After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 23.2

The usually aloof and proud Miss Bai didn’t, as the books described, break down in tears, begging for forgiveness, drowning in regret after losing the one she loved.

Her apology was light, almost effortless, without a single tear shed.

But to receive even this much shouldn’t she be satisfied?

“No need, Miss Bai.”

Song Shizhou’s voice caught inexplicably.

“Miss Bai, I don’t want to hear about these things anymore. Let’s just say we missed each other. But once something is missed, it’s missed. There aren’t that many ‘what ifs’ in this world.”

“Wait.”

Bai Ruowei spoke.

“You… don’t like me anymore?”

She sounded disbelieving. If she took a step back and really looked, Bai Ruowei had never held any real advantage in her relationship with Song Shizhou. Yes, she was powerful, wealthy, influential but so what? Song Shizhou had spoiled her, tolerated her, not because of her status or money, but because she was Bai Ruowei. Because Song Shizhou had loved Bai Ruowei. That was why she had endured her, cared for her, loved her.

But now, Song Shizhou didn’t love her anymore.

So what use was her power, her influence, her wealth?

She was nothing now.

Lan Chi descended from the stands, her movements natural, effortless, as if she had floated down. Graceful, beautiful. She tugged lightly at Song Shizhou’s sleeve and whispered, Stop talking. It’s cold outside. Let’s go back.

If only we could go back.

Lan Chi suddenly felt a bit lost. Could this scene before her be considered a battlefield of emotions? This child had grown up so much. She had little impression of Bai Ruowei; the first time she saw her was over a decade ago. In her distant memory, Mr. Bai had pushed Bai Ruowei forward and said, “Look at her. Doesn’t she resemble you?”

Madness and exhaustion were two entirely different emotions, but when combined, they could evoke a sense of grievance. Miss Bai clutched Song Shizhou’s sleeve and shouted her name loudly,

“Song Shizhou!”

Bai Ruowei’s eyes welled up with tears,

“Don’t go…”

“Do you… not like me anymore?”

But how could she not like her?

There was just a small misunderstanding between them, one that had been magnified, leading to tragedy. Now that she had laid it all out, confessed to Song Shizhou, told her that she had been lying to herself, that she loved her, had always loved her, and truly wanted to reconcile…

Song Shizhou took a silent step back.

“Miss Bai, let me make this clear. I did like you in the past, that much is true.”

“But now, I don’t dare to like you anymore. I’m not worthy of you.”

Song Shizhou’s eyes reddened.

Miss Bai deserved a marriage partner of equal standing. She, too, deserved someone who truly loved her.

“You don’t like me anymore…”

Bai Ruowei murmured.

When had Song Shizhou ever spoken to her so coldly?

“You don’t like me anymore? Do you really not like me anymore? But… didn’t you promise to love me for a lifetime? Have you forgotten?”

Bai Ruowei looked utterly pitiful now, repeating those words over and over. If Su Ziqing were here, she would surely curse, “Little White Dragon is OOC!” before berating Song Shizhou for daring to make Bai Ruowei cry.

Song Shizhou’s throat tightened.

She didn’t understand why Bai Ruowei always blurted out such foolish things. Was the esteemed Inspector Bai really this childish? Was this still the same ruthless persona she was known for? Didn’t she understand that “a lifetime” was just a concept? Did she think that just because Song Shizhou had promised to love her forever, every second of her life had to revolve around Bai Ruowei?

But… that was exactly how it had been.

Song Shizhou lowered her head.

Not only was Bai Ruowei a fool, she was one too. A fool lost in the illusion of love. She had nurtured their relationship, their feelings, their love with such care…

And in the end, what had she gained?

Song Shizhou took a deep breath.

“Xiao Bai, let’s talk this through properly. Let’s part on good terms, as if none of this ever happened. Isn’t that better? After all, nothing has truly happened yet. You can pretend you never knew me, and I’ll do the same.”

“What do you mean, ‘never happened’?!”

Bai Ruowei was on the verge of breaking down.

She treasured her past with Song Shizhou deeply, it was her trophy in this relationship, proof that Song Shizhou had loved her unconditionally. She had claimed to have lost all those letters and paintings, misplaced them somewhere, but that was a lie, one meant to deceive Song Shizhou. In truth, she had kept every single one.

If anyone dared to tarnish their past, Bai Ruowei would be the first to object.

“Fine, it happened. Then where is it?”

Song Shizhou asked her.

Where?

Bai Ruowei grabbed Song Shizhou’s hand and pressed it against her own chest.

“Where? Right here! Feel it, every single moment, every memory, all stored here. Are you going to deny that?”

Song Shizhou was both exasperated and amused by her.

“Bai Ruowei, stop talking nonsense.”

“What nonsense!”

In the past, Song Shizhou would never have spoken to her like this.

In the past, she would have humored her, saying, “Yes, I felt it. Wow, such a big lump, we’ve saved up so much over the years.”

Bai Ruowei started crying again.

She spread open her palm, revealing a gruesome scar, one she had gotten while searching for Song Shizhou. In the past, Song Shizhou would have been heartbroken at the sight, asking why she hadn’t let Mia treat it, why she hadn’t been more careful, lamenting how much it must hurt, and then gently blowing on it to soothe the pain.

“It hurts so much, so, so much. It hurts so bad I could die.”

Bai Ruowei’s eyes glistened.

“Won’t you help me?”

Song Shizhou said nothing.

She crouched slightly, studying Miss Bai’s hand.

The wound was deep, the muscle tissue clearly visible. One more inch, and it might have severed a blood vessel.

But what was this wound compared to the one in her heart, the one that refused to heal?

Song Shizhou took Bai Ruowei’s hand, firm and unyielding, then closed her fingers over the scar.

She grabbed Lan Chi.

“Let’s go.”

“Song Shizhou!”

Bai Ruowei’s voice was bordering on hysteria.

“You want to break up? I’ve barely found you for half an hour, and you’re already saying you want to break up? Do you think that’s possible? Breaking up takes two people, did you even ask for my opinion?”

Song Shizhou carried an unfamiliar pheromone scent something fresh and woody, refined and pleasant, a fragrance Bai Ruowei had never smelled before. It made her tremble uncontrollably.

Song Shizhou was once again torn between exasperation and amusement.

“Miss Bai, why must you do this?”

Why make things so ugly, so humiliating?

“I thought you were just in the Thirteenth District to clear your mind.”

Bai Ruowei paused, as if struggling to suppress her emotions.

“Song Shizhou, I never expected there’d be someone like this by your side.”

Song Shizhou had assured Bai Ruowei countless times before that she had confessed her feelings out of genuine affection, that it had nothing to do with any past idealized memories. But the more panicked a person was, the more reckless their words became, the more they struck at their own deepest vulnerabilities.

“You say you don’t love me so is it her you love now?”

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