I Heard That I am a HeartBreaker - Chapter 78

“But I really just can’t reconcile myself to this.”

Qi Sijiao knew that right after the Lunar New Year, a new semester would begin. The senior would already be a junior, preoccupied with both her thesis and her internship; by then, she certainly wouldn’t have the energy to spare.

If that happened, she—a mere “ordinary friend”—might not even be able to maintain the last shred of dignity. Qi Sijiao had to find a way to stay in constant contact with her.

She felt this was the longest pursuit of her life, having consumed nearly an entire year, yet remarkably, there hadn’t been a single inch of progress.

Thinking of this, some issues had actually turned out completely different from what she had imagined.

When people exhaust every effort for something they cannot obtain, they often develop a certain obsession—an obsession that eventually transcends time and place.

She wanted to pursue her, but she kept hitting a brick wall. The only “carrot” dangling in front of Qi Sijiao was the fact that the other woman rejected everyone with equal indifference, not just her.

If the day ever came when she accepted someone else, perhaps that would be the moment Qi Sijiao’s “Dao heart” truly shattered.

Qiu Shuang, you really are too boring. Thinking this, Qiu Shuang smiled. She felt the other girl was just amusing herself—pure, solitary hype.

Qiu Shuang felt that perhaps she was a very bland person, unable to cause much of a ripple in others. Therefore, the rejections she expressed seemed bland in the other person’s eyes as well, lacking any significant lethality. Because of this, the girl continued to pester her.

How strange. Actually, Qiu Shuang should have been angry about this, but reaching this point, she felt nothing but helplessness. Perhaps in her heart, she held different standards for men and women.

If it were a man, let alone doing this, he wouldn’t even be able to get near her. But because the other person was a woman, Qiu Shuang felt like a shepherd on the grasslands—accustomed to letting them off the hook, time and time again.

Thinking of this gave Qiu Shuang a bit of a headache. Her brain seemed to fall into a sort of “void” state, beginning to drift into fantasies about things that didn’t exist.

She had always been like this; when her brain couldn’t function or think properly, it would start imagining terrible scenarios. For instance, when going out, she’d wonder if an accident might happen, or when crossing the street, she’d imagine a car suddenly appearing.

This was wrong, but she seemed to have grown accustomed to the betrayal of her own thoughts and the advice of others. To Qiu Shuang, these things merely felt like she had been deceived once more. And if that were the case, so what? Life has to go on, doesn’t it?

Though sometimes, she truly didn’t understand: Why did those who approached her always harbor hidden motives?

Qiu Shuang ignored Qi Sijiao and tapped directly into her phone. Seeing the familiar avatar in her chat list, she clicked in.

“Xin Zhu, I want to ask a question. Throughout this whole time, has it all been a facade?”

Xin Zhu looked at the message on her phone with a face full of confusion. The “Special Interest” notification tone had woken her up instantly. She had opened it with joy, only to find the other woman asking such a thing.

Why ask this out of the blue? Had someone been talking behind her back? Thinking it over, Xin Zhu really couldn’t figure out who it would be.

“What do you mean by this? Senior, did someone say something bad to you? I’ve been meaning to confess something to you… before this, I had a few brief relationships, and they were all very unpleasant.”

Qiu Shuang stared at her phone with a cold expression, seemingly watching to see how the other would quibble, or how she might counter what had come out of Qi Sijiao’s mouth.

“I don’t know why, but I’ve always been an unlikable girl. No matter what I do, people always find ways to be picky…”

“Mm, and then?”

After replying with that icy, brief phrase, Qiu Shuang continued to wait for the performance. Seeing Qiu Shuang’s attitude, Xin Zhu guessed it: it seemed someone had given her an earful of “explosive material.” Since that was the case, dragging someone else down with her wouldn’t be a problem.

“…Actually, I know Qi Sijiao, who is in your dorm. She’s a famous ‘Sea Queen’ (player) at our school. But I thought you two had a good relationship, and I didn’t want you to know that the person you live with every day is that kind of person, so I never mentioned it to you.”

Xin Zhu’s mind raced. She knew Chen Wanjun was a complete “poser” who wouldn’t gossip like this; Song Ya had nothing to do with her and wouldn’t even look her way; Gu Lingxi didn’t even view her as a person for the time being. So, after circling around, who else could it be?

Of course, it was that disgusting creature, Qi Sijiao.

Qiu Shuang was a relatively gentle person who treated everyone with tolerance. To put it another way, she wouldn’t suddenly strike out or give someone a hard time without cause. For her to come and “slap her face” so firmly meant she had received a definitive tip-off.

It couldn’t possibly be a probe; even if it were, it wouldn’t happen online. The owner of the phone wasn’t the Senior, or someone had snitched to her. Between the two, she believed the latter.

Xin Zhu clenched her fists. She was truly fed up with competing against that person. Qi Sijiao had more advantages than her, so she could only focus more on tending to the girl’s emotions.

She could only manage to stay by her side like a 24-hour “perfect girlfriend.” Xin Zhu knew her own conditions weren’t the top tier, but women always seemed to get used to it eventually.

They were always good at deceiving themselves, jumping into a sweet trap for a tiny bit of warmth and happiness, and then falling into the river of love.

At some point, she stopped caring about the deception. Once Xin Zhu obtained what she wanted easily, she would immediately turn and leave, leaving behind nothing but the ruins of residual feelings and long years of breakdown for the other person.

She thought she had probably already become warped on the path of pursuit, possessing her own twisted perceptions. But even now, Xin Zhu never regretted it. Even if everything was discovered, so what? The Senior wouldn’t make a huge scene just for someone like her.

After all, no one would calmly hurt someone who adored them, right? Besides, she was very “normal,” wasn’t she?

Qiu Shuang smiled after seeing the message. This was exactly what she liked most. Although her favorability toward the other girl was nearly depleted, she truly appreciated this trait of “biting a chunk out of the other person even while dying.”

When Qi Sijiao snitched on her, did she ever consider that her own dirty laundry would be aired as well?

“See? According to her, you seem to be quite ‘unclean’ yourself, my dear Miss Social Butterfly.”

Qiu Shuang wasn’t some naive, pure maiden, nor was she some ancient, feudal person who demanded the whole world be virgins. However, she could not accept “fast-food” or “monthly-disposable” style romance.

“I really didn’t expect Miss Qi Sijiao to be so ‘renowned’ back in high school. This must be your first time encountering someone as impenetrable as me, which is why you’re so exceptionally heartbroken.”

Hearing about Qi Sijiao’s past deeds and some “forum drama,” Qiu Shuang was honestly dying of laughter. Having reached this stage, she was simply watching for the entertainment.

She was so looking forward to these two people attacking each other—how much “good stuff” could they shake out?

This was truly interesting, wasn’t it? These two treated each other as so-called “lifelong enemies,” but in essence, they were the same kind of person. They both treated beautiful girls like trophies to be possessed, as if dating someone could raise their own social value. It was a vile practice, and that was exactly what they were doing.

“It seems the two of you are birds of a feather, knowing each other so well as arch-rivals. Truly, every pot has its lid.”

Qiu Shuang felt she had already spoken very harshly. How could she correct them? How long could their so-called “true love” last? Once the feedback stopped for a while, they would surely leave.

“I’m different. With them, it was just acting. I was too young then, and there were too many distractions on the internet. You could say I was just following the trend. I lost so much then, but it’s different now. I really like you; I want to be with you alone.”

Qiu Shuang originally thought it could end there, but she didn’t expect the other’s logic to be so powerful. The defensive excuses came one after another. Qiu Shuang felt she had done all she could. The other had deceived her into coming to her home, forcing her to accept her presence.

“I think that is the most ridiculous excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. Qi Sijiao, people must be responsible for their actions. It’s the same internet; why didn’t I turn out like you? That is your problem, not mine. I respect everyone’s past and respect that life has different circumstances, but I’ve realized that someone like you will never become like me. I’m not like you young people; I don’t want the momentary—I only pursue a lifetime.”

Qiu Shuang sometimes truly felt like she was old, unable to understand people nowadays more and more. Why did people who were dedicated until old age now seem like they had a rare disease? Thinking of this, she wondered: perhaps it was because of her “ancient” qualities that she attracted these two.

After all, conquering someone who values sincerity—taking down such a person casually—probably seemed to have more “prestige” when bragged about.

“It doesn’t matter, Senior. I know I did many things wrong in the past, but I don’t have to be your girlfriend. I can be your lover, a mistress, anything—as long as you’re still willing to acknowledge me, that’s enough.”

Qiu Shuang thought she had been crystal clear, but hearing these words, she felt she was about to laugh. She felt the other person’s mental circuitry was truly beyond the ordinary.

“Really, I don’t need you to be responsible, and I won’t pester you… you can just treat me like cheap fast food.”

Saying this, Qi Sijiao grabbed Qiu Shuang’s hand and placed it on her own chest. Qiu Shuang’s expression instantly soured, and she yanked her hand back.

“Fast food isn’t cheap, and it tastes fine. Thanks.”

The process of pulling her hand back was a bit of a struggle, so Qiu Shuang gave the other person two kicks for good measure.

“Why are you so perverted? Obsessed with that one thing? If you took those things away, is there nothing else left in your brain?”

Sometimes Qiu Shuang really didn’t understand. It wasn’t that “it” wasn’t important—after all, the essence of humans is to satisfy these basic needs—but she felt that the other person’s mind contained nothing else but that.

Qiu Shuang also liked beautiful bodies; no one would reject pure beauty. But that aspect wasn’t meant for anytime, anywhere. She only wanted it with the right person.

In her eyes, most women’s bodies were beautiful, but that didn’t mean she had “those” thoughts about everyone.

She was truly fed up with the other’s binary, terrifying logic. Today, she was determined to make these things clear to her.

“Can you please just be normal for once?”

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