To Treat Each Other Like Brothers - Chapter 16

Lin Zhuyi relished the tactile sensation from a moment ago and pleasurably touched the lips Xie Shiyao had contacted. He picked up the box of sleeping pills and shook it near his ear. Hearing the rattling sound, Lin Zhuyi was extremely satisfied, a triumphant expression appearing on his face. He let go, allowing the medicine box to roll onto the floor, then picked up Xie Shiyao’s heavy suit jacket and covered his face with it.

“Which one of us is actually greedier? You cannot bear to let me go, can you?”

The next morning, Xie Shiyao went downstairs to find a steaming breakfast on the table. Lin Zhuyi acted as if nothing had happened, sitting at the table with his chin propped on his hand, smiling at him. “I made breakfast for you. Eat more, Brother.”

Xie Shiyao sat down and took a sip of the freshly made soy milk. The taste was quite good. Lin Zhuyi picked up a piece of green vegetable and placed it on Xie Shiyao’s plate. “Brother, I think I have been getting sick lately.”

Xie Shiyao replied casually, “You have always been sick.”

Lin Zhuyi only smiled. “When you are not home, I find that I have a bit of trouble, well, it is hard to concentrate, and sometimes I feel like I cannot breathe. A feeling of impending death also fills my mind. I cannot help but wonder what I would do if I were eventually left all alone. Luckily, I found the sleeping pills last night. Otherwise, I really think I would have died.”

Xie Shiyao could not tell if these were sincere words or if the award-winning actor was performing again. “Have you talked to the psychologist I found for you?”

Lin Zhuyi placed his thumb on the coffee cup and calmly slid it along the rim. “I did. They said I have separation anxiety and that it needs to be treated.”

Xie Shiyao met Lin Zhuyi’s seemingly innocent eyes. “How do you want to treat it?”

Lin Zhuyi leaned forward, his voice low. “I became sick because of you. If you are willing, could you spend more time with me from now on? At least until I get better.”

Xie Shiyao drank his soy milk calmly. “We will see.”

After breakfast, Xie Shiyao drove to his family’s shopping mall for a routine inspection before returning to the Yaoshi Building for meetings. Lin Zhuyi was sent to the university campus by the driver to assist a professor and audit classes.

When Lin Zhuyi emerged from the school at 3:00 PM, he saw a Rolls-Royce instead of the usual business van. It was Xie Shiyao’s Rolls-Royce. The window of the black car lowered slowly. Xie Shiyao gripped the steering wheel with one hand and gave Lin Zhuyi an awkward look.

“Get in,” Xie Shiyao said.

The door opened, and Lin Zhuyi suppressed the surprise in his eyes as he stepped into the passenger seat. “Why did Brother come?”

Xie Shiyao pressed the close button, and the door shut automatically. “I had nothing to do today, and it was on the way. I am taking you to see the psychologist. If you dare to lie to me, you are dead. Do you understand?”

Lin Zhuyi wore a smile but said nothing.

Xie Shiyao went to the hospital intending to expose Lin Zhuyi’s lies. However, the results given by the psychologist left him speechless. In addition to prescribing Escitalopram for anxiety, the psychologist explained that based on the assessment, Lin Zhuyi’s current condition was Separation Anxiety Disorder, possibly accompanied by panic attacks.

Xie Shiyao naturally did not believe it. But the psychologist asked if Lin Zhuyi had ever shown symptoms of self-harm due to anxiety. He immediately recalled the night he returned home to find Lin Zhuyi holding fragments of a flower vase, forcing a smile.

“What should I do then?” Xie Shiyao asked.

The psychologist’s answer was unexpectedly simple. “Do not let him feel abandoned. He is ill. He needs you.”

Xie Shiyao’s expression grew heavy.

Back at home, Xie Shiyao took off his jacket and threw it over Lin Zhuyi’s head. “Even prescription medicine has been given to you. You must be very satisfied. But what I am doing for you now has already exceeded my limit. Take care of yourself.”

As the end of the year approached, banquet invitations increased and Xie Shiyao was busy beyond measure. He thought that if Lin Zhuyi was truly sick, they could be sick together. No one would have a good life; had that not always been their state of existence? If he was not sick, even better. That boy had less of a conscience than he did and was likely gloating inside.

Consequently, the dark circles under the eyes of the two men who met daily at the mansion grew heavier. Lin Zhuyi always seemed to have something to say but stopped himself, and Xie Shiyao did not bother to care. He believed that as long as he returned home every day to reassure Lin Zhuyi he would not be sent away, the other would remain stable and stop being crazy.

One night, he arrived home after midnight. Xie Shiyao sat on the sofa to reply to a few messages. Because he had slept for less than four hours over the past two nights combined, he lost all strength the moment he finished replying. His eyelashes drooped, and he fell asleep against the sofa.

Vaguely, a dark shadow loomed over him. Someone reached out a finger and slid it all the way down his cheek. The finger was ice-cold and carried a pleasant, fresh fragrance. The finger brushing against his face felt incredibly comfortable. So, when the soothing finger passed over the corner of his mouth, Xie Shiyao instinctively opened his mouth and gently bit the fingertip.

His teeth brushed against the knuckle. The finger held in his mouth trembled briefly. Before long, as if under a spell, the other hand reached out as well. That person, with a hint of pity, lightly stroked his hair, then his earlobe and cheek. The movement was so gentle that Xie Shiyao could not help but crave this warmth. In his daze, he tilted his head and rubbed against the large hand, wanting to retain the soft palm.

But who is this? It cannot be…

Xie Shiyao snapped his eyes open. He locked eyes with Lin Zhuyi, who was in front of the sofa. The tips of Xie Shiyao’s ears turned red instantly. “What are you doing?”

Lin Zhuyi calmly withdrew his hand. “I saw you fell asleep on the sofa and wanted to carry you upstairs to bed.”

A surge of nameless fire, accompanied by shame and inescapable self-loathing, rushed to Xie Shiyao’s head. Overwhelmed by shame and anger, he raised his hand and immediately delivered a loud slap to the man in front of him. “Lin Zhuyi, I allow you to live here, but I do not remember giving you the right to cross the line.”

Lin Zhuyi tilted his head and used his tongue to press against his struck cheek, revealing an impatient smile. To Xie Shiyao, that smile was comparable to a declaration of war. Yet the scent on the man was so fragrant, just as fragrant as the scent he had craved in his dream. This absurd fragrance was the same as when they were young, yet also slightly different.

Xie Shiyao raised his hand, prepared to deliver another slap. But at the moment the slap was about to fall, he wondered what exactly he was angry about. Was he angry at Lin Zhuyi, or at himself for letting his guard down in his sleep? His hand suspended in mid-air. Eventually, Xie Shiyao withdrew his strength. The slap did not fall. He merely thrust his hand into Lin Zhuyi’s hair, tightened his grip, and gave a forceful pinch.

“Get out,” Xie Shiyao said.

That night, Xie Shiyao slept very poorly. The next day, he was in low spirits. But he did not want to go home so early. He called a team meeting, and everyone repeatedly scrutinized every detail of the amusement park project’s design drawings. Afterward, he sat in his office, listening to one report after another from the marketing department.

He was just very busy.

Lin Zhuyi was also very unusual today. Starting from the afternoon, he sent a string of messages. “Brother, are you unhappy?” “I did not mean anything by it.” “Why are you not home yet? Are you not planning to come back again?”

Xie Shiyao frowned. He first replied with “Do not bother me” and then turned on “Do not disturb” for Lin Zhuyi. In the afternoon, the head of a resort from a neighboring city arrived. Xie Shiyao entertained him with tea in the office. This person was a veteran of the group and had a personal relationship with his father, so Xie Shiyao naturally hosted him with dignity and poise, carefully reviewing next year’s plans together.

Since the guest had come, a dinner invitation was mandatory, followed by the inevitable late-night entertainment. By the time the entire process was over, it was already after midnight. On his way home, Xie Shiyao finally remembered to check Lin Zhuyi’s messages.

The screen was full of unread messages. He scrolled through them one by one. Lin Zhuyi’s initial messages were quite normal, mostly apologizing for last night or asking when he would be home. But as the hour grew later, the content became increasingly eerie. “You are determined to ignore me, right?” “Because of this one thing, you are going to abandon me again?” “You are truly not human.” … “I hate you.”

Toward the end, Lin Zhuyi stopped sending sentences altogether and started sending the same periods repeatedly. Seeing that Xie Shiyao had not replied, Lin Zhuyi did not stop. The screen was filled with various symbols and gibberish.

Looking at his phone which was about to explode with messages, Xie Shiyao’s headache intensified. He had a premonition that Lin Zhuyi was going to wreck the house. Fine. Go ahead and do the things I detest. Only then, when I kick you out, can I have a clear conscience and be convinced that my choice was right.

Xie Shiyao returned home expecting Lin Zhuyi to have burned the mansion down. It was very strange. The living room was clean and quiet, with no traces of a breakdown at all. Xie Shiyao stood in the center of the dark living room and scanned the surroundings. Although everything looked as good as new, his heart could not find peace.

He strode upstairs, walked through the clean hallway, and stopped at Lin Zhuyi’s door. His hand rested on the edge of the doorknob. He wanted to open the door but lacked the courage. At that moment, he heard the sound of someone gasping for breath inside the room.

As if his hand were no longer under his control, he twisted the doorknob instantly. The moment the door opened, an uncomfortable smell rushed toward him. A complete mess.

The curtains were not drawn, and the pouring moonlight was just enough to illuminate the room. Every breakable object within sight had been smashed on the floor. Vases, crystal trophies, and the floor-length mirror by the wall…

Amidst the reflections of the mirror shards covering the floor—within those shattered, ten thousand moons—Lin Zhuyi’s curled figure in the center of the room intersected with the fragments on the ground. Lin Zhuyi sat on the carpet with his back against the edge of the bed, his head buried deep between his bent knees.

Xie Shiyao’s gaze drifted downward, and his heart suddenly constricted. Lin Zhuyi’s left hand was tightly gripping a fragment of the mirror. The shard was long and sharp, looking no different from a knife. Vivid red seeped from between his fingers, dripping from his palm onto the carpet.

Hearing the door open, Lin Zhuyi struggled to lift his head. His eyes were hollow for a long time. Then, humble ecstasy and a hint of grievance gradually seeped into those hollow eyes.

“It took too long,” Lin Zhuyi opened his mouth. “Brother.”

“Why did you only just come back?”

“I thought you did not want me again.”

Xie Shiyao’s first reaction was to rush forward, pry Lin Zhuyi’s hand open, and throw the knife-like fragment onto the floor. He scolded, “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

Instead, Lin Zhuyi used his scarred hand to grab Xie Shiyao’s cuff. “What else could I do? If I do not feel the pain, I have no way to stay conscious. Brother, was I wrong again? Will you feel sorry for me this time? Will you be sad for me?”

A glimmer of anticipation was hidden in those eyes staring at him.

Even in this state, you still care about whether I will be sad for you?

Is it another performance where you risk yourself to enter the game?

Xie Shiyao’s heavy heart was real, his inability to breathe was real, his lingering fear was real, and his anger was also real. Instinct told him this was Lin Zhuyi’s acting. But the wound on Lin Zhuyi’s hand terrified him.

This frightening wound made Xie Shiyao suddenly feel that after their reunion at the funeral, his relationship with Lin Zhuyi had already fermented into something else. Like conjoined twins sharing a distorted set of nerves. If he was having a hard time, Lin Zhuyi would use every means to demand his attention. If Lin Zhuyi went crazy, his own heart rate would also become irregular. He wanted to cut this burden away with a single stroke, but only when the knife was held against it did he realize that the flesh was connected to the tendons, and the bones were hidden within the tendons. To move him, he would also end up drenched in blood.

Xie Shiyao hated this heart palpitation that should not have appeared. In the heat of the moment, he only wanted to quickly destroy this distorted concern. Even if both were harmed, even if it was undignified, it would be best to bring an immediate end to their ten years of entanglement.

Blood rushed to his head. Xie Shiyao had no time to think. Almost acting out of desperation, he grabbed Lin Zhuyi by the collar, pulled him up, and led him outside.

“Lin Zhuyi,” Xie Shiyao used his other hand to loosen his collar so he could breathe smoothly. “Sometimes I really do not know what to do anymore.”

“You forced me into this. You are doing this on purpose, right? You do not want to be well, right? Fine. Alright. Let’s talk.”

“If this is truly what you want.”

“Then we will rot together to the very end.”