Why is This Clingy Snow Leopard Acting So Innocent? - Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Confession—Why the Pretended Reserve?

When the heart stops a beat, the world stagnates with it.

The scorching heat stimulated by the kiss turned into a warm current, flowing through his entire body. By the time he heard the “thump-thump” of his heart racing again, only one sentence remained in Yun Shu’s mind:

“I like you.”

“I…”

“I…”

His breathing grew inexplicably rapid, his chest heaving violently. His heart felt as if it were about to burst through his ribs, and Su Wen’s face before him blurred strangely.

It wasn’t until his body slid down and he sat on the floor that he realized he was hyperventilating.

Yun Shu pressed against his tightening chest; a breath was stuck in his lungs, neither rising nor falling. Only intermittent sounds managed to escape his lips:

“Ge… Su… Su Wen…”

Before he could finish, his mouth and nose were suddenly covered. A faint scent, laced with the freshness of lemon, rushed in.

Su Wen cupped the back of Yun Shu’s head with one hand and formed a mask over his nose and mouth with the other, his tone gentle: “Try to breathe.”

Large tears were forced from Yun Shu’s eyes. Saliva pooled and spilled over, wetting Su Wen’s palm and wrist.

Yun Shu instinctively grabbed Su Wen’s arm, his tear-soaked gaze locked onto the man, following his instructions to breathe bit by bit.

The violent heaving of his chest gradually leveled out. That feeling of impending death finally passed.

Su Wen lowered his hand, allowing the moisture on his palm to dampen his own sleeve. “How is it? Do you feel better now?”

Yun Shu gulped in the air, not forgetting to nod at him.

Once he had fully recovered and was slumped there, Su Wen crouched beside him. He pulled some tissues from his bag to wipe the saliva from Yun Shu’s face.

Then, seeing his own hand covered in wetness, he unceremoniously yanked down the zipper of Yun Shu’s jacket and wiped the saliva from his palm directly onto Yun Shu’s chest.

Yun Shu didn’t resist. He lay there limp, letting Su Wen’s hand rub messily against his chest until it was dry.

“Are you completely back with us?”

Yun Shu looked at him and nodded.

“Then tell me,” Su Wen shifted Yun Shu’s leg to make space and sat down beside him, “what was that all about?”

Yun Shu’s voice carried a lingering huskiness: “I don’t know.”

Su Wen propped his head on one hand and reached out with the other to give Yun Shu’s cheek a firm squeeze. His tone held a hint of dissatisfaction: “I say ‘I like you,’ and it scares you this much?”

“Do you think a fan can’t be with his idol?”

Yun Shu bowed his head, his hands clasped in front of him, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palms. “No…”

“Then is it that you hate me?” Su Wen said it casually; someone who followed an idol this far couldn’t possibly dislike them. “Is even my confession terrifying to you?”

As expected, Yun Shu grabbed his hand, his emotions becoming slightly agitated: “Of course not!”

Su Wen curled his lips. Like petting a kitten, he soothingly rubbed Yun Shu’s head, then moved his fingers to lightly graze the younger man’s chin. “Then is it…”

“That you’re just too excited because I confessed?”

Before the words fully landed, Yun Shu’s face turned visibly red, the flush spreading all the way to his neck and ears. He lowered his head again, seemingly unsure of how to respond.

Su Wen chuckled. He leaned forward, cupping Yun Shu’s face and resting his forehead against the other’s. His voice held a faint, hypnotic quality:

“Yun Shu, I’m going to kiss you now…”

“If you don’t like me, move away, okay?”

Yun Shu closed his eyes, his long lashes casting a faint shadow. Su Wen’s thumb lightly traced the corner of his eye, watching the lids quiver.

With a soft laugh, Su Wen leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. It wasn’t deep; he simply lingered there.

After a long moment, Su Wen pulled back slightly, their foreheads still touching. He took Yun Shu’s hand and pressed it against his own chest, letting him feel the frantic pounding of his heart.

“Can you feel it?” he asked.

Yun Shu’s hand trembled along with him. “Yes… yes…”

“I like you, Yun Shu.”

“I… I…”

Before he could continue, Su Wen began to coax him again: “Like me too, Yun Shu. Be with me.”

Yun Shu felt as if he were floating. The heart that had been tight with tension for so long finally found release. He reached out, wanting to wrap his arms around Su Wen’s neck and pull him close.

Su Wen’s voice was slow, each word deliberate: “Don’t like that person anymore. Forget him and like me, okay?”

The sentence was a plea, yet it was filled with a hardened authority, almost like a command.

Yun Shu felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him. He froze.

He repeated blankly: “Forget him?”

“Yes,” Su Wen blinked, pulling back a little to meet his eyes. “Is that not okay?”

Yun Shu was utterly bewildered: “Why?”

Su Wen was equally confused: “Why what?”

“Didn’t you say… you like me?”

“I do,” Su Wen said. “Do you think I’m lying to you?”

Yun Shu lowered his head. He had never experienced anything this complex; he couldn’t wrap his head around it. “No… I don’t, but…”

Su Wen cupped his face, forcing him to look at him. “But what?”

“But you like me, and I like you. Why should I forget?”

Su Wen was the first human Yun Shu had ever remembered. In the decade since, Yun Shu had seen many humans—those who were kind, those who were hostile, those who saw him as a monster, and those who saw him as ordinary.

Only Su Wen had always been good to him. Even though one was a snow leopard and one was a human, it felt as if they had known each other for a very, very long time.

Su Wen was different.

But he was too different.

Yun Shu sat there, facing the person he had always liked—the person he would love in this life and the next. That person liked him back, which should have been the ultimate happiness, but…

He couldn’t understand. Why was Su Wen asking him to forget Su Wen?

His mind was filled with one regret: Why didn’t I study harder back then? If he had, maybe he would understand what was going on right now.

Why? Why exactly?

Su Wen felt a stir of annoyance, especially facing those dazed, animal-like eyes, but he remained patient. “There is no ‘why,’ Yun Shu.”

He placed his hand over Yun Shu’s beating heart. “There is only room for one person in here. Do you understand?”

Yun Shu placed his hand over Su Wen’s. The palm was warm. He said, “There is only one person in here.”

Su Wen smiled and patted his cheek. “Good boy.”

“So, can you promise me now? Will you forget him?”

But Yun Shu was unexpectedly stubborn: “No.”

Su Wen’s brows knit together. This brat… does he want to keep two boats afloat?

“You dummy,” Su Wen tapped his forehead lightly. “He doesn’t even care about you, yet you still like him?”

“He does care.”

“You’re drowning in the past, Yun Shu.”

Yun Shu’s eyes were full of conviction: “The past is important.”

Su Wen sighed, unable to comprehend the persistence. “Is it? If only one of the two people remembers, then there’s no point in remembering, Yun Shu.”

Yun Shu stared at him, seemingly lost.

“The past isn’t that important. You can give up on him because he forgot.”

“If the past were truly that important to him, why would he forget?”

“He forgot because something happened!” Yun Shu explained loudly. “And he is just… mmm…”

The word “you” was cut off as Su Wen covered his mouth.

“Enough, Yun Shu,” his patience was nearing its end. “Don’t speak of him again. If you mention that person one more time, I won’t like you anymore.”

After a long while, Su Wen lowered his head, resting his forehead on Yun Shu’s shoulder.

Soon, he realized Yun Shu’s mood was off. He looked up to see tears hanging precariously on the younger man’s lashes.

He sighed. He really couldn’t figure this guy out—one moment he liked him, and the next he was putting on this display of reserved “loyalty” to his past.

What are you acting for? Idiot.

He brushed away a stray tear with his knuckle, stood up, and planted a kiss on Yun Shu’s cheek.

“Yun Shu,” he said, “I’ll give you time to deal with this ‘past,’ but I hope you can give me an answer soon.”

He thought for a moment and added: “At the Mountain God Festival. Tell me then whether you’ll forget him and be with me.”

Having said his piece, Su Wen didn’t linger. He turned and headed into the room. As he opened the door, he remembered something and looked back:

“Shower inside. You’ll catch a cold outside.”

If there were a normal bathroom outside, Su Wen would never have said that. Staying in the same space as someone who had effectively given a “40% rejection” to his confession was incredibly awkward.

It wasn’t until Yun Shu finished his shower and said “Goodnight” before heading to his own room that Su Wen shifted under his duvet and waved a hand in response.

He didn’t want to look him in the eye. He didn’t want to move at all. At this moment, nothing could motivate him.

“Awoo, awoo…” “Purr… chirrup…”

The soft, small cries of a snow leopard sounded from outside the window.

Su Wen jumped. He had forgotten to leave a crack in the window for the “baby.”

When the snow leopard climbed in, it looked visibly aggrieved. It bit its own tail, circled him twice, and then pounced into his arms as he sat back on the bed.

A deep purr vibrated in its throat.

Su Wen was instantly filled with guilt. He slid down to the floor, holding the leopard, and reached for the bag on the nightstand. Inside was some dried beef given to him by a herder during a household visit today.

He pulled out the largest piece and held it to the leopard’s mouth.

The leopard didn’t seem particularly interested, but it was gracious enough to open its mouth and gently nibble on a corner of the jerky.

After a few performative bites, it stopped, simply holding the beef in its mouth like a lollipop.

The little creature still looked terribly hurt, purring away while secretly observing Su Wen with its eyes.

Su Wen could only stroke its head to comfort it. “Alright, alright, good baby. Don’t be mad, don’t be mad…”