Hating Her, While Still Having to Address Her as Mother - Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Like Forest, Like Water

Chapter Summary: Quenching one’s thirst.

Su Zhixi was dragged into the darkness without a word. She tried to stand up and leave, but Shen Manci held her fast.

“Let go of me.”

Shen Manci said nothing. She continued to pull Su Zhixi with force, refusing to let her break free. Shen Manci had always been surprisingly strong; whenever she intended to, Su Zhixi found it impossible to shake her off.

“Let go…” Su Zhixi’s voice seemed to weaken as she spoke. She felt a sudden loss of strength, her breath failing to catch up with her words, but Shen Manci did not notice this subtle change.

Su Zhixi used her other hand to try and pry away the hand Shen Manci had used to restrain her. She gasped for air, struggling with all her might, but instead of letting go, Shen Manci used both hands to tightly pin Su Zhixi’s wrists. She hoisted them behind the girl’s back, completely immobilizing her.

Su Zhixi’s breathing became increasingly labored. It seemed as though she was suffering from a lack of oxygen or an emotional surge, but gradually, things took a turn for the worse. She began to breathe through her mouth, her hot exhales hitting Shen Manci directly.

Shen Manci frowned slightly. She shouldn’t be this short of breath just from the lack of space.

Then, Shen Manci felt it—Su Zhixi, pressed tightly against her, was breaking out in a cold sweat. Her entire state was wrong. Through the faint sliver of light peeking through the cupboard door, Shen Manci saw Su Zhixi gasping for air, weeping silently.

Shen Manci suddenly realized what was happening. She whispered, “Do you have claustrophobia?”

In the enclosed space, Su Zhixi couldn’t breathe. She trembled with ragged gasps and tears, feeling as though she were suffocating, as though she were about to die.

“What is… claustrophobia?”

“When you were little, were you ever locked in a confined space?”

Shen Manci’s words stirred up ripples of memories, one after another. In those fragmented recollections, she was locked in toilets, locked in wardrobes, locked in rooms—locked in every confined space that could hold a person. These memories made Su Zhixi lose all control over her sobs. Her voice grew louder; her body began to spasm and turn cold.

The sound of Su Zhixi’s crying sent a jolt of alarm through Shen Manci. Outside the door, the perpetrator was drawing closer and closer. She could even clearly hear every word he said.

“Wang Shang’an!!! You son of a bitch! You coward hiding in your shell, get out here!”

“Don’t you have any idea of the dog-shit things you’ve done?”

As he spoke, he smashed the windows of the classroom they were in. He raised his hand and shattered pane after pane into dust, shouting at the top of his lungs, “Wang Shang’an, get out here!”

With the perpetrator approaching, Su Zhixi’s crying grew louder, filling their tiny space and threatening to spill out beyond it. Once that sound left the cupboard, Shen Manci dared not imagine the consequences. Could she protect a young girl against an adult man armed with a weapon?

Considering all factors, Shen Manci had to silence her. She reached out to cover Su Zhixi’s mouth, but the painful whimpers still slipped through her fingers, reaching Shen Manci’s ears in broken fragments.

“Mama… Ma… ma…” Su Zhixi called out in a blurred state of consciousness, her mind seemingly overtaken by the thinning oxygen.

In the past, Su Zhixi’s mother had frequently locked her in toilets and wardrobes. Her mother’s mental state was fragile; whenever she had a breakdown, she would lock the child away to prevent herself from hurting her. This had left a deep, dark shadow on the young Su Zhixi.

In the total darkness, Su Zhixi lost all ability to think. Her brain replayed the despair of being locked away by her mother on an endless loop. She was in agony, wanting to scream, wanting to breathe, wanting to speak. Those pains transformed into something monstrous, gnawing at her mind.

Saliva and tears ran unchecked down Su Zhixi’s face. As the footsteps drew nearer, she remained in a state of collapse, unable to stop the noise.

“Look up.” Shen Manci spoke to her with her habitual tone of command—sounding like a superior, a teacher, an elder… like a mother.

In this desperate situation, a psychological dependency took hold, making Su Zhixi obediently lift her head. Shen Manci intercepted those broken sobs in the most direct way possible.

Shen Manci leaned in, capturing every trembling whimper.

Amidst the murmur of tears, to prevent the crying from being discovered by the perpetrator, a warm sensation sealed off all sound. In that enclosed space, there were no other noises—only the rustle of clothes and the occasional faint, leaked sound.

Su Zhixi looked at the person before her in shock, her tear-filled eyes regaining a sliver of clarity. When she realized what was happening, she began to struggle, trying to push Shen Manci away. She had stopped crying; a shock greater than her fear had overridden her panic. Her pain had shifted from one form to another.

But Shen Manci did not seem intended to stop. While she gripped Su Zhixi, she…

Her fingertips sank into Su Zhixi’s skin, providing both pain and solace simultaneously.

Pain and tenderness merged into one. Unconsciously, Su Zhixi began to find comfort in this feeling of being pressured. Under this weight, being treated with such tenderness seemed to transform the terrifying atmosphere of the space into something else entirely.

Lingering within the pain was a familiar pleasure of being suppressed—a controlled agony. And above that pain, this rare, hard-won tenderness amplified her sensory experience of the softness.

Shen Manci could feel Su Zhixi’s breathing gradually leveling out, losing its frantic edge.

Like a forest, like water, it quenched the thirst.