Accidentally Married the Princess [Time Travel] - Chapter 31.1

“Then, you’re not angry with me anymore?” Gong Yu felt as if her heart was about to leap out of her chest and hesitantly asked.

Dai Ru Yan did not pull away but looked down at Gong Yu, her fingertips gently stroking the corner of Gong Yu’s eyes. The distance between them was so close that they could almost hear each other’s breathing.

Gong Yu was too nervous to move, her gaze fixed on Dai Ru Yan, like a prisoner awaiting execution, whose fate could be pardoned with just a word from Dai Ru Yan.

But Dai Ru Yan, silent and still, shifted her fingertips to lightly press against Gong Yu’s lips and whispered:

“I’m not angry, it’s just…”

“If you like it, why did you have to steal a kiss, Xiao Jiu?”

Huh? Gong Yu was completely baffled by Dai Ru Yan’s words.

Does she mean I shouldn’t have stolen a kiss? Does she want me to kiss her openly now?

But Dai Ru Yan’s aura was too overpowering at the moment. Gong Yu felt she didn’t have the courage to force a kiss. If she misunderstood, Ayan would definitely get angry.

“Then… I won’t steal kisses anymore. I…”

Gong Yu paused and said, “Is it okay if I kiss you when you’re awake?”

“No.”

Uh…

Dai Ru Yan firmly rejected her.

Gong Yu felt her heart was as fragile as a balloon, rising and falling unpredictably. It really felt like it might burst at any moment.

“Even if it’s out of affection, you can’t just kiss whenever you want. How can you act so impulsively?”

Why did Gong Yu feel like Dai Ru Yan was treating kissing as something negotiable?

This felt really strange no matter how she looked at it.

Gong Yu reached out and held Dai Ru Yan’s hand, which was still resting on her cheek, and softly asked, “Ayan, do you know what liking someone means?”

Dai Ru Yan looked puzzled and replied, “Liking is nothing more than finding something or someone interesting, which then leads to a desire to get closer and show affection.”

Her tone was calm and composed. To someone unfamiliar with her, Dai Ru Yan might seem cold and unfeeling.

But Gong Yu felt that perhaps Dai Ru Yan had never truly experienced liking anything or anyone, nor had she ever felt the emotion of affection itself.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like things. It was that she couldn’t even perceive the feeling of liking.

Thinking about it this way, many things seemed to make sense, yet it struck Gong Yu as utterly absurd.

Emotions like crying, laughing, loving, and hating are fundamental human experiences.

Gong Yu wondered if her mind was playing tricks on her. Although Dai Ru Yan was usually too aloof and composed, she had definitely seen her smile before.

But more often than not, Dai Ru Yan showed no expression at all. Even her smiles could vanish in an instant. Gong Yu had seen these many times at palace banquets, but at the time, she had assumed Dai Ru Yan simply didn’t enjoy them.

Didn’t enjoy them?

Gong Yu suddenly remembered the first time she met Dai Ru Yan. In the Dai Garden, she had heard Dai Ru Yan say those words, her expression calm and natural as she stated her dislike.

Yet her face showed no trace of disgust, as if she were an emotionless puppet.

Perhaps Dai Ru Yan wasn’t just accustomed to it. Maybe she genuinely couldn’t feel it.

“Then, if I like you, Ayan, does that make you happy?” Gong Yu tentatively asked.

Dai Ru Yan lightly tapped Gong Yu’s palm with her fingertip, her dark eyes like still lake water, and said softly, “Since Xiao Jiu likes me and wants to be close to me, of course I’m happy.”

These were the words one would use to express happiness, yet Dai Ru Yan’s face showed no sign of joy.

“But…” Dai Ru Yan paused, then firmly grasped Gong Yu’s hand, assertively lifting Gong Yu’s chin with her other hand as she teased with a smile:

“Besides me, does Little Jiu like anyone else?”

Gong Yu stared blankly at the suddenly transformed Dai Ru Yan, hardly daring to breathe as she replied: “There’s no one else.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Though Dai Ru Yan’s eyes remained as calm as ever, the corners of her mouth lifted slightly as she said: “Then I’ll let you off this time.”

As her words fell, the hand holding Gong Yu’s chin withdrew. Gong Yu found herself gently pulled into Dai Ru Yan’s embrace, cool palms softly stroking her back as Dai Ru Yan whispered: “I’m tired. Little Jiu, stay with me while I rest.”

“Mm.” Gong Yu tilted her head slightly, able to hear Dai Ru Yan’s still steady heartbeat.

Yet her mind was in complete turmoil. If Dai Ru Yan couldn’t feel emotions, then wouldn’t her flustered confession be in vain again?

Before Gong Yu could recover from the emotional whiplash, the soothing incense nearby proved remarkably effective, lulling her into a drowsy sleep.

She remained completely unaware that Dai Ru Yan, who had closed her eyes beside her, had fluttered her eyelashes several times before opening them again, her gentle gaze falling upon Gong Yu sleeping soundly in her arms.

Dai Ru Yan slightly raised her hand to lightly touch Gong Yu’s lips, then quickly withdrew it, her eyes filled with confusion as she murmured softly: “Like…”

The word sounded both calm and perplexed. Dai Ru Yan lay on her side, her gaze traveling from Gong Yu’s brows, to the tip of her nose, then to her pursed lips.

Hesitantly extending her hand, she gently massaged Gong Yu’s furrowed brow with her fingertips until the wrinkles smoothed away, only then withdrawing her hand.

But instead of lying down, Dai Ru Yan moved closer to Gong Yu, stopping only when her face was nearly touching Gong Yu’s cheek.

The palace was silent. Gong Yu’s sleeping face reflected in Dai Ru Yan’s eyes, her breathing audible beside Dai Ru Yan’s ear.

Maintaining her position motionless, Dai Ru Yan seemed to be deep in thought, or perhaps simply quietly watching Gong Yu sleep soundly in her arms.

Finally, Dai Ru Yan carefully lowered herself, gently tucking back the stray hairs at Gong Yu’s temple before pressing her lips to Gong Yu’s forehead in a kiss, then moving to her cheek.

Her movements were so gentle that Gong Yu in her arms remained completely unaware, sleeping peacefully.

Dai Ru Yan ended with a light kiss near the corner of Gong Yu’s mouth before suddenly stopping.

A few strands of the tucked hair accidentally slipped loose, lightly brushing against Gong Yu’s cheek and causing the sleeping girl to murmur uncomfortably.

Fortunately, Gong Yu soon quieted down again. Dai Ru Yan drew back slightly, her gaze lingering on the places she had just kissed.

Gently tapping Gong Yu’s nose with her fingertip, Dai Ru Yan lay on her side watching Gong Yu with partially understanding eyes, then tightened her embrace before quietly closing her own eyes.

The palace returned to its original silence, as if everything that had just occurred was merely a mischievous dream.

The rumbling in her stomach woke Gong Yu from her dreams. Dai Ru Yan was no longer beside her, and the incense in the burner appeared to have burned out completely.

Outside the window, the sun seemed much brighter now, almost glaring. Gong Yu stretched and looked around for any sign of Dai Ru Yan.

Rising from the daybed, Gong Yu rubbed her sleepy eyes and yawned as she walked toward the outer chamber.

She saw Dai Ru Yan sitting by the window, reading a book. Gong Yu walked over and asked, “Ayan, how long have I been asleep?”

“It’s almost Shen hour,” Dai Ru Yan replied, shifting her gaze from the book in her hands to Gong Yu, whose robes were wrinkled all over.

Gong Yu lazily sat down beside her, patting her stomach as she murmured, “No wonder I feel so hungry.”

“Did you not eat this morning?” Dai Ru Yan set her book aside and reached out to adjust Gong Yu’s robe, which was slipping off her shoulders.

“I woke up late today and was in such a rush to leave that I only drank half a bowl of porridge and stuffed a few pieces of cake into my mouth before heading to court.”

“Who told Xiao Jiu to sleep in?”

Gong Yu leaned in playfully, rubbing her head against Dai Ru Yan as she protested, “It’s not my fault! It’s because my residence is too far from the palace. The carriage ride alone takes up most of the morning.”

Dai Ru Yan paused her hands and asked, “Doesn’t Xiao Jiu have other estates?”

“But the other estates are too far from your courtyard,” Gong Yu replied, still drowsy as she leaned against Dai Ru Yan. “If I lived there, it would be so inconvenient to come see you.”

“Be good and sit up properly. I can’t fasten your robe like this.”

Dai Ru Yan’s voice was incredibly gentle.

Gong Yu had no choice but to straighten her back and sit up properly. Though her eyelids still felt heavy, the faint, soothing fragrance from Dai Ru Yan’s presence easily relaxed her.

As her gaze fell upon Dai Ru Yan’s focused eyes, Gong Yu snapped back to reality and looked at her calm expression. She couldn’t help but recall the last time she had drunkenly kissed Dai Ru Yan—afterward, Dai Ru Yan had remained just as composed as she was now.

From this, Gong Yu surmised that perhaps kissing held no special meaning for Dai Ru Yan. No wonder, when caught stealing a kiss, Dai Ru Yan had only curiously asked why Gong Yu felt the need to do so if she liked her. For Dai Ru Yan, the focus wasn’t on the act of kissing itself, but on the reason behind it.

Suddenly enlightened, Gong Yu felt that her path to love might be unusually rocky. She let out an inadvertent sigh.

Dai Ru Yan looked at her with concern, gently cupping Gong Yu’s lowered head as she asked, “Is your head bothering you? I added a few calming herbs to the incense. Perhaps the dosage is a bit strong for you—are you feeling unwell?”

Gong Yu quickly shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I was just lost in thought.”

“What were you thinking about so deeply?” Dai Ru Yan relaxed, a hint of helplessness in her tone. “You had me worried for nothing.”

“Ayan, do you worry about me?” Gong Yu asked, staring intently into Dai Ru Yan’s eyes.

Dai Ru Yan sat beside her, looking puzzled. “Of course.”

“Then… do you feel happy when you see me?”

“If you’re as well-behaved and obedient as you are today, then of course I’m happy.”

Gong Yu sat cross-legged, watching Dai Ru Yan as she held her book. She thought to herself that perhaps Dai Ru Yan wasn’t entirely clueless about affection. At the very least, she seemed to understand basic emotions intellectually, even if she might not feel them clearly in her heart.

Encouraged by this thought, Gong Yu mustered her courage and asked, “Then… Ayan, do you like me too?”

However, Dai Ru Yan didn’t even lift her head from her book. Instead, she asked, “What’s the difference between liking and not liking?”

“Of course, there’s a difference!” Gong Yu leaned in closer. “If you like me, we can stay together forever.”

Dai Ru Yan suddenly turned her head, her expression serious as she asked, “And if I don’t like you, does that mean Xiao Jiu won’t stay with me anymore?”

For some reason, Gong Yu always felt that Dai Ru Yan’s gaze and words were like scolding her for being a heartless woman.

It must be an illusion, absolutely an illusion.

Perhaps because Gong Yu didn’t respond, Dai Ru Yan seemed to grow even more serious. Gong Yu hurriedly explained, “Of course not, I was just asking.”

Dai Ru Yan raised her hand and flicked Gong Yu’s forehead with her fingertip, saying very aloofly, “Not even asking is allowed.”

The flick was quite forceful. Gong Yu rubbed her sore forehead, studying Dai Ru Yan’s expression, her heart filled with unease.

A maid entered from outside the hall carrying a meal. Gong Yu sat upright to the side and waited until the maid had left.

Looking at the food in front of her, Gong Yu asked, “Is this lunch or dinner?”

“At this hour, we can barely call it lunch,” Dai Ru Yan put down her book and asked, “Why aren’t you eating? Didn’t you say you were hungry just now?”

“Oh.” Gong Yu served a bowl of soup and placed it beside Dai Ru Yan, then served one for herself.

Seeing Dai Ru Yan sipping delicately from her small bowl, Gong Yu felt hesitant and unsettled. After finishing two bowls of soup without Dai Ru Yan saying anything else, she mustered the courage to ask:

“Ayan, you still haven’t told me the answer?”

“What answer?” Dai Ru Yan set down her soup bowl, wiped her mouth with a handkerchief, and turned to look at Gong Yu.

“Do you like me or not?”

Gong Yu asked, her face flushed.

Dai Ru Yan blinked slightly and asked, “Is the question of liking or not liking that important to Xiao Jiu?”

Gong Yu nodded nervously.

Dai Ru Yan seemed to fall into deep thought, then replied very seriously, “If there are only these two choices, then I suppose I like you.”

“Does hearing that make Xiao Jiu happy?” Dai Ru Yan turned to Gong Yu and asked with a smile.

Faced with such a casual response, Gong Yu felt it was a bit reckless and her heart grew heavy. She replied, “I’m not happy at all.”

Then Gong Yu focused on drinking her soup and eating large mouthfuls of chicken, deliberately avoiding looking at Dai Ru Yan beside her.

Dai Ru Yan poured a cup of tea and set it aside, then turned to look at Gong Yu, whose mouth was stuffed full of rice, and said with a laugh, “Xiao Jiu, why are you angry?”

“I’m not… angry.” Gong Yu swallowed the rice and looked at Dai Ru Yan’s smiling face, feeling like a big fool. Maybe Dai Ru Yan was just teasing her.

“You say you’re not angry, but you just said you weren’t happy.” Dai Ru Yan leaned closer.

Gong Yu drank her hot soup, ignoring Dai Ru Yan’s enthusiasm, and muttered to herself, “Ayan is a big meanie.”

“Tell me, how am I mean?”

Dai Ru Yan leaned in and asked.

“I saw you laughing at me.”

Gong Yu took a deep breath and said.

“That wasn’t laughing at you,” Dai Ru Yan reached out and gently tugged at Gong Yu’s sleeve. “I just remembered that Xiao Jiu said if we like each other, we’ll always be together. I’ve already told you that of course we’ll always be together, so naturally, that means I like you.”

“But Xiao Jiu always asks so earnestly, I just find it amusing.”

Now Gong Yu felt that if Dai Ru Yan wasn’t pretending, then she truly didn’t understand the real meaning of one girl saying she liked another.

Perhaps in the conventional etiquette Dai Ru Yan had been taught, she had never even heard of love between women.

Thinking this, Gong Yu felt that maybe she should slowly find a different angle to communicate properly with Dai Ru Yan.

Dai Ru Yan held a handkerchief, gently wiping the oil stains from Gong Yu’s lips, and asked softly, “Why are you silent again?”

“My liking is different from Ayan’s liking,” Gong Yu said with utmost seriousness.

“How is it different?”

“I want to kiss Ayan, but Ayan wouldn’t have such thoughts, right?”

Dai Ru Yan paused her hand and said, “Xiao Jiu’s kind of liking feels like a child seeing something new and fascinating—because they like it so much, they want to hold onto it constantly, even wishing to sleep with it, right?”

This analogy left Gong Yu with no way to refute it.

Gong Yu leaned back, avoiding Dai Ru Yan’s hand, and said helplessly, “Then what is Ayan’s liking like?”

“Me?” Dai Ru Yan set the handkerchief aside, as if thinking it over, and said, “Probably, if Xiao Jiu obediently listens to me, then I really like Xiao Jiu.”

“So, if Xiao Jiu just wants to kiss me, it’s not impossible, but you have to be obedient. I can satisfy Xiao Jiu in most things.”

Gong Yu felt as if she were being led in circles by Dai Ru Yan. Helplessly, she leaned back on the low couch, turned her head to look at Dai Ru Yan, and suddenly felt confused. Can liking be equated with satisfaction?

And why does Dai Ru Yan always treat her like a child?

“Xiao Jiu, are you done eating?” Dai Ru Yan leaned closer, reaching out to stroke Gong Yu’s palm as she asked.

Gong Yu blinked and said, “I’m not little anymore. Ayan should call me something else.”

Dai Ru Yan leaned in slightly, cupping Gong Yu’s hand in her palm, and replied, “Xiao Jiu, tell me first?”

“From now on, Ayan should call me A Yu.”

“No.”

Gong Yu looked at Dai Ru Yan, puzzled, and asked, “Why don’t you like it?”

“Xiao Jiu is the most fitting.” Dai Ru Yan poked Gong Yu’s palm with her fingertip and half-pulled her to sit up.

“A Yu sounds nice too.”

“I don’t like it.”

Uh…

Dai Ru Yan clearly left no room for negotiation. Gong Yu hadn’t expected such a strong reaction and was momentarily stunned.

After a while, Gong Yu noticed that Dai Ru Yan’s expression hadn’t softened. Sitting cross-legged nearby, she murmured softly, “Indeed, Ayan’s liking is still different from mine.”

Receiving no response from Dai Ru Yan, Gong Yu spoke dejectedly, “There are matters to attend to in the residence. I should head back now.”

Before she could turn away, Dai Ru Yan reached out and grabbed her, half-embracing her as if complaining, “Xiao Jiu, you’re not being obedient.”

“I am being obedient,” Gong Yu replied, turning her head to look at Dai Ru Yan, who was now close.

“You’re just not being obedient.”

Dai Ru Yan pulled back slightly, her expression serious as she asked, “Otherwise, why would you come here perfectly fine today and now suddenly want to leave for no reason?”

Gong Yu didn’t know how to respond and remained silent. Dai Ru Yan gently stroked Gong Yu’s cheek with her palm and said softly, “Xiao Jiu, be good. Between liking and not liking, since I’ve chosen liking, of course… I like you, right?”

“And if Xiao Jiu wants to be close, as long as you don’t act recklessly, I’ll naturally indulge you.”

The tone of these words was as if Dai Ru Yan were coaxing a child.

As she spoke, Dai Ru Yan leaned in, kissed Gong Yu’s cheek, and smiled reassuringly, “Xiao Jiu, give me a smile, okay?”

Gong Yu gazed at Dai Ru Yan, who had just taken the initiative to kiss her, yet her heart raced uncontrollably. Even though her mind was clear that Dai Ru Yan’s choice to like her was merely a rational decision made after careful consideration. It didn’t ease the turmoil inside.

Perhaps it was just as that Qing Shui’er had said: something grave must have happened to Dai Ru Yan in her childhood, something that had profoundly affected her.

The Dai Ru Yan before her judged everything and everyone with her intellect alone. Her heart held no one, and thus, no emotions.

That was why she could remain indifferent to the brutal struggles in the imperial court, detached from everything happening outside. She could live in seclusion, spending years alone in this courtyard. Perhaps she couldn’t sleep at night, which was why she needed calming herbs in the incense during the day to help her rest.

These signs reminded Gong Yu that Dai Ru Yan’s spirit might be teetering on the edge of collapse.

“I’m not angry,” Gong Yu said earnestly, reaching out to hold Dai Ru Yan’s slightly cool hand.

Dai Ru Yan watched her keenly, as if she wouldn’t let go at the slightest hint of something amiss.

Gong Yu felt the chill in Dai Ru Yan’s gaze, as though she were being scrutinized for any sign of betrayal.

Only when Dai Ru Yan seemed to relax did she smile faintly, tightening her grip on Gong Yu’s hand and pulling her to sit beside her. “Then let me eat a little. I haven’t had anything since early morning.”

“Alright.”

The hot soup on the small stove nearby continued to simmer, its aroma filling the air. Dai Ru Yan’s grip remained firm, never letting go of Gong Yu’s hand.

Whatever Dai Ru Yan picked up with her chopsticks, Gong Yu had no choice but to eat, until she finally shook her head, unable to take another bite.

Only then did Dai Ru Yan set down her wooden chopsticks, though she herself had eaten very little.

After the meal, the two strolled in the courtyard. As dusk approached, the sky was painted with sunset hues, turning the lake water golden.

Usually, it was Gong Yu who did most of the talking, but now, with her hand tightly held by Dai Ru Yan, she didn’t know what to say. The silence between them was palpable.

“It won’t be long before the peach blossoms bloom again,” Dai Ru Yan said unexpectedly, breaking the silence. “The peach tree in your residence, Little Jiu, should be in full bloom soon.”

Gong Yu, still somewhat dazed, replied, “Mm… yes.”

“The Second Princess, Gong Ling, has invited me to her residence to admire the peach blossoms in a few days. I imagine it will be quite lively.” Dai Ru Yan paused and asked, “Would you like to come along, Little Jiu?”

A gentle breeze swept by, and the shimmering reflections from the lake cast a soft glow around Dai Ru Yan, as if tiny lights were dancing at her side.

She seemed to radiate a faint luminescence, though the apricot-yellow gauze dress made her appear even more slender.

Gong Yu could clearly sense that Dai Ru Yan was trying hard to suppress something, though she had no idea what it was.

“Alright, I’ll go with you, Ayan.”

A faint smile flickered in Dai Ru Yan’s eyes as she whispered, “You must keep your word, Little Jiu.”

“Of course.”

They spoke intermittently, both seemingly avoiding the earlier tension, until the sunset faded into darkness. Only then did Dai Ru Yan release her hand.

Gong Yu glanced at the darkening sky in the distance. Dai Ru Yan reached out and gently cupped Gong Yu’s face, saying, “If you have time, remember to visit me often, Little Jiu. Even if it’s just for a little while.”

“I will.”

“Remember,” Dai Ru Yan said, gently pinching Gong Yu’s cheek. “But if you get too busy and don’t come to see me for a long time, I’ll…”

“You’ll what?”

Dai Ru Yan smiled and said, “Guess?”

Gong Yu shook her head and replied, “I can’t guess.”

“Silly, what else could I do?” Dai Ru Yan released her hand and whispered softly, “I’d have to come find you, no matter where you try to hide.”