1122 - Chapter 31.1

Yan Nanchen’s tear-reddened eyes fixed intently on the small box inside the crystal cabinet. Slowly, he pressed his forehead against the glass door, his breath fogging the surface as if trying to grant the box the possibility of breathing.

His gaze lingered on the plaque beside the box. The words “Beloved Son Jiang Nian” cut like a knife, and the agony of seeing the same date for birth and death carved his heart to shreds piece by piece, utterly crushing any remaining courage he had to win Jiang Yi back.

Suddenly, he remembered the example Jiang Yi had mentioned upon returning to the country it was about.

This child.

What kind of state of mind must it have been, to dredge up the most painful memory in one’s heart, all to advance the Secondary Differentiation Gene Detection Technology? It was because the pain was too unbearable, because he didn’t want anyone else to suffer the same.

The pain of the body paled in comparison to the agony of losing a child.

Tears streamed endlessly down his face, his trembling hands gripping the cabinet until even his fingertips were stained with silent despair. Suppressed sobs escaped through his clenched lips, what was the suffering of depression compared to what Jiang Yi had endured?

Why hadn’t he tried harder back then? Why hadn’t he begged his father to help find Jiang Yi? Why had he wallowed in self-pity, letting the person he loved most suffer alone in a foreign land, tormented in body and soul?

How could Jiang Yi, having just given birth, withstand such a blow? Cardiac arrest, he’d nearly died. Was it because losing their son had pushed him to the brink?

How had he lived through these years? Did he hate him? Did he despise him utterly?

And now, with what feelings had Jiang Yi returned? With what heart did he face him now?

Qiao Qiao watched as Yan Nanchen wept so bitterly. Perhaps sensing something, her own tears fell like beans, and she reached out with tiny hands to wipe his tears, comforting him: “You’re crying so loud, what if you wake up Brother?”

Her childish words broke the dam of Yan Nanchen’s tears once more.

He clutched his daughter tightly, muffling his sobs to the quietest whimpers, terrified of frightening her. Yet the pain was so overwhelming he could barely breathe, with no idea how to ease this collapse.

“First Dad is sorry, so sorry to you all. Qiao Qiao, First Dad failed you, failed you.”

Each trembling “sorry” was a struggle to articulate clearly through the suffocating grief, his voice fracturing under the weight of sorrow.

Children are sensitive by nature. Seeing First Dad cry so violently, Qiao Qiao grew frightened, thinking something had happened to Daddy. She wailed, struggling to break free from Yan Nanchen’s arms to find him.

“Waaaaah, I want Daddy!”

Feeling her squirm away, reaching toward the bedroom while crying for her father, Yan Nanchen swiftly caught her, afraid she might fall. He forced himself to steady his voice, not wanting to scare her further.

“Qiao Qiao, be good. Daddy’s fine, he’s just sleeping. First Dad is just sad. It’s my first time seeing Brother, and I’m too overwhelmed.” Even mentioning “Brother” threatened to plunge him back into collapse.

And Jiang Yi hadn’t his pain been even greater?

Qiao Qiao wasn’t convinced, hiccuping through her tears as she insisted: “Waaaah! I want Daddy now! I don’t want you to hold me, I want Daddy!”

Yan Nanchen couldn’t handle his daughter’s crying and had no choice but to take her to find Jiang Yi. However, he didn’t want her to wake Jiang Yi up, so he stood outside the bedroom door and whispered to her, “First Dad is still sleeping. He’s not feeling well today. Let’s not wake him up, okay?”

Qiao Qiao sat in Yan Nanchen’s arms, her sobs coming in hiccups. She looked at her dad still lying in bed, seemingly fast asleep, and finally calmed down a little. But she was still a bit scared. Turning her head, she gazed at Yan Nanchen with tear-filled eyes.

“Is Dad really just sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Yan Nanchen replied, using the back of his hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

“Dad, won’t turn into a Little Elf like Brother did, right?”

Yan Nanchen’s hand froze mid-wipe, his fingers trembling slightly. A dull, needle-like pain pierced his heart again. He tilted his head back, closing his eyes as he tried to steady himself. Then he looked down at his daughter, his reddened eyes filled with tenderness and resolve.

“First Dad promises, First Dad will protect you and Dad, okay?”

Qiao Qiao lowered her head hesitantly, her eyelashes fluttering as she whispered timidly, “But you made Dad sad. You always make him cry under the covers. Qiao Qiao saw it.”

Yan Nanchen’s lips trembled. He pressed them tightly together, glancing toward Jiang Yi, who was still resting in bed. Then he carried Qiao Qiao to the living room, setting her down on the sofa before crouching in front of her.

Placing his hands on either side of her, he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Qiao Qiao, First Dad knows he was wrong. Can you believe in me? First Dad will never let Dad cry alone again. First Dad will never leave you two again, won’t let anyone else protect you. I’ll stay with you three forever and ever.”

Seeing how serious Yan Nanchen looked, Qiao Qiao realized this must be very important. Suddenly, she remembered something her dad had once asked her:

Qiao Qiao, if one day you see First Dad, what would you want to say to him?

Her little head drooped as she thought about it, and tears began to fall again.

Yan Nanchen panicked when he saw her crying again. He leaned closer. “What’s wrong, Qiao Qiao? Did First Dad say something wrong?”

“Yan Nanchen,” Qiao Qiao pouted, extending a small finger to poke his arm firmly just like she had told Dad she would do when she saw First Dad. “Teacher says admitting mistakes makes you a good kid. You have to apologize to Dad, okay? That’s how you be good. Understand?”

Yan Nanchen’s damp eyes brimmed with adoration. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he nodded. “Yeah, First Dad will apologize properly to Dad. I promise.”

“Pinky swear.” Qiao Qiao stuck out her little finger.

“Okay, pinky swear.”

A large hand hooked with a small one.

This promise was eternal.

Later, after Yan Nanchen had lulled Qiao Qiao to sleep, he called Chu Beiheng.

When Chu Beiheng arrived, the door was opened for him, and he saw Yan Nanchen holding the sleeping Qiao Qiao.

“Brother, I know everything now.”

Standing in the foyer, Yan Nanchen held Qiao Qiao close, his gaze fixed on his older brother Chu Beiheng. His voice was hoarse. “I saw it all. Brother is gone.”

Chu Beiheng had been about to tease him about being alone with Jiang Yi, but hearing this, he fell silent. He sighed. “So, Jiang Yi told you?”

“It wasn’t something he said himself. Just now, he had a pheromone concentration imbalance and nearly passed out from the pain. Qiao Qiao called me, and it was only after I came up that I saw this memorial tablet.”

Chu Beiheng frowned slightly as he stepped into the entryway, glancing at the scattered gift boxes on the floor. “This symptom has been too frequent since he returned to the country.”

“I know. It’s all because of me. Right now, I’m just very worried that he might go into heat at any moment. He can’t be left alone.” Yan Nanchen spoke as he handed the sleeping Qiao Qiao to him. “Brother, please take care of Qiao Qiao for now. I want to talk with Yi Yi after he wakes up.”

Chu Beiheng took Qiao Qiao and then seemed to remember something. “Nanchen, I have photos of our brother right after he was born, and recordings of his first cries. Do you want to see them?” He paused briefly before continuing, “I’m afraid it might be too much for you. Even Jiang Yi hasn’t dared to look at them. For him, losing our brother is a pain he’ll never be able to let go of in this lifetime.”

Yan Nanchen was silent for a moment before replying, “I do.”

“Then I’ll send them to you later. Just take care of yourself.” Chu Beiheng knew his younger brother couldn’t handle too much emotional strain either. “Although the doctors say your condition is mild now, don’t push yourself too hard. The fact that Jiang Yi was willing to return is already a good start.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve always had confidence in my own recovery. Ever since I learned from Codename J that Jiang Yi was safe and sound, I’ve been gradually getting better. Now, all I want is to be there for Jiang Yi, no matter in what capacity.”

Chu Beiheng raised an eyebrow at the mention of Codename J. “Hmm, this Codename J is quite impressive. Well, I’ll take Qiao Qiao home first. You two talk things out properly, no fighting.”

The front door slowly closed.

Yan Nanchen stood motionless in the entryway for a long time. His gaze drifted to the key on the shoe cabinet, the gift he had given Jiang Yi a month ago. It was for that same apartment, 1208.

He had bought it back at double the price and restored everything inside exactly as it had been.

As if nothing had ever changed.

Yet, in the end, some things could never be restored.

Just then, his phone vibrated. He pulled it out, and the moment the screen unlocked, a photo appeared before his eyes, causing them to redden instantly.

It was taken in a hospital. Jiang Yi, dressed in a patient’s gown, appeared to be in a weakened state just after giving birth, his face pale. Beside him on the pillow lay a tiny, doll-like baby.

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