Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 54

“It is impossible for me to give her up.”

Jiang Qionghua had fallen into a strange, inexplicable sleep. When she woke, she suddenly found all the dispatched secret guards standing solemnly before her. Every one of them remained silent, looking as though they had committed a monumental error.

Even Bo Lu had been brought here.

Everyone followed Bo Lu in heavy silence, trembling with trepidation, as if their Prime Minister might crumble at any moment.

“Why are you just standing there? Where are the things I asked for?” Jiang Qionghua’s gaze swept across the room. Acting as though she had noticed nothing out of the ordinary, she prepared to continue making her Osmanthus Cakes.

Seeing her like this, Bo Lu knew she had likely already guessed the truth.

“Prime Minister…”

“Say no more. All of you, get out. I am going to make Osmanthus Cakes for her.” Jiang Qionghua didn’t even look at the crowd. She simply picked up the sugar-preserved osmanthus and walked away alone.

The secret guards exchanged glances, at a total loss for what to do.

Bo Lu let out a heavy sigh and waved his hand to dismiss them. “Everyone, withdraw.”

Jiang Qionghua shut herself in the kitchen for a long time. Finally, after an unknown number of days, she managed a difficult success, producing Osmanthus Cakes that were exactly the same as they had been years ago.

The kitchen at Duanhua Residence could not compare to the Prime Minister’s manor. Throughout this ordeal, she hadn’t rested for days. Now that she had finally succeeded, Jiang Qionghua felt a sudden flash of desolation that comes after achieving a goal. The Osmanthus Cakes she had struggled so hard to perfect these past few days were, in the end, nothing more than this.

Right… now that she had made them, what was she supposed to do next?

Looking at the plate of cakes, Jiang Qionghua felt a sense of flavorless disorientation.

Ming Yishu. Yes, they were for her Yishu.

Jiang Qionghua silently picked up the plate and walked toward the familiar room. She raised her hand and knocked, but without waiting for a response from within, she pushed the door open—

As expected, the person inside was gone.

Jiang Qionghua faced the empty room with a calm expression. She walked to the table and sat down. Picking up a piece of cake, she imagined the way Ming Yishu looked when eating sweets, and began to taste the plate of cakes bit by bit.

Her Ming Yishu loved these the most. Now that she had finally recreated the taste from back then, that person had heartlessly abandoned her and left.

Perhaps… this request for Osmanthus Cakes was merely an excuse to leave.

The pastries were clearly cloyingly sweet, but the more Jiang Qionghua ate, the more bitter they became. As she consumed the sickeningly sweet food, she wondered: while she was exhausting herself in the kitchen, what was Ming Yishu thinking? Was she calculating how to escape her?

That cloak draped over her shoulders wasn’t to keep her warm; it was to test if she was asleep.

That cup of hot tea held not a shred of concern; it was entirely a hollow ruse.

Piece by piece, she could no longer see a hint of sincerity in Ming Yishu.

Jiang Qionghua ate the remaining cakes numbly. Suddenly, she remembered many years ago when her Ming Yishu’s eyes were full of her. Those eyes seemed to hold ten thousand sparks—clear, pure, and brimming with affection… such beautiful eyes, she feared she would never see them again in this lifetime.

A person like Ming Yishu was bound to be ruthless. When she loved, she would give her life; if she no longer loved, she left cleanly and decisively, never looking back.

In the past, what Jiang Qionghua relied upon was the other’s refusal to give up on her love. Now, what she feared was Ming Yishu’s temperament that refused to easily mend a broken bond.

It was hard.

How could it be this hard?

Jiang Qionghua finally found the bitterness too much to swallow. She lowered her head, supporting it with her hand, her thoughts spiraling into chaos. How was she supposed to keep Ming Yishu’s heart? She didn’t ask to return to the way things were; she only wanted the other not to loathe her. She was easily satisfied.

Ming Yishu’s disappointment in her was immense, but fortunately, one thing wasn’t too terrible—Ming Yishu was still willing to interact with a person like her. After all, Ming Yishu had used that “ethereal existence” to deceive her, rather than truly being disheartened because of it.

Jiang Qionghua’s greatest fear was that Ming Yishu would stop treating her as a real person and refuse to waste any more emotion on her.

That was the most terrifying thing.

As long as Ming Yishu didn’t feel that way, she still had a chance.

Unknowingly, Jiang Qionghua sat there for several hours. She finished all the Osmanthus Cakes by feeding on the sweetness of her memories. Then, with a casual sweep of her hand, she smashed the plate onto the floor.

The porcelain shattered against the ground with a loud crash. The guards waiting outside rushed in immediately.

“Where did she go?” Jiang Qionghua wiped the corners of her mouth slowly, finally calming her emotions.

The guards reported that Nurse Xu had followed Ming Yishu. News had just been sent back: Miss Ming had been heading south the entire time.

Jiang Qionghua: “Across the whole world… she really went to great lengths to hide from me.”

The guards didn’t dare respond, remaining silent.

“Where can she hide? Tell me, can she really run away, hm?” Jiang Qionghua often spoke to her subordinates in such a tone, because the person she sought—whether alive or dead—could never remain unfound. But this time, though her words were the same as always, her eyes were red with heartache.

She had never been this powerless.

As the right-hand Prime Minister with power over the heavens, she could kill the living and torture the dead, yet she could not hold onto Ming Yishu’s heart. She had made one mistake, and she truly could not win that person back.

Once, when everyone in the world was cursing her, Ming Yishu had stayed by her side without hesitation, ignoring the vitriol. Back then, she never had to worry about her place in Ming Yishu’s heart, because the other would always choose her steadfastly, believe in her, love her, and even take a lethal arrow for her.

Such a beautiful person, such a harmonious situation… it had been destroyed by her own hands.

And now? Everyone in the world came to fawn over and flatter her, yet Ming Yishu was walking the opposite path away from her, refusing to soften her heart no matter how humbly she begged for peace.

Ming Yishu would never look back. Whether it was the occasional smile or the expressions of sorrow, they were all based on deception. The other wanted to leave her and had taken back all her sincerity; she could no longer obtain Ming Yishu’s love.

Jiang Qionghua knew that as long as she was willing, she could find Ming Yishu even if she had to turn the earth upside down. The world belonged to her; as long as Ming Yishu lived, she could never truly escape her.

But—

What was the use of bringing her back? What should her next step be?

Ming Yishu’s heart was no longer with her. Even if she returned, even if she faced her with smiles every day, what meaning would it have?

Jiang Qionghua had seen the other’s genuine smiles; it was impossible for her not to recognize the pretense. Forcing Ming Yishu to stay with her in a fake companionship would not only make Ming Yishu suffer, but it would be a mutual torture for both of them.

“What should I do? Tell me, what should I do?” Jiang Qionghua supported her forehead in agony, her hand nearly crushing the corner of the table. “How can she ever forgive me?”

Without noticing, the guards in the room had all withdrawn. Only the elderly Bo Lu remained, guarding Jiang Qionghua. He was like a wise old tree of fate, having heard many stories of unrequited longing and understood many truths of the world. Just by standing there, he brought an inexplicable sense of peace.

“With Miss Ming’s temperament, I fear it will be very difficult for the Prime Minister to seek forgiveness.” Bo Lu spoke, immediately dousing Jiang Qionghua’s hopes. He said, “I tried my best to dissuade you back then, but you never looked back at our Miss. If you had softened your heart even slightly toward Miss Ming at that time, you wouldn’t have fallen into such a state today.”

Jiang Qionghua looked up, her stagnant gaze turning toward Bo Lu.

Bo Lu rarely spoke to her in such a tone. He was merely the manager of the Prime Minister’s manor and usually followed Jiang Qionghua’s lead. Even when he needed to advise her, he would use gentler methods.

He had rarely spoken so decisively.

Jiang Qionghua did not blame him. It was she herself who had been too obsessed with past events, blinding her own vision and failing to cherish the Ming Yishu by her side.

“Bo Lu, if I cannot keep her person, can I at least keep a place in her heart?” Jiang Qionghua stared blankly ahead, her thoughts unreadable.

Bo Lu: “The Prime Minister will certainly be remembered by Miss Ming for a long time. After all, it has been seven years; it is not something easily forgotten.”

“No, I mean—keeping a unique position in her heart, so that no one else can ever replace me.” Jiang Qionghua seemed poised to do something maddening, her smile both tragic and frantic. “I wonder, if I were to die a tragic death before her eyes, would she remember me forever?”

Bo Lu remarked: “Prime Minister, you would frighten Miss Ming. Most likely, you would scare our Miss into amnesia, and she would simply forget you entirely—forgetting you cleanly and completely.”

Jiang Qionghua reined in her madness, saying despondently: “…But I have exhausted all the methods of my life and still cannot find a suitable way to keep her.”

“Prime Minister, let go. Miss Ming can no longer be chased back. You have already missed your chance with her. Now that she has been brought back to life, she ought to live an ordinary life.” Bo Lu sighed, also having run out of options. “You have seen it yourself; the Miss avoids you time and again. If she were going to soften her heart, she would have done so long ago. With Miss Ming’s personality, easy forgiveness is impossible.”

“You mean to say—ordinary small gestures cannot move her heart. Unless heaven sends some catastrophe to force her back, it is impossible, right?” Jiang Qionghua gripped the edge of her sleeve, tracing the gold-woven patterns inch by inch. She laughed. “The things Tang Guangjun searched for like a madman back then—even if I were to give them to Yishu, she wouldn’t even deign to look at them. She would rather be trapped here forever than bow her head to me in the slightest. How do you expect me to move her?”

Bo Lu said nothing.

“No, I must go after her.” Jiang Qionghua regained her composure and said, “Early summer is approaching, and the south is prone to rain. If some water disaster were to occur, I truly cannot be at ease. She will be bullied if she is alone.”

Bo Lu: “Xu Twelve has already followed her. There is no need for the Prime Minister to worry. If you are uneasy, you can send more people to protect Miss Ming.”

“Don’t speak.” Jiang Qionghua acted as if she hadn’t heard him, stating stubbornly, “What is the need for so many people? she would notice.”

Bo Lu said softly: “The secret guards of the Prime Minister’s manor have never been discovered while on a mission—except for the time you threw Xu Twelve directly at the gate of Duanhua Residence.”

Jiang Qionghua argued: “I was indeed a bit anxious then, but that doesn’t matter. If they spend more time together, Yishu will notice.”

“If you go, it is very likely you will be discovered even faster, and Miss Ming might feel uncomfortable,” Bo Lu said. “You can never resist your longing; you will find every way to get close to our Miss. If you are unfortunately noticed by Miss Ming then, what will she think of you?”

Jiang Qionghua: “She will feel that she can never escape my sight. Perhaps it will be difficult at first, but… what if? What if she gets tired and simply accepts me?”

Bo Lu had nothing left to say, only sighing and shaking his head.

“Alright, I know you want to advise me again.” Jiang Qionghua said, “It is impossible for me to give her up. I have only loved this one person for so many years; I must win her back somehow. She must appear safely within my sight. She cannot be allowed to cast her gaze on any other wild women. I am truly not a generous person; I cannot bear her being intimate with anyone else.”

Even though Ming Yishu wasn’t close to anyone, Jiang Qionghua was already consumed by frantic, imaginary jealousy, wishing that Ming Yishu would only ever look at her.

Support