Transmigrated as the Doomed Scumbag Alpha of the Eldest Princess - Chapter 73

“That wasn’t the first time. And it hasn’t been the last, either. I’ve had similar dreams in different places.”

“I’ve been dreaming about it almost every night lately. So I… I really don’t know how to face you.”

Each word from Mowan Ci made Jiang Si’s body stiffen a little more.

When she finished speaking, Jiang Si slowly loosened her arms and let go of her.

She leaned her head back, pressed her palms to the floor, and let out a long, heavy breath.

She didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know what to say. All she could do was quietly repeat the same words.

“I killed you…”

The thought left her shaken. Deep down, she began to suspect something. Mowan Ci’s dreams didn’t feel like dreams at all. Not in the way she described them.

The tearing pain in the back of her neck made it difficult to even look at Mowan Ci. She tried to lift her head but couldn’t. Her voice was low and uncertain.

“That wasn’t me…”

Mowan Ci said nothing, as though she hadn’t heard her. Instead, she quietly reached out and started fixing her clothes.

Jiang Si flinched at the contact, pulling back slightly. She lifted her eyes, red with emotion, and asked in a hoarse voice.

“Is it really just a dream? Does that dream mean you have to stay so far away from me?”

“I didn’t…” Mowan Ci tried to deny it, but her gaze shifted away.

She understood what Jiang Si was truly asking.

It wasn’t just physical distance. It was emotional.

Something inside her had started to pull away. Even though she still cared, she had started avoiding Jiang Si without even realizing it.

Jiang Si looked at her, her tone becoming sharper.

“You say it was just a dream. You’ve dreamed of me, or maybe of others too. But don’t you know your own heart?”

“Or are you saying you really don’t know how I feel about you?”

Mowan Ci couldn’t stand seeing Jiang Si like this. She turned her face slightly and replied in a soft voice.

“I know…”

But those two words only made Jiang Si feel worse. They sounded like a lie.

Jiang Si let out a bitter laugh and pushed herself up slowly, ignoring the sharp pain in her neck. Mowan Ci instinctively reached out to stop her, but Jiang Si backed away without thinking.

That simple movement, smooth and automatic, only made her feel more guilty.

Mowan Ci had dreamed again and again of being killed by her. It had scared her deeply. And yet here she was, acting like the one who was wronged.

“I’m fine. I’ll go put on some medicine,” Jiang Si said quietly.

She took a few unsteady steps. Mowan Ci followed closely behind, her expression unreadable.

They didn’t speak. After a moment, Jiang Si forced a smile.

“I really am alright. Before we left, Lan Shao gave me plenty of medicine. I’ll use some and I’ll be fine.”

It should have been a peaceful evening. But one sentence from Mowan Ci had changed everything. Now Jiang Si felt only regret and guilt.

She had been right. Dreams were just dreams. And no one knew better than Mowan Ci how she treated her.

So why had things become so uncomfortable between them?

Jiang Si had become sensitive, too. Just talking about it had left her raw.

Mowan Ci stood there, unable to say anything, as Jiang Si walked farther away.

Applying medicine to the back of the neck was never easy. In the past, Mowan Ci had always relied on Zhi Miao to help her. Jiang Si, most likely, had Lan Shao or Sang Zhi. But now, trying to do it alone, her movements were clumsy and awkward.

Mowan Ci couldn’t bear to watch. She walked over and took the medicine from her hands.

“I’ll help you,” she said firmly.

She had expected Jiang Si to refuse. But Jiang Si didn’t move away. She simply let her do it.

Maybe she really couldn’t manage it by herself, Mowan Ci thought.

When she was finished, Jiang Si still said nothing. She stood up and quietly walked into the bathing room.

Mowan Ci sat alone on the bed, waiting. Every minute felt long and heavy. Jiang Si bathed slower than usual tonight. When she finally came out, she looked drained.

The journey had been long and tiring. Jiang Si had spent most of it on horseback. And earlier that day, she had personally handed out food and soup to refugees. She was clearly exhausted.

Her steps were unsteady.

Mowan Ci wanted to get up and support her, but Jiang Si didn’t look her way. She walked directly to the bedside, pulled out a set of bedding, and quietly laid it out on the floor.

She wrapped herself tightly, but the faint scent of amber still lingered in the air.

Even with scent blockers, Mowan Ci could still smell it. As someone who had been marked, she was too familiar with it.

She could even feel how low Jiang Si’s mood had dropped, just from how she had buried her face into the blanket without saying a word.

Her heart softened.

She called out gently.

“Jiang Si…”

“The floor is cold. Come up here and sleep.”

Her words were full of warmth and sincerity. Jiang Si’s heart softened again. She peeked out from the blankets and looked at her hopefully.

But she didn’t move.

Mowan Ci stood, then slowly knelt beside her. Her voice was soft, coaxing.

“It’s warmer in the Central Plains, but the floor is still cold. Don’t let yourself freeze.”

She was so tender that Jiang Si truly felt comforted.

She hesitated, starting to lift her hand.

But before she could reach out, Mowan Ci stood up again.

She didn’t look back. She walked straight to the bed and lay down.

Jiang Si stared blankly at her.

That single movement felt like a wall falling between them, cutting off everything they had shared over the past days.

She gritted her teeth, then turned her back as well, copying Mowan Ci’s silence.

Time passed slowly.

Finally, Jiang Si couldn’t hold it in.

“Mowan Ci,” she whispered, “I told you before. I’m not the original Jiang Si.”

“You’re not the only one with strange dreams. I’ve had them too.”

“My life before this was completely different. So different that… this place, this world… it’s actually a…”

She stopped herself.

She had wanted to tell her everything. But when the word “book” reached her lips, she hesitated.

The idea of crossing into another world was already hard to believe. Would Mowan Ci even accept it?

If she said this world was just a novel, and everyone in it was just a character on a page, Mowan Ci might think she had gone mad.

Sometimes, Jiang Si could barely convince herself.

And if it really was a story… what did that make her?

“A book of what?” Mowan Ci asked quietly behind her.

Mowan Ci’s cold voice broke the silence of the night. It carried both suspicion and a hint of disbelief.

This was exactly why Jiang Si had hesitated to tell the whole truth.

Dreams weren’t real. But Mowan Ci had been shaken by them nonetheless, because they kept coming. Because she…

“Do you really believe what happens in your dreams?” Jiang Si asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Mowan Ci replied.

“But you don’t completely disbelieve them either,” Jiang Si said.

Mowan Ci didn’t answer. After a long pause, she asked again, “You never finished. This is a book of what?”

“A storybook?”

She didn’t wait for Jiang Si to respond before continuing. Her tone had an emotion Jiang Si couldn’t quite place, but it didn’t sound like trust.

Jiang Si had known this would be hard to explain, but hearing that tone still made her sit up.

She felt the urge to argue, to explain herself, but then she looked at Mowan Ci.

Under the moonlight, her eyes were hazy with unshed tears.

Jiang Si felt as if her blood had frozen.

She didn’t look like the Mowan Ci she knew. But Jiang Si knew all too well how the original story had ended between the Jiajing Marquess and Mowan Ci.

“I don’t know if you believe in things like this. But I’m not the person from your dreams.”

“And why you keep dreaming that, I don’t know.”

She waited for a response, but Mowan Ci said nothing. Jiang Si eventually lay back down and turned her back to her.

She thought she wouldn’t be able to sleep after everything they had just said. But she was more tired than she realized. After turning back and forth for a little while, she drifted off.

She didn’t know how Mowan Ci felt, but it probably wasn’t much better than her own state. Because when dawn approached and Jiang Si woke up in a haze, Mowan Ci was still sitting upright on the bed.

Jiang Si squinted at her. She thought about getting up, but as soon as Mowan Ci noticed her stirring, she lay down and pulled the blanket up to her neck.

Now Jiang Si was fully awake, lying there staring at Mowan Ci.

She waited until Mowan Ci had clearly fallen asleep, then quietly got up.

Today would be their last day distributing porridge in the Central Plains before continuing their journey to the Eastern Sea.

But her mood had changed.

Her heat symptoms were becoming harder to suppress. After being marked by a yin-born, even the best suppressants were losing effectiveness.

Still, she didn’t dare go to Mowan Ci for help. They hadn’t spoken properly, and she didn’t have the courage to break the silence.

So they stayed locked in this awkward tension.

Mowan Ci remained inside her carriage most of the time. Jiang Si barely approached her, only saying a few words during mealtimes or when they stopped to rest.

It stayed that way until they finally met up with Lan Shao near the Eastern Sea.

Shipbuilding had taken a long time, but after their stop-and-go journey, Jiang Si and her group arrived at almost the same time as Lan Shao.

The ship was filled with soldiers from the Jing Engineering Corps. Lan Shao stood on the deck, smiling as she looked down at Jiang Si.

“My lord,” Lan Shao called out cheerfully, but she quickly noticed the serious expression on Jiang Si’s face. There was no joy at all.

Lan Shao’s smile faded. She jumped down from the deck and quickly walked over.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything is fine,” Jiang Si replied.

“Then why do you look like that?” Lan Shao looked over the formation. Everyone was present. No casualties. She relaxed a little and leaned in to whisper, “I brought everything you asked me to.”

Jiang Si froze for a moment and gave her a stiff smile.

“Thank you…”

“When will you give them to Her Highness?”

Jiang Si didn’t want to talk about it, but Lan Shao kept pressing. After a moment, she gave in and answered honestly.

“We had a falling out.”

That was the simplest way she could put it. There really wasn’t any other way to explain it to Lan Shao.

But Lan Shao misunderstood. She pointed to the ship and said, “If you give these things to Her Highness, maybe you two will make up.”

“It’s better not to,” Jiang Si replied quickly. “Let’s just board the ship.”

Lan Shao seemed like she wanted to say more, but Jiang Si waved her hand and gave the order to board.

Mowan Ci finally stepped out of the carriage.

It had only been five or six days since that night, but Jiang Si could count on one hand how many times she had seen her. She could count on two hands how many words they had exchanged.

Usually it was Jiang Si speaking to her. Sometimes Mowan Ci would respond through Zhi Miao. Other times she would reply herself, but always with a cold tone.

Now, even seeing her made Jiang Si feel like there was nothing left to say. But as the familiar snow lotus scent drew closer, she couldn’t stop herself from looking.

“Physician Lan, thank you for your hard work,” Mowan Ci said politely.

Lan Shao quickly bowed, her tone respectful. “Not at all. Everything was built according to the plans brought by His Lordship, and the soldiers of the Engineering Corps worked hard throughout the journey. I didn’t do much at all.”

“And His Lordship also…”

“Lan Shao.”

Jiang Si cut her off with a sharp voice.

Lan Shao could tell something was wrong between them. She had wanted to ease the tension, but after being scolded, she stopped speaking altogether.

After everyone boarded the ship, Jiang Si hesitated for a while before doing what she had originally planned.

She began quietly introducing the ship to Mowan Ci.

Mowan Ci followed her in silence.

They eventually stopped at the door to their private cabin.

The space was originally quite spacious. But after Lan Shao had placed two large boxes inside, it suddenly felt much smaller.

Jiang Si looked at the two boxes and felt a quiet sense of disappointment.

Just then, Mowan Ci spoke from behind her.

“Has your body been holding up these past few days?”

For a moment, Jiang Si’s expression softened. That question felt close enough to be called concern.

Then she silently scolded herself. She was too easy to please.

She answered with a low voice.

“I’m alright.”

She stood up and reached for the two boxes that now felt like an eyesore.

As she moved, Mowan Ci stepped forward and gently held her hand just as she was about to lift one of them.

Jiang Si paused, waiting for her to say something. But the longer she waited, the more impatient she felt. Mowan Ci still said nothing.

She quietly pulled her hand free, then pointed at the boxes and asked.

“Mowan Ci, do you know what’s inside these?”

Mowan Ci followed her gesture and looked, then shook her head.

Jiang Si lowered her eyes and gave a small smile.

She wanted so badly to tell Mowan Ci that inside were a phoenix crown and wedding robes. She had planned for them to hold a seaside wedding.

Now, she no longer knew if that day would ever come.

The bed in their cabin was big too. Big enough for the two of them to sleep, to tangle, to live.

But now, she would be going through her heat alone.

She hated this silent, cold standoff. So, she finally spoke, her voice low and serious.

“Are we really going back to how things used to be?”

“Keeping a safe distance… tied together with no feeling between us?”

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