Hating Her, While Still Having to Address Her as Mother - Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Starting Tomorrow

Chapter Summary: You will start to like me.

She leaned down, enunciating every word: “Perhaps I am simply a natural-born actress.”

She spoke with a feigned lightness. As she said this, Shen Manci recalled the large screens in nightclubs—didn’t they often play clips from old classic movies? In Su Zhixi’s eyes, she must seem just like one of those women on a black-and-white screen, posing and preening for attention.

Su Zhixi held her breath, unable to say a word for a long moment.

Shen Manci stood up and grabbed another coat. As she put it on, she suggested, “Actually, before I fell asleep, I was thinking about how we might get along. I have an idea—would you like to hear it?”

Su Zhixi remained silent, sitting motionless under the orange glow of the lamp.

“We can live together in a way that is most comfortable for both of us,” Shen Manci said. “You don’t have to like me, and you don’t need to be perfectly obedient. But I hope your hostility toward me won’t be quite so deep. If you can manage that, I think I can give you what you want.”

As she spoke, Shen Manci began braiding her hair into a three-strand plait. Her hands were skillful; facing the mirror, she had already finished half of it in no time.

“What could you possibly give me? Leaving my house? Giving my mother back?” Su Zhixi’s face remained sour, offering Shen Manci no warmth whatsoever.

This made Shen Manci slightly miss the girl from a few hours ago—the one who had clung to her, speaking in that soft, adorable voice.

“I can pretend… to be your mother.”

Before Shen Manci could finish her sentence, Su Zhixi let out a sharp, mocking laugh—an unfiltered emotional outburst.

“From head to toe, what part of you is fit to be my mother?”

“Shen Manci, I admit I caused you a lot of trouble today, but that doesn’t mean you can take my mother’s place in my heart.”

Su Zhixi’s gaze was searing, as if she were seconds away from branding the words “shameless mistress” onto Shen Manci’s skin. She looked at the woman’s graceful figure, pouring all her unspeakable, ugly thoughts into that single look.

Shen Manci turned around, flashing her trademark smile.

“I don’t think I can replace your mother.”

“But, to be honest, you long for it. You’ve always anticipated a ‘perfect mother’ figure, and your own mother never quite met your expectations, did she?” These few words from Shen Manci ruthlessly exposed the secret Su Zhixi had hidden deep in her heart for so long.

“You love your mother, but that love stems from blood, from your relationship, from an invisible umbilical cord that still ties you to her. Your love is subconscious, irrational—the most primal emotion a child has for a parent.”

Su Zhixi gripped the quilt tightly. An inexplicable feeling washed over her; by the time she realized it, she was already flushing with a mix of shame and rage at being seen through.

“But the truth you’re most unwilling to face is that your mother didn’t satisfy your inner longings. She has always disappointed you. The version of her in your heart should have been gentler, more tolerant, more attentive.”

Shen Manci finished her braid. Satisfied with the result, she draped it over her shoulder.

“Mom, she…” Su Zhixi found herself momentarily speechless.

The thoughts she thought she had hidden so well were being dragged into the light by Shen Manci, who was now pointing at them and heartlessly magnifying them.

“Ah Xi.” When Shen Manci said her name, the tone was sweet, with a slight lilt at the end. She knew exactly what the girl craved. “If you can be good, I can play the role of that gentle mother you want. You can treat me entirely as your mother. I can be whatever kind of mother you want me to be. I will treat you exactly how you wish a mother would.”

Su Zhixi was stunned. She had never heard of such a proposition.

“You mean… you’re willing to be a ‘stand-in’ for my mom?” Su Zhixi had first encountered the concept of a “stand-in” in those old-fashioned romance novels her desk-mate used to sneak to her—the ones with colorful covers of handsome men and beautiful women, their corners curled from being read by the whole class.

“You could put it that way.”

Shen Manci opened a weathered cabinet—the kind of vanity box common among women in Jizhou, used for storing jewelry or fragrance balms. It was her mother’s cabinet.

Su Zhixi should have opened her mouth to stop her, but for some reason, her lips wouldn’t move. The words were stuck in her throat.

Shen Manci dabbed a bit of balm onto her fingers and applied it to her neck. After smoothing it out, she adjusted her braid. Then, she walked slowly toward Su Zhixi.

“Just like this,” she whispered.

She first stroked the girl’s hair gently, then let her hand slide down like water to the edge of her earlobe. “You can imagine I am your mother. Right now, I am touching you tenderly, looking at you with love.”

Su Zhixi’s body felt a wave of tingling electricity; she was too shocked to speak. Shen Manci’s actions were an insult to both her mother and herself—she should have stopped this farce. Yet, her body felt weak, and a warm current flowed through her heart. If the woman in front of me really were Mom…

It was a bittersweet sensation—the ache of wanting to be loved, wanting to be watched with tenderness, to be touched. It felt as if a hollow void in her heart was finally being filled. Warmth and sorrow rippled through her simultaneously.

As Shen Manci moved gently, embracing her and stroking her while whispering her nickname, Su Zhixi felt a strange emotion surging toward the surface. By the time she snapped out of it, tears had soaked the quilt and her cheeks. She had actually cried in Shen Manci’s arms.

Su Zhixi didn’t even know why she was crying. It was simply that Shen Manci’s suggestive actions and words had, for a split second, allowed her to truly project the role of “Mother” onto her.

Shen Manci saw everything. She gently wiped away Su Zhixi’s tears and ruffled her hair, whispering, “Silly child…”

Su Zhixi had never realized that her mother’s scent—or this scent—could be so soul-soothing. It was the kind of smell that made one feel instantly safe. The fragrance and the warmth melted Su Zhixi’s defenses, suppressing her rebellious side.

…

After that brief interlude, Su Zhixi became exceptionally quiet and obedient during dinner. She even sat face-to-face with Shen Manci to eat. They didn’t speak during the meal.

It wasn’t until they were almost finished that Su Zhixi spoke up: “What do I have to exchange to get another… of what happened earlier?” She struggled to find the right word to describe the behavior.

Shen Manci smiled. “A game of ‘House’.”

“Ahem. Right. So, what do I need to do to get that experience again?”

Shen Manci gave her a meaningful look and pulled out a few tickets. They were labeled “Park Vouchers,” the kind used for community fairs.

“The office gave these out last year. They’re expired and useless now. I found them while tidying up today.”

“And?” Su Zhixi didn’t understand the point.

But the intention soon became clear. Shen Manci slowly laid the tickets on the table and pushed them toward her. “Think of these as the ‘Massage Coupons’ you used to draw for your mom on Mother’s Day when you were little. Whenever you want me to play the ‘Perfect Mom,’ bring one of these ‘Park Vouchers’ to me, and I’ll play along just like I did earlier. You understand, don’t you?”

Su Zhixi’s face turned bright red. It was a hard feeling to describe—as if this game, by adding rules, was becoming more real and established. It was as if she and Shen Manci now shared a secret that no outsider could ever know.

Su Zhixi loathed herself, but her fingertips moved instinctively toward the vouchers. Before she could touch them, Shen Manci pulled them back.

“Ah-ah~ not yet. I haven’t finished explaining the rules.”

Su Zhixi swallowed hard. She could feel her tonsils were still inflamed; her throat still hurt. Usually, when she was sick, she would swallow repeatedly to check the pain level. But this time, it was an unconscious physical reaction. Only when her throat stung did she realize how much she craved those flimsy vouchers.

“You earn Park Vouchers by being a ‘Good Child’.”

“What’s the criteria for a ‘Good Child’?” Su Zhixi asked with a hint of impatience.

Shen Manci rose slowly to take the dishes to the sink. “Maybe helping with chores—washing dishes, cleaning up, things like that. But the standard of judgment lies with me. Only when I feel you’re being a good child will I issue a voucher.”

Su Zhixi let out an instinctive cold snort. “You shouldn’t be a reporter. You’d be better as a kindergarten teacher.”

“Then, little Zhixi, would you like to play the ‘Good Child’ game with Teacher?” Shen Manci didn’t argue; she just followed the joke.

Su Zhixi stood up and proudly gathered the rest of the dishes. “You know, I can get top grades in class and be the most popular person among my peers. Whatever I set my mind to, I achieve.”

“So, within a month, I’ll have every single one of those vouchers in your hand,” Su Zhixi said with absolute confidence.

Shen Manci suppressed her urge to laugh at the girl’s defiant bravado. She replied, “Then Teacher is very much looking forward to your performance.”

Su Zhixi suddenly grabbed Shen Manci’s collar. Caught off guard, Shen Manci leaned forward, nearly falling into the girl’s arms.

Su Zhixi smiled triumphantly—a look that was one part clever, three parts provocative, and seven parts disdainful. She reached out and straightened the collar of Shen Manci’s trench coat.

“Starting tomorrow, you’re going to start liking me.”

“There won’t be a more obedient child in all of Jizhou, Teacher Shen…”