After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 23.1

If I talk to her properly, will she come home with me?

Bai Ruowei’s expression was uncharacteristically flustered.

When she came, Mia had told her though Mia didn’t know the specifics of what had happened between them, she had a rough idea that Bai Ruowei was the one who had upset the other party first. Mia knew Miss Bai’s temper better than anyone. She must have been cold and sharp-tongued, driving Song Shizhou all the way to Flying Bird Town.

“If Miss Song isn’t willing to come back with you, don’t rush. Try talking to her properly first.”

“Money, status, power give her whatever she wants. You’re so smart, so capable, Miss Bai. Catching someone and bringing them back is as easy as turning your hand.”

Mia clearly didn’t take it seriously. She said “catch” and not “win back”, “catch” was an active verb, implying a predetermined outcome, while “win back” was uncertain. Miss Bai didn’t need to chase anyone. After all, who would refuse her? She was so beautiful, so powerful. To earn her favor would be a dream come true for anyone.

Mia’s words lingered in Bai Ruowei’s ears, though in truth, she hadn’t absorbed much of it. But one sentence stuck with her:

If she smoothed things over, made light of it all, then maybe there would be no issue.

Perhaps… Song Shizhou was just jealous.

Bai Ruowei thought.

She actually cared deeply about Bai Ruowei’s romantic history, even if she never said it outright. Sometimes, Bai Ruowei could sense it. That engagement with Miss Zhao in their past life was nothing but a rumor. Though Bai Ruowei didn’t know what exactly she should explain, as long as she gave Song Shizhou some face and explained properly, Song Shizhou should return to her side.

She told herself that when she saw Song Shizhou, she had to hold back no crying, no making herself seem desperate.

Bai Ruowei steadied her voice, forcing it to sound less hoarse and ragged. The afternoon sun was warm and bright, casting a gentle glow, yet for some reason, it only made her feel uncomfortable.

It was as if she were wrapped in something stifling. Gritting her teeth, she deliberately avoided meeting Song Shizhou’s gaze.

“Song Shizhou… I’ve come to take you home.”

“I won’t hold it against you for leaving without a word. No matter what happened, come back with me first.”

She took Song Shizhou’s hand.

The woman’s hand was as warm as always. Though neither her hands nor her owner were exceptionally beautiful or elegant, they were warm, comforting, enveloping Bai Ruowei’s fingers just as they always had, giving her a faint sense of familiarity.

“Where to?”

Song Shizhou asked.

“Where else?”

Bai Ruowei countered.

“Home.”

“Home?”

“Does Miss Bai mean that apartment from before?”

They tacitly avoided calling their past life by name, nor did they confirm whether the other remembered it. But there was no need for confirmation. The fact that Bai Ruowei had come looking for her, that Song Shizhou was speaking to her like this, it was proof enough that they both remembered.

“Where else…? Where else would you want to go?”

Bai Ruowei suddenly froze.

But…

Where was home anymore?

Nothing had happened yet. The little house they had shared in their past life hadn’t even been built. She had been there had she forgotten again? It was empty inside, no furniture, no small bathtub where she had bumped her collarbone countless times, no double bed that Song Shizhou had saved up for over a long, long time. Because Bai Ruowei was a princess who couldn’t sleep on anything less than the most expensive mattress otherwise, she would insist on sleeping in Song Shizhou’s arms. Even though she had slept on metal sheets during missions, in front of Song Shizhou, she was endlessly delicate this wouldn’t do, that wouldn’t do.

Because someone spoiled her.

And no one would be wearing a little bear apron, simmering double-red soup for her anymore. Whoever came up with that thing, it was inhumane. It took a full two hours to simmer, and it had to be done over low heat. If the temperature was even slightly off, the entire pot would be ruined. So for those two hours, you couldn’t do anything else you just had to stare at that damned soup.

Because Bai Ruowei liked it.

If Bai Ruowei liked it, these things would always be there. If Bai Ruowei liked it, Song Shizhou would do it. If Bai Ruowei liked it, Song Shizhou would love her. Miss Bai suddenly felt a pang of panic. As if realizing something, she looked at Song Shizhou her wife, the one who had promised to love her forever and always.

Song Shizhou’s expression was a mix of mockery and sorrow.

“Why are you looking at me like that. You don’t want to come back with me?”

Bai Ruowei tugged at her sleeve.

“I’ve been looking for you for so long. There are things I can’t explain right now. Let’s just go back first, we can talk later.”

“Miss Bai, you…” Song Shizhou pointed at her hand.

“Calm down first.”

Calm down?

“I can’t go back with you.”

“Can’t go back with me…”

Bai Ruowei repeated the words.

She knew every single one of them, but why couldn’t she understand them when they were put together?

“Why? Have you fallen for someone else?”

Song Shizhou let out a soft laugh.

“It has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s because we’re already over.”

“Over…”

How were they already over?

“I can explain what happened before. When you called me, I didn’t ignore you on purpose,” Bai Ruowei stammered, her words jumbled.

“I was buying you a ring. Didn’t you want a wedding? I agreed. Let’s do it. We’ll do it now, the biggest one.”

She wasn’t lying. She really had been discussing ring designs with a jeweler. She was in the Thirteenth District at the time, and she hated all the tacky styles there. Miss Bai had high standards, after all. She was talking to the Inner City’s royal jeweler about the design. When they asked what kind she wanted, she said the biggest, the most expensive.

It was a little nouveau riche.

But she wanted to give the best to Song Shizhou.

To her one and only wife.

She was in the middle of discussing the ring design when Mia told her that the annoying Zhao Yiqing had apparently contacted a bunch of media outlets, exaggerating the day’s group photo and spreading it everywhere. Bai Ruowei told both Mia and Zhao Yiqing to get lost, she was picking out a ring, so don’t bother her.

And then,

Then she got the call from the hospital.

Song Shizhou was dead.

Her wife was dead.

They hadn’t even had their wedding yet.

Miss Bai fought back the urge to cry. She told herself she had to hold it in, she couldn’t cry. If she shed too many tears, they’d lose their value. Would Song Shizhou cherish her even less then? Could someone born under a sky full of adoring stars really be this petty, this desperate? Bai Ruowei didn’t know. And she didn’t dare to find out.

Song Shizhou didn’t speak, carefully observing Miss Bai’s expression as if weighing the credibility of her words. But Bai Ruowei wasn’t the type to lie had she ever deceived Song Shizhou before? With the indulgence Song Shizhou had shown her, was there anything she wouldn’t do? Yes, perhaps just once. Only that one time.

She had said, Our love was one-sided.

Two cool trails of liquid slid down Bai Ruowei’s neck, leaving behind a damp, uncomfortable warmth.

It wasn’t one-sided. It wasn’t.

“If you’re upset about what I said earlier, that’s not it. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Miss Bai’s voice grew softer and softer. She was crying again. In the past, she rarely cried, and whenever she did, Song Shizhou would wipe her tears away with aching tenderness.

“I don’t dislike you. I like you so much. You know that…”

“Or are you angry about Zhao Yiqing? Angry that I taught her how to ski?”

“At the time,” Bai Ruowei rephrased, “I hadn’t remembered the past yet. I’d forgotten you, Song Shizhou. Don’t you think that’s unfair to me? How can you blame me for not remembering?”

In her past life, she had only gone to the Third District on a business trip. She hadn’t accepted Zhao Yiqing’s confession, much less gotten engaged to her. The photos the paparazzi had snapped were of Bai Ruowei showing off the wedding dress she had chosen, one she had just finalized and hadn’t even had time to admire herself.

No one asked her. No one gave her a chance to explain. The photos spread like wildfire, and before she could react, she received news of Song Shizhou’s death.

She had wanted to return. To marry her.

Why wasn’t it me who died?

“It’s my fault. Forgive me, okay?”

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