After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 50.2

Her pitiful tone, paired with slightly reddened eyes, made it hard to connect the person before her with the formidable Inspector Bai. Anyone else would have been heartbroken seeing her like this. But Song Shizhou only smiled, unsure how much of this act was real and how much was just for show.

Miss Bai’s eyes lowered slightly, yet her expression remained composed under Song Shizhou’s probing gaze, showing no trace of pretense.

Song Shizhou stepped out of the car and said to her,

“Wait for me in the car for now. The way you look right now isn’t really suitable for being seen.”

The white shirt she wore was casually paired with a black blazer. She wore neither a hat nor sunglasses, and her striking white hair cascaded romantically over her shoulders too conspicuous in broad daylight, likely to cause unnecessary commotion.

Bai Ruowei pulled a pair of sunglasses from her blazer pocket.

“I’d rather go with you.”

Song Shizhou sighed.

Miss Bai had a mind as sharp as a jewel once she set her mind to something, few could stop her. Song Shizhou shook her head and let her be.

Just as Sun Mengchen had said, most shops in Tianshui Alley were under renovation. After walking just a few steps, the two saw intricately carved beams and towering eaves everywhere. Not only was the architecture steeped in classical charm, but the alley’s paths were also paved with bluestone slabs. Up ahead, what seemed like a rehearsal for some event was underway several people in ancient costumes passed by, drawing fascinated stares from tourists who felt as if they had traveled back in time.

The only issue was the chaotic numbering of the addresses. Combined with the area’s incomplete development, their phone maps predictably failed again. Song Shizhou searched for a long time but couldn’t find the shop she had visited the day before.

Near a towering gatehouse, an elderly man selling sugar paintings called out his wares.

Song Shizhou bought a little dragon-shaped one and asked him,

“Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to this shop?”

The old man raised a hand and pointed.

“Third shop straight ahead, then turn left.”

Song Shizhou thanked him, but showing up to discuss rent while holding a sugar painting seemed a bit too informal. After a moment’s thought, she handed it to Bai Ruowei.

Miss Bai froze, then stiffly accepted it.

It had been so long since they’d shared such a carefree moment.

Perhaps in her relationship with Song Shizhou, she had always been the one who held the upper hand, the one who was doted on. That was why she cherished their past so deeply, what she remembered were those simple yet warm moments together.

Bai Ruowei pinched the little dragon sugar painting and absentmindedly took a bite.

It was just ordinary malt sugar, yet its sweetness wasn’t diminished by its simplicity. But despite the sugary taste, Miss Bai inexplicably felt a pang of bitterness.

The bitterness didn’t come from the candy it came from her heart.

Perhaps everyone’s happiness is finite. Squandering it recklessly only exhausts the bond between two people. She hadn’t believed in such things before. Proud and childish, she had demanded that Song Shizhou keep her promises, she had demanded that Song Shizhou love her for ten thousand years, simply because Shi Zhou had indulged her.

Those restless thoughts weighed on her heart, but the figure in her sight had already moved ahead. Song Shizhou had found the shop she had arranged to visit yesterday and was now speaking with the owner.

The owner was a kind-looking middle-aged woman in her fifties, easy to talk to. However, she hesitated slightly upon hearing that Song Shizhou planned to open a porcelain studio.

“A porcelain studio. You won’t make a mess of my place, will you? The paint is fresh, and the interior was just renovated.”

Only after repeated assurances did the woman agree to schedule a time to discuss the contract.

Miss Bai did not go inside. The unusual weather in the Inner City had finally ended, and today was another rare sunny day. Spring, the season of renewal, filled the air with warm floral fragrance, yet she alone felt an inexplicable chill.

Song Shizhou and the shop owner walked out laughing together. The shopkeeper had scheduled a contract discussion with her in three days before leaving with a smile.

Song Shizhou approached Miss Bai.

“Shall I take you back to Snow Pavilion?”

She didn’t dwell on whether Mia had come or not, getting straight to the point.

She was sending her away.

Miss Bai’s heart sank slowly.

She wasn’t one to cling unnecessarily, nor did she ever give others the chance to reject her. Mia had said she acted completely unlike herself around Song Shizhou so much so that it was as if she’d become a different person.

But how could Song Shizhou be counted as just “others”?

She was the lover lost in her past life due to her own arrogance and shallowness, the person she’d sworn to make amends to, the one special individual she’d always believed would reconcile with her.

She couldn’t be considered “others,” which was why Bai Ruowei only showed vulnerability before her.

Bai Ruowei shook her head.

“I don’t want to return to Snow Pavilion today.”

It had taken tremendous effort to come to Song Shizhou’s side she didn’t want to leave so easily.

Song Shizhou bit her lip, remaining silent.

Only after a long while, when the warm breeze had carried away their worries, did she speak.

“Miss Bai, if there’s anything to say, say it all today.”

Bai Ruowei paused.

“Didn’t you say there would be a next time?”

Song Shizhou smiled.

“Now is that next time.”

The words struck her as oddly familiar.

One lifetime had already ended, this was the second one. So Song Shizhou hadn’t broken her promise or lied to her. She had indeed loved her for an entire lifetime.

A lifetime so full, so fervent.

What more could she possibly want?

It was daytime now, noon. The lively sunlight fell upon two rows of lush green roadside trees, eventually scattering into dappled fragments on the ground. This beautiful sunlight didn’t grace them, instead leaving them standing beneath the tall shadows of the gatehouse with traces of melancholy.

It was somewhat cold.

A peculiar smile bloomed on Bai Ruowei’s face.

“I wanted to say, you’re amazing.”

“You’re amazing. You single-handedly built up the studio finding partners, securing locations, contacting clients. There’s so much involved, none of it easy to accomplish.”

An untimely compliment, yet it plunged them both into silence. Was this a confession? It probably was. Compared to straightforward words like “I love you,” this kind of recognition noticing and respecting a lover’s brilliance in the smallest details was the love Song Shizhou truly desired.

Moss crept several inches across the bluestone pavement, making footsteps slippery. A little girl clutching a handful of corn led a flock of pigeons behind her.

The crisp ring of a bicycle bell sounded, startling a line of birds into flight, their wings creating faint whistles as they cut through the air.

Song Shizhou’s gaze followed the white doves until they disappeared. After a long moment, she finally responded softly,

“Thank you.”

Actually, it’s Miss Bai who truly deserves to be called remarkable. The flock of flying pigeons vanished in an instant, and Song Shizhou’s mind flashed back to the first time she saw Bai Ruowei. Surrounded by a crowd, she sat casually on a high stool at the bar. It was the first time Shi Zhou had seen someone with white hair, yet the snow-like locks didn’t clash with Miss Bai’s features at all. Under the hazy dome lights, those pale green eyes narrowed slightly, their gaze noble and proud utterly dazzling.

Just one brief glance was enough to make Song Shizhou hold her breath.

“Thank you.”

She thanked her again.

She never expected to be entangled with the owner of those eyes for so long.

At first, it was her who was persistent, but now it was Bai Ruowei who had become stubborn to the point of obstinacy. Perhaps these twists of fate played out every second in every corner of the world, keeping them forever chasing, never complete.

Song Shizhou’s heart felt heavy, but her tone was calm.

“This seems to be the first time you’ve ever evaluated me so seriously.”

Whether it was the paintings or the letters before, anything she gave to Bai Ruowei was always met with indifference twisted words, saying they weren’t good, not good at all.

Miss Bai paused, her gaze flickering.

“I’ve thought a lot these past few days.”

“That day in your studio, I didn’t want to hear others call you ‘Zhou Zhou.’ You said it was a trivial matter, not worth my concern. I told you it wasn’t trivial, it was important.”

“Perhaps a boomerang only hurts when it hits you.”

“When you said the name didn’t matter, when you said it wasn’t a name that belonged to anyone in particular. I’ve never felt so heartbroken before.”

It was the pain of being ignored by a partner.

The same pain she had once, without hesitation, inflicted on Song Shizhou in the name of love.

Bai Ruowei’s voice nearly cracked.

“Before I always treated what we had as something insignificant, so I often overlooked your feelings.”

A cool breeze swept by, and passersby shivered, tightening their coats. Logically, spring shouldn’t be this cold perhaps it was an anomaly, a lingering chill in the air.

“I disregarded your feelings, announced your identity in front of my subordinates, promised to meet you but disappeared without warning. I wanted to marry you, to spend my life with you, yet I refused your proposal.”

“I…”

“It was my shallowness, my childishness, my treating your compromises as bargaining chips in love. It was my insecurity, my caring too much yet never daring to say it.”

“It was my fault.”

Could someone who had once stood so high in love truly repent? Could they truly realize their mistakes so deeply? Bai Ruowei’s eyes reddened, her curled-up figure pitifully small. Yet, Song Shizhou could almost see Miss Bai’s tears falling like rain.

“Don’t cry.”

Song Shizhou stood still, her gentle eyes lowering slowly.

“Actually, I’ve already forgiven you.”

Like a drop of water falling into boiling oil, after a violent surge of heartbeat, the world seemed to fall into silence.

“Bai Ruowei, the truth is, I never hated you.”

“What I felt was only resentment.”

“But now, I don’t resent you anymore.”

These words shouldn’t have been spoken so plainly. Whether it was a breakup or reconciliation, such confessions should have carried deep emotion. Yet her tone remained indifferent, as if she were speaking of something unrelated to her.

No resentment didn’t mean forgiveness, it meant a clean slate.

They would become two people who owed each other nothing. They could chat, share bits of their lives, but they would never love each other again. Two people, free of debt.

That frantic heart suddenly raced, the silent world abruptly turning clamorous Miss Bai’s panicked heartbeat, thud after thud, as if the world were ending. She grabbed Song Shizhou’s hand.

Song Shizhou’s voice suddenly grew thick,

“Do you know when it was?”

“It was when you held me.”

Though Song Shizhou’s tone was calm, an indescribable ache spread through Bai Ruowei’s heart. Every bit of Shi Zhou’s composure, every flicker of emotion stirred by that simple embrace, only served to highlight how inadequate and how cruel she had been in the past.

Hadn’t she always yearned for just such a simple embrace?

Yet she had been so stingy even with that.

Her smile was faint and self-deprecating,

“Perhaps wounds can heal, but the scars will always remain. We’re even now, you don’t need to always act like you’re at fault in front of me. But as for whether our relationship still has any reason to continue.”

“I think both you and I need some time to reflect.”

“Truthfully, I’m not as good as you think. Maybe you’ve just never been rejected before. Maybe once you calm down, you’ll realize there’s no need for you to be so persistent.”

“I don’t need to reflect.”

Some had said that Bai Ruowei’s most striking feature was her eyes.

Whether it was their rare hue or the perfectly upturned corners, they could truly be called breathtaking. But what was most captivating was the expression in them, a weariness born of having every material desire fulfilled, as if nothing in this world was worth pursuing anymore, so it was enough to remain aloof.

Yet now, those usually proud eyes were filled with surrender and overwhelming desire.

She was falling for her, losing herself in her.

She had once mistaken love for worship, believing that stepping down from her pedestal would strip her of the magic that made her lovable. So, she stubbornly maintained the illusion of detachment, committing countless absurd mistakes. She was the villain, but precisely because she cared, because she loved.

She had already stepped down from that pedestal.

In that unnamed moment when she fell for Song Shizhou, she had already found something she wanted to possess and chase after. She had already descended.

“Shi Zhou, there’s something I want to say to you.”

Her tone was earnest and forthright, all traces of grievance or melancholy gone, replaced by a seriousness never seen before.

“Once, a person who didn’t understand love suddenly encountered a pure, untainted kind of love. She thought that person loved her for her golden image, for her nobility. So, she surrendered even as she feared, terrified that showing emotion would shatter that gilded facade, and then her lover would stop loving her.”

“So, she didn’t dare. She cowardly avoided it, not daring to show the slightest sign of love, wanting their love to stretch on infinitely.”

“Now she understands. She knows what true love is.”

“If you ask me whether there’s still a reason for us to love each other, my answer is yes. Because I hope you can give this person who finally understands love a chance.”

“Give her a chance to openly show her love.”

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