The Premeditated Seductress Childhood Friend - Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Unloved

Take full responsibility?

Song Yixi couldn’t help but feel there was a deeper meaning behind those words. But her mind was so overheated from the provocation that she found it impossible to think clearly.

Her thoughts drifted back to her third year of middle school. To motivate the students, the school had organized a tour of the best high school in Shenzhen—the very school Xu Qingyu attended.

Song Yixi had gone with high spirits, hoping she might run into Xu Qingyu, even if only to say hello. Xu Qingyu had been staying at school for weeks preparing for a competition; Song Yixi hadn’t seen her in nearly a month.

That day, she did see Xu Qingyu. But she wasn’t alone.

There was a boy who followed her everywhere.

Xu Qingyu had always been a solitary person. Because of her frail health, she found even speaking to be exhausting; usually, Song Yixi would have to say ten sentences just to get one back. Yet, she responded to everything that boy said. When he handed her water or busied himself unscrewing the cap for her, she accepted it all.

A classmate recognized Xu Qingyu and asked Song Yixi if that was the “sister” from her neighbor’s house. When Song Yixi confirmed it, the classmate remarked, “Your sister is so beautiful; she must have so many guys chasing her.”

Song Yixi stared blankly at Xu Qingyu, who was casually drinking water, and replied that she didn’t know. Whether people were chasing her, or if she had someone she liked, Song Yixi had no idea. Xu Qingyu never told her anything.

An inexplicable sadness had washed over Song Yixi then. Some of her classmates began to jeer, saying she and Xu Qingyu were worlds apart—no wonder no one liked her. Song Yixi, who usually never let herself be bullied, didn’t fight back. She just stared dizzily at the distant figure of Xu Qingyu, who was quietly solving math problems.

She never found a chance to speak to her that day. When she got home, she overheard the adults discussing how many people were showing up at the Xu family’s clinic just to hit on Xu Qingyu. Her mother, Mrs. Xu, was worried.

Song Yixi’s mother laughed heartlessly, saying Xu Qingyu was already eighteen—what was there to worry about? If she wanted to date, let her date.

Mrs. Xu shook her head. “That won’t do. She’s still young; she needs to be careful about boundaries when dealing with people.”

“And if she actually starts a relationship?” Song Yixi’s mother asked.

Mrs. Xu sighed, clearly reluctant but unwilling to dictate Xu Qingyu’s life. “It’s up to her. At most, I’ll remind her to prioritize her studies.”

Song Yixi’s mother wasn’t worried at all. “Don’t you worry, Qingyu is a sensible girl. She’s not like my Yixi, who’s becoming more of a headache every year. Her grades are bad enough, but she can’t even control her weight. If this keeps up, she’s going to turn into a literal ball.”

Listening from the sidelines, Song Yixi looked down, pinched the baby fat on her stomach, and cried.

…

As those vivid memories resurfaced, Song Yixi’s irrationality began to fade. She lowered her voice and asked Xu Qingyu, “Are you… very good at kissing?”

Xu Qingyu raised an eyebrow, unsure why she was asking this. But since she had offered to teach… she nodded. “You’ll find out if you try, won’t you?”

It sounded like a tacit admission.

Song Yixi’s chest felt tight. “Whether I’ve dated or had the chance to kiss anyone is none of your concern.”

She didn’t know why she was angry, but her heart felt stifled. She didn’t want to talk anymore. She stood up to leave, but as she turned her back, Xu Qingyu asked, “When did your attitude toward me become like this?”

Her voice sounded almost nostalgic. “And why did it change?”

Song Yixi froze, unable to answer. Seeing her shoulders tremble slightly, Xu Qingyu braced her hands on her knees and slowly stood up.

“Aside from that one argument in the hospital room, have I done anything else to make you unhappy? I asked your parents, and they said they didn’t know. They even said you were going to apply to a different university. I really thought you weren’t coming.”

Because of their three-year age gap, Song Yixi never had the chance to be in the same school as Xu Qingyu. On the day Xu Qingyu left for middle school, Song Yixi had clutched an English textbook she couldn’t understand, sobbing that once Xu Qingyu left, no one would teach her English anymore.

Xu Qingyu had told her helplessly that she’d be back on weekends to help. Song Yixi had kept crying, refusing to let her go. Xu Qingyu had nipped her nose and said, “Crybaby, if you want to be in the same school as me, work harder. I’m going to the Traditional Chinese Medicine department at Shenzhen University for the nine-year program. If you get in, I’ll be your senior.”

Back then, Song Yixi didn’t understand how prestigious Shenzhen University was; she was just happy there was a hope of being with Xu Qingyu again. But no matter how hard she tried, she could never match Xu Qingyu’s grades. She spent a year slimming down, running desperately every day, and pushed herself for four years just to get into this university.

She had considered giving up on Shenzhen University out of spite, but when it came time to fill out her preferences, she couldn’t bear to waste the four years of blood, sweat, and tears.

She tugged awkwardly at her clothes and said, “My coming to Shenzhen University has nothing to do with you. This is simply the best school my grades could get me into.”

It sounded like the truth. But having known her for so many years, Xu Qingyu knew better. Whenever Song Yixi’s eyes darted around, avoided eye contact, or fidgeted with her clothes, she was saying the opposite of what she felt.

Xu Qingyu looked at her back and let a small smile touch her lips. “Why didn’t you answer the first question?”

Song Yixi gripped her pants again, still not turning around. “There’s nothing to be ‘unhappy’ about. I’ve grown up and feel like there’s a generation gap between us. I just don’t want to play with you anymore, okay?”

Xu Qingyu caught the fidgeting perfectly. “If there’s a gap, isn’t that all the more reason for me to teach you?”

Song Yixi frowned and turned to look at her. “Are you just desperate for someone to kiss?”

Xu Qingyu suddenly understood something. “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“You’re full of—” Song Yixi bit her lip, swallowing the crude word. Xu Qingyu was always elegant; she didn’t like it when Song Yixi used foul language. She turned her head stubbornly. “I don’t care.”

“I haven’t dated anyone either,” Xu Qingyu added.

Song Yixi swallowed, her voice becoming a bit shaky. “I… I said I don’t care.”

Her mental defenses were beginning to crumble. She started to wonder if she had misunderstood Xu Qingyu all these years. Yet she also felt strange—why did the idea of Xu Qingyu dating make her want to ignore her in the first place?

Xu Qingyu acted as if she hadn’t heard the denial and asked gently, “Have you considered it?”

“I’m not considering it.”

Song Yixi steeled her heart and turned around, showing off her long legs to Xu Qingyu. “Look at me. My legs are long and thin; I’m not a fat kid anymore. Plenty of people chase me. If I want to kiss someone, I could find a different person every single day.”

Hearing this, Xu Qingyu’s gaze dropped, sweeping over her openly. “Mm. However…”

She paused, her voice steady. “People who only like you because you’ve become thin and beautiful… they don’t truly like you.”

Song Yixi found it impossible to ignore Xu Qingyu’s gaze. Her eyes flickered with panic as she remembered the days of being ridiculed. She felt a surge of grievance. “If you aren’t beautiful, then truly no one likes you.”

“That’s not true.”

Xu Qingyu withdrew her gaze, her voice light and clear. “Maybe… you just haven’t noticed.”