After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 32

Though Song Shizhou disliked the feeling of being under house arrest, she couldn’t help but admit that the bed at Ink Residence was incredibly comfortable.

She rolled around on the king-sized mattress, thinking that Miss Bai might now regret not installing surveillance in her bedroom. If she had, she would have noticed that Song Shizhou had carried Xiao Bao out of the room half an hour ago, only to return shortly after and head straight back to bed.

Burrowing into the blankets, she sank into the plush velvet mattress as dusk gradually darkened the room. The floor-to-ceiling window, standing a meter high, was partially veiled by off-white curtains, dimming the snowy landscape outside into obscurity.

Just as Song Shizhou was about to drift off, two sharp howls pierced the silence outside the door. Claude and Allen were two mixed-breed male wolves, hybrids of gray wolves and Czechoslovakian Wolfdogs. Claude was older than Allen, but both stood as tall as a person when on their hind legs.

In her past life, these two dogs had been kept at Bai Ruowei’s Snow Couch, and Song Shizhou would occasionally visit them. Allen was more playful and less friendly than Claude. Though they were terrified of Bai Ruowei, they loved pouncing on Song Shizhou, gently nipping at her sleeves.

Song Shizhou wasn’t afraid of dogs not even these massive wolf hybrids. After feeding them a few times, Claude and Allen had warmed up to her, even allowing her to touch their sharp fangs.

She could faintly hear Bai Ruowei’s footsteps and the scrape of dog paws against the stone path. The wolves’ barks grew louder and more frantic, leaving Song Shizhou puzzled about Bai Ruowei’s intentions.

Had she let the dogs loose to scare her as punishment for running away? If so, Ink Residence would soon become a crime scene. Or was Bai Ruowei simply venting her anger by dragging along Claude and Allen, who happened to be passing by?

Either way, Song Shizhou concluded that Bai Ruowei was probably beyond redemption. She rolled over and tried to sleep, but the dogs’ howling continued, now interspersed with Xiao Bao’s furious yaps.

The racket lasted about five minutes before Song Shizhou finally snapped. She got up, slipped on her shoes, and marched outside.

The stone path of Ink Residence was thinly coated with ice, making it treacherous for someone in slippers. Carefully navigating her way, she crossed a few hundred meters of shrubbery before spotting Miss Bai outside the estate’s gates.

Bai Ruowei was holding Xiao Bao, her usually straight posture bent as she dodged the excited wolves. Claude and Allen leaped up, trying to nip at Xiao Bao’s tiny feet. Though small, Xiao Bao had a fierce temper and, emboldened by being in her owner’s arms, barked aggressively at the two wolves.

Bai Ruowei struggled to keep hold of Xiao Bao while gripping the dogs’ leashes, raising a hand as if to strike them.

What happened next left Song Shizhou stunned. Before Bai Ruowei’s hand even descended, both dogs flopped at her feet, whimpering pitifully as if they’d already been beaten.

This left Bai Ruowei awkwardly frozen, her hand hovering midair, unsure whether to lower it or not.

When she noticed Song Shizhou approaching from Ink Residence, Bai Ruowei said nothing, simply handing Xiao Bao over to her.

“I ran into them on my way here. These two are clever, they broke free from their chains and escaped Snow Couch.”

“They’re obsessed with Xiao Bao’s scent and have been following us the whole way.”

Miss Bai tugged the wolves’ leashes and tied them to the gate’s railing.

Song Shizhou felt a twinge of embarrassment. “I thought you were…”

“Thought I was what?”

Miss Bai shot her a sidelong glance.

“Hit them?”

“I’m not as idle as you think.”

Xiao Bao licked Song Shizhou’s neck with wet slobbering sounds, clearly displeased at being abandoned by its owner midway. After licking for a while, it grew bolder and started nibbling with its teeth. Annoyed, Song Shizhou put the dog down from her arms, and Xiao Bao immediately scampered into the room, heading straight for its dog bed.

Only to trip halfway, landing flat on its face with all four paws in the air. The sight made Bai Ruowei instinctively laugh.

“Beagles are like this clumsy,” Song Shizhou remarked coolly.

“Not smart, disobedient, full of energy, and overly suspicious. But at least they’re loyal to their owners and have good endurance, which makes them ideal lab dogs.”

Song Shizhou glanced at her, the words seemingly carrying a deeper meaning.

Bai Ruowei said nothing.

Her beautiful green eyes lowered, and upon closer inspection, their color somewhat resembled Alan’s.

“Don’t abandon Xiao Bao so casually in the future. You’re its owner, you should take responsibility for it.”

Miss Bai remained as composed as ever, showing no trace of panic over her lover’s escape. At least Bai Ruoruo had been scared enough to break into a cold sweat.

Song Shizhou scoffed but didn’t respond.

They walked into the room one after the other. The cashmere scarf Bai Ruowei had been wearing was ruined by Xiao Bao’s teeth, so she simply took it off and tossed it into the dog’s bed.

Bai Ruowei was usually so possessive of her belongings, no one was allowed to even glance at or touch them. Why was she being so generous now? Song Shizhou poured herself a glass of water, thirsty after just waking up.

As she set the pitcher down and was about to drink, Bai Ruowei naturally took the glass from her hand.

“You used to make apricot blossom tea. Why don’t you do that anymore?”

Bai Ruowei disliked the taste of plain water. Her palate was so refined that even the most expensive bottled water tasted bitter to her. Song Shizhou used to brew her apricot blossom tea sweet, smooth, and refreshing…

Song Shizhou had no interest in reminiscing about such things with her. Dwelling on the past would only lead to meaningless arguments.

“Miss Bai knows those days are over.”

Bai Ruowei finished the water.

“Right. Now that your heart has changed, I no longer get those privileges.”

She sighed.

“You know Ruoruo’s temperament, she’s barely an adult. Was that little act earlier really necessary? You nearly scared her to death.”

Song Shizhou smiled faintly.

“What is she afraid of?”

Bai Ruowei set the glass down.

“Afraid something might happen to you. Afraid of suddenly losing sight of you, afraid you might disappear without warning. You know what happened before…”

Her voice grew quieter. Song Shizhou raised an eyebrow.

“So only Ruoruo worries about me.”

Bai Ruowei paused, her gaze flickering.

“I was worried too.”

Song Shizhou chuckled but didn’t respond.

“Didn’t Miss Bai say last time that the only reason you’re keeping me here is because my condition was caused by you? That once I recover, I can leave?”

Silence settled between them again. Someone as patient as Song Shizhou naturally didn’t feel awkward. She crouched to refill Xiao Bao’s food bowl, the little glutton could eat endlessly. Despite being smaller than Alan’s leg, it would sneak into Alan’s bed to steal food if given half a chance.

After filling the bowl, Xiao Bao noisily devoured two large portions. Song Shizhou suddenly felt bored, with nothing left to say to Bai Ruowei.

“The sky is darkening. The Snow Couch should be quite a distance from here. If there’s nothing else, Miss Bai should head back first.”

Who would’ve thought that one day she’d be the one giving Bai Ruowei the brush-off, how the tables have turned.

Song Shizhou laughed mockingly in her heart.

Bai Ruowei hesitated for a moment, her tone slightly unnatural.

“I have… other matters.”

Qingluan and Gu Zhiyu brought up two large packages wrapped stiffly in oiled paper. Of course, their contents weren’t visible from the outside. Song Shizhou had no idea what Bai Ruowei was up to now and couldn’t be bothered to care.

Once Miss Bai got stubborn, not even eight horses could pull her back. Gu Zhiyu used a small knife to cut open the oiled paper, revealing what was inside.

Various-sized canvases, oil paints of different brands, color ranges, and saturations, along with expensive paintbrush sets worth thousands.

These were things Song Shizhou had long coveted but could never bring herself to splurge on.

“What does Miss Bai mean by this?”

Bai Ruowei lifted her chin, though her posture on the sofa seemed oddly softened.

“That painting you gave me before, could you return it to me?”

Just because of this?

Song Shizhou suddenly laughed in understanding.

“The one I painted for Lan Chi was my last work. Miss Bai, what unfortunate timing. I don’t paint anymore.”

“Besides, didn’t you always look down on my paintings?”

Mention of her artwork made Song Shizhou’s tone turn resentful. Hadn’t Miss Bai disliked her paintings? Hadn’t she scorned them relentlessly? Hadn’t she said how could anything so ugly exist in this world? So what was she doing now? What was this grand performance about nostalgic reminiscence?

Song Shizhou rarely lost her temper, but now she flung the art supplies Qingluan had brought across the floor in frustration. The unopened, expensive paints that could blend into the softest, most delicate hues now lay scattered in disarray.

“I never scorned your paintings…”

Bai Ruowei answered instinctively, gathering the paints protectively in her arms.

But the painting Song Shizhou had given her was already gone, it would never return. What use was protecting these paints now?

Miss Bai’s hands trembled slightly. She just wanted everything to go back to how it was.

As the expensive paints rolled across the floor, Song Shizhou’s anger seemed to subside slightly.

“Actually, that painting I gave you wasn’t worth much. It didn’t require such expensive materials.”

Song Shizhou chuckled.

“But though it didn’t use any costly tools or materials, in my heart, it wasn’t cheap either.”

“Do you know why, Miss Bai?”

Bai Ruowei looked up at her.

“Because of sincerity.”

Because she had loved her, even the cheapest paints could outline a beautiful smile. A painting’s value lay not in skilled technique or expensive materials, but in the love and attention poured into it by its creator. That was why the painting wasn’t cheap, wasn’t ugly, wasn’t immature.

It was the love between Bai Ruowei and her.

But how had Miss Bai evaluated that love?

Silently, Miss Bai gathered the scattered paints. A tube of red had been accidentally crushed underfoot, staining Bai Ruowei’s pale palm. She said nothing, thinking it looked like the color of blood.

The color of heart’s blood.

But… she truly hadn’t thought the painting was cheap, hadn’t thought it ugly, hadn’t thought it immature.

She just… just hadn’t dared to express this fondness openly…

Miss Bai tilted her head, her downcast eyes looking somewhat pitiful. She was still stubbornly gathering the crushed oil paint, her slender arms smeared with red. Song Shizhou couldn’t bear to look at her expression, it was like watching a dull knife sawing through flesh, and everything about it felt unbearably out of place.

Song Shizhou let out a soft laugh, but then she heard Bai Ruowei continue,

“I was wrong before, I’m sorry.”

They were standing so close that Song Shizhou could clearly see the emotions in Bai Ruowei’s eyes. She was no longer dazzled by that brilliant green, no longer lost in its allure. Now, she could see through Bai Ruowei’s facade. She wanted to know was this woman truly cold-hearted by nature, or was there some other reason?

Xiao Bao had somehow scampered over. Being interrupted by a dog during an argument was awkward. Song Shizhou stood up, leaving Bai Ruowei kneeling on the floor, and casually tossed a dog toy. Xiao Bao happily bounded after it.

“I can’t paint.”

Song Shizhou answered bluntly.

“Back then, I liked someone so much that they filled my heart and my vision. No matter how cheap the paints or materials, what I created was still good. Painting, how can the price of tools determine the worth of a piece?”

“But back then…”

But back then, someone didn’t cherish that sentiment.

Bai Ruowei remained kneeling, perhaps too focused on speaking to Song Shizhou to bother standing or leaving.

Xiao Bao had somehow returned, scratching at the door with a thump thump thump. It didn’t come in, just kept scraping at the doorframe. Song Shizhou glanced at the dog, then at the woman kneeling on the floor like a madwoman, and suddenly felt that life wasn’t worth the trouble.

Reasoning with someone like Bai Ruowei was pointless. Song Shizhou began carrying the painting supplies downstairs one by one. Qingluan stood on the first floor, watching her movements, wanting to help but not daring to.

“Miss Bai, creativity requires inspiration. Right now, I’m in no mood to paint. It’s getting late, you should go home.”

Bai Ruowei said nothing.

Xiao Bao, done gnawing on the doorframe, leaped into Bai Ruowei’s arms. Miss Bai held the dog blankly, and for some reason, Song Shizhou thought the two of them looked alike.

Both stubborn, both noisy, both impossible to reason with.

Bai Ruowei released Xiao Bao and went downstairs.

Seeing her reaction, Song Shizhou assumed Miss Bai couldn’t handle the rejection and was finally leaving. She was about to wash up and take a nap when, unexpectedly, Bai Ruowei returned, carrying a fresh canvas.

She set up the easel in front of Song Shizhou, meticulously arranging the brushes and paints.

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