Crossing the Clouds and Sky to Fall in Love with You - Chapter 58

Thanks to sacrificing the chance to perform and using the last month to salvage my studies, I narrowly passed the few most important courses. At least I don’t have to retake anything, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

After all, I couldn’t let those damned subjects derail my plan!

For this round-the-island trip, I inevitably had to use the money I had saved from singing over the past six months or so.

I guess this is fate, right? I found what I truly longed for, my true passion, and the meager rewards gained from that passion became the funds for her and me to complete our unfinished journey.

I had already told my parents that I might not be home for the New Year; at first, they couldn’t quite accept it and kept pressing me for a reason.

I couldn’t hide it anymore.

Finally, I could only tell them that a very, very good friend of mine had passed away; we had promised to travel around the island together. This was a promise she made to me, a wish she had before she died, and I had to fulfill it no matter what.

Then, on the very first day of the winter break, I began our round-the-island trip. I took my ukulele and the camera she left me.

The route was simple: starting from the north, station by station, heading south to the southernmost point, then passing through the east, and finally returning to the north. Since I was traveling by train, it saved me some physical exertion. I could stop at every station or occasionally skip a few—though at the beginning, I wanted to try out other possibilities, so I tried to linger at every station for at least a little while, even exiting the station to look around at some of the more distinctive stops along the way.

So, I chose stations with a more artisanal and cultural flavor, like Yingge and Yangmei… Ah! Of course, I also visited the train branch lines: Neiwan, Jiji, Pingxi…

I didn’t just take photos on the roads I walked; I took even more photos on the train, capturing the scenery outside: rice fields, mountain views, and sometimes the sea. Although cultural landscapes are precious, I think she would still prefer natural scenery, wouldn’t she?

I picked up the ukulele, and with the very first step of the journey, I sang the song I had wanted, so desperately, to sing to her.

Hey! Are you listening?

I want to sing it to you—

“As we part, let’s bravely shed a tear, and your eyes convey more than words can say.”

“Without saying goodbye, we still understand, separating doesn’t mean changing.”

Did we say goodbye when we parted back then? I think we did, right? Haha! This kind of “separation” now has certainly changed the way we interact.

My phone wallpaper is still the moment she captured the Couple Trees; sometimes, I stare at it. Speaking of which, that’s the only moment I ever captured her pressing the shutter button.

You usually take pictures of the scenery, of people! Only I, as your girlfriend, have the right to take pictures of you! The thought that only I have this privilege makes me feel so proud.

I’ve never taken off the amethyst you gave me, your token of love; no matter where you are… We are separated, but you are always in my heart, so truly, nothing has changed.

I am your Xiaoning, and you are my Siqi.

“Who needs whom? It takes the white clouds and the blue sky together to form a beautiful picture.”

Are we the white clouds and the blue sky? I don’t know! But I think I’ve fallen in love with taking pictures of the sky.

I’ll keep taking pictures, just like a child, fantasizing about what shape each white cloud looks like, or looking forward to sunny days after an overcast sky to see the sunshine.

I don’t have a laptop! So I’m writing this down; it’s a pity I can’t pair it with the photos immediately, but my handwriting is better than yours! Will you come and hit me?

Speaking of which… Since you “left,” I seem to have never dreamed of you?

Whenever I eat something delicious, I think of you; you’re not the kind of travel expert who showcases food! As far as I remember, I don’t recall you ever saying what you liked to eat; when I tasted the fried wild ginger flower, I loved it!

I really wish you could feel it too.

“A strong wind blows, but we are not far apart. Remember that feeling until we meet again.”

Will it be the wind that blows us apart?

Hsinchu’s wind is famous, and talking about the wind reminds me of delicious food! I won’t use your camera to take pictures of food!

I told you that you were a breeze, and coincidentally, Tao Yi’an also said that about me—but I represent tenderness, while you represent freedom and unrestraint—whenever the wind blows, I always imagine it’s you talking to me, whether you’re playfully pinching my nose, laughing together in the shower, or when I’m singing and playing music while you’re organizing photos and working… A voiced conversation, and silence is also a kind of conversation!

Do you know? I’m suddenly grateful that I at least lived with you for three months; thank goodness for those three months.

They were the happiest three months of my life up to this point.

I remember, I remember that feeling…

Suddenly, a twenty-dollar coin was tossed into the instrument case at my feet.

I stopped playing.

It was a big boy wearing glasses, a bit simple-looking. “Uh! I… I really like your singing; it’s very nice!”

By the way, I’m currently waiting for the next train at Xinpu Station, casually playing and singing on a long bench at the station, and someone actually mistook me for a street performer!

I covered my mouth and laughed, picking up the twenty-dollar coin and handing it back to him. “Thank you for liking it! But I can’t take your money, thank you.”

Sometimes things like this just happen… The train arrived.

The boy watched me get on. Once inside, before the train started, I raised the camera and took a photo.

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky, a stubborn season. Once the cold winter passes, there is still spring; may hope never fade.”

This winter isn’t particularly cold.

Every year they say it’s a warm winter, but it hailed before! It really scared me… It must be very cold where you are, right?

After winter comes spring, and hope never fades. This is my favorite line from this song.

It’s winter here, too. When I complete this journey and spring arrives, will hope really come with it?

I hope it will, I hope… that “hope” never goes out.

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky, an eternal picture. When I miss you, I close my eyes, and you are in my heart.”

In fact, besides the video you left me, the moment I think of you most often is still that scene where you told me, “I will stay.”

I once thought, if I had insisted on keeping you back then, would I not have to endure this torment now? No need to wait, no need to miss you… no need to bear the risk of losing you.

But! If I had the chance to make the decision again, I believe I would still choose to let you leave.

For no other reason than that the free wind is the most beautiful; a stagnant wind is no longer the wind, right? You must wholeheartedly agree with me on this…

I closed my eyes.

‘Promise me, don’t cry, okay? I love you.’

“I love you.” But I can’t help but cry; I can only choke back tears, shake my head, and continue strumming the ukulele.

“We start missing each other before the farewell, letting the expectation tightly link all of this.”

Expectation, for me, is truly a precious thing.

One of the places I stayed the longest on this trip, besides my hometown of Kaohsiung, was probably Tainan.

I like the streets and the urban atmosphere here. I once wished that if you were taking this trip with me, you would probably stay on Alishan Mountain and refuse to come down!

Although we are a couple, we have many differences in personality and style; I prefer the cultural aspects a bit more, although I don’t have much of a refined air, haha! You, on the other hand, will always belong to that wild, unpredictable, yet mysterious nature.

If I truly became a backpacker, I would definitely choose different attractions than you; you might even laugh at me!

“Walk a little slower, no matter how far. Not letting go means not changing.”

You couldn’t let go of me, that’s why you kept turning back to contact me; sometimes I think… you didn’t contact your family at all when you went to Tibet before, light and unburdened, but on this trip, you are constantly looking for a network connection to reach me. It seems you’re not so unrestrained anymore!

You can’t let go of me. I know, I know…

“Who needs whom? It takes the white clouds and the blue sky together to form a beautiful picture.”

“A strong wind blows, but we are not far apart. Remember that feeling until we meet again.”

When circling Pingtung, I specifically stayed for two days.

I wanted to see the sea, to find a quiet place… I remember the last time I came here with the Man-Faced Fish group, the senior took us to a beach where we could see wind turbines, with beautiful soft grass, a gorgeous cliff, a small beach beneath it, and the ocean not far away.

I want to go back to see that meeting of the sky and the sea, to feel the sea breeze there.

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky, a stubborn season. Once the cold winter passes, there is still spring; may hope never fade.”

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky, an eternal picture. When I miss you, I close my eyes, and you are in my heart.”

Can you see it? Such beautiful sky, sea, and grassland.

In the past, you were the one who took us to see the beauty of the world, intentionally choosing breathtaking landscapes that are hard for ordinary people to reach. I can’t emulate you, but I also have views I want you to see. The window grilles of Tainan are one, those ancient brick walls, the ceramic handicrafts… and this.

Can you see it?

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky. Once the cold winter passes, there is still spring; may hope never fade.”

Did we never discuss soaking in a hot spring together?

Taitung and Hualien, this series of Taiwan’s “back mountains,” are rich in natural resources. It’s such a pity you only climbed mountains when you came to Hualien! There are very beautiful sea views here, and hot springs where you can thoroughly relax your overly tired feet.

Then, we could find a comfortable hotel and cuddle up together—although I’ve mostly stayed at nearby hotels near the stations throughout this journey, when I came here, I decided to splurge a little!

“The sweet grass stretches to the sky, an eternal picture. When I miss you, I close my eyes, and you are in my heart.”

I walked into a market I hadn’t visited in a long time near the station in Yilan.

Listen to the sound of the crowd, the vendors shouting, and the car engines; often, beautiful things are right beside us… but we often ignore them. The beauty of human warmth is also a kind of beauty. I met many kind people along the way, even though I was mostly lost in my own singing and music!

“When I miss you, I close my eyes…” Walking from the crowd to a place of quiet, the sky today is not very clear, and the wind blowing on me is very cold, but it reminds me of the feeling you give me.

“You are, in my heart…”

I sang this song over and over; although I also learned many other songs besides this one, perhaps this is the one that best fits the mood of our journey?

I took many photos and wrote many notes, but I don’t know how to give them to you?

And, even at the very end of the journey, I still haven’t dreamed of you even once.

A cold wind blew, lightly brushing my cheek—”Xiaoning.” I heard… it.

Was that your voice?

I turned my head.

Gazing at the gray sky, I cried.

Yet, I also smiled.

I think I finally know where you are.