Weakness Trap - Chapter 27.2

Yu Qingluan closed the door to her room, took out her needle and thread, along with the unfinished confession letter, and began to embroider.

Yu Lingxue.

With every line she embroidered, she thought of that name.

Yu Lingxue, Yu Lingxue.

Line by line, the words of the confession poem she had long decided on, the shyly transcribed sentences, were mechanically arranged on the fabric.

Yu Qingluan’s vision went blank, and in that blankness, only that person’s face remained.

Her senses faded, her mind grew hazy, and a buzzing discomfort filled her head.

Yet she kept embroidering, kept thinking.

What was the scene she had witnessed earlier?

What was Yu Lingxue doing on the street?

Why wasn’t she replying to her messages?

Yu Qingluan thought until it felt like her eyes would pierce through.

She closed her eyes, feeling the soreness, and a tear slid down.

She felt a little feverish. Wiping her forehead, she felt heavy headed and unsteady on her feet, swaying even while sitting.

But she still clutched the confession letter, embroidering bit by bit.

As if by finishing this letter, Yu Lingxue would understand how much she loved her and would return to her side.

To love her again, just as they had before.

In the end, Yu Qingluan threw down the ruined piece of fabric, her hands trembling, her throat dry, and her entire body burning.

Red spots appeared intermittently on her skin, the itchiness of an allergic reaction and the weakness of a cold making her want to writhe on the floor.

Her stomach felt uneasy too perhaps it was the unfamiliar environment.

New Year’s Eve, the night of the countdown, four hours of family reunion.

She should have been sitting at home with Yu Shuhua, roasting sweet potatoes and eating tangerines, enduring the boring Spring Festival Gala until midnight, finally saying “Happy New Year,” and falling asleep to the sound of fireworks.

But now, in an unfamiliar hotel in Harbor City, she was embroidering a confession letter that might never be sent or might be useless, her eyes sore and her hands pricked by the needle, rolling on the cold floor in pain from her illness.

How could she not be angry? How could she not hate?

Yu Qingluan was tired of her own heart, yet it kept forgiving the one who caused it all over and over again.

In the depths of her pain, Yu Qingluan scratched her wrists until they bled, but it brought no relief at all.

In the end, she gave up tormenting herself, letting the discomfort spread throughout her body.

She reached out her hand, grasping only air, unable to reach the person she wanted.

Yu Qingluan closed her eyes, a single tear sliding down.

For the first time, she thought, if only she didn’t have to like Yu Lingxue.

If only… that autumn, she hadn’t rowed past Yu Lingxue, hadn’t allowed Yu Lingxue onto her boat, hadn’t given her a ride.

If she hadn’t quietly approached her, hadn’t accepted her invitation on that snowy night, hadn’t lost all reason and been overwhelmed by a single kiss.

That would have been better.

In a daze, the doorbell rang. Yu Qingluan didn’t know if it was her or her soul that got up, as if she opened the door, yet couldn’t quite reach the doorknob.

She actually saw Yu Lingxue, looking left and right, but couldn’t see her clearly.

So she reached out to touch, but only found air.

It must have been an illusion.

After all, Yu Qingluan had seen it Yu Lingxue wasn’t answering calls or replying to messages, yet she wasn’t in the hospital but on the street, surrounded by a crowd.

The distance between them was always so vast.

Just like all those days and nights at Chu University, watching Yu Lingxue from afar.

Yu Lingxue was the center of attention, while she was just an ordinary, unnoticeable person, scratching at the patches on her clothes, pretending not to care.

Yu Qingluan remembered how she used to dislike Yu Lingxue.

Because Yu Lingxue had exposed her true self with a single sentence, because their surnames sounded the same, yet their fates were worlds apart.

If only she had kept disliking her back then.

Yu Qingluan sank into memories and into dreams, falling into a deep sleep.

Yu Lingxue gently stroked her face, cooling her forehead with icy hands.

From the moment she was let in, they hadn’t exchanged a single word.

Yu Qingluan’s condition was terrible, as if she didn’t even see Yu Lingxue, walking straight to the desk.

On the desk was the gift Yu Qingluan had promised to give her. Unfortunately, Yu Lingxue had no time to look at it now.

Later, Yu Qingluan collapsed. Yu Lingxue struggled to lift her, trembling as she dragged her to the bed and gently laid her down.

Finally, she took out a needle to reduce her fever and treat her stomach pain.

As for the allergies, Yu Lingxue could only apply some ointment. This was something she couldn’t cure, and it always pained her deeply.

Yu Lingxue looked at Yu Qingluan, who had passed out from the pain, and wiped the sweat from her brow.

Facing this face, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words that she was about to enter an arranged marriage.

Any explanation felt pale and inadequate.

Actually,

If only she had one more year.

Yu Qingluan shouldn’t have followed her here.

How she wished she could keep it from her until everything was over,

Yu Lingxue lowered her head, kissed Yu Qingluan’s cheek, and then gazed at her slightly parted lips, tenderly stroking them.

Give her a little more time. She promised it would really be better this time.

Okay?

Yu Lingxue gave Yu Qingluan one last hug, tidied her belongings, drew the curtains, left the medicine, and finally stepped out of the hotel room.

Yu Qingluan opened her eyes when she heard someone knocking.

She blinked groggily, pressing a hand to her head, unable to recall what had happened the previous day.

“Coming.” Yu Qingluan dragged her feet to the door and found Xiang Yan outside.

“Goodness, you scared me. I’ve been knocking for half an hour it’s already one in the afternoon, Did you just wake up?”

“Ah, seems like it.” Yu Qingluan rubbed her temples. “I had a bit of a fever last night.”

“How about now?” Xiang Yan followed her into the room and closed the door.

“Surprisingly, it’s gone.” Yu Qingluan touched her forehead, then her fingers trailed down and brushed against a strange needle mark.

“…?” She glanced at the desk, where several packets of medicine were neatly arranged.

“Did you come to my room last night?” she asked her friend suspiciously.

Xiang Yan shook her head. “I was out until 3 a.m. had a blast. Came back to the hotel and crashed as soon as I hit the bed.”

“Then who came into my room?”

A faint trace of sweet rose fragrance suddenly surfaced in Yu Qingluan’s memory.

“Yu Lingxue. It was Yu Lingxue.” She remembered Yu Lingxue entering her room, holding her, coaxing her into bed.

Amidst her repeated protests, Yu Lingxue had kissed her lips, then used acupuncture to cure her fever and stomach pain.

“She, she came to see me.” Yu Qingluan suddenly grabbed Xiang Yan’s arm.

Xiang Yan’s expression shifted slightly. “Are you sure it was her?”

“It had to be her. Who else would use acupuncture to bring down my fever?”

“And this medicine.” Yu Qingluan snatched up the packets. “This is the exact packaging Yu Lingxue always uses. And this… this is her handwriting.”

She opened one and found only instructions on how to take the medicine, which left her feeling a little hollow.

If she had come to see her, why hadn’t she said a word about what was going on?

Even just one explanation she would have understood.

Yu Qingluan lowered her head.

Last night, she had still resented her.

But this morning, seeing what she had left behind, she couldn’t help but feel that love again.

She was growing tired of her own inexplicable emotions.

But Yu Lingxue had always been so good to her.

“Hey, Qingluan, listen to me.” Xiang Yan gently pressed down on Yu Qingluan, who was alternating between agitation and melancholy.

Worried she wouldn’t be able to handle the news, Xiang Yan had carefully built up to it.

Yu Qingluan quieted down and looked at her.

“So last night, I felt like Su Lian was hinting at something, so I called and asked her again.” Xiang Yan took a deep breath.

She honestly didn’t know how to say it.

Especially now that Yu Qingluan claimed Yu Lingxue had visited her last night.

How could someone do such a thing?

Looking for her “girlfriend” on one hand, while getting engaged to someone else on the other.

How could Yu Qingluan possibly bear hearing this?

Xiang Yan swallowed, still unsure how to proceed.

“Go on.” Yu Qingluan took a sip of warm water, sensing this had something to do with Yu Lingxue.

“Well Su Lian said that Yu Lingxue rushed back to Hong Kong not just because her sister was sick. She, she.”

Xiang Yan bit her lip hard, knowing she had to say it. “She, she also went back to get engaged.”

“To someone in the top five of Hong Kong’s rich list apparently the heir apparent of one of the four major local families. His name is Yan Lanshen.”

“Impossible.” Yu Qingluan instinctively denied it.

She even tried to force a sarcastic smile.

But her heart grew colder and colder.

Her body felt as if it were freezing over.

She could not provide any evidence to prove it was impossible.

Whether it was the frequent harassment of Yu Lingxue by that metallic woman before, or Yu Qingluan later confirming that Yu Lingxue had a fiancée.

Or how Su Lian had once told her that Yu Lingxue had tried to break off the engagement but was met with opposition from both families.

All signs pointed to Yu Lingxue being bound by a marriage arrangement.

And it had not been dissolved.

Xiang Yan shook her head. She knew Yu Qingluan wouldn’t believe it.

In the end, she didn’t really want to believe it either.

But,

“The Yan family is extremely wealthy. They’ve even put up advertisements.” Xiang Yan pulled out the picture Su Lian had sent her.

It was a photograph of two women pressed close together, looking affectionate.

Yu Qingluan wasn’t blind she could clearly see the bold text at the top of the image.

Congratulations to Yan Lanshen and Yu Lingxue on Their Engagement

Yu Qingluan’s breath caught in her throat.

“If you go outside now, you’ll see their faces plastered all over the streets,”

These two families truly lived up to their status as wealthy elites, flaunting their engagement as if they wanted the whole world to know.

Without even changing her clothes, Yu Qingluan threw on a down jacket and rushed out the door.

Xiang Yan chased after her, panting heavily.

Yu Qingluan seemed to have suddenly mustered an extraordinary burst of energy, as if revitalized, moving so fast she could almost compete with a bicycle.

She ran to the nearest intersection and looked up, where she saw the massive congratulatory screen displaying Yu Lingxue and Yan Lanshen’s engagement.

Walking further, she saw their photos plastered across bus stop shelters.

Looking down, she could see the reflections of advertisements in the puddles left by melted snow.

Looking up, she saw banners with bright red backgrounds and bold yellow lettering.

Everyone was celebrating the happy couple.

Everyone knew about it.

Only Yu Qingluan was in the dark.

Yu Qingluan was always the last to know.

Her strength drained away partly from exhaustion, partly because her heart suddenly felt hollow, devoid of emotion.

She collapsed to the ground, sitting there motionless, staring blankly at the enormous billboard.

It even listed the time and location of their engagement banquet.

Tomorrow evening.

So, when Yu Lingxue had visited her last night, saying nothing and leaving nothing behind…

She had come to say goodbye.

And here Yu Qingluan had been, filled with joy, still thinking of Yu Lingxue.

Hoping that perhaps they could be together again someday.

What future was there?

Yu Lingxue had already abandoned her.

Yu Qingluan barely made it through the days until the engagement.

She didn’t tell anyone, not even Xiang Yan.

Quietly, she gathered her things and left the house.

She didn’t really know what she intended to do.

Was she seeking revenge against Yu Lingxue?

Or did she want to confront her, to cry and demand comfort?

Was she clinging to some faint hope, believing there might be an explanation? Or did she simply want to see for herself who Yu Lingxue had chosen over her?

Sitting on the bus, Yu Qingluan’s body swayed with the vehicle’s stops and starts.

But her heart felt empty.

She felt detached, as if she were floating outside herself, no longer in control.

Yet she didn’t know who was piloting her body.

Clutching her bag, she suddenly felt it was pointless.

Yu Lingxue would never accept her gifts again.

And she no longer wanted to give Yu Lingxue anything.

But she had finished embroidering the confession letter anyway.

She didn’t understand why she had bothered with such a meaningless task.

Perhaps loving Yu Lingxue had become a habit.

An instinctive, rigid repetition of all the ways she had once expressed her love.

Then let this be her farewell.

Starting today, she would no longer love Yu Lingxue.

Since Yu Lingxue had already chosen someone new, she would soon start a new life.

Yu Lingxue would live her life as a wealthy socialite in Harbor City.

Yu Qingluan thought she, too, would remain in Chu City for the rest of her life, working as an embroiderer, just like her mother and grandmother toiling away day after day, embroidering for a lifetime.

There was no need to hand over half a life to anyone else.

Wasn’t that just fine?

Yu Qingluan realized she couldn’t shed a single tear.

Her tears had long since dried up on the day Yu Lingxue left without a word.

So early on, Yu Lingxue had already abandoned her.

So she really had been foolish, so very foolish.

Clutching her embroidery, Yu Qingluan entered the engagement banquet venue.

The venue was as grand as a palace, with a bright, luxurious red carpet, crystal decorations everywhere, and tables laden with rare delicacies from around the world lobster, foie gras, caviar. The wine in the tall glasses was clearly of exceptional quality. Even the plates were edged in gold, and the chairs were made of pearwood a scene of extravagant indulgence.

So this was the life of the wealthy. A height Yu Qingluan could never reach in one lifetime, or even ten.

Today, the venue was open to all citizens; one only needed to pass through security.

Yu Qingluan had nothing on her but a piece of embroidery.

After clearing security, she slipped into the backstage area.

How laughable she was. Her heart was dead, yet her feet still carried her toward where Yu Lingxue was.

So be it. She was only there to say goodbye.

Let it be her revenge on Yu Lingxue. Let it be her hatred for Yu Lingxue.

Let it mark the end of her past year.

But before Yu Qingluan could knock on the lounge door, she heard Yu Lingxue’s voice.

Yu Lingxue was speaking to someone who, she didn’t know but the words were so clear, striking straight into Yu Qingluan’s mind.

“Actually, Little Bird coming to Harbor City is a bit of a bother for me.”

“She shouldn’t have come here.”

Yu Qingluan stood frozen in place.

She could no longer make out what else Yu Lingxue was saying.

Her head buzzed with pain, leaving only one sentence echoing in her mind:

She shouldn’t have come here.

Shouldn’t have come.

Shouldn’t have,

Yu Qingluan stood dazed, her eyes wide, a sour ache surging through her, making every part of her ache.

But then, abruptly, she pushed open the lounge door, cutting off Yu Lingxue’s words.

Yu Lingxue stood up, turning around in surprise.

“Qingluan, how did you.”

Yu Qingluan simply took out that confession letter.

Right in front of Yu Lingxue, with her own hands.

Piece by piece.

She tore the confession letter into shreds.

Then she turned and left before anyone in the room could react.