Help, My Buff Roommate is Begging to Touch my Abs - Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Suffering

As soon as these words were spoken, all three of them were stuck in an awkward silence.

Jin Bao’er didn’t say anything more; he turned over with his back to them, closed his eyes, and pretended to sleep, not wanting to say another word.

The eldest’s face was also full of expression; he had originally wanted to be a peacemaker.

But as it turned out, meddling in others’ business had led to this; now the air felt as if it had solidified, and it was quite embarrassing.

…

The next day, at the final minute before the class bell rang, Zhao Yuheng walked in slowly.

However, he didn’t cast a single glance in Jin Bao’er’s direction. Instead, he walked straight toward the completely opposite side.

The left-hand corner of the classroom, the furthest distance from Jin Bao’er.

Jin Bao’er forced himself to stare at the blackboard, not daring to turn his head, but his peripheral vision seemed to have grown eyes of its own, staring fixedly at that familiar back as it walked into the distance.

He breathed a sigh of relief in his heart.

Fortunately, fortunately, he didn’t continue to sit with him; otherwise, he really didn’t know how he would endure those long tens of minutes of this class.

But immediately afterward, a massive sense of loneliness surged in like a tide, submerging him in an instant.

His Brother Heng from now on had truly, completely, and utterly left him.

How should he describe it?

It was like an extremely important person in his life, a treasure, or even a part of his body had been brutally stripped away without warning, declared to no longer belong to him.

That kind of pain was like a blunt knife cutting flesh; only someone who has truly lost something would understand, right?

He suffered; his heart twitched with pain, but he didn’t regret it.

Compared to the heartfelt loathing Zhao Yuheng would feel after knowing he was gay;

Compared to hearing Zhao Yuheng curse at him because he was gay;

Compared to letting Zhao Yuheng fall into endless embarrassment and ridicule because of his sexual orientation;

At least this way, he could preserve a final bit of dignity.

At least it was better than letting him feel that his sincerity had been wasted like trash.

…Actually, it was about the same.

Sigh, forget it, forget it, don’t think about it.

Spilled water cannot be gathered back; things have developed to this point, and there is no way to undo them.

Jin Bao’er quickly shook his head hard, trying to throw out all those suffocating thoughts.

Then he forced himself to perk up and began to focus intently on the lecture.

Halfway through, Jin Bao’er went to the restroom; as he passed the aisle on his way back, he couldn’t control himself from casting a glance in Zhao Yuheng’s direction.

That one glance almost made him suffocate on the spot.

He saw that a girl was actually sitting next to Zhao Yuheng.

It was Yang Hui, the girl who had added Zhao Yuheng on WeChat and given him an umbrella.

At this moment, she was propping up her head with one hand, her face turned sideways, her gaze fixed dotingly and directly on Zhao Yuheng.

The two of them had their heads close together, seemingly whispering and laughing about something.

Although Zhao Yuheng wasn’t laughing much, he didn’t push her away; he was even responding.

The entire scene was as piercingly bright as a red-hot iron, searing itself onto Jin Bao’er’s retinas.

He was stunned in place, his blood seemingly frozen.

It wasn’t until the sound of the teacher lecturing reached him that he snapped out of his daze, hurriedly lowered his head like a guilty thief, and fled back to his seat in a wretched state.

As soon as he sat down, that sour sensation in his heart was like a rusted iron chain, tightly constricting his heart.

Tightening more and more, it hurt so much he almost couldn’t breathe.

Heavens.

Right now, they were only at this kind of ambiguous distance, and he was already hurting to this degree, feeling as if his heart were being torn apart.

If in the future, he had to watch with his own eyes as he held hands, hugged, kissed, and got married to a wife, or even… did those most intimate things…

Jin Bao’er didn’t dare think further; just imagining those scenes made him feel a piercing pain in his heart, as if he would die the next second.

He quickly clutched his chest, taking large gulps of air, trying to ease the violent contraction of his heart.

He was incredibly grateful that he only liked Zhao Yuheng and hadn’t yet wholeheartedly and irredeemably fallen in love with him.

Otherwise, for the rest of his life, he truly wouldn’t be able to live well.

…

Just as the morning classes ended, the sky outside changed its face, and a torrential rain began to fall.

Jin Bao’er’s mood was already low; he hadn’t checked the weather forecast at all, and now he hadn’t brought an umbrella.

He subconsciously looked toward Zhao Yuheng, thinking that Zhao Yuheng definitely hadn’t brought one either; after all, how could a careless, rough guy like him remember such a thing?

Before, he always used Jin Bao’er’s tissues; he never carried his own.

Jin Bao’er held onto a final, faint sliver of hope.

Thinking: Would he, this time, still be like the last time even if it’s awkward, would he still lead me to charge into the rain together?

Just as he was staring blankly in thought, a pair of figures entered his sight, instantly shattering all his fantasies.

“Zhao Yuheng, I brought an umbrella. Use mine, shall I walk you back to the dorm?”

The girl’s voice sounded as soft as water; it was Yang Hui.

Jin Bao’er looked up abruptly; he saw Yang Hui hand her transparent umbrella into Zhao Yuheng’s hand.

Zhao Yuheng didn’t say much; he took the umbrella and opened it, naturally holding it between the two of them, and then they walked side-by-side into the curtain of rain.

The rain hit the surface of the umbrella, making a dull thudding sound.

That silhouette looked exceptionally harmonious and warm in the rain and mist, yet it was like a poison-tipped dagger, piercing painfully into Jin Bao’er’s eyes.

Jin Bao’er stood in the hallway, watching that umbrella get further and further away until it disappeared from sight.

The corners of his mouth couldn’t help but pull into two desolate, bitter smiles.

I am very fortunate that the status of a “brother” allowed me to get close to you;

I am very regretful that the status of a “brother” can only let us stop here.

He would sometimes think maliciously: It would be great if I were a girl; even if I were a bit uglier or stupider, at least I could pursue Zhao Yuheng openly.

Without fearing the so-called worldly eyes of this world, without fearing being treated as a pervert.

…

“Bao’er, don’t you want me anymore?”

“Bao’er, give me another chance, okay? I was wrong…”

“Bao’er, I beg you, don’t go…”

In a dim room, Zhao Yuheng hugged him tightly from behind.

His scalding body pressed against his back, his head resting powerlessly in the nook of Jin Bao’er’s neck.

Warm breath sprayed onto his sensitive skin, delivering the most heart-trembling pleas into his ear.

Jin Bao’er’s whole body was stiff; he could accept Brother Heng scolding him, being fierce with him, or hitting him, but he had no defense against his displays of weakness and his pleas.

He had ten thousand impulses to turn around, to shout out the ultimate reason.

“Brother Heng, actually… I like you!”

Just as Jin Bao’er was losing control and was about to speak, Zhao Yuheng suddenly picked him up, pinned him ruthlessly onto the bed, and then a scalding kiss fell.

So full of emotion!

So intense!

Carrying a punishment-like gnawing…

…

“Hah!”

Jin Bao’er woke up abruptly from his dream, panting heavily, cold sweat soaking his back.

He sat up in a daze, feeling the discomfort in his pants.

He actually had a dream.

The Zhao Yuheng in the dream was so real, so passionate.

He hurriedly changed his pants.

Then he looked at himself in the mirror on the desk, feeling that he was truly disgusting, filthy and foul.

He had actually fantasized about his big straight man, Brother Heng.

If Zhao Yuheng knew, he would definitely think he was a pervert, a disgusting “dead gay,” and might even beat him to death directly.

Therefore, his distancing was right! Absolutely right!

After all, a male homosexual is Zhao Yuheng’s demon!

…

Jin Bao’er washed his face with cold water, forcing his emotions back into alignment.

This world doesn’t only have men; it also has his own future, and he has to keep living.

He had worked so hard to climb over a great mountain from that dark abyss; he couldn’t send himself back just because of a Zhao Yuheng.

Thus, he began a life of moving between four points every day: canteen, dormitory, classroom, and library.

He turned himself into an emotionless learning machine, only able to rely on staying busy to numb himself so that he wouldn’t think about that person.

On this day, Jin Bao’er and Hu Xiaowen agreed to go to the library to review. After getting his power bank, he went to Hu Xiaowen’s dorm to call him.

To his surprise, just as he reached the door of Xiaowen’s dorm, before he even knocked, he heard the sound of a violent argument from inside.

“Wang Meng! Can you stop rummaging through other people’s things! Give me back my tablet!”

Hu Xiaowen’s voice sounded frantic with anger.

“I’m just having a casual look, what’s the rush? Is there some shameful secret hidden inside?”

Wang Meng’s snide voice followed immediately, his tone fierce and lewd.

…

Jin Bao’er’s heart skipped a beat.

Hu Xiaowen’s tablet wasn’t locked; Wang Meng held it in his hand, swiping the screen with a malicious look.

Just now, Hu Xiaowen had gone to the toilet; when he came back, he saw Wang Meng constantly flipping through his tablet.

Inside were many of Hu Xiaowen’s own private journals.

The most crucial thing was that it also contained his chat records with Jin Bao’er regarding Zhao Yuheng.

Those records where Jin Bao’er confided his feelings and exposed his sexual orientation!

Other content was his own privacy; if it was seen, then so be it, but this was absolutely not to be seen!

When the time came, if it reached Zhao Yuheng’s ears, wouldn’t all the suffering Jin Bao’er had endured and the distance he had deliberately created be for nothing?

This was the first time Hu Xiaowen had a direct conflict with Wang Meng.

“It’s none of your damn business! Did your mother not teach you not to touch other people’s things!”

Hu Xiaowen was trembling with rage, swearing for the first time.

It was one thing for Wang Meng to bully him normally, but now he even dared to go through his privacy; he couldn’t endure it no matter what!

“TMD, say that to me one more time! I’m just taking a look, so what? You little sissy, what can you do to me?”

Wang Meng slammed the tablet onto the bed in a towering rage, letting out a loud “bang.”

“Bitch! A shameless bitch like you, a thief with no sense of shame, you should be torn apart by five horses and die a horrible death!”

By this time, Hu Xiaowen was also pushed to his limit; with a fierce look on his face, he cursed back recklessly.

“Fuck your mother!”

Wang Meng was completely enraged; he hated people scolding him most of all. In that moment of fury, he clenched his fist, as big as a sandbag, and swung it toward Hu Xiaowen’s face.

Thud! With a crisp sound, Hu Xiaowen was hit so hard he stumbled.

But he was not to be outdone; with bloodshot eyes, he pounced forward to fight back.

The other two roommates in the dorm, seeing this, not only didn’t stop the fight but instead sat on the upper bunks with the attitude of watching a good show.

After all, Wang Meng was tall and large, with a physical advantage; in a few punches, he had the thin and small Hu Xiaowen suppressed.

He grabbed Hu Xiaowen’s collar, hoisting him and slamming him onto the ground like a chick.

Immediately after, one hand death-gripped Hu Xiaowen’s neck, pinning him against the edge of the bed. His face was distorted, and his eyes revealed a streak of fierce murderous intent.

“I’ll kill you today! I’ll let you know who the boss is!”

Hu Xiaowen’s face turned flush-red from being strangled; his hands desperately tried to pry Wang Meng’s hand away, but he couldn’t move it even a fraction.

He could only make helpless “he-he” sounds, looking as if he were about to suffocate.