Desk-mate, Do You Like Me? - Chapter 61

Chapter 61

The night deepened, and the sporadic fireworks outside the window had completely ceased.

Li Mo’s emotions slowly calmed down with Xu Qing’s quiet presence, but the deep-seated fatigue, stirred up by the phone call, lingered. He was like a large dog drenched in the rain, his eyes drooping, following closely behind Xu Qing. Even the slight pride he felt from finishing the physics test paper had vanished.

Xu Qing let him follow. He went to the bathroom, wrung out a hot towel, and handed it to him: “Wipe your face.”

Li Mo took it and roughly wiped his face a couple of times. The warm dampness slightly dispelled the chill in his heart. He returned the towel to Xu Qing, looking at the other’s calm profile. That restless dependency surfaced again, and he muttered softly: “…I don’t want to study anymore.”

His voice was a mix of petulance and cautious probing.

Xu Qing looked up at him but didn’t speak.

Li Mo quickly added, his eyes holding an eagerness he didn’t even realize: “How about we watch a movie? Just… anything.” He needed something else to distract himself, to wash away the irritating voices in his head, and the presence of the person beside him was the best comfort in itself.

Xu Qing looked at his still-reddened eyes and nodded: “Mhm.”

Li Mo instantly came back to life a little, immediately running to find the tablet, muttering: “What should we watch… Action movie? Too noisy. Horror movie? No, no way…” He subconsciously rejected a horror movie, not because he was scared, but because his current state of mind wasn’t suited for that kind of tense excitement. He wanted something warm and relaxing that he could sink into.

Finally, he chose an animated film with a fresh art style, telling a story about family and growth. He didn’t even realize the underlying metaphor of his choice.

The two settled back on the sofa. Li Mo naturally snuggled right next to Xu Qing, pulling the blanket over both of them. The movie started, and gentle music and warm colors flowed out.

Initially, Li Mo tried to comment a few times, pointing at a cute character on the screen and saying, “That one looks like you.” After a silent glance from Xu Qing, he sheepishly shut up and settled down.

The movie plot slowly unfolded, narrating a young boy’s journey leaving home, meeting companions, experiencing adventures, and finally understanding the true meaning of family and belonging. Only a floor lamp next to the sofa was on in the living room. The dim light outlined their embracing silhouettes, and the screen’s light flickered on their faces.

Watching the scenes of the protagonist arguing with and reconciling with family, Li Mo’s recently calmed emotions stirred again. He shifted, resting his head on Xu Qing’s shoulder, seeking a more tangible contact.

Xu Qing didn’t pull away; he even slightly adjusted his posture to make him more comfortable.

The protagonist in the movie overcame hardships and finally returned home, embracing his family. The background music swelled with grandeur and warmth. Li Mo watched the scene of reunion, his eyes complex—with envy and a hint of imperceptible loneliness—which ultimately melted into the warm sensation transmitted from the person beside him.

He quietly extended his hand under the blanket, searching, finding Xu Qing’s hand, and then gripping it tightly.

Xu Qing’s fingers twitched slightly, then relaxed, allowing Li Mo to hold it with a slight, stubborn force.

When the movie ended, the credits slowly scrolled up, and the theme song echoed melodiously in the quiet living room. Li Mo didn’t move, maintaining his position resting on Xu Qing’s shoulder, as if he had fallen asleep.

Xu Qing also didn’t move, waiting patiently.

After a long while, Li Mo spoke with a muffled voice, hoarse from not speaking for a while: “Xu Qing.”

“Mhm.”

“I’m different from you.” He whispered, as if stating a fact. “Your family… although your uncle’s house is good, it’s still relatives. My mom… she wasn’t like this before.”

He paused, seeming to organize his words, recalling fragments blurred by time.

“When I was little, my dad… that man would frequently lose his temper and smash things. My mom would shield me tightly behind her, blocking me with her body. Back then, I thought my mom was the strongest person in the world.” His voice was very soft, carrying a distant reminiscence and a touch of the melancholy of things being irrevocably changed. “Later, they divorced. She took me, working and taking care of me. It was hard, but she never lacked me anything. She would put all the meat in my bowl and stay up all night watching over me when I was sick…”

Those memories were warm, yet they also felt like needles, making the current alienation and blame even more painful.

“But later… later she met Ye Zhong, and they had Xiaolun… Everything changed.” Li Mo’s voice deepened, carrying an unresolved confusion and hurt. “It’s like she gave all her patience and attention to the new family. For me, there’s only… demands. Demanding me to be sensible, demanding good grades, demanding me to bring her ‘face.’ Once I fail to do so, or show a little dissatisfaction, it becomes ‘willfulness’ or ‘insensitivity.'”

He squeezed Xu Qing’s hand, like a drowning person clutching driftwood.

“I don’t ask for much… I just…” He choked up, the answer on the tip of his tongue yet difficult to voice.

“Just wanted to be chosen unequivocally once.” Xu Qing calmly finished his sentence. His voice wasn’t loud, but like a stone thrown into the center of a lake, it precisely clarified the blurry ripples in Li Mo’s heart.

Li Mo suddenly lifted his head to look at Xu Qing. In the dim light, Xu Qing’s expression was still placid, but his eyes clearly reflected Li Mo’s figure, carrying a thorough understanding.

“Mhm.” Li Mo nodded heavily, his nose congested, and his eyes started to burn again. That was exactly it. His arguments, his tantrums, his awkwardness, his resistance—at the heart of it, he just wanted to confirm that he still occupied an unshakeable position in that person’s heart, that he was still the child she would shield without hesitation.

Xu Qing looked at his moist eyes and said very softly: “Your presence here is being chosen.”

You chose to come back and spend the New Year with me, and I chose to be here with you. We chose each other, forming the “us” of this moment.

This sentence was like a gentle key, clicking open the last lock in Li Mo’s heart. The resentment, the grievance, and the anger strangely began to melt away. Yes, why should he be obsessed with seeking validation in a home where he no longer had a place? Wasn’t this person, this home, the most definite thing he possessed?

He leaned back onto Xu Qing’s shoulder. This time, his body was completely relaxed. He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled, as if expelling all the heavy past with that breath.

“The movie is over,” Xu Qing shifted, signaling him to get up. “Go wash up. Tomorrow… there’s still a chemistry test paper.”

Li Mo: “…”

The emerging sense of moving emotion and philosophical reflection were instantly shattered by the words “chemistry test paper.” He groaned, sprawling on the sofa in protest: “No way! Officer! We just had a profound heart-to-heart; can we not be so anti-climactic!”

Xu Qing had already stood up, looking down at him, his eyes clearly conveying the word “No.”

Li Mo pouted, reluctantly climbing up, muttering “heartless,” and “cold-hearted academic,” but still obediently followed Xu Qing toward the bathroom.

In the mirror, the figures of the two teenagers stood side by side. One’s eyes still carried a lingering redness but had regained their usual vibrancy; the other remained cool and calm, yet a subtle softness was visible in his eyes when he looked at the person next to him.

The winter night outside was still cold, but this small corner of the world was as warm as spring.

…

The day before school started, the air was filled with an invisible sense of urgency.

Li Mo looked at the spread-out chemistry test paper, feeling that the symbols and equations were even more hideous than the math problems. He twirled his pen fretfully, his eyes occasionally darting towards Xu Qing, who was quietly memorizing English vocabulary next to him.

“Hey, Xu Qing,” he finally couldn’t help but poke the other’s arm with his pen cap. “Do you think Wu Yan will give us those perverted deduction questions again this time? Only three people in the whole class got it right last time.”

Old man Wu Yan’s teaching style was amiable and relaxed, but when it came to setting exams, he was simply monstrous.

A benevolent appearance, the heart of a devil!

Xu Qing didn’t even look up, his fingertip lightly tracing the vocabulary book, his voice flat: “Memorize the periodic table, understand the reaction rules, and it’s not hard.”

“Easier said than done…” Li Mo grumbled softly, but seeing Xu Qing’s calm “nothing is difficult” demeanor, the anxiety in his heart was inexplicably suppressed a little. He resignedly lowered his head, looked back at the test paper, and began to analyze the problems, mumbling to himself.

Time flowed by in the scratching sound of the pen. When Li Mo finally stumbled through the last calculation problem, throwing down his pen to cheer, Xu Qing next to him had already closed his vocabulary book and was looking at him quietly, his gaze clearly saying—”Check.”

Li Mo: “…” He slumped his shoulders, resignedly picked up the test paper, and started recalculating from the beginning.

By the time all the studying tasks were finally concluded, it was late at night.

The two stood side by side at the sink brushing their teeth, their mouths full of foam. Li Mo looked at Xu Qing’s expressionless profile in the mirror, then suddenly nudged him with his elbow and said indistinctly, “Hey, school starts tomorrow. Let’s eat lunch together in the cafeteria.”

He said it casually, but his eyes held an expectation that allowed no refusal. In the past, although they had a good relationship, they rarely explicitly planned to do things together, especially in the bustling cafeteria.

Xu Qing rinsed his mouth, wiped the water from the corner of his mouth with a towel, glanced at him, and simply said, “Mhm.”

Just that simple word instantly settled the slight anxiety in Li Mo’s heart, and the corner of his mouth involuntarily curled up.

He quickly finished washing his face, leaned close to Xu Qing, bringing the wet, warm air with him, and said with a grin: “It’s a deal then. Don’t go skipping meals again.”