Weakness Trap - Chapter 22

Just like the first time they met.

On that autumn afternoon, Yu Qingluan was walking home from school.

With no classes in the afternoon, aside from going back to fetch her sewing kit and continue working on her project, Yu Qingluan couldn’t think of anything else to do.

She leisurely prodded Chu Yunhe, parting the mirror like surface of her mother river with ripples.

She never expected to encounter anyone special on this nearly deserted route.

A stranger, yet one who felt like a lifetime in a single glance.

Back then, Yu Lingxue had stood under the willow tree just like this.

Except the willow leaves in early autumn were still lush and green, some darker, some lighter, rustling in the wind like a layered melody.

The early autumn afternoon also had just the right amount of sunlight neither too warm nor too harsh warming both the face and the heart.

But now, it was a winter night.

The willow tree had only a few withered leaves left, bleakly fluttering in the air like tangled threads of wind that could never weave into a whole.

There was no light in the night.

The distant streetlights were dimmer than the stars and moon, and tonight, only dark clouds filled the sky.

A faint, pale glow brushed lightly against the ends of Yu Lingxue’s hair, struggling to escape from her shoulders and casting a pallor over the curve of her lips and the tip of her nose.

She saw Yu Qingluan and slightly parted her lips.

But the biting wind stole her words before they could be spoken, scattering sorrow across the ground.

It was nothing like last year’s autumn.

Yu Qingluan stood frozen, while the wind pushed her boat forward, swaying unsteadily.

Yu Lingxue broke into a light run, pressing a hand to her chest as she chased after the troublesome wind.

“Qingluan.” Yu Lingxue called out, pausing for a moment before quickening her steps to catch up.

Finally roused by the call, Yu Qingluan rowed forward and brought the boat to a stop.

“Why have you come to find me?” Yu Qingluan was more than a little surprised.

How long had it been?

It had been over half a month since she gave up.

She thought, she thought.

She would never see Yu Lingxue again.

They couldn’t meet again only to part once more that was the dignity she had reserved for herself.

And Yu Lingxue?

Why had she come looking for her?

“Can’t I come to find you?” Yu Lingxue’s brows furrowed slightly.

She grasped the black awning and nimbly stepped onto the boat.

“Can’t I?” Then, she wrapped her arms around Yu Qingluan, warming her hollow, empty back.

“You’ve come to find me many times before,” Yu Lingxue felt she had to hold Yu Qingluan tight.

She had to cling to her firmly.

Yu Qingluan’s gaze was so unfamiliar.

As if she had already left her behind.

“But,” Yu Qingluan’s words stuck in her throat.

Just like her limbs, frozen and unmoving.

There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to ask.

From the smallest things, what Yu Lingxue had been doing, what she had eaten, how she had been sleeping, whether she was tired or busy to the bigger questions: why she wasn’t staying at home, how things were with her fiancée, whether her family was giving her a hard time.

But the moment Yu Lingxue embraced her, Yu Qingluan realized.

She couldn’t utter a single word.

Not just because too many thoughts clogged her throat, tying her tongue in an ugly knot.

But also because of cowardice and greed.

If she asked, would Yu Lingxue leave?

Would she hide the truth from her? Would she grow tired of her?

Better not to speak at all.

The light in Yu Qingluan’s eyes slowly faded.

She set down the oar in her hand.

Found her rudder.

Yu Qingluan turned and embraced Yu Lingxue.

Boldly and proactively, she pressed her lips to hers.

A sense of reassurance could be shared.

Yu Lingxue was soothed by the kiss first, her heartbeat steadying.

She nurtured the fox she had tamed and comforted her little bird.

And so, Yu Qingluan gradually calmed down as well.

Like a kite whose string had been tugged, finally landing on solid ground.

Like a floating person stepping onto firm earth.

Yu Qingluan, held in Yu Lingxue’s palm, felt so settled she wanted to cry.

Yu Lingxue stroked the back of her head, gently smoothing down the bristling fur that had risen all over her body.

After half a month, indeed only Yu Lingxue could completely soothe the thorns stirred up by Su Lian that day.

Yu Qingluan ultimately couldn’t hold back her tears.

Bean-sized hot tears dripped onto Yu Lingxue’s shoulder, instantly turning cold.

Yu Lingxue shivered involuntarily, causing Yu Qingluan to look up.

Her mouth slightly open, eyes still misty with tears, tear tracks forming pathways as droplets continuously slid down.

“My little bird, my poor little bird.” Yu Lingxue took out a handkerchief.

It was the gift Yu Qingluan had given to make up for things.

She carried it with her.

Yu Qingluan bit her lip hard, her whole body beginning to tremble.

“I’m sorry.” Yu Lingxue carefully wiped her tears.

“I’m sorry.” She sighed.

Yu Qingluan choked back sobs and buried her face in Yu Lingxue’s chest.

What she wanted to hear clearly wasn’t this.

Beyond apologies, there were so many things between them left unclarified.

Like what happened with that annoying fiancee.

Like whether the family had put pressure on Yu Lingxue.

Or like whether they could continue in the future.

But with Yu Lingxue’s apology, Yu Qingluan’s emotions, strained for too long, instantly collapsed.

When Yu Lingxue kissed the corner of her eye, Yu Qingluan thought.

She didn’t want to hear about these troublesome matters anymore.

She didn’t want to know how terrifying the outside world was, how distant Yu Lingxue was from her.

How many obstacles stood between them, how fragile their relationship was.

She just needed Yu Lingxue to be here.

That was enough.

“I love you.” Yu Qingluan held Yu Lingxue tightly, her fingers digging desperately into the down coat.

Her voice was hoarse, but Yu Lingxue understood.

“I, I love you.” That was all Yu Qingluan could say.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Yu Lingxue was momentarily stunned, then deeply moved, her expression shifting repeatedly.

She held Yu Qingluan by the waist, burying her nose in her hair.

Taking a deep breath, everything around her was filled with Yu Qingluan’s scent.

Calm, gentle. A lovely orange fragrance, the perfect choice a mother would pick for her daughter’s shower gel.

How much she loved this scent.

“Making you wait so long again.” Her calm exterior hid how disheveled her heart truly was.

“No, it’s fine.” Yu Qingluan choked, tears nearly draining her strength.

“It’s okay.” She knew Yu Lingxue was very busy.

Was it already good enough that she came back to find her?

After all, for the first half-month without seeing Yu Lingxue, Yu Qingluan had thought they were going to break up.

Regaining what was lost. Finding hope after despair.

This was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Yu Qingluan nearly tore through Yu Lingxue’s down coat, her tears washing over her head.

Finally, crying until she had no strength left, Yu Qingluan let go.

She sat down, pulling Yu Lingxue with her.

Yu Lingxue didn’t mind her six figure outfit getting dirty, holding her close, gently patting her head.

“I’m free tonight.” Yu Lingxue lowered her head, her voice softening along with it.

“I can stay with you.”

“Mm.” Yu Qingluan clumsily wiped her tears, trying to compose herself.

Yu Lingxue gave a loud kiss on her ear.

That ear turned red, and Yu Qingluan hung her head, pushing away the heavy, annoying metaphorical oar.

By the time they returned to Yu Qingluan’s home, it was nearly midnight.

Yu Shuhua watched her daughter return safely and had no objections to her bringing a “friend” home or the lateness of the hour. After greeting them, she went back to her room to sleep.

“Mom definitely noticed,” Yu Qingluan murmured, rubbing her eyes as she lay on the carved bed after washing up. She pouted in mock annoyance. “It’s all your fault for being so sudden tonight.”

Yu Lingxue pulled her into an embrace, casually retrieving a soothing ointment to apply gently. “It might feel a bit cool just bear with it.”

Yu Qingluan closed her eyes quietly, feeling utterly at peace in that moment.

“Will she say anything if she finds out?” After applying the ointment, Yu Lingxue playfully tapped Yu Qingluan’s lips. She had always enjoyed teasing Yu Qingluan’s face since they started dating.

“I don’t know.” Yu Qingluan felt a little troubled.

She used to think her mother was quite old fashioned.

Having given birth to her late in life, her mother was now in her fifties.

She struggled with smartphones, and aside from embroidery, her greatest pleasure was watching TV specifically, crosstalk comedy shows.

While Yu Qingluan was busy with studies and practicing her basics, Yu Shuhua did nothing else but stir fry in the kitchen.

In Yu Qingluan’s memory, her mother was always wearing an apron, her back turned, facing the soot stained kitchen wall as she flipped the wok, shrouded in cooking fumes, her face obscured.

But tonight, Yu Shuhua had analyzed future trends for her, encouraging her to venture out, a fiery determination in her eyes that Yu Qingluan had never seen before.

Lost in thought, Yu Qingluan wondered if her mother might actually support her.

“Auntie is really kind; she definitely won’t try to separate us,” Yu Lingxue said, her words tinged with a slight accent.

Yu Qingluan chuckled.

“You’re so annoying.”

Hearing her imitation, Yu Lingxue laughed along with her.

“Am I not?”

“I don’t understand you.” Yu Qingluan opened her eyes and reached out to playfully pinch Yu Lingxue’s cheeks.

They tumbled down together onto the bed.

“We should keep it down,” Yu Qingluan said, switching off the light. Only in the silence that followed did she realize how loud they had been.

“Okay,” Yu Lingxue whispered, snuggling into her blanket.

In such a small home, with such thin walls, secrets were bound to slip through.

Maybe that was why Yu Qingluan was so endearing her feelings were always written all over her face.

She took Yu Qingluan’s hand.

Yu Qingluan understood, hesitating for just a moment.

“As long as we’re quiet,” Yu Lingxue murmured softly into her ear.

“Mmm.” Yu Qingluan didn’t say another word.

She simply focused on feeling Yu Lingxue.

And Yu Lingxue focused on feeling her.

They exchanged that long-missed intimacy in secret.

Yu Qingluan kissed the corner of Yu Lingxue’s eye, coaxing out a tear.

Yu Lingxue gripped her arm, leaving faint scratch marks.

Only a lover could leave such marks.

Stinging yet sweet, carrying the unique warmth of scars, heating their very flesh and blood.

In that moment, Yu Qingluan thought she truly felt that Yu Lingxue loved her.

“Little bird.” Yu Lingxue was still trembling slightly when it was over, holding Yu Qingluan tightly, not letting her wipe her hands.

“Winter break is here.”

“Yeah.” Winter had finally arrived.

They hadn’t made any formal promises. Yet, things seemed even better than if they had.

“I can be with you the entire winter break,” Yu Lingxue wanted to make a vow.

There was a sense of calm before the storm.

Regaining what was lost is the most wonderful feeling in the world,but what about losing what was gained?