown up with him. Moreover, Erma was in charge of matters the Duke didn’t meddle in, so even if he committed wrongdoing, it was hard to get caught.

Ah, but perhaps it hasn’t reached hundreds of pounds yet? Erma only began embezzling after I became the Duchess. So, I ended up taking the blame for his embezzlement.

Before that, he had only taken small amounts at a time, cautiously, so it wasn’t hundreds of pounds—perhaps just a few dozen pounds. I had only become bolder with the shield of being a princess, but he had always been rotten to the core.

“I was thinking of studying ahead. I need to fulfill the duties of the Duchess.”

“There’s no need yet. Your Highness is still young, and until you become accustomed to Iser, I will continue to handle things for you as I’ve done before…”

“This Duke’s estate is my home, and in my home, there is no place I cannot enter. You yourself said that, Your Highness.”

“……”

“Now, will you give me the key?”

I smiled, and Erma’s face showed discomfort. His expression was carefully composed, but it was clear he was trying to hide his unease. I couldn’t help but feel guilty, remembering how I had once been deceived by that very expression and given him full authority.

Whenever I handled a task, Erma would sigh deeply. What followed were usually scoldings, or guidance from Bihen, sometimes even corporal punishment. My servants would look at me with pity during those times.

Gradually, I had come to accept the abuse as something normal. I had come to believe I wasn’t capable of handling tasks on my own.

I hadn’t realized it at the time, but after losing my life once, it was almost as if everything became clear to me.

I had been played by his hand.

“Steward?”

Calling him again, Erma lowered his head, retrieved a bundle of keys from his waist pouch, and respectfully handed one to me.

“My thinking was short. Of course, Your Highness can go anywhere. Please forgive my rudeness.”

“I’ll let it pass this time. Now, leave.”

“Yes.”

Erma quickly left my room. After closing the door, I could easily imagine the expression he must have had. He had likely assumed that the young Duchess would be easy to control, but now that ‘the young one’ was behaving this way, would Erma be able to tolerate it?

In my previous life, the courtship Erma showed me wasn’t truly courtship at all. It had been a desire to conquer, a means to control me even more. When I rejected him, his pride was wounded, and he began to abuse me seriously.

“I wonder how it will be this time.”

I stared at the brass key, now polished clean, before getting up from my seat.

The comfortable clothes were good for horseback riding, and the robe I had planned to wear for warmth also served to cover my face.

This was all because of the ledger I had found in the library. The first thing I looked for when I entered the east wing library was the record of donations after Erma was appointed as the steward.

Normally, donations were the Duchess’s responsibility, but with that position vacant, the steward had taken charge. It was when the Duke went to war that I first noticed something strange in the donation records. The quality of the goods sent to the orphanages was unexpectedly high.

The donation budget was limited. If the quality of one item improved, the quantity or quality of others had to decrease.

The high-quality item was soap, and as a result, the amount of clothing and food donations had significantly decreased.

The soap was from a luxury brand, popular among the nobility. Yet, I occasionally saw the name of this soap in the donation lists.

It wasn’t strange for children to use good things. But there was no need for this, given the fixed budget.

Internal expenses of the Duke’s estate, such as military and large-scale charity or foreign diplomacy, were not directly managed by the Duke. He only received the final report.

Recently, before the wedding, the Duke had gone on a monster-hunting expedition, and donations were made again during that time. Once again, this expensive soap had been included. I carefully read the names of the orphanages that received the soap, then closed the ledger.

‘You said there’s no place in my home that I cannot go.’

Thinking that, I headed for the stables. The inner walls of the estate were like the front yard of the Duke’s castle.

The stableman greeted me with a surprised expression. I accepted a horse from him and quietly left the estate.

Tightening the cords of my robe so it wouldn’t open, I headed for the first orphanage. The children, seeing me dressed in fine clothes and riding a good horse, rushed to call the director.

However, I didn’t need to speak with the director. The children, after receiving that expensive soap, were still far too dirty.

“Hello, my lady. How may I assist you today?”

The director, with an oily face and a protruding belly, waddled over, rubbing his hands.

I didn’t remove my robe’s hood and spoke directly.

“The children are very dirty.”

“Ah… yes, well, that’s typical in an orphanage, isn’t it? We always lack funds. If we have to choose between soap or bread, the orphanage chooses bread.”

“No soap at all?” I stared intently at the director. He flinched at the mention of soap, clearly uneasy. It seemed that he had been indulging in the expensive soap himself. Well, most of it was probably Erma’s doing.

Without hesitation, I left that place and went to the next orphanage.

The situation was the same at the second, third, and even the fifth orphanages. The children were starving, dressed in rags, and filthy. Though their only source of income wasn’t just the donations, would the directors, who were pocketing government donations, spend any of that money on the children?

As I emerged onto the main street, I noticed a lively atmosphere. Stalls had been set up, and it seemed like there was some kind of event going on. It was the complete opposite of the dreary back alleys where rats scurried around.

I steered the horse toward the shopping district. Among the high-end boutiques, I found the store selling the soap.

I stopped the horse in front of the shop and entered. The store clerk, dressed in a uniform, greeted me with a friendly smile.

Inside, the air was filled with a pleasant fragrance. It was a stark contrast to the stench I had smelled earlier from the children. Lilac, jasmine, rose, and all sorts of scents mixed together, almost dizzying.

“What scent are you looking for, my lady?”

“Hmm… Do you happen to have the soap sold in bulk?”

“In bulk? Well, if that’s what the customer wants, we can do that.”

“I’ve seen this soap in the donation lists for orphanages.”

The clerk jumped in surprise.

“Surely, not the orphanages! That can’t be possible!”

“Really?”

“Yes, it’s not that the children couldn’t use it, but… well, it’s a product that noble ladies use, so it might be considered too luxurious for them. Maybe you saw another brand that imitates our label.”

The clerk continued.

“I’m sure the soap we offer is much better! If you have a wife or lover, why not buy one as a gift?”

“Wife…”

I couldn’t help but smile bitterly. Technically, I was the “wife,” so I couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony. I left the shop without buying anything.

By now, it was evening, and the sun was setting.

I had been allowed to roam, but I didn’t expect to be allowed to return so late. Weaving through the crowds, I slowly guided the horse toward the bridge.

There were more people leaving the Duke’s estate than I had anticipated, and naturally, my pace slowed down.

After a long day of walking, I was quite tired. Even sitting on the horse, I felt drowsy. I moved slowly forward, but the crowd became so dense that I suddenly felt lightheaded. At that moment…

“……!”

I was momentarily stunned and instinctively lost control of the reins. The horse reared up violently. A stone, likely thrown by the horse, hit the ground. I saw a child quickly weaving through the crowd, running away.

The child’s face was familiar. Without thinking, I reached out toward the child, but before I could, a hand swiftly pulled my hood over my head.

I didn’t even realize the hood had nearly come off as I focused only on the direction the child had vanished. It was the same child I had seen earlier at the first orphanage.

That child had thrown the stone at the horse and run away. Was the director sending them after me to cause trouble? But even so…

I was confused, but then I realized something was off.

Why am I not hurt?

I had definitely fallen off the horse, but I wasn’t in any pain. In fact, it didn’t even feel like I had fallen at all.

I was being cradled in someone’s arms.

That “someone” lifted my hood slightly and met my gaze.

“I told you that you could roam freely inside the house, but I don’t recall saying you could wander the streets this late at night.”

Support