The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Pressure

She couldn’t help but feel a surge of expectation.

Shen Wangshu quickly packed her things, taking her set of clothes and the jellyfish plushie she bought at the aquarium before departing.

Ji Fengyue watched her leave with longing eyes from the corner of the apartment complex until Shen Wangshu got into the car.

“Xiaoyue, sit in the back. We’re going to eat first.”

“Okay, Mom,” Shen Wangshu politely greeted Zhao Kuanning in the passenger seat. “Hello, Uncle Zhao.”

Surprised by her daughter’s initiative, Li Ming couldn’t hide her astonishment, and Zhao Kuanning was equally caught off guard. He nodded with a smile: “Hello, Xiao Shen. What would you like to eat? It’s my treat.”

Shen Wangshu shook her head. “I’m not picky. Let’s see what Mom wants.”

“Alright, let’s go to our usual spot. You like their grilled fish, and their…”

Shen Wangshu didn’t argue, quietly listening to her mother’s arrangements. In truth, she didn’t actually like those things; it was always just what her mother liked.

But what did it matter? She didn’t care anymore.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, Li Ming requested a private room. The three faced each other across a large round table. Shen Wangshu sat opposite her mother, while Zhao Kuanning sat to Li Ming’s left; the hierarchy of intimacy was clear at a glance.

The two adults fell into a brief silence until Shen Wangshu took the lead: “Mom, aren’t you going to order? By the way, Uncle Zhao, I don’t know what you like yet. Why don’t you take a look at the menu too?”

Li Ming looked embarrassed and nudged Zhao Kuanning with her elbow. Understanding the cue, Zhao Kuanning stood up with the menu and said kindly: “It’s fine. I like everything your mother just mentioned. I’ll place the order now. Xiao Shen, what would you like to drink? I’ll go grab it.”

“Coconut milk is fine, thank you, Uncle Zhao.” Shen Wangshu watched him hurry out. Once the door closed, the atmosphere in the room instantly froze.

Li Ming took a deep breath, the polite social smile vanishing completely.

“Xiaoyue, you…”

“Mom, I’m not rejecting Uncle Zhao, otherwise I wouldn’t have greeted him,” Shen Wangshu calmly interrupted, her gaze landing on the empty seat in front of her. “I just don’t like being directly under the air conditioner. It’s been that way since I was a kid. Did you forget?”

Stunned by her daughter’s preemptive strike, Li Ming’s expression shifted through several emotions before settling into a subtle stiffness. She silently stood up and, to Shen Wangshu’s surprise, pulled out the chair next to her and sat down though there was still an empty seat between them.

“…Sorry, Mom didn’t notice.” Li Ming’s voice was a bit dry. She lowered her head to unpack the utensils, rinsing them with hot water with movements that betrayed a hint of irritability.

Shen Wangshu blinked in surprise and gave a low “Mm.” “Aren’t you going to sit with Uncle Zhao? He might feel awkward.”

“Heh, he’s thick-skinned, don’t worry about him,” Li Ming said, still not looking at her daughter. She asked softly, “Xiaoyue, did you sleep well at Xiao Ji’s place these past two days?”

“No I mean, I slept very well.”

“You didn’t have trouble sleeping in a strange bed? You usually can’t sleep well away from home.”

Shen Wangshu paused for a moment. “I slept with Ji Fengyue. Maybe having company makes it better.”

“Oh, that’s good then.”

As her daughter remained quiet with her head down, Li Ming’s expression grew even more strained. She handed the washed bowl and cup to Shen Wangshu, took her daughter’s set to unwrap, and repeated the rinsing process.

“Before bed… did you and Xiao Ji talk a lot?”

“Yes. Her parents are divorced, and she stayed with her mother. But her mother works out of town, so her cousin is actually looking after her now.”

The water unknowingly overflowed from the bowl. Li Ming hurriedly wiped the table with a tissue. She felt incredibly conflicted, especially hearing her daughter speak with such a calm voice.

“Mom, you don’t need to be so nervous.” Shen Wangshu’s voice remained level, yet it possessed a soul-piercing power. “I’ve been mentally prepared for a long time.”

Li Ming looked up, meeting her daughter’s clear eyes. There was no resentment or sadness in those eyes, only the kind of understanding found in an adult.

“I don’t mind you being with someone else,” Shen Wangshu continued. “As long as Uncle Zhao treats you well. If you want to marry him or have another child, it’s all fine.”

With a clatter, the kettle in Li Ming’s hand struck the edge of the table heavily, nearly toppling over. Shen Wangshu steadily reached out to steady it.

“Uh…” Li Ming had no chance to use any of her prepared words. Her daughter’s response, which far exceeded her expectations, left her paralyzed.

Shen Wangshu took a deep breath and said softly, “You’re my mother. I want you to be happy.”

Not wanting to prolong the awkward conversation, she stood up. “I’ll go call Uncle Zhao in. He’s the guest; it’s rude to let him stand outside.”

“Oh… oh…”

The door opened, and Zhao Kuanning was standing there with drinks. Seeing Shen Wangshu opening the door, he smiled with slight surprise, perfectly breaking the suffocating silence.

“What are you two chatting about? So serious?”

He smiled as he placed the coconut milk in front of Shen Wangshu and naturally sat down beside Li Ming, instantly sensing the shifted mood.

Li Ming forced a smile and tried to change the subject, but Shen Wangshu took the initiative.

“We were talking about you, Uncle Zhao.” Shen Wangshu wore a polite smile, showing no sign of abnormality. “I was asking Mom what she likes most about you.”

Zhao Kuanning was taken aback, then laughed heartily. He looked at Li Ming with eyes full of tenderness: “You’ll have to ask your mother that. Maybe it’s just because I’m thick-skinned and pursued her relentlessly?”

“Mom said you are very good at taking care of people and that she feels very at peace with you.” Shen Wangshu turned her gaze to her mother, her tone carrying an undetectable hint of inquiry. “Mom, is that right?”

It was a question that couldn’t be avoided. Under Zhao Kuanning’s gaze, the stiffness on Li Ming’s face finally melted. She nodded somewhat unnaturally, offering a silent confirmation.

“That’s good,” Shen Wangshu let out a soft sigh, as if a heavy burden had been lifted. “As long as Mom feels at peace and happy, that’s more important than anything. As her daughter, the only thing I can do is support her.”

Zhao Kuanning gave Shen Wangshu a deep, appreciative look, but the following words weren’t his to say. He gently nudged the woman beside him. She gave a stiff cough and tried to divert the topic by pouring coconut milk.

“You child, what are you saying? The food should be out for a bit; drink some coconut milk first.”

Shen Wangshu tactfully withdrew her “offensive.” She sipped her coconut milk, making eye contact with Zhao Kuanning. Understanding the cue, he began talking about his own situation.

Shen Wangshu listened, nodding and chiming in occasionally. The atmosphere in the room finally became less awkward.

However, Li Ming, who used to dominate the conversation at family gatherings, remained uncharacteristically silent.

For the first time, she realized that her daughter was much, much more mature than she had imagined.

So mature that she didn’t need her mother to find topics; she could calmly and naturally chat with an adult male stranger at the dinner table about how he met her mother and how they developed feelings…

How many years had it been? Her daughter had grown into a stranger right under her nose without her even noticing.

With a heavy heart, Li Ming finished the meal. She first drove Shen Wangshu home to rest, then drove Zhao Kuanning back.

She remained silent; it was Zhao Kuanning who spoke.

“Xiaoyue is a good kid. You can rest easy now.”

“Mm.” But as Li Ming thought about Shen Wangshu’s behavior lately, a strange sense of unease filled her heart.

After returning home, her daughter didn’t seem happy at all.

…

Shen Wangshu lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling that felt both familiar and utterly foreign.

As a successful 30-year-old professional, navigating social dinners was a basic skill. As long as she treated others as “work objects,” she could say the right things, do the right things, and even project the right emotions with ease.

This skill had sharpened with age, but the pressure accumulated from it never decreased. Instead, it piled up until it felt suffocating.

Right now, Shen Wangshu desperately wanted to go to the “home” just one street away to find Ji Fengyue. She wanted to act like a spoiled, childish kid just like her, begging for a hug.

During the years they spent together, they always used “hugs” to relieve each other’s stress.

It started in university. Ji Fengyue was studying clinical medicine, and the academic pressure was much greater than in high school. Yet, she was even more withdrawn than before, with no friends around her, not even someone like Shen Wangshu to study with.

Shen Wangshu would always see her in the library, sitting all alone, with nothing but studying in her eyes. Plus, Ji Fengyue had to balance her studies with part-time work. One could only imagine the pressure; she had no energy left to care about anything else.

Shen Wangshu worried about her and always wanted to reach out, but during their freshman year, Ji Fengyue refused to associate with anyone, bearing everything alone.

Actually, Shen Wangshu knew that Ji Fengyue was a proud person. To be seen at her lowest by a friend would be embarrassing. So, even if they crossed paths on campus, it was normal for her to pretend not to see or simply take a detour.

This cold attitude deeply hurt Shen Wangshu. She wasn’t the type to chase after someone who gave her the cold shoulder. If Ji Fengyue pretended not to see her, she wouldn’t initiate a greeting. She stopped contacting her unless necessary, and gradually, the two drifted apart.

But Shen Wangshu truly liked her. Because she knew about her family situation, she couldn’t help but keep tabs on her. Unconsciously, she would learn about Ji Fengyue’s progress: she was tutoring, she got a perfect GPA, she participated in a certain competition, she won a certain scholarship…

They even ran into each other frequently on campus, and Shen Wangshu could see that Ji Fengyue was indeed making her life better piece by piece.

Ji Fengyue also gradually matured. She seemed to no longer mind the past embarrassments. She began to reach out to former classmates more proactively and would talk to Shen Wangshu again and again, inviting her out to study, eat, and walk…

Shen Wangshu soon realized that this person was simply an idiot who was bad at expressing emotions. All those actions that had hurt Shen Wangshu were actually because Ji Fengyue clumsily didn’t know what to do.

Ignoring a friend was because she didn’t know how to say hello; by the time she finished thinking about it, the person had already walked past. Not contacting friends was because they had no common topics and she didn’t want to face an awkward silence. She actually really wanted to invite her out, but because she didn’t want pity and even less so to vent about her hardships—she kept it all inside. She bottled it up until she felt her life had improved enough to spare some mental energy for socializing…

Ji Fengyue never said these things, but Shen Wangshu saw it all in her actions, her words, and even her micro-expressions.

The more she cared about something, the less she wanted to show it. After discovering this, Shen Wangshu easily realized that Ji Fengyue’s most cherished friend was, in fact, her.

Ji Fengyue was a truly earnest and stubborn idiot. She was tight-lipped and loved to tough it out. Even when the stress was written all over her face and her eyes were bloodshot from all-nighters, she still tried to act nonchalant in front of her.

Later on, even when time was tight and she had to rush between the hospital and the school lab, staying up late every night, Ji Fengyue still insisted on meeting her at least once a week as regular as a social “quest” she had to complete.

Even during these squeezed-out rest periods, her spirit remained tense. Because Ji Fengyue viewed Shen Wangshu as such an important friend, she refused even more to show her vulnerable side.

She was so blunt it was cute, and so earnest it was heartbreaking.

Shen Wangshu couldn’t remember the specific catalyst for “hugs as stress relief.”

But after that, many times when Ji Fengyue was under pressure, Shen Wangshu would hug her. No words of comfort were needed; soon, Ji Fengyue would be able to pull herself together and regain that forward-charging vitality.

Shen Wangshu loved that version of her. She loved even more that Ji Fengyue gradually got used to letting her guard down, starting to talk more about her private affairs, complaining about work and study, asking for her opinion on things, and even including her in her future plans.

Falling in love with an earnest, career-minded idiot like Ji Fengyue—this was the best possible outcome. Shen Wangshu was already satisfied.

However, after Shen Wangshu graduated and entered the workforce, the pressure she faced was many times greater than in school. She had a falling out with her mother and nearly cut ties with her parents.

At that time, the one clumsily using “hugs” to comfort her friend became Ji Fengyue.

Hugs really are the best way to comfort someone a hundred times better than simple words. Especially since Ji Fengyue was the person she loved. Many times, Shen Wangshu truly relied on that bit of warmth to get through.

The once cold and abrasive iceberg had clumsily learned how to comfort people because she cared about her. Even if it was just silent companionship, it was enough for Shen Wangshu’s love to deepen. She became more dependent on her and even more unwilling to let her go.

But the more she liked Ji Fengyue, the more Shen Wangshu feared seeking more hugs. She was afraid she would drown in them, afraid she would start wanting more.

Shen Wangshu’s feelings for Ji Fengyue weren’t friendship, and she didn’t want to exploit such a precious friendship to take advantage of her.

Excessive friendship gradually turns into kinship but could friendship really turn into the love she craved?

Shen Wangshu didn’t know. She didn’t dare hope, because reality is often cruel. Once you have expectations, you are bound to get hurt.

But now, reality seemed much kinder than she had imagined, and she couldn’t help but feel a surge of expectation.

Could she… really dare to expect it?

Her trip down memory lane ended as Shen Wangshu picked up her phone. Ji Fengyue had already sent her many, many messages from asking if lunch was good, to saying she had given the vegetables and fruits at home to Lin Xuxi so they wouldn’t go to waste, to saying she had asked Lin Xuxi to take her to the provincial capital to handle some paperwork…

The last one was: “Xiaoyue, I’ve already prepared the contract. Waiting for your good news anytime!”

Her tone was so impatient. Shen Wangshu could almost imagine Ji Fengyue’s expectant face, her eyes sparkling. Just thinking about it was adorable.

Shen Wangshu unconsciously broke into a smile. She replied: “Okay, received. Wait for my good news.”

The reply came back instantly, a puppy emoji with round, bright eyes and the word “Expectation” written in large letters in the blank space.

Shen Wangshu couldn’t help it; she let out a laugh.

She picked up the jellyfish plushie by her pillow and rubbed it against her face. It was soft and comfortable, but it lacked warmth. It didn’t have that sense of security. As expected, it wasn’t as comfortable as holding a real person.

No wonder Ji Fengyue didn’t want a body pillow and only wanted to sleep while holding her. Holding a real person was definitely more comfortable than a plushie.

Actually, Shen Wangshu was also looking forward to falling asleep in Ji Fengyue’s arms again.

The two days she spent with her were the most peaceful days of sleep Shen Wangshu had experienced since her rebirth.