Crossing the Clouds and Sky to Fall in Love with You - Chapter 15

I hadn’t eaten more than two bites, still trying to figure out how to ask her for help, when the nausea struck again! I held the trash can and retched, bringing up the little food I had just eaten.

“Stomach upset?” Sister Tao patted my back, but she quickly changed her mind. “Or… related to pregnancy?”

I looked away, embarrassed, and smart as she was, she seemed to have guessed the answer.

The good news was that it didn’t happen again after dinner; it wasn’t until I was finally about to go to bed that I mustered the courage to ask.

“Sister Tao… do you know any trustworthy doctors or clinics?”

“I was just thinking I should urge you to get a prenatal check-up…” She faced me, I reached out my hand to her, and she didn’t hesitate to take it. “Have you made up your mind?”

“Mm… I’ve looked up some information. It’s safer to decide earlier, and the impact is smaller.”

“Okay, what’s your class schedule like tomorrow?”

“No required courses in the morning… I have some in the afternoon, but the teacher isn’t very strict about attendance.”

Sister Tao nodded, promptly got up, threw on a light blanket, and headed to the computer.

“Sister Tao?”

“I’m going to contact her right now. Tomorrow is a bit rushed… but she should do me this favor.” She opened her laptop and started typing a message on the screen.

Looking at her slender, tall back, I was moved to tears.

She completely put my matters as a priority… “But… it’s almost half past eleven now.”

“It’s okay, she doesn’t go to bed this early… Although once I use this connection, things will become a little troublesome later!” She said with a smile, “But it’s fine! The trouble is my problem. Compared to yours, mine is nothing at all.”

Is it a family issue? I’ve known Sister Tao for almost two months now, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard her mention her family.

The nicer she was to me, the more indebted I felt, and the more curious I became about her.

The next morning, Sister Tao took me to a qualified obstetrics and gynecology clinic in the city.

Even though it wasn’t business hours, the clinic door was open, as if it were prepared just for me.

The doctor was a woman, about fifty years old, wearing glasses, with a serious expression, but she inexplicably gave a reliable sense of security.

She immediately arranged for me to have the prenatal check-ups a pregnant woman should have; it was the first time I saw the child in my belly… No, I was not yet five weeks pregnant, so it could only be considered an embryo; as I watched that small dot slowly developing on the screen, Lü Hanjun’s face flashed through my mind.

“Miss?” Snapping back, I met the nurse’s concerned and confused eyes.

I shook my head, listened to the doctor’s explanation, and learned that the embryo’s implantation and development were all normal.

“So, Doctor, when do you think is the best time to perform the surgery?”

“If you’re willing, we can do it now; the earlier it’s done, the lower the risk and the smaller the impact on the mother.”

Sister Tao was right beside me. I looked at her for affirmation, and she pursed her lips and gave a slight nod.

Thus, that one glimpse through the screen became my last sight of this ill-fated child.

The surgery time was very short. I knew from the online information I had checked that such a small embryo didn’t require an incision, or even a post-operative recovery period.

But, that refers to physical recovery.

The moment the surgical instrument intruded into my body, I was so overcome with emotion that I shed tears; it wasn’t because of the pain, but to mourn the passing of an innocent life.

I killed my own child.

“Xiaoning, it’s okay, don’t cry, don’t cry, I’m here.” Sister Tao’s voice soothed me like a mother’s. I clung to her, feeling a dull ache in my abdomen; even though I had rid myself of the heavy source of stress from the past few days, I still felt deep sorrow and self-reproach.

“Sister Tao…” I said in a hoarse voice, never imagining that letting a life conceived within me leave would be so hard! “I killed him…” I didn’t even know if the child was a boy or a girl!

“You didn’t, Xiaoning, you didn’t kill him.”

Sister Tao’s eyes were clean and pure. She tightly held my hand and whispered in my ear, word by word: “You weren’t ready to be a mother. Forcing the birth would only harm him; the child wouldn’t be happy, and you would deviate from your life plan; this decision now is good for both you and him… He didn’t come at the right time. Your tears and heartache are enough to tell him that you are not an unfit mother, just not ready yet. So, don’t say things like that again, okay?”

Looking at Sister Tao, I felt lost, but her smile and hug became my only source of warmth in my despair; I managed a weak smile, took some time to compose myself, and then left the operating room. The doctor had been waiting outside for a long time.

“Siqi, come here for a moment.” The doctor seemed to have seen through my current state. Instead of calling me, she spoke directly to Sister Tao about the things that needed to be explained.

I sat to the side, distractedly sipping the warm water the nurse handed me, paying no attention to the doctor’s instructions, until they started talking about Sister Tao’s matters—

“…Did you go home?”

“Not yet, I came back for work this time…”

The doctor pursed her lips and glared at Sister Tao. “Work, work! There are so many things waiting for you to do at home… I suppose you haven’t contacted your mother either?” Sister Tao nodded, and the doctor’s face darkened. “Don’t tell me I’m the first family member to know you secretly came back!”

Sister Tao shrugged, “Auntie has always been the kindest to me. She probably wouldn’t bear to reveal my whereabouts and let me get scolded, right?”

“You! If it weren’t for your friend having this issue, making you come to me for a favor, were you planning to avoid us all?”

Sister Tao was silent for a moment, then finally said, as if giving in, “Fine, I promise to go back at least once during the New Year.”

The doctor showed a “that’s more like it” expression. “Then at least let me tell your mother that you came by, alright?”

“Mm, it’s good to let them know…” Sister Tao said, mostly with resignation.

“Siqi! Evasion can’t solve problems.”

“I don’t want to either!” She gave a wry smile, finally hugged the doctor, “Anyway, thank you for your help; I’ll take my friend back now.”

“Mm.” The doctor appeared indifferent, but it wasn’t hard to notice her upward curve of the lips, which indicated she was happy. “Remember my instructions!”

“I know!” Sister Tao finally returned to my side. Before leaving, I specifically nodded my thanks to the doctor; she returned a smile. After we left, the clinic door was immediately pulled down. I glanced at their morning consultation hours and realized that they had opened an hour and a half early just for me!

Sitting in the taxi, it wasn’t until the surgery was over that I realized I had forgotten something important. “Sister Tao! That…”

“Mm?”

“The surgery fee…” How much would it cost?

“I’ve already paid it for you. Plus, because of the connection, there was some discount.”

“No matter what, I’ll find a way to pay you back.”

She didn’t refuse this time, simply saying, “We’ll talk about it after you’ve completely recovered.”

Sister Tao’s words always had a hidden meaning; this time, they were equally meaningful.

I understood what she meant, and I knew that this child was absolutely impossible for me to keep. She tried everything to make me feel better, at least not to feel guilty for giving up a life… I didn’t know how to cheer up quickly, but at least in hindsight, I would be grateful that my life didn’t have to undergo a drastic change.

At least I’m still living a relatively peaceful college life… Losing a boyfriend and a favorite band isn’t the end of the world, is it?

Moreover, after paying a huge price, besides life experience, I haven’t gained nothing.

I attended classes normally on Wednesday; I only told Yiting that I had an urgent matter at home the day I skipped the entire day of classes. Since I usually don’t miss many classes, I wouldn’t fall behind just by missing a few. However, Tao Yian, who hadn’t seen me yesterday, was very nervous and caught me to talk at the first opportunity.

“I was very worried since you didn’t come yesterday.” It was noticeable that his complexion was paler than usual, and I don’t think it was because of the cold weather. “Something happened at your home?”

“Mm, it’s fine now.” I tried my best to smile, but my lips were stiff and wouldn’t obey.

After a moment of silence, he said softly, “Yiting briefly told me what happened.”

I looked down, knowing I didn’t need to pretend anymore. “Oh.”

“She only let me know that you broke up with your boyfriend, but she didn’t say why because she wasn’t sure of the details…”

“There’s nothing to say, that’s just how it is.” I took a breath, realizing the dull ache in my chest.

Tao Yian’s calm eyes were tinged with anger. He excitedly reached for my hand, “What exactly did he do to you?”

“Tao Yian… Can I say I don’t want to talk about it?” I smiled bitterly, tears welling up in my eyes.

“I went to Plato’s.” His voice was heavy, and I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Last week… I originally wanted to hear his singing, and I was also hoping to run into you.” He pursed his lips. I probably knew what he saw. “I didn’t wait for you, but I saw that guitarist’s passionate performance on stage with another long-haired female singer.”

I said coldly, “It’s exactly as you saw… He and I are over.”

“Xiaoning, don’t you feel unwilling? That female singer…”

I pulled out a tissue to wipe my tears, shook my head, and said, “He did it willingly. He willingly abandoned me for his future, to embrace another person… His choice, even if I’m unwilling, what difference does it make!”

He withdrew his hand, staring at me and shaking his head repeatedly, as if he was upset for me and felt I was wronged. “Xiaoning…”

“That person has nothing to do with me anymore, look.” I tugged at my collar. My neck was bare. “Thank you for your concern, but I don’t want to touch the wound right now. I just want some peace and quiet…”

“Also,” I pursed my lips, paused for a moment, and then said, “The ‘breeze’ you mentioned can no longer warm others. I advise you not to have too high expectations for her.”

I looked away, pretending to focus on taking out my notebook from my bag. He didn’t leave, his wheelchair still facing me.

I reluctantly met his gaze again, and finally, I heard him say softly, “I’m willing to wait.”

“Even if it’s indefinitely?”

He smiled, and as the class bell rang, I seemed to hear him reiterate,

“I’m willing to wait.”