After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 57

Bai Ruowei’s pale green eyes were filled with seriousness. Song Shizhou paused, and the rose blooming in Miss Bai’s palm suddenly twitched.

She thought she could hear the sound of it blooming.

In that instant, everything came alive.

Bai Ruowei set down the champagne glass, cupped her face, and kissed her fiercely.

The moment their lips met, the world seemed to spin.

The room was unlit. That cumbersome coat slid down Miss Bai’s waistline, the soft chiffon fabric brushing against Song Shizhou’s face. Bai Ruowei’s chest was burning hot, her soft skin grazing Song Shizhou’s lips, stirring a sudden urge in her to tear open that blouse and sink her teeth into it.

As their lips pressed together, the other woman’s kiss instantly claimed every inch of her mouth. Miss Bai’s lips were impossibly soft, glistening faintly from their earlier kiss, an intoxicating, ambiguous allure that made her want to kiss back even deeper.

A whisper, tender against her ear:

“Shizhou, you’ve already forgiven me in your heart.”

Miss Bai’s gaze brimmed with tenderness.

“You never said it because you weren’t sure of my intentions. You doubted whether I was just toying with you on a whim. But I can tell you now, I take responsibility for my actions. I’ve never acted on impulse.”

“And besides, there might be another reason.”

She smiled, a faint dimple appearing on her refined cheek so tempting to poke or kiss until she trembled and begged.

“Maybe you kept silent because you wanted to see me fall even deeper for you.”

“You wanted to watch me lose myself to you.”

A soft laugh.

“You’re so wicked.”

The scent of laurel, woven into the fabric, carried a cold fragrance now tinged with madness.

Igniting an inexplicable heat in Song Shizhou’s chest.

“Since you know that, how dare you still come to me?”

Bai Ruowei wore a gray chiffon blouse, its collar tied in a knot that she abruptly yanked loose. A stretch of pale skin was exposed, trembling slightly in the air from excitement. The skin over her heart seemed especially fair, as if made to be marked kissed until she shivered and lost herself.

She had said she wanted to celebrate for her.

But celebrations required a gift.

And it seemed she had no objections to being that gift now.

Song Shizhou’s gaze uncontrollably traced Bai Ruowei’s figure, the faint pink lips parting and closing, the slender white neck, the subtle movement of her throat.

Then she saw the woman suddenly smile.

“Why wouldn’t I dare to come to you?”

“We shared a bed for four years. Do you think I don’t know exactly what kind of person you are? Did you really believe you could scare me by acting wicked?”

“Of course I came to you. Not just to find you but to tell you that you’ve done well. You succeeded.”

“You made me lose myself to you, ache for you, abandon all my reason and past for you. Song Shizhou, you’ve done so well.”

Those pale green eyes gazed at her with a hint of obsession, their expression frenzied yet utterly intoxicated. Song Shizhou felt as though she had once drowned in this sea of green, but now it seemed she wasn’t the only one who had fallen into its depths.

They were two madwomen entangled in each other’s restraints, each trying to trap the other, only to realize they had trapped themselves first.

Bai Ruowei reached out, gripping her collar.

The warmth of her breath brushed against Song Shizhou’s lips,a kiss that should have been soft and ambiguous, yet Shizhou soon winced in pain as Bai Ruowei bit down on her scab. She seemed to particularly enjoy biting during kisses, knowing it was the easiest way to provoke Song Shizhou and thus, the surest way to get what she wanted.

The wound had nearly faded, but now it throbbed anew, vivid and raw.

Vivid in its ambiguity.

Miss Bai’s lips were so soft, so unbearably soft, that Shizhou’s grip on her waist unconsciously loosened. She moved with Bai Ruowei’s breath, their mingled exhales growing warm and damp. Bai Ruowei’s hand slid down, capturing hers, and suddenly.

A tongue flicked against her palm.

Then her fingertips.

She knew what this meant.

Bai Ruowei’s gasps and scent flooded her world, consuming every sense until her vision was filled with nothing but that sacred white.

That sacred white, trembling and panting before her.

The table lamp was knocked over by someone, shattering on the floor with a sharp clatter. Bai Ruowei’s eyes glazed with mist, her cheeks flushed from the overwhelming fusion of pheromones, her breath ragged. Her gaze shimmered like a lake stirred by spring tides.

Hot, tangled breaths wove between them, veiling their vision in a haze. Song Shizhou guided her onto the sofa, and Bai Ruowei, astonishingly parted her knees in compliance, a soft moan escaping her lips.

Fingers, slickened by Miss Bai herself, pressed where it hurt most. Shizhou’s control faltered, her touch rougher than intended. Under the warm yellow light, Bai Ruowei’s radiant face bore a faint, drunken allure.

Tendons rose along her jade-white throat as Shizhou pressed her fingers to the pulse there, feeling deep, deeper, the frantic rhythm of her heart.

How long had they been entwined? A trail of crimson slid from the corner of their lips, yet their breaths remained unbroken, their kiss unrelenting. Someone tasted blood metallic, rusted.

Two pairs of closed eyes slowly opened.

Miss Bai’s nose, lips, chin all smeared with blood.

So was Song Shizhou’s.

So much blood.

A vivid streak ran from Shizhou’s nose, winding downward.

Then, a searing heat, a sharp sting, radiating from the gland at the base of her neck. At first, it was only there.

But soon, it consumed her entirely.

Blood dripped down Song Shizhou’s cheeks one drop at a time, the vivid crimson staining the white tiles like red plum blossoms blooming in snow exquisitely beautiful, hauntingly alluring.

Late at night, the hospital examination room was brightly lit.

Assistant Zheng had actually arrived before the ambulance, as the people arranged by Madam Chen were always reliable.

The car sped toward the hospital, the kaleidoscopic nightscape receding rapidly outside the windows. Though Song Shizhou’s nosebleed had stopped, the cramped vehicle was thick with two clashing pheromones. No one could have imagined these two normally subdued floral scents would become so fervent, endlessly twining around each other.

The driver focused on the road while Little Zheng sat in the passenger seat. Through the rearview mirror, she observed their expressions, the usually composed Miss Bai now visibly struggling to contain her anxiety.

Was this the power of love?

As a Council member like Mia, Little Zheng also didn’t understand love. Still, she quietly sighed in relief that both she and the driver were Betas, otherwise they’d surely be driven into induced estrus.

Under the glaring emergency room lights, doctors stood ready to examine Song Shizhou. Blood tests and examinations took several hours.

The results came quickly.

“You two haven’t been intimate for quite some time, have you?”

The doctor phrased it gently. Bai Ruowei cut in, “That’s correct.”

“That explains it.”

“Miss Song’s glands are experiencing rejection symptoms from absorbing too much stimulating pheromones in a short period. This can cause dizziness, vomiting, abdominal pain, nosebleeds.”

Miss Bai tensed, gripping Song Shizhou’s hand nervously. “Why don’t I have these symptoms?”

The doctor smiled. “It varies by constitution. Perhaps Miss Bai’s physical condition is better, making the rejection less noticeable.”

After administering an injection, Song Shizhou’s symptoms visibly improved, even the tension in her glands gradually fading.

“For pronounced rejection cases like Miss Song’s, regular injections and rest should suffice. But to completely eliminate risks during intimacy, further treatment is needed.”

Little Zheng immediately asked, “Doctor, what treatment would that be?”

“Mark removal.”

Bai Ruowei’s hand slammed onto the table. “Mark removal?”

Song Shizhou countered, “Are there no other treatments? Must it be mark removal?”

The doctor shook his head. “Only removing the provisional mark can fully alleviate mutual rejection. Besides, removing it won’t prevent future marking behavior.”

The explanation was reasonable especially since Song Shizhou had only left a provisional mark. It wouldn’t turn her into an Omega or affect her emotions, so most Alphas wouldn’t react strongly.

The hand holding Shizhou’s trembled slightly. Bai Ruowei frowned, her expression otherwise calm. “It’s fine. Let’s remove it then.” Her tone sounded almost lighthearted. “We can’t avoid intimacy forever.”

Perhaps because lifelong companions are truly rare, the procedure to remove a mark has become quite advanced by now. The surgery isn’t complicated, it doesn’t even require an incision. However, to prevent patients from experiencing excessive emotional distress during the process, doctors usually have their partners accompany them.

A glass partition separated the two. Bai Ruowei lay on the operating chair, her expression surprisingly relaxed.

“It’s fine, it’s just removing a mark,” she repeated the doctor’s words, unsure whether she was comforting herself or Song Shizhou.

“Shizhou, I’ve been through everything. I’m not afraid, and you don’t need to worry either.”

Her face showed no particular emotion, those proud eyes slowly lowering as if her heart was completely untroubled. Yet the delicate curve of her jawline betrayed a hint of fragility.

Bai Ruowei smiled, her eyelids slightly red.

“Anyway, once it’s removed, we can have a deeper mark, right?”

Song Shizhou’s heart clenched instantly.

As if guided by some unseen force, Song Shizhou pushed open the glass door and took Bai Ruowei’s hand.

It was the first time in so many days that she had actively reached for Bai Ruowei’s hand.

The other woman’s eyes widened in disbelief, their intertwined fingers radiating warmth, as if their hearts had pressed together.

Perhaps even Song Shizhou herself hadn’t realized it from the moment the doctor mentioned removing the mark, her heart had been tightly suspended, never settling again.

Perhaps, from beginning to end, she had always been deeply concerned with Bai Ruowei’s every move.

She had once believed herself to be utterly indifferent, that everyone in this world owed her and was unworthy of her attention. Yet in the end, the person who had hurt her the most, the one she had been entangled with the longest, was also the one she worried about the most.

A pang of bitterness spread through Song Shizhou’s heart. It turned out she wasn’t indifferent, she had simply already given her limited attention to one person and refused to spare any for others.

The procedure was about to begin. Bai Ruowei’s fingers trembled slightly as she squeezed Song Shizhou’s hand, swaying it back and forth.

“Xiao Bao hasn’t seen you in so long. It misses you. You’re its owner, you should visit Snow Pavilion when you have time.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t worry about Song Lanyi’s situation. She was the one who smashed the porcelain, so she can’t escape responsibility. The value of that piece exceeds the limit set by the Council. As expected, she’ll likely face criminal charges.”

“Mhm.”

“Song Shizhou, I actually think you’re amazing. You love and hate fiercely. You sought revenge against someone who hurt you for so long that takes courage. None of this is your fault.”

“Mhm…”

“After this is over, let’s reconsider our relationship.”

“Mhm.”

But in the next moment, her voice suddenly wavered.

“Song Shizhou…”

“I really don’t want to remove the mark.”

The cool needle pierced Miss Bai’s skin. It didn’t hurt, but an odd sensation quickly spread through her body. The pheromones Song Shizhou had left in her were minimal, so the extraction was swift. Yet even this tiny, insignificant trace was the most precious thing in her heart.

The fragrance of the night-blooming cereus was fading, the pheromones that had comforted her countless times and filled her with longing were slowly being drained away. It was a slow, torturous process, just like when Song Shizhou had left her in their past life.

An empty vase sat on the table. Bai Ruowei raised her hand and effortlessly knocked it over.

The receding pheromones stirred the deepest fears within her. The medical staff took a cautious step back. Miss Bai suddenly seemed on the verge of collapse because no matter how composed she pretended to be, no matter how indifferent she acted, she couldn’t hide her resistance to having the mark removed.

She had lost control.

“I really, truly don’t want to erase the mark.”

Song Shizhou’s heart clenched.

If the mark was erased, what would remain between them?

Tears streamed down Bai Ruowei’s face, soaking the lower half. Her eyes held a mix of obsession and fragility. Images flashed before her all from the past, all connected to one person.

“Get out! All of you, get out! Everyone, leave!”

Except for one.

In her daze, she reached out, and someone firmly took her hand.

“Song Shizhou is that you?”

Song Shizhou nodded, voice choked with emotion.

“It’s me.”

“You’re still here with me, you didn’t leave me.”

But the next moment, her voice trembled.

“Song Shizhou, why didn’t you answer my call?”

“I was picking out a ring. I went to find you, but you weren’t there.”

“Why did you have to die?”

The past, long gone, had never released its grip on her.

And she had never forgiven herself.

Song Shizhou had never seen Bai Ruowei in such agony.

As if her heart had shattered.

“Shizhou, why didn’t I say yes when you proposed?”

“I loved every painting you gave me. I treasured each one. Why did I say I didn’t like them?”

“And those love diaries you wrote on Weibo, Did you know? The one who always tipped you was me.”

She paused, her gaze distant, as if recalling a story from long ago.

“When I was little Mr. Bai once gave me a pony.”

She spoke to herself.

“A little chestnut pony. I hammered in its first horseshoe myself. It loved carrots. I loved it. I named it Luna.”

“Then one day, Mr. Bai killed it.”

“He said Luna died because of me.”

She would never forget that day.

One moment, the pony was snorting happily, the next, Mr. Bai shot it dead.

Blood. So much blood.

She had seen blood on her companions before, but this blood belonged to her first friend her pony.

She still remembered Mr. Bai’s words.

“Bai Ruowei, until you have the power to protect what you love, never show even a hint of affection. You’ll make them your weakness.”

“They’ll die for you, and all you’ll feel is pain.”

That was why she could never bring herself to say “I love you.”

She simply couldn’t.

“So later, I killed him.”

A tear traced the corner of her eye. Miss Bai wasn’t the type whose weeping evoked pity her tears only brought a vague sense of unease, as if such a person shouldn’t cry, shouldn’t show weakness, shouldn’t bow her head.

Yet Song Shizhou felt the pain deep in her bones.

She wrapped her arms around the woman’s slender waist, feeling it tremble violently in her embrace. She let her cry, let her vent her emotions freely. As she had done countless times before, Song Shizhou gently stroked her back and whispered soothing words.

“It’s all over now, Bai Ruowei. Everything’s over. You’re safe now.”

Miss Bai gazed into those worried eyes. “I’m not saying this to justify myself. Nor is this an excuse for how I neglected and hurt you.”

“I just want to say we’re both people with painful pasts. They shaped us, changed us, but what will never change is this heart that loves you.”

“This heart that has loved you from the beginning, without ever changing.”

Rare is true love; precious is a sincere heart.

Bai Ruowei never understood love before, much less cared for it. But Song Shizhou was the only person in this cold world brave enough to declare her love. She had once betrayed this sincere heart, letting their relationship end in desolation.

Now she was willing to spend a thousandfold effort to make amends.

Because to her, Song Shizhou was the most precious person in this world.

“Perhaps we met the right person at the wrong time but that time isn’t wrong anymore. In my past life I killed Mr. Bai, and in this life I’ll kill him too, it’s only a matter of when.”

“The difference is, I won’t lose you again.”

Silence. A deep, profound silence. Bai Ruowei’s world suddenly went quiet, as if everything had ended no Song Shizhou, no Surveillance Institute, no herself.

The faint bite mark on her gland had completely faded. The familiar scent of night-blooming cereus seemed gone forever; the osmanthus fragrance had returned to its usual aloofness. They had become the most familiar of strangers.

In that silence, Bai Ruowei heard her own voice:

“Song Shizhou will you mark me?”

“Give us a chance to rewrite the past.”

She knew this was impossible.

To request a new mark immediately after removing a temporary one, it was madness. No doctor would agree. No sane partner would agree.

Was it because the world was ending that there was no time left for their love? Or perhaps every minute without Song Shizhou, every minute after Song Shizhou’s death, had already been Bai Ruowei’s personal apocalypse.

Yet she believed knew Song Shizhou would agree.

Because at their core, they were the same.

Equally passionate, equally intense, equally fearless in love and hate.

Sharp canines pierced her gland, breaking through skin. The overwhelming scent of night-blooming cereus instantly flooded her world. Deprived senses and colors came rushing back her world finally came alive again.

Two trails of tears streamed down Miss Bai’s face.

After so many years, across two lifetimes, she had finally received this mark again.

This mark she once neglected, but now treasured beyond measure.

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