After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 59
Bai Ruowei always seemed capable of saying flirtatious things with a straight face.
Those pale green eyes gazed at her with utmost seriousness, their color as unfathomable as the ocean’s depths. Her refined features suddenly broke into a smile, her eyes filled not just with desire but also with something more regret, guilt, all inextricably tied to love.
A pair of slender, well-defined hands wrapped around Song Shizhou’s waist, and the crisp scent of osmanthus instantly enveloped them, a fragrance that was mysterious, proud, and pure, yet now carried a hint of seduction.
Bai Ruowei pulled her onto the sofa, seemingly determined to put the word “test” into practice.
Song Shizhou stopped those trembling lips.
“No.”
“The doctor said you just had your mark cleansed. We can’t have too much intimate contact.”
Those pale green pupils drooped in disappointment, like a big cat that had failed to catch its prey. Perhaps Miss Bai only wanted a kiss, not an entanglement on the sofa.
But Song Shizhou had her reasons for thinking this way.
Because Bai Ruowei was a person of insatiable desire.
The thought gave Song Shizhou a headache.
This woman was lustful to her very core. In the past, she would often return from missions injured, yet no matter how severe her wounds, the moment she saw Song Shizhou, she would cling to her for sex. It seemed Bai Ruowei had a particular fondness for hospital beds, the sterile white sheets, the sharp scent of disinfectant, and beneath the covers, their suppressed yet eager gasps.
She would playfully torment Song Shizhou, using her slickness to drive her mad, as if determined to wrench an unrestrained moan from her lips.
Song Shizhou had no idea where she got so much sexual energy.
Perhaps for someone as wild as Miss Bai, the best way to express love was to devour her lover whole.
To take her into her own body, the more, the deeper, the better.
Sensing the firmness in Song Shizhou’s tone, Bai Ruowei’s eyes flickered.
“Fine.”
Song Shizhou returned to the bedroom and hung Bai Ruowei’s coat in the closet.
The small apartment’s closet wasn’t very spacious, with her own clothes already occupying about two-thirds of it. After hanging it up, their clothes nearly touched. Remembering Bai Ruowei’s aversion to mess, Song Shizhou separated them.
She closed the closet door and left the bedroom.
Bai Ruowei was still sitting in the living room, thoughtfully flipping through a yellowed notebook.
It was the ledger Song Shizhou used for keeping accounts. She paused, then took the notebook from Bai Ruowei’s hands.
“Since you’re staying, go take a shower first.”
Bai Ruowei nodded and agreed.
Inside the bedroom closet, clothes were neatly arranged. She had left behind a set of black cotton pajamas here before. Bai Ruowei dug them out and put them on.
If she wasn’t mistaken, that notebook Song Shizhou used for accounts seemed to have a small sketch of her inside.
A warmth flickered in Bai Ruowei’s expression, her face pensive.
The closet door was slightly ajar. She pushed it open, her coat and Song Shizhou’s were placed far apart. Her expression cooled slightly as she reached out and pressed the two garments tightly together.
For several days without returning home, the refrigerator was left empty. Song Shizhou, someone who cherished life so much, had seen her living standards drop so drastically recently, it really shouldn’t have been this way.
She checked the ingredients inside the fridge. Apart from condiments and eggs, there was almost nothing left, not even many canned drinks. With a sigh, Xiao Song reluctantly opened the takeout app on her phone, one she hadn’t touched in ages thinking that maybe she should just order in tonight.
Perhaps because the bathtub was rather small, Miss Bai finished her bath quickly. Her smooth hair draped over her shoulders as she leaned in to watch Song Shizhou fiddle with her phone. Resting her sharp chin on Shizhou’s arm, she was as spoiled as ever.
The screen, filled with flashy food advertisements, only made her lose her appetite. Miss Bai looked up. “Takeout isn’t healthy. I’ll go buy groceries. What do you want to eat?”
Then, she added, “I’ll cook for you.”
She would cook.
Song Shizhou let out a soft laugh.
She still had lingering fears from that disastrous apple feast. Did Bai Ruowei really still have the confidence to cook for her?
“At this hour, the markets are already closed. The nearest supermarket is a half-hour walk away. Grocery shopping is a hassle.”
But Bai Ruowei seemed determined to redeem herself.
“It’s no trouble. I’ll drive. You’d have to go out to buy groceries sooner or later anyway.”
She didn’t take long. Soon, she returned from downstairs, arms laden with vegetables and all kinds of meat, determined to fill Song Shizhou’s fridge to the brim.
Shizhou helped carry the bags into the kitchen.
“You bought so much. What are you planning to make for me tonight?”
The question seemed to stump Bai Ruowei.
This woman, who was bold and composed when pursuing someone, was instantly reduced to her awkward self by a simple question about cooking. Bai Ruowei looked nervous, her pale green eyes lowering slightly, as if she lacked confidence in her answer.
“…Noodles.”
Though reluctant to admit it, for now, noodles were the only thing she could make.
But… did noodles really require this many ingredients?
The kitchen counter was now covered with an assortment of ingredients, two bunches of fresh Chinese broccoli, a bowl of beaten eggs, a handful of cilantro, a plate of tofu, a bowl of shrimp, two packs of thinly sliced meat, and a whole old hen sitting in a basin.
And finally, the star of tonight’s meal.
A pack of hand-pulled noodles.
Song Shizhou rubbed her temples helplessly.
“Miss Bai, are we having noodles tonight, or hot pot?”
A poor student with too many stationery supplies Bai Ruowei was still a novice in the kitchen, capable only of disasters like the apple feast. All these high-difficulty ingredients were just for show, bought simply because others did.
Bai Ruowei flushed at her words.
“I’ll learn.”
She took down the apron hanging on the wall, a brown one embroidered with two adorable little bears and tied it around her slender waist. Her back, usually as straight and proud as bamboo, now carried an unexpectedly gentle air.
Miss Bai seemed to have gained a bit of domestic warmth.
The Bai Ruowei of the past would never have had such an aura. From the moment she was born, everything had been prepared for her. She only needed to remain forever haughty, forever untouchable, forever waiting for others to serve and comfort her.
But now, Bai Ruowei was actually preparing dinner for her with a nervous heart.
Song Shizhou crossed her arms and let her do as she pleased.
She didn’t return to the bedroom but instead stayed in the living room to handle work matters. A client had recently ordered a set of custom porcelain with the four seasons as the theme, and she was still in the design phase.
While she was reviewing materials, Zhao suddenly sent her a message:
“Boss, the studio’s workload has been increasing lately. Should we hire a few more customer service staff?”
Zhao complained over the phone, saying the shop was simply too busy now, she couldn’t handle it alone. Moreover, the studio was also short on designers. Originally, there were three designers, including Song Shizhou, but their workload was already overwhelming. With one designer recently falling ill and needing to take a break, the orders had completely piled up.
Song Shizhou replied with an “ok” emoji, registered the studio’s information on a recruitment platform, and posted job listings on her social media, planning to cast a wide net.
Cooking noodles didn’t take long. Soon, Miss Bai emerged carrying two bowls of yangchun noodles.
Song Shizhou closed her laptop and went to the dining table.
Miss Bai had ultimately abandoned the idea of hot pot for dinner. The unused ingredients were stored in the fridge. The yangchun noodles were simple, garnished with two sprigs of bright green cilantro, the broth golden and glistening clearly not made from a premixed seasoning packet.
Song Shizhou finally understood why Bai Ruowei had bought that old hen, it was for the broth.
What an expensive bowl of soup.
Bai Ruowei handed her a pair of chopsticks, and she accepted them.
Dinner was quiet. The chicken noodle soup was flavorful, and aside from being slightly under-salted, it was a feast for both the eyes and the palate.
Miss Bai ate with delicate grace, idly picking at a bowl of fruit slices. She had never been particularly interested in food, so after a few bites, she set her chopsticks down with little enthusiasm.
Propping her chin on her hand, she studied Song Shizhou thoughtfully.
“How was it?” she asked.
Song Shizhou nodded.
“Not bad.”
“Not bad” meant there was still room for improvement.
Bai Ruowei smiled. “I’ll learn faster.”
After dinner, the two prepared to rest. Bai Ruowei cut another bowl of fruit, the peaches she had bought were tender and juicy, their pink-and-white hue reminiscent of a beauty’s complexion.
The sound of running water echoed from the bathroom as Song Shizhou showered.
Before long, she emerged, droplets still clinging to her arms, her hair half-dried. It wasn’t particularly long, just reaching the nape of her neck.
Bai Ruowei stood at the bedroom door, holding a hairdryer.
“Shi Zhou, do you want me to dry your hair for you?”
The woman wore a black loungewear set, the soft cotton fabric draping over her like expensive silk. A strand of white hair fell over her chest, sharp as a flower’s edge.
Song Shizhou paused. “No need. I’ve already dried it.”
The hairdryer was silent, so she hadn’t heard it running in the bathroom. Miss Bai’s hand stilled, her smile stiffening unconsciously.
She nodded, then gently closed the door with a soft click. Song Shizhou raised an eyebrow.
Had Bai Ruowei left because she’d been rejected?
But the next second, a warm presence suddenly drew near her. Song Shizhou felt as though she had stumbled into a warm embrace.
The person’s heated palm rested against her waist, the crisp scent of osmanthus enveloping her, and Bai Ruowei’s voice sounded in her ear once more.
“Since it’s already dry, let me brush it for you.”
So she had only gone to fetch a comb from the bathroom.
Song Shizhou didn’t refuse this time.
She leaned into the woman’s embrace, quietly savoring Bai Ruowei’s rare act of “service.”
Bai Ruowei’s body temperature was slightly higher than normal, so her abdomen was warm and soft. The crisp osmanthus fragrance filled her senses, making it hard to believe that such a cold and proud woman could have such a tender embrace.
The woman’s fingers wove through her black hair. Bai Ruowei’s movements were meticulous, her fingertips lightly grazing Song Shizhou’s scalp, sending tingles down her spine. Song Shizhou’s hair was soft, slightly damp and slippery from the water. Droplets rolled down the strands into Bai Ruowei’s palm, cool at first but quickly warmed by her body heat.
Song Shizhou’s hair had grown a little longer, the ends now resting softly against her shoulders. Bai Ruowei carefully brushed through each strand, smoothing them out before spritzing two pumps of night-blooming cereus-scented hair oil. The two similar fragrances mingled, and Bai Ruowei’s cheeks flushed slightly from the intoxicating blend.
She lowered her head slightly, gazing at Song Shizhou’s lips, now rosy from the bath. The small wound she had left last time was no longer visible, leaving only a faint shadow making those lips appear even more alluring.
Song Shizhou wasn’t wrong. She did want to make love to her.
Perhaps her way of expressing love would always be this straightforward. She wanted to kiss Song Shizhou, to feel those lips linger over every sensitive part of her body, to surrender and tremble beneath their conquest.
To show the side of herself that Song Shizhou wanted to see.
Bai Ruowei chuckled softly, her expression darkening.
A full-length mirror stood before them, reflecting her expression clearly in Song Shizhou’s eyes. Bai Ruowei’s gaze was heavy, as if drowning in deep desire, yet also focused as though she were beholding the most precious thing in the world.
She had styled Song Shizhou’s hair until it gleamed, but as she stared at the round curve of the back of her head, her heart suddenly ached with tenderness and sorrow.
She and Song Shizhou had shared a bed for four years. Countless times, Shi Zhou had gently brushed her long hair with such care. Yet this was the first time she had ever done the same in return.
She really had been neglectful in the past.
The wooden comb clattered softly against the table. Bai Ruowei’s heart twisted with guilt as she buried her face into the crook of Song Shizhou’s neck, nuzzling against her with quiet sorrow.
With a faint trace of bitterness and obsession, Bai Ruowei murmured,
“Let’s extend the deadline a little longer.”
Song Shizhou froze before realizing she was referring to the one-month trial period.
Wasn’t that just a joke? Why was she taking it so seriously? Yet a tingling sensation spread across her neck as Bai Ruowei’s lips brushed against her skin, soft and damp, teasing her with their tempting warmth.
She paused.
“What’s wrong?”
“I feel like I’ve been neglectful before.”
“It was always you taking care of me like this. This is the first time I’ve ever done the same for you.”
Her voice trembled slightly, but her expression was resolute as she turned around,
“Shi Zhou, you could actually test me a little more.”
Bai Ruowei wore a black cotton nightgown, her long white hair cascading over her chest, proud and dazzling. She said she could endure more tests,
and more punishments.
A fire inexplicably ignited in Song Shizhou’s heart. She stared into the other’s eyes and found Bai Ruowei’s gaze so earnest.
She instinctively reached out to touch her long hair,
“Those are all things of the past.”
Feeling the gentle caress, Bai Ruowei buried herself deeper into her embrace, kissing her lips with something akin to infatuation. “Shi Zhou, how are you so good?”
Willing to forgive her for her grave mistakes, willing to give someone like her another chance.
Song Shizhou replied calmly,
“I’m not as good as you think. If you behave poorly during this time, I will still leave you.”
Bai Ruowei suddenly looked at her with deep seriousness,
“It’s alright.”
“No matter the outcome, I’ll still thank you for being willing to forgive me, for giving me another chance to love you again…”
She licked her lips,
“I love you.”
Song Shizhou’s heart skipped a beat, as if she hadn’t heard her clearly. “What did you say?”
Bai Ruowei’s tone was heavy, “I said, I love you.”
Laced with guilt and adoration, the two most complex emotions in the world intertwined, making this solemn “I love you” inexplicably bloom like a flower in Song Shizhou’s heart.
It was a confession filled with desire, yet heart-stirring all the same.
She wrapped an arm around Bai Ruowei’s waist, her gaze unconsciously growing heated. Bai Ruowei’s voice was beautiful, even more so when whispering sweet nothings, though she had rarely spoken such lovely words before. Song Shizhou’s expression darkened. She wanted to hear her say it again and again, until those lips, so often deceitful, could no longer utter a single harsh word.
Song Shizhou gripped her long hair, her voice unexpectedly hoarse, “Say it again.”
Bai Ruowei smiled, her pale green eyes brimming with deep infatuation,
“I love you,”
“I love you,”
“I love you,”
…
The one who had once demanded she say “I love you” ten thousand times now began to fulfill that promise in earnest. Bai Ruowei lost count of how many times she repeated those words, yet each one carried the same depth of emotion, the same remorse, the same unbearable ache.
Her voice trembled slightly,
“Song Shizhou, I’m sorry.”
Song Shizhou pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her tireless tongue,
“Don’t say sorry anymore…”
“What’s in the past may never change, but at least now, I’ve already forgiven you.”
Bai Ruowei froze for a moment before cupping her fingers in her palm,
“Alright, then I won’t say sorry anymore. I’ll only tell you I love you.”
Before, she hadn’t understood her own heart, stubbornly refusing to express it. But now, she wouldn’t make that mistake again. She could see herself clearly, so every word she spoke felt like a confession to Song Shizhou.
She thought, now was finally the time to atone for her past mistakes. Once, she had childishly and tyrannically forced Song Shizhou to say “I love you” ten thousand times now, it was her turn to fulfill that promise.
But when she thought of all the mistakes she had made before, how could a mere ten thousand “I love yous” ever be enough to make up for them?
It was unclear whose eyes had grown moist, but Miss Bai seemed particularly moved some unnamed place had grown damp along with her tearful eyes. Bai Ruowei settled into Song Shizhou’s lap. Since words were so inadequate, perhaps she should repay the emotional debt she owed through action instead.
Her legs unconsciously wrapped around Song Shizhou’s waist, a faint dampness sliding down from that dangerous place. Even Song Shizhou could sense her unusual state.
A doctor’s reminders were always so bothersome, but it wasn’t as if Miss Bai hadn’t followed the rules.
She silenced Song Shizhou’s lips that were about to refuse.
“Shh, don’t say no.”
“Just once.”
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