After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 39.4
These past few days, she had indeed met many people and experienced many things.
She recalled the looks those people had given her earlier, identical expressions of fear and awe.
Yet they called her Miss Chen.
Miss Chen.
For a moment, Shizhou couldn’t quite determine whether their fear was directed at her or at the title “Miss Chen.”
Seeming to notice the heavy atmosphere, Secretary Sun tactfully interjected,
“Miss! Miss Song,”
“Surveillance Director Bai is still waiting outside. Shall we see her?”
Chen Ting lifted her eyelids.
She remembered this Miss Bai had some history with Song Shizhou. How had she overlooked her in all the calculations?
Chen Ting nodded, and Secretary Sun immediately understood.
Bai Ruowei had been hesitating at the door for a long time before finally receiving the signal to enter.
She stepped forward and slowly walked in.
“Chairman Chen, Secretary Sun.”
“Song!”
“Miss Song.”
Song Shizhou looked up.
“What did you call me?”
Bai Ruowei froze. The fragrance of night-blooming cereus wafted over, and she answered instinctively,
“Shizhou, Miss Song.”
Anyone could become Miss Chen, but there was only one Song Shizhou.
Was there anything wrong with what she’d said?
Chen Ting didn’t pick up on the strange tension between them.
Secretary Sun whispered,
“I heard Miss Bai and Miss Song had some past conflicts.”
The Council always held dominance over the Surveillance Institute. Chen Ting was Bai Ruowei’s superior, someone who held more power over her life and death than even Mr. Bai. And now, that person had become Song Shizhou.
Almost instinctively, with the deference ingrained in Surveillance Institute members, Bai Ruowei straightened her back and slowly knelt.
Miss Bai’s posture remained straight as bamboo, though the fabric of her tailored suit strained at the thighs. How could someone still command respect even in humility? Instead.
It stirred a perverse desire to break her.
“Any past conflicts between Miss Song and myself were entirely my fault. The people around me bear no responsibility.”
“Whether it’s investigation or judgment, Chairman Chen need only direct them at me.”
Mia couldn’t die. Li Ningzhi couldn’t die either. Even if they were insignificant as worker bees before the Council, Bai Ruowei would never allow anyone around her to suffer even the slightest consequence because of her.
This was her vow, and she would keep it.
Chairman Chen would never make Father Lu or Mother Lu kneel, nor would she allow the Song family to kneel, because fundamentally, they were equals.
But before the Council, the Surveillance Institute had no right to remain standing.
Bai Ruowei’s back remained straight, her fitted suit stretched taut. Her expression remained calm, showing no trace of collapse or panic, though the slight redness around her eyes betrayed that she’d likely cried several times these past few days.
Song Shizhou’s throat moved. She knew why those tears had fallen.
“Mom.”
This was the first time today Song Shizhou had called Chen Ting “Mom.”
It meant she was anxious.
Song Shizhou chuckled softly, apologetic for her own impatience.
Everyone in the room turned to look at her at the address. Bai Ruowei also raised her head to look. Under their collective gaze, Song Shizhou spoke,
“I’m rather tired today. I’d like to rest for a while.”
“There are still many things, Lan Chi hasn’t told me about.”
A pair of hands quietly settled on Song Shizhou’s waist Lan Chi’s hands. Just like in Flying Bird Town, Lan Chi always seemed perfectly suited for the role of an elder sister. She could effortlessly find the perfect balance between sisterly affection and romantic intimacy, never crossing into ambiguity nor falling short into detachment.
On Song Shizhou’s wrist gleamed a green diamond-studded watch, its brilliance dazzling under the lights. Bai Ruowei had once gifted her a similar one.
Yet she had never worn it. Not even once.
Who, then, had given her the watch she wore now?
Bai Ruowei smiled self-deprecatingly.
Song Shizhou’s voice remained as gentle as ever. Bai Ruowei slowly lifted her gaze toward her. The woman’s expression was indifferent as she spoke of her exhaustion, her need for rest, and the many things she wished to discuss with Lan Chi.
She wanted to talk to Lan Chi, while Bai Ruowei was only fit to kneel here.
Biting her tongue, Bai Ruowei struggled to steady her trembling form.
Chen Ting paused.
“Alright then.”
“Nothing is more important than your health right now, Shizhou. You’ve just started the new gland treatment plan, so you must rest well these next few days. Avoid any agitation.”
No sooner had she spoken than Lan Chi reached out worriedly to hold Song Shizhou’s hand.
Chen Ting’s expression grew uncharacteristically solemn.
“We’ll discuss other matters after you’ve rested.”
Chairman Chen’s gaze slowly settled on Bai Ruowei like a crushing weight. She knew what it meant without Song Shizhou’s permission, she wouldn’t be allowed to stand today.
Bai Ruowei straightened her back, forcing herself to appear less disheveled.
Song Shizhou nodded.
Kneeling on the ground, Bai Ruowei stood isolated like a lone island. Lan Chi naturally took Song Shizhou’s hand and led her out of the cramped resting room.
Miss Song’s footsteps brushed past Bai Ruowei without sparing her so much as a glance.
The new gland restoration plan had been customized for Song Shizhou by a team of top specialists from the Inner City, arranged by Chen Ting. In truth, her gland wasn’t underdeveloped Song Lanyi had deliberately concealed her condition from doctors. Combined with the inherent complexity of Song Shizhou’s gland, ordinary hospital physicians had persistently misdiagnosed her.
Inside the specialized treatment room, Song Shizhou sat on the cool examination table as a machine ran diagnostics on the gland at the back of her neck. A thin needle slowly injected a pale blue liquid into it.
An unusual pain quickly surged through her. Even someone as enduring as her couldn’t help but clench her fists.
Lan Chi hesitated, visibly concerned.
She wanted to reach out and pat Song Shizhou’s shoulder, but her hands were once again bound by handcuffs, rendering even that simple gesture impossible.
Ten minutes later, the pain in her neck gradually subsided.
Song Shizhou thanked the doctor and stepped down from the table, her unsteady steps sending her stumbling into Lan Chi’s arms.
She waved it off.
“I’m fine.”
Lan Chi replied coolly,
“You don’t always have to act so strong.”
Helping Song Shizhou sit down, she added,
“Now that Chairman Chen is back your mother, you can confide in her about anything. You’re not alone anymore.”
Song Shizhou nodded.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to open up to Chairman Chen. It was just that this sudden outpouring of maternal love and warmth was something she couldn’t quite bring herself to accept.
Perhaps because she had walked alone in the darkness for too long, she always harbored a slight resistance to the kindness and warmth brought by familial ties.
Lan Chi gently patted her shoulder, her profile as beautiful as ever.
“Shizhou, if you’re willing, you won’t have to be alone anymore.”
Bai Ruowei didn’t know how long she had been kneeling alone in the darkness.
Her mind was filled with the image of Song Shizhou leading Lan Chi away just moments ago.
What would Lan Chi say to her? After such a long separation, there must be so much to talk about. Chairman Chen was Song Shizhou’s mother, and Lan Chi had been close to Chairman Chen before. Surely, Chairman Chen would approve of their relationship. Maybe…
Had she not done enough?
She had gone alone to District Fourteen, retrieved the confession letters from the Lu family parents, suffered two knife wounds, and nearly died from illness. Was all that still not enough?
Perhaps this wasn’t what Song Shizhou wanted.
Obsessive thoughts flooded Bai Ruowei’s mind. All she could see was Lan Chi taking Song Shizhou away, while she remained rooted to the spot, unable to move.
She smiled, her expression both crazed and beautiful.
A delicate dagger appeared in her palm. Bai Ruowei raised her hand and slowly aimed it at her own gland.
The scent of osmanthus surged instantly. Blood slowly trickled down.
She and Song Shizhou had formed a shallow mark. By harming her own gland now, it meant.
Song Shizhou would sense it.
Bai Ruowei smiled faintly.
She didn’t believe Song Shizhou wouldn’t come.
She didn’t believe Song Shizhou could be so heartless as to leave her here alone, letting her harm herself.
Sure enough, after just a few minutes, hurried footsteps echoed outside the door. A pair of black boots came into view. Bai Ruowei lifted her head slightly and saw Song Shizhou standing there, arms crossed.
The mingled scents of blood and osmanthus were striking enough for a sensitive eminga. Song Shizhou calmly observed Bai Ruowei kneeling on the ground, clutching a dagger, her gaze slightly unhinged.
Yet she was still smiling.
Even in such a situation, could Miss Bai remain so composed? Her expression was unchanged, her tailored suit flawless, without a single wrinkle. None of the fear or panic displayed by the others earlier could be seen on her face. If Lan Chi was a magnificent beast trapped in a cage, then what was Bai Ruowei?
Song Shizhou’s throat tightened inexplicably.
She was beautiful.
Always had been.
Just like the first time they met.
Beautiful.
Was there truly nothing that could break her?
She didn’t believe it.
Song Shizhou’s fingers lightly traced the edge of the table, as if playing an unwieldy instrument.
Pheromones carrying the scent of epiphyllum instantly filled the room, an undercurrent of pressure making it hard for Bai Ruowei to keep kneeling.
Song Shizhou crouched beside her.
“Chairman Chen has already left. Why is Miss Bai still kneeling?”
Bai Ruowei slowly stood up.
Her posture was upright, her white professional attire accentuating her slender waist and long legs.
Things slipping out of control was indeed unpleasant. Song Shizhou smiled faintly. But fortunately, there was still one thing that remained within her expectations.
She spoke.
“I heard Miss Bai has something to say to me.”
Bai Ruowei lowered her eyes.
“Congratulations on securing the position of Vice Speaker. As your subordinate, I should.”
“And?”
Song Shizhou interrupted her.
Bai Ruowei took a deep breath.
“I want to ask you, why did you break up with me?”
Song Shizhou chuckled.
“That’s it?”
A hint of disdain suddenly crept into her tone.
“Everyone here is congratulating me on becoming Vice Speaker. Only you, Bai Ruowei, are still foolishly clinging to some trivial matter from the past.”
“You really want to know that badly?”
Song Shizhou’s slender fingers trailed across the desk, an oppressive aura slowly emanating from her.
“Why don’t you take a guess?”
The other woman fell silent for a moment.
“Was it because I wasn’t good enough?”
She was so, so heartbroken. Bai Ruowei knew she shouldn’t bring this up now. She should be like all the others, flattering Song Shizhou for becoming Miss Chen, and then apologize. She had intended to apologize anyway for her harsh words, for the harm she’d caused, whether intentional or not, for her.
belated love.
Tears welled up in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall.
“I’m saying all this today not because of who you’ve become or what you’ve achieved. These words, I’ve thought about them countless times over these past days.”
“Don’t get together with Lan Chi. I’m sorry. I want to make things right with you.”
Song Shizhou stared at her.
The same face as when they first met, now tinged with an expression of grievance and earnest emotion. Bai Ruowei was heartbroken, repentant soft and vulnerable like a piece of bread, fragile and utterly defenseless. But how much of this sorrow and remorse was real, and how much was an act? Miss Bai didn’t know the cruel truths Song Shizhou had spoken while unconscious. And precisely because she didn’t know, she stood before her now, fearless.
Yet Song Shizhou only smiled faintly.
“Let’s not talk about that for now.”
“Isn’t there a tradition in the Council?”
She reached out, her slender fingers hooking onto Bai Ruowei’s collar, exposing a large expanse of pale skin. Bai Ruowei froze as Song Shizhou stood up.
She instinctively rose to her feet. There were so many things she wanted to say to Song Shizhou, but she followed her movements step by step, until she was backed against the corner of the desk.
The scent of night-blooming cereus flooded the air, thick pheromones. Bai Ruowei was startled, losing her balance and sitting directly on the desk.
The graceful curve of her body was mercilessly flattened. So beautiful, it made one want to touch and ruin.
“The newly appointed Vice Speaker is supposed to prepare a gift for her subordinate.”
Bai Ruowei’s gaze flickered uncertainly. She didn’t understand Song Shizhou’s actions, much less why she was bringing this up now.
“That is the tradition,” she murmured.
Secretary Sun knocked on the door.
A delicate box was placed into Song Shizhou’s palm.
Song Shizhou smiled and handed it over.
“For you, Miss Bai.”
Bai Ruowei slowly opened the box and froze instantly.
Because inside was a collar.
Bai Ruowei’s face burned crimson as she stared at the other woman in disbelief.
She remembered seeing a similar one around Alan’s neck.
Because it was a collar meant for, an aggressive dog.
“Put it on,” Song Shizhou said.
Bai Ruowei: “…”
Song Shizhou’s voice darkened.
“I said.”
“Put. It. On.”
“Then turn around.”
She gestured in a circle.
“And bend over.”
Bai Ruowei’s eyes widened.
“What are you doing? You can’t, this is…”
Miss Bai was a bit careless when nervous. The excess leather of that collar was exposed, dangling like a tail.
Grabbed.
She gradually tightened her grip.
“Miss Bai, what should you call me?”
How did we circle back to this initial question again?
“Song, Miss.”
Wrong.
The grip on her hand tightened slightly, while the pheromones already embedded in her body diminished by a fraction.
Bai Ruowei’s hand went numb.
Was she being punished?
“Shizhou.”
The pheromones of the night-blooming cereus grew stronger, yet it brought no comfort.
It still wasn’t right.
“Council Speaker, Miss Speaker.”
“You should call me, Miss Chen.”
The hazy lights flickered before her eyes. The person behind her kindly provided the correct answer, and Bai Ruowei silently repeated those three words.
“Miss Chen.”
Song Shizhou’s voice was indifferent.
“Miss Bai was just rejected by the one she loves a few days ago. How is it that now, she’s melting into a puddle before her superior?”
“Is this how you show devotion to your beloved?”
Bai Ruowei’s mind went blank.
Two streams of hot tears slid down the corners of her eyes. The unbearable heat and the rough leather pressing ruthlessly against her scent gland made her want to cry. Her heart pounded violently, she didn’t know what to do.
Her eyes widened, the suffocating sensation and pheromones rendering her speechless.
“You, how can you say that’s just too much.”
“Too much?”
Song Shizhou raised an eyebrow.
“But the Surveillance Institute is naturally subordinate to the Council. As your direct superior, am I not allowed to conduct an interrogation on a subordinate who has made a mistake?”
“Especially one who has indeed erred.”
Bai Ruowei bit her lip, her eyes flickering, but she said nothing more.
“Fine.”
“But, Council Speaker, how should I make it up to you?”
She was breaking down.
She only ever broke down like this in front of one person.
She called her, Council Speaker.
Song Shizhou chuckled. Good, still so spirited, even now, thinking of how to make amends.
She released her grip, and the woman beneath her immediately collapsed onto the table, drained of strength.
Bai Ruowei felt a faint sense of relief that Song Shizhou had let her go so soon.
Because when pushed to the brink, there was still one title she hadn’t called out.
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