Weakness Trap - Chapter 16

“I,” Yu Lingxue instinctively wanted to defend herself, but found she couldn’t speak.

Yu Qingluan was right – she didn’t know.

She didn’t know who Yu Qingluan’s friends were. She didn’t know the patterns of Yu Qingluan’s daily life.

She hadn’t even been curious enough to learn about Yu Qingluan’s family background.

Even after visiting Yu Qingluan’s home so many times. Even after spending a year in Chucheng, knowing that embroidery was one of the most renowned industries here.

She had never connected Yu Qingluan with that legendary embroidery family.

Yu Lingxue stood frozen as cold wind rushed into her nose and mouth.

It irritated her respiratory tract, all the way to her lungs.

Making her cough involuntarily, her eyebrows knitting together.

Yu Qingluan instinctively reached out to support her.

Her hand came to rest on Yu Lingxue’s back.

Yu Lingxue froze mid-motion, unable to lift or lower her head.

Only her eyelashes kept fluttering in the wind.

Feeling Yu Qingluan’s instinctive care and warmth, she suddenly realized how little she actually knew about Yu Qingluan.

Was Yu Qingluan equally in the dark about her?

They truly were like secret lovers. Holding each other just for warmth, exchanging body heat only to part before dawn.

Yu Lingxue felt a pang in her chest.

It shouldn’t be like this,

She liked Yu Qingluan so much. Her little bird loved her so deeply.

How could they be so distant?

It was all her fault.

Yu Lingxue’s hair slipped from her shoulders.

Covering her mouth, she looked up with tear filled eyes that shimmered brighter than the winter sun.

Yu Qingluan closed her eyes, withdrew her hand, and sat back with crossed arms.

“I’m sorry.” Yu Lingxue swallowed the metallic taste as cold air continued invading through her nose.

Winter was approaching.

She disliked herself in winter.

Too fragile, too complicated.

Only fit to be a flower pampered in a greenhouse.

Her body couldn’t endure prolonged exposure to cold winds and snow.

Now, she also hated showing weakness to Yu Qingluan in such circumstances.

As if she were seeking Yu Qingluan’s pity.

She was wrong. She needed to properly admit it.

“I’m sorry, Qingluan.” Yu Lingxue choked back a sob and lowered her hand.

“Qingluan, little bird I’ve really wronged you this past month.” Catching a glimpse of Yu Qingluan’s mottled hands in her peripheral vision, Yu Lingxue trembled again.

Winter was coming again.

Would her little bird hate winter as much as she did?

Hate this season that brought allergies, pain and itching, freezing nights spent tossing and turning alone with a hot water bottle.

“At least let me apply the medicine first? Don’t torment yourself.” Yu Lingxue reached for the nearly spilled ointment.

Seeing how Yu Lingxue’s hands shook while still trying to tend to her, Yu Qingluan couldn’t maintain her harsh stance any longer.

Yu Qingluan opened her bag and took out the ointment Yu Lingxue had given her before.

The grass green ointment emitted the fragrance of jasmine.

Yu Lingxue truly loved flowers. Even making ointment for her, she had to add flowers to balance the scent.

As the ointment was applied, warmth slowly spread from her hand to her heart.

Watching Yu Lingxue stubbornly stuffing medicine into her bag, Yu Qingluan felt slightly better.

“My little bird, my little bird.” After finishing, Yu Lingxue moved closer to Yu Qingluan and raised her hands to cradle Yu Qingluan’s face.

Yu Qingluan’s heart constricted violently.

Yu Lingxue’s hands were warmer than the ointment.

Pressed against her cheeks, they made her whole head feel like it was burning.

Yu Lingxue had already drawn very close.

Her lips slightly parted, as if wanting to kiss, yet also wanting to coax.

Yu Qingluan had already parted her teeth, ready and waiting.

Yu Lingxue had already tenderly stroked her skin, her lips pressed against the side of her face, about to make contact.

Suddenly, Yu Qingluan grabbed her wrist.

“Not in the car.” There are still people around. Yu Qingluan turned her face away.

“Alright.” Yu Lingxue leaned against her shoulder instead.

“Forgive me.” She pinched Yu Qingluan’s hand, little by little. Gently caressing the back of her hand.

From the base of her fingers, softly sliding toward the tips.

Yu Qingluan didn’t speak, only

shifted slightly, allowing Yu Lingxue to press closer to her.

Once inside Yu Lingxue’s home.

Now, only the two of them remained in the world.

Yu Qingluan felt as if she had arrived at the romantic sanctuary of her fantasies. There would be no more interruptions.

And Yu Lingxue, half-kneeling on the sofa, simply held Yu Qingluan’s chin, cradled her face, and supported her waist.

“Little bird.” She carefully traced the contours of Yu Qingluan’s eyes, seeing so much grievance within them.

“I’m sorry, my little bird. I’ve neglected you for so long, you must have been very wronged.” Yu Lingxue thought, she knew she was wrong.

She shouldn’t have waited this long to remember Yu Qingluan.

To come find her.

“I never cared about the people or things around you, have you been lonely too?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand before.” Yu Lingxue already saw the glimmer of tears.

Yu Qingluan bit her lip tightly.

Stubborn as a little wolf that never admits defeat, disheveled as if drenched in a sudden downpour.

Completely soaked from head to toe, only her eyes still flashing with fierce light.

“I’m sorry for making you so sad, so wronged. Am I very bad?” Yu Lingxue embraced her.

Holding Yu Qingluan’s head securely against her chest.

Again and again, following the rhythm of Yu Qingluan’s breathing, she stroked her hair and back.

Then Yu Lingxue heard a sob.

“I do you know how much I missed you?” Yu Qingluan’s hoarse voice came from below, muffled, making Yu Lingxue’s heart ache with panic.

“I’m sorry.” Yu Lingxue stopped her movements.

Her hand rested on Yu Qingluan’s head, so warm that Yu Qingluan couldn’t help but shed more tears.

“A month.” Yu Qingluan clenched Yu Lingxue’s clothes tightly.

“A whole month without seeing me. I know you’re busy, but could you.” Yu Qingluan didn’t dare to look up.

She was probably already a tear-streaked mess, ugly as a monkey.

“I’m sorry, I came too late.” Yu Lingxue lowered her head, pressing her forehead against Yu Qingluan’s.

Pressed together, Yu Qingluan felt another wave of sorrow in her chest.

“I won’t make excuses. I was busy, but I shouldn’t have waited this long to come find you.”

Yu Qingluan gasped for air, struggling to breathe.

Yu Lingxue cupped her face. Yu Qingluan tried to turn away, not wanting Yu Lingxue to see her in such a state.

But Yu Lingxue paid no mind and kissed her anyway.

Yu Qingluan’s tears melted against Yu Lingxue’s face.

Painting two tear tracks on her as well.

“Did you miss me?” Yu Lingxue squeezed Yu Qingluan’s hand.

Yu Qingluan nodded.

How could she not?

A month, thirty days.

While embroidering gifts, she thought of her. While knitting gloves, she thought of her.

Occasionally at night, lying on that carved bed, amidst the stickiness and silkiness, when the bed creaked under their weight, Yu Qingluan still thought of Yu Lingxue.

Yu Lingxue had completely taken over her life.

This wasn’t a cold war or an argument with Yu Lingxue.

She was only torturing herself.

She would rather swallow her pride and take the initiative to find Yu Lingxue.

Or simply arrange a meeting when Yu Lingxue called.

But the suffocating resentment in her heart refused to dissipate. Yu Qingluan could only meet Yu Lingxue in her dreams.

That was the Yu Lingxue who belonged solely to her.

That was the perfect utopia she had imagined.

“I, I mended your gift.” Yu Qingluan raised her hand, caressing the skin she had missed for an entire month.

That body resembled Aphrodite’s anyone who glimpsed it would feel ashamed yet irresistibly drawn.

“And I knitted gloves.” Yu Qingluan sniffled between words, nibbling on Yu Lingxue as she spoke.

“You can bite harder.” Yu Lingxue patted her head.

“My little bird has been wronged. It’s my fault.”

“So,” Yu Lingxue looked at Yu Qingluan, her eyes glistening with moisture brighter than moonlight, “you can be rougher.”

“Whether it’s longing or resentment, you can vent it all on me.”

Yu Qingluan hesitated. “Won’t I hurt you?”

She truly had so many emotions pent up inside.

“How could you?” Yu Lingxue laughed.

Her stubborn wolf would never truly bite, no matter how angry she got.

What harm was there in letting her playfully gnaw?

“You said it.” Yu Qingluan lowered her head, unable to bear biting too hard, yet still pressed her sharp teeth into Yu Lingxue’s skin, leaving faint reddish marks that wouldn’t easily fade.

“I’ve been really miserable.” Yu Qingluan applied more pressure.

Stronger than the force Yu Lingxue had asked for during their carefree days before the rift.

“Then bite me, kiss me,” Yu Lingxue whispered near her ear, “and mark me fiercely.”

Yu Qingluan complied.

…

Until evening fell.

She still hadn’t made Yu Lingxue cry out today.

But perhaps that didn’t matter so much anymore.

Yu Qingluan held the lover she’d adored for a year, lying together on the sofa in her lover’s home, waiting for the sunset.

“Still angry?” Yu Lingxue finally recovered enough to stroke Yu Qingluan’s face.

Yu Qingluan shook her head. “I was never angry.”

She had just been somewhat lonely, somewhat hurt.

And probably, a little wronged too.

“Alright, my good girl, there won’t be a next time but if there really is, you should call and scold me.” Yu Lingxue brushed aside the stray hairs on her forehead.

Through the wispy strands, she caught glimpses of the sunset’s hue.

Golden light dyed Yu Qingluan’s jet-black hair into a satiny brown.

A faint beam of sunlight drifted across Yu Qingluan’s forehead. Yu Lingxue caught it in her palm.

“Okay? If you’re angry, you have to tell me.” Otherwise, Yu Lingxue thought, she might forget about Yu Qingluan while dealing with too many other matters.

Yu Qingluan was truly too well-behaved.

She never fought or demanded, just silently shed tears when wronged.

Yu Lingxue knew this. She loved Yu Qingluan, loved the innate tranquility she carried, her unflappable serenity.

“Mhm.” Yu Qingluan turned over, watching the sunset reflected in Yu Lingxue’s eyes.

She looked and looked, but only saw her own reflection.

How cheesy. Yu Qingluan finally curved her eyes into smiles.

So it was true she could really see only herself in her lover’s eyes.

“What were you busy with last month? Can you tell me?” Yu Qingluan asked obediently.

Even her questioning was as docile as a child’s. Yu Lingxue wanted to cover her with kisses.

And she did plant several kisses on her.

“Li Ran took me as her disciple. I’ve been studying.”

“That’s all?” Yu Qingluan wasn’t surprised, but somewhat taken aback.

Was studying alone enough to make her neglect me like this,

“Hmm, there’s also some family matters.” Yu Lingxue didn’t elaborate, clearly unwilling to discuss it further.

“Is it related to that woman with the exaggerated outfit?” Yu Qingluan was too perceptive.

Yu Lingxue paused slightly, then kissed her several more times.

“Yes.” Heh. Yan Wenying with her exaggerated outfits.

“I’ve already resolved it.” Fortunately, everything was within her planned scope.

Yu Qingluan was the only unexpected factor.

But unexpectedly, she had been of great help.

“Don’t worry, little bird.” Yu Lingxue gently smoothed Yu Qingluan’s stray hairs.

Yu Qingluan blinked, and Yu Lingxue kissed her again.

“I’ve already handled it I love you.”

Today’s sunset was so gentle. Without overly intense colors, without strong winds or rain, there were only thin layers of clouds, lightly tinting the sky with soft hues.

They kept kissing until the blue hour.

In the deep blue moments before nightfall, Yu Qingluan once again saw her reflection in Yu Lingxue’s eyes.

She thought, Yu Lingxue probably truly loved her.

She believed what Yu Lingxue said.