Hedgehog's Belly - Chapter 28

Chapter 28

“A-Qing.”

Yan Changde finally called her name.

Yan Qingzhu’s fingertips twitched instantly. She slowly lowered her head, the veins on her neck faintly visible. A sudden sense of fragility invaded her rationality; what kind of pain was it that made her even more determined, more stubborn?

“Mm.” After a long pause, Yan Qingzhu brushed the hair from her forehead, her voice carrying a hint of a nasal tone.

Yan Changde took a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator. Yan Qingzhu knew this habit of his. Back when the family wasn’t wealthy and could only afford cheap beer, Yan Changde would give her a little money to go buy it at the convenience store, letting her keep the change as pocket money. Yan Qingzhu couldn’t tell good beer from bad; she only knew to buy the same brand every time. The one Yan Changde pulled out now was that very same old brand.

“Do you hate me?” Yan Changde sighed deeply, pulling the ring tab. White foam bubbled up slightly.

Yan Qingzhu did not meet his gaze, remaining in a long, stifled silence.

She couldn’t find the words.

Yan Changde knew the knot in her heart. He took a heavy gulp of the beer and said in a weighted tone: “When I was thirty, I was right in the middle of a major business slump. All my efforts felt wasted. I thought, well, that’s just how life is.”

“I failed your mother, and I failed your grandparents.”

Yan Qingzhu listened quietly. Yan Changde rarely talked about the past. When she asked him as a child, he would only wave his hand and say that those times were just ordinary days.

“But guess what? You were born.” Yan Changde smiled with relief, recalling the first time he held Yan Qingzhu, who wasn’t even as big as his forearm. She was a premature baby—thin, tiny, and dark-skinned.

Even Wang Ranping was repulsed by her.

At the time, Wang Ranping lay on the hospital bed, frowning. “How is she so wrinkled? She looks like a little monkey.”

Yan Changde, a man who had seen great storms, had bloodshot eyes at that moment. Encountering such a weak new life for the first time, he was actually at a loss. He gazed at the sleeping infant, repeatedly wiping his hands on the hem of his clothes before daring to lightly touch the baby’s tightly clenched fist. Seeing the little thing give a faint smile, Yan Changde’s nose stung, and tears burst from his eyes.

His gaze was full of tenderness: “Don’t say that. Look at her now, thin and small. One day she will learn to read and study, she will make friends, and she will go head-to-head with this world. If she’s even more impressive, she’ll cook a table of delicious food and take care of her family. Who knows? Either way, she’ll certainly be something extraordinary.”

This little thing—she would cry when sad and laugh when happy.

No matter what kind of person she became in the future, she would be Yan Changde’s pride.

After Yan Qingzhu was born, his career gradually improved and entered a period of rapid growth. Yan Changde was overjoyed; seeing how soulful and intelligent the child was, he was certain she was a treasure bestowed by the gods.

Three years later, the second daughter was born.

Yan Changde held Yan Qingzhu in his arms. Yan Qingzhu looked at the newborn, her eyes lighting up.

“A-Qing, give your sister a name.”

“The teacher taught us a few proverbs today. Let’s call her Yan Yu.”

That proverb was:

The bright moon in the sky makes one think of the virtues of home.

There was light, there was home, and there was affection.

Yet all the beautiful fantasies came to a dead stop with a single report.

“The doctor told me that the child had no biological relationship with me. I said, how is that possible? But as you know, I went back and forth to different hospitals, and they all told me the same thing.”

“The doctor confirmed it for me repeatedly, saying the second daughter was my biological daughter. Even then, I didn’t believe it.” Yan Changde recalled the scene calmly, smiling as he spoke, much like someone telling an old story.

Like a sharp dagger slicing through a fragile scab, the light in Yan Qingzhu’s eyes gradually dimmed.

Yan Qingzhu was very familiar with this scene. Back then, in the hospital corridor, the pungent, lingering smell of disinfectant made her feel nauseous. Yan Qingzhu watched her father as he stepped out of the room. She was about to greet him with a smile when she was suddenly thrown to the ground by a powerful force.

That was her father—the first time he had ever hit her.

Yan Qingzhu clutched her face, her ears ringing. She stared at her father in a numb daze, the man’s silhouette reflected in her pupils.

He didn’t spare her another look, walking away without turning back.

In that instant, all of Yan Qingzhu’s senses were in chaos. She reached out to grab him but caught only air. Her whole body collapsed on the floor. Yan Qingzhu wanted to stand up and scream to get a sliver of sympathy back from her father, but it felt as if she were being strangled. Desperate tears surged into her eyes like a tide. In that environment filled with disinfectant, Yan Qingzhu realized that she was the one who was truly “filthy.”

Ever since then, whenever she smelled disinfectant, Yan Qingzhu would instinctively break into a cold sweat and dry-heave until she had no strength left.

“That day at the hospital, Wang Ranping called me personally and admitted it.” Yan Changde sighed, closing the finished food container. He let out a self-deprecating laugh: “Yeah, how could a person like me be worthy of such an excellent daughter?”

Yan Qingzhu’s gaze met Yan Changde’s again, her eyelashes trembling. She had always known the origin of this matter. But hearing it again as a bystander still brought a wave of sorrow.

All these years had been like a painful dream; behind every lie was another lie. A powerful sense of helplessness suppressed all her strength. All the emotions born of inability and frustration were like pebbles hitting the water, creating ripples. The ordeal of reflecting on the pain once again made Yan Qingzhu feel suffocated.

“Dad, Yan Yu is very excellent too.”

What Yan Qingzhu was thinking about was still Yan Yu. She felt she owed the girl too much. Now, she hoped the man in front of her would be better to Yan Yu—be it favoritism or stinginess, anything was fine.

The one truly worth feeling sorry for was Yan Yu. Yan Qingzhu propped her chin on her hand, her gaze drifting.

“When I mention Yan Yu, do you feel jealous?”

Yan Changde’s gaze was serious as he watched Yan Qingzhu. Yan Qingzhu lowered her eyes, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly. She repacked the food container and wiped the stains off the table with a tissue.

“Envious, very envious.”

Yan Qingzhu looked up at Yan Changde, saying each word sincerely, without a trace of impurity.

Her eyes were clear. Yan Changde had imagined her at seventeen countless times, and Yan Qingzhu had indeed grown into the person he had envisioned.

Steady, solemn.

There was no jealousy, and certainly no hate.

She had always felt she didn’t deserve it. She was the root of the problem; she couldn’t blame anyone.

People always say time is the answer to everything. But for Yan Qingzhu, it was a lifelong punishment.

If living in a lifelong punishment was a way to atone for her sins, then so be it.

Yan Changde was speechless. Just as he was about to say something, Brother Wang rushed into the reception room, shouting urgently: “President Yan, the clients have arrived. The meeting is about to start!”

His gaze then landed on Yan Qingzhu. Brother Wang noticed the strangely stagnant atmosphere and gave an awkward smile: “Did I—interrupt you?”

“I’ll be going now.” Yan Qingzhu smiled faintly and stood up slowly, taking the insulated bag with her. Her tone suggested a sense of lightness.

As she stepped out of the reception room, Yan Qingzhu looked back at Yan Changde. The silver rose on her ear reflected shimmering colors in the light.

Yan Qingzhu held the doorframe, her chin tilted up proudly. Her tone was witty, like the jokes she made as a child.

“Old Man Yan, don’t you die. I’m coming to find you again next year.”

Just like before, the Yan Qingzhu who entered kindergarten with her backpack on looked back at Yan Changde. With a hint of innocence and a strawberry candy in her mouth, she waved her small hand and shouted.

“Old Man Yan, I’m coming to find you after school!”

“Old Man Yan, don’t you forget me!”

Find you to talk just like we used to. To drink together again, and tell you about Yan Yu growing up.

When we meet again next year, Old Man Yan, don’t you forget me.

Yan Qingzhu walked out the main entrance. As the glass doors opened automatically, a gust of cold wind hit her, making her whole body shiver. She pulled the scarf around her neck tighter to block the chill. She let out a light breath that turned into a white mist.

Yan Qingzhu couldn’t help but remark that compared to Chujiang, the winter in Lingyang was much colder.

The streets were brightly lit, and the bustling voices of people heightened the Christmas atmosphere. This street was the most prosperous part of Lingyang, stretching straight into the distance. The noise accompanied by music was enough to make one’s head spin and lose their sense of direction.

“Merry Christmas!”

In the great melting pot of life, everyone was busy scurrying for silver coins. But at this moment, they were using screams and shouts to enjoy a short-lived carnival. The crowd was boisterous, like a grand banquet where everyone was intoxicated, refusing to leave until they were drunk.

Yan Qingzhu looked up; in the night sky, a fleet of drones formed a string of English blessings and images of Santa Claus. Lingyang’s most famous skyscrapers also displayed celebratory slogans.

Yan Qingzhu put her hands into her gray trench coat and slowly closed her eyes.

A single tear quickly traced a path down her cheek and then vanished.

What exactly is worth us remembering so vividly?

“Miss, are you alone? Would you like to buy a bouquet of flowers?” A moment later, a flower girl carrying bouquets approached Yan Qingzhu. Her childish voice evoked a sense of pity.

Yan Qingzhu looked down, her gaze gentle, and waved her hand at the flower girl to decline.

Just as she was about to step through the crowd, Yan Qingzhu suddenly paused.

“Give me a bouquet, I want the red ones.” A familiar voice echoed behind her. Yan Qingzhu’s pupils dilated slightly. For a moment, her ears rang and she couldn’t snap out of it; it was as if that voice alone had hooked her soul.

A young girl with hair draped over her shoulders and clear eyes held a bouquet of bright red flowers, looking tender and warm. She paid the money and thanked the flower girl. Just as she was about to turn and leave, Yan Qingzhu stared at her and instinctively shouted: “Sister Muzi, which lover are you going to see?”

Brash and casual.

Luo Mu recognized her voice instantly and spun around, looking like a startled hedgehog. The other girl had a shallow smile and relaxed brows, as if she were observing a play.

“Did you eat a walnut that got caught in a door?”

Luo Mu spoke in a muffled voice, her lips twitching slightly; she couldn’t guess this idiot’s intentions.

The crowd was crowded, so she shielded the bouquet in her arms with her hands, afraid it would be bumped. Seeing this rare, careful side of her, Yan Qingzhu frowned and teased relentlessly: “Could it be you really are meeting a lover?”

“It’s for myself, wishing myself a Merry Christmas.” Luo Mu knew deep down that the person in front of her wanted to embarrass her, so she told the truth. There was no lover; Luo Mu had long since planned to live out her life in peace and solitude.

A lifetime is only so long.

“Why are you in Lingyang?” Luo Mu shifted the topic, mimicking Qin Jiahui’s tone to question Yan Qingzhu. “Could Chujiang no longer accommodate you?”

“I came to see family.” Yan Qingzhu pulled her scarf upward, acting composed and natural without a trace of hesitation. She raised her brows and countered: “What about you? Could Chujiang no longer accommodate you?”

“I also came to see family.” Luo Mu brushed the hair from her forehead, lightly sniffing the faint scent of the roses. She fell into thought, recalling the topic Qiu Shuangyi had mentioned after she arrived in Lingyang.

Yan Qingzhu tilted her head and gave a long “Oh.” She glanced over and asked after a moment: “Are we here to see the same relative?”

It was an awkward joke—even Yan Qingzhu didn’t think it was funny. But the person in front of her only toyed with the flower petals, her thick eyelashes trembling, her face showing a bit of exhaustion. After a long time, Luo Mu spoke softly.

“Yan Qingzhu, this world isn’t that small.”

The world isn’t that small, because people are missing each other at every moment; that is why the word “reunion” is so precious.

Suddenly, fireworks exploded in the deep night sky, noisy and passionate, causing the bustling crowd to stop and take photos. Yan Qingzhu looked down at her. A beam of light illuminated the other girl’s pure eyes; the corners of her mouth lifted slightly, and Yan Qingzhu felt a stir in her heart.

“Sister Muzi, make a wish.” Yan Qingzhu put an arm around her and murmured.

The other girl didn’t pull away, resting her head slightly against Yan Qingzhu. A faint scent of wood—steady yet elegant—drifted from her. Yan Qingzhu pulled her trench coat closer to shield Luo Mu from the biting cold wind of Lingyang, while Luo Mu noticed the other girl’s knuckles, which were frozen red. In a strange city, meeting a familiar friend—and if luckier still, sharing a feast of human fireworks together.

That was enough.

The crowd shouted for the holiday, swearing oaths for life and freedom, still living passionately and bravely. Even if life was destined to be hard to escape from sorrow, endless bottlenecks, and countless restless nights, they would still believe in beautiful things. Because life is short and capricious, it makes it impossible for us to look away.

Luo Mu looked up, her smile radiant: “I wish that we all have the courage to love and be loved.”