You Are the Star I Cannot Touch - Chapter 12

Chapter 12: In This World, I Only Crave You

Qu Shijin came out, and Gu Xizhi handed her a glass of milk. “You’ve worked for a few days, and your salary will be settled for you then.”

“Mmm,” she took it. “You…”

“I told you to be clean, and during this time with you, I am naturally clean too. I was just putting on a show for them. Wait for me obediently,” Gu Xizhi hooked her chin and went into the bathroom.

Qu Shijin clutched the cup, her face flushed. She obediently drank the milk and wasn’t as scared anymore. But CEO Gong had saved her, and she still had to thank her. If it weren’t for her, she dared not imagine what the situation would have been like tonight.

Gu Xizhi came out not in pajamas, but changed into clothes. “Let’s go.”

“Go… where?” She knew these questions shouldn’t be asked by her, but she still asked.

“To watch a movie. Isn’t there a new movie out recently? We can also grab a meal nearby,” she had drunk a lot of wine earlier and was hungry now.

“Are you talking about that double female lead movie? I wanted to see it too, but I didn’t have time,” Qu Shijin’s eyes curved with a smile, very lovely.

Gu Xizhi looked at her, staring a little blankly. This girl looked so beautiful when she smiled, very lovely. “Yes, that’s the one,” she said, though she wasn’t talking about that one; she was talking about a sci-fi movie. “You should smile more, you look pretty when you smile. In the future, only smile for me.” She held her waist and kissed her. “Let’s go.”

“Mmm,” Qu Shijin lowered her head, not daring to look at her, her ears red.

Gu Xizhi felt a tug in her heart, but she didn’t tease her. After all, what happened tonight probably still scared her, and it might even leave a shadow. She had to cheer her up and try to ensure it didn’t really affect her.

“Do you like women?”

“No. I’m just supportive of same-sex relationships, I guess. I feel they are very brave, breaking through worldly constraints. How can love have gender distinctions? As long as there is liking, it’s fine.”

“You still want to find a man to marry and have children.”

“Mmm, after all, I don’t like women. It’s just…” What happened tonight made her a little afraid, scared, and a bit disgusted with men. Of course, she knew it was due to the influence of tonight, and she was otherwise normal.

“You were affected tonight. It’s okay, it will get better slowly. Not all men are like that. When I get tired, I’ll let you go, and you can have a normal life, or when your sister finds a kidney source, our deal can end.”

“Oh.”

Logically, she should be happy. Her sister was saved, she had the money, and after the deal ended, she could return to her own life. But she wasn’t in a good mood, and she didn’t know why.

Gu Xizhi frowned. Shouldn’t she be happy? Why was she looking unhappy? Missing her? Impossible. This kind of relationship was ultimately not honorable; who wouldn’t want it to end? She probably overthought it.

…

Gong Yutong had just returned to her villa when her phone rang. She hesitated for a moment, clicked on it, put it on speakerphone, and changed her clothes, preparing to take a shower.

“Gong Yutong, you bastard, you’re not human, you’re a heartless scoundrel,” Mu Yan was slurring drunkenly on the other end, but her insults were clear.

Gong Yutong “…”

“You slut, you… you slept with me and won’t take responsibility, you’re… not human… heartless scoundrel.” She took another sip from her glass. “You’re not human… yes, you’re not human. Why is your heart so cold if you’re human? I love you so much, I’m so good to you, you… why don’t you love me… is your heart really made of stone? Gong Yutong, you beast, you’re not human, you bastard, you…” Mu Yan momentarily forgot what to curse, and took another sip of wine. “Yes, you bastard. I’ve loved you for ten years. I know what you like and what you don’t like. I learned to cook for you, learned to make your favorite foods. Even if I didn’t sleep all night, I had to learn. I can go buy things for you, even if it’s thirty kilometers away, I’m willing to go buy it for you, rain or shine, but you… have no reaction at all. Gong Yutong, you… even a stone can be warmed up, why can’t you? When will you like me?”

“What do I have to do to make you like me? Tell me! I can do it! As long as you say it, I will definitely be able to do it!”

Mu Yan seemed to have thought of something. “You like men, right? I’ll get surgery. If I become a man, will you like me? Will you? If I can, I’ll go now.”

“Gong Yutong, I really love you. I really want to marry you, really want to hold you, really want to hold you for a lifetime. You are my reason for living, you are the light in my darkness, do you know that?”

“Do you know when I first transferred schools and was assigned to the same dorm as you, I saw you… Do you know why I transferred? Yes, you don’t know who I am. It was precisely because of despair that I transferred. I didn’t want to live anymore. They didn’t love me. Every time, they would never choose me, they would only abandon me, always… haha.” She laughed, and tears flowed. “I saw you, like seeing a beam of light in the darkness. I wanted to chase it, I wanted to get closer to that light, like hope. I was cold, so cold in the dark night, but you were so warm. I wanted to get close, but I didn’t dare. I could tell you were extraordinary, even your clothes were invaluable. You only stayed in the dorm for a while and then left.”

“Maybe I already liked you then, but I didn’t dare. Gong Yutong, a transfer student like me, was bullied by others. Naturally, I would bully them back. The second time I saw you, I was a mess. Why did you reach out and pull me? You know, at that time, I wished I could drill into the ground. I didn’t want you to see me like that. It was because of your skill that no one bullied me after that. You rarely appeared at school, but your midterm grades were perfect. You were incredibly excellent. Wherever you were, you were always first. I wanted to catch up to you. I studied hard… Gong Yutong, if I hadn’t met you, I probably would have committed suicide in the ninth grade. I never wanted to live, never, but seeing you made me want to live. Because you are alive, I want to live. I know that you and I are not from the same world. You are like a goddess, born noble, a person at the peak. How could we possibly cross paths, how could we know each other? But I wanted to get close to you, so for ten years, I worked for ten years, building my own power to get closer to you.”

“You are my last hope for living… I’m really afraid that one day I won’t be able to hold on and will end myself. In this world, I only crave you.”

“You… bastard…”

The voice on the other end stopped, and a moment later, the call disconnected.

Gong Yutong looked at her phone and sat for a while, then got up and went to the bathroom.

She came out of the bathroom, changed into a white silk slip dress, sat on the sofa, and lit a cigarette. She rarely smoked, only when she was in a bad mood or when she was indecisive. She didn’t use to smoke, but later she did. Some things could only be buried in her heart, because she wasn’t qualified yet. Now, she had reached a point where no one could provoke her, and there were many forces unknown and untraceable to anyone. She would only do something when she had full confidence.

Suddenly, there was a movement at the window. She got up to look.