The Long Night - Chapter 21

Tang Shaocheng realized he was also reacting.

Yan Liao’s fingers and the condom were in his palm.

It was so quiet that he could hear the low hum of the air conditioner blowing warm air. His Adam’s apple slowly moved up and down. Fine sweat beaded on his high nose bridge, and he couldn’t ignore the rush of heat in his abdomen.

Their eyes met, and the air seemed to waver from the heat.

Yan Liao had worked up the courage to ask twice, but the person on top of him still hadn’t made a move. He squinted, his eyes quickly scanning from top to bottom. He bit his lip and slowly let out, “Can you even do it?”

He had never heard such a provocative question.

The person on top of him also slowly narrowed his eyes, as if to say, “Just wait, you’re going to cry later.”

…

When Tang Shaocheng actually took hold of his ankle, Yan Liao felt himself lifted slightly and belatedly became afraid. He swallowed hard, his fingers digging into Tang Shaocheng’s arm, his voice trembling. “…Are you really going to go through there?”

“What do you think?” Tang Shaocheng’s arm was tense, the veins like mountains. He almost laughed. “Relax, don’t be scared.”

…

“Be gentle…”

Yan Liao’s face and neck were flushed, even his ears were shaking. He was flustered and at a loss, as if he didn’t know how to breathe anymore.

Tang Shaocheng, who had been questioned about his ability just minutes ago, was very calm. He controlled his core and said slowly, “I’ll try.”

…

He didn’t try very hard.

Tang Shaocheng would reflect on it later. It was his fault that he, a virgin in his prime, hadn’t been able to control himself.

Yan Liao covered his ears, not wanting to hear a single word of apology.

Just as when he was sobbing and couldn’t catch his breath, Tang Shaocheng hadn’t listened to his “No more,” “Please stop,” or “Slow down.”

Yan Liao was very angry about this. Even though Tang Shaocheng sincerely apologized and promised it would never happen again, Yan Liao said with a firm voice, “I don’t believe you.” A pinky promise wouldn’t do, nor would a letter of guarantee. He almost had Lawyer Tang draft a contract to sign and stamp.

…But after a few days, Yan Liao still ungraciously cleaned himself up and waited in bed.

Even though he would say tough things like “I’m never doing this with you again,” a simple gesture, like biting his lip or shifting his eyes, and the other person would know exactly what he was hinting at.

It was the same in other areas. Tang Shaocheng always seemed to be able to see right through him. He could tell what Yan Liao wanted to do just by his expression. Yan Liao felt like he had nowhere to hide his thoughts.

It was still the same later. Whenever Yan Liao had a secret he wanted to hide, Tang Shaocheng could always find out right away.

He helped him avoid a lot of trouble and traps.

For a long time, Tang Shaocheng didn’t see anything wrong with this. He wanted to give Yan Liao a better and more complete life. He wanted him to bypass all setbacks and difficulties and go as far as possible smoothly.

It wasn’t until many years later that he was startled to realize that because Yan Liao had avoided those moments of having to chew on and swallow pain alone, he lacked resilience, introspection, and solitude, thus losing a very important sense of immunity and empathy.

He had no demands on Yan Liao, no expectations to force on him. He only hoped that he could live a healthy and safe life, be well protected, and always be happy and joyful.

But no one could do that. No one could live in a utopia forever.

But at that time, the sound of the gears of fate turning was so faint that no one could hear it.

The week before school started, the two of them went on a trip. They didn’t go far, just to a nearby city.

The weather was warmer there, so they could change out of their heavy down jackets. Tang Shaocheng wore a black wool coat. With his broad shoulders and long legs, he was handsome and tall, and even walking looked like a model’s runway walk. Yan Liao still wore as little as possible as long as he wouldn’t freeze to death. But he no longer teased Tang Shaocheng like last winter, asking if he was “too weak to wear so many layers.” He knew very well whether his man was weak or not.

The scenery along the way was all the same. Yan Liao got carsick. After Tang Shaocheng wouldn’t let him look at his phone, he switched to eating candy to pass the time.

He had eaten half a bag of fruit-flavored lollipops and was about to open a cherry one when the person next to him casually took it out of his mouth.

“Careful you don’t get a cavity.”

Tang Shaocheng said this, and without a second thought, he put the lollipop Yan Liao had just sucked on into his own mouth.

Yan Liao stared at his actions. Even though everything had already happened, he would still blush. He drew out a long, “Ooooh—.”

The high-speed rail continued on its journey. Occasionally, a flight attendant would come by to sell beef jerky and yogurt cubes.

The signal was not great. The small television screen overhead froze after playing for a while. The image was a close-up of a face, with the nostrils as big as the eyes.

He watched it for a while and didn’t find it funny anymore.

It was just boring.

Behind them sat a father and daughter. The little girl was very quiet at first, watching the scenery outside the window, the constantly buffering television, and the silent adults around her. Later, she probably got bored and wanted her dad to play with her, but he was always watching videos with his headphones on and didn’t have time to pay attention to her.

So she sat in her seat restlessly, wiggling around and kicking the chair in front of her a few times. Then, as the train suddenly jolted, she let out a loud cry without warning.

The crying was earth-shattering, as sharp as a blade cutting through eardrums. Everyone looked over. Her dad probably felt embarrassed and had to take off his headphones and scold her harshly.

“What are you crying for, you worthless thing? If you don’t stop, get out—”

“Everyone on this train is looking at you, everyone is listening to you cry. Grandpa and grandma don’t love you. No wonder no one likes you or wants you!”

The surrounding passengers then turned their eyes away.

Tang Shaocheng unconsciously clenched his fists.

His heart also suddenly tightened in a vacuum.

He had nothing in common with this little girl. He would never be called a “worthless thing.” He was well-behaved and sensible from a young age and rarely cried or fussed after he learned how to express his emotions. His father had passed away, but his other relatives never looked down on him. On the contrary, they had a strange sense of reverence for him.

But at this moment, he could understand the little girl’s feelings.

No matter how crazy you are, don’t bother anyone else.

Don’t bother anyone else.

Outside of yourself, eyes were everywhere, opening and closing like mouths, waiting for the chance to devour him.

As Tang Shaocheng desperately tried to suppress the emotions surging within him, he saw Yan Liao, sitting next to him, suddenly turn around and hand a lollipop to the back, asking lazily, “Want one?”

Miraculously, the crying stopped.

A thick, nasal but determined voice came from behind. “Yes!”

Yan Liao, as if he had just solved a problem, proudly raised his eyebrows. A moment later, the little girl behind them had probably finished her candy. She thought for a bit and made a very brave decision.

She climbed directly over the back of the seat. She was agile, like a well-trained rock climber. After crossing the “mountain,” she grabbed Yan Liao’s hair without hesitation.

Then, with persistent, tireless, and courageous effort, she climbed onto Yan Liao’s shoulder.

“…I’m going to throw you off.”

Yan Liao said this with his patience at an end, but he was quick to catch the little girl when she almost fell.

“Brother.”

The two clumsy people stared at each other for a moment. Yan Liao surrendered and let her sit comfortably on his lap, completely satisfied.

The father behind them looked up, seemed to think that the two young men in front weren’t bad people, and went back to staring at his screen.

Tang Shaocheng looked at the person next to him, who was holding a child, and had a very strange feeling.

Yan Liao held the little girl in an awkward position on his lap. She had stopped crying and was concentrating on unwrapping the lollipop.

“Did they design this thing to prevent it from being opened?”

Yan Liao forcefully tore it open and handed it to the little girl who was swallowing constantly. He then looked up at Tang Shaocheng. The latter shook his head, his expression saying, “You can’t have any more.” Yan Liao pouted and obediently gave up.

After the little girl quieted down, Yan Liao suddenly said softly, “It’s okay.”

Tang Shaocheng turned his head, and his eyes moved. Yan Liao’s hand covered the back of his hand, just resting there. He said a little muffled, “It’s just all okay.”

Yan Liao’s voice was nonchalant, and the sentence seemed to come from nowhere. Tang Shaocheng knew he was comforting him. He curled the corners of his mouth and smiled.

He was so bad at comforting people.

It was just so unbearably cute.

Many years later, through reading professional books and studying, Tang Shaocheng was able to accurately analyze his own trauma and learned how to control his emotions.

But after reading so many psychology books and attending so many lectures, nothing was as comforting as Yan Liao’s simple “It’s all okay.”

In his previous life, Tang Shaocheng had only ever talked about his childhood trauma with Yan Liao. The two were lying in bed. It was hard to say if Tang Shaocheng really wanted to confide at that moment, or if he just wanted to get attention and have Yan Liao love him more out of sympathy… In any case, Yan Liao was so angry that his eyes turned red, and he said he wanted to go back in time.

“What would you do if you went back?” Tang Shaocheng asked. Seeing him like this, his gloomy mood was completely gone, and he could even smile. “Would you beat up everyone you don’t like?”

He had imagined many possibilities. He even thought that Yan Liao might say, “Go back to when your dad got sick and save him in time.” But what he heard was a completely unexpected answer.

Yan Liao was sobbing, tears streaming down his face. He said, “I’m going to take you away.”

Tang Shaocheng’s heart trembled violently. His chest felt like it was being flooded by a rapidly rising tide that had burst its dam. He tried to pull the corners of his mouth, but he couldn’t smile.

“I’m going to take a younger you away from that place, and they’ll never find you again.”

That’s what Yan Liao said at the time.

After the high-speed rail arrived, the little girl reluctantly said goodbye to them. Yan Liao’s heart softened, and he gave her all the remaining candy. He then turned back to Tang Shaocheng and said it was a good thing they wouldn’t have kids. “I hate kids the most.”

It felt very freeing to travel to an unfamiliar city. Although the city’s high-rises, commercial areas, chain milk tea shops, and restaurants were all very similar, it still felt new and different.

Yan Liao rarely felt that there was any place worth visiting in the country. His hometown was on the northern coast, where you could see the sea in winter and snow in summer. Tourists were always coming and going.

When he traveled with his parents, he was always the one taking pictures. He would lie in the hotel from morning to night without much interest, and when he was hungry, he would only order takeout.

But being with Tang Shaocheng made everything interesting.

It was like listening to the guide at the science museum talk about the origin of gorillas in high school. Because this person was next to him, even the gorillas looked kind and friendly.

In the evening, there was a street vendor selling silver rings. You could make them yourself, and a crowd of people was gathered around.

Yan Liao sat on a small stool and hammered for a long time, making a crooked, plain band. He was too lazy to even ask, “Will you?” and just slipped it onto Tang Shaocheng’s ring finger without a word.

“Wow,” Tang Shaocheng laughed. “That’s not very formal.”

Yan Liao patted his pants and stood up. “Having one is enough,” he said, patting Tang Shaocheng’s shoulder like he was making a big promise. “When I make money, I’ll get you a gold one.”

The ring Tang Shaocheng made, however, was very beautiful. It made Yan Liao’s fingers look slender. The vendor was also very satisfied. He took a photo to put in the store’s brochure and even gave them a 20% discount.

“It’s even cheaper now,” Yan Liao said, both annoyed and amused. He leaned close to Tang Shaocheng and asked in a low voice, “What if someone gives you a more expensive one in the future? Will you dislike the one I made?”

“The one you made is one of a kind,” Tang Shaocheng said, patting his shoulder thoughtfully. “I could search heaven and earth, and I’d never find a ring this ugly again. Its collection value is immeasurable.”

…

In the evening, they strolled through the bustling Peace Plaza. The mottled shadows of the trees under the streetlights swayed in the wind like underwater plants.

No matter where you looked, you could see elderly people spinning tops. There were also children and dogs running around on the lawn.

It was like the first yellow light in a dark movie theater after the lights went out. All the scenery from the sky to the ground was compressed into a single small image. They walked in that quiet scene.

The evening breeze was gentle. A cool, clear moon hung high in the sky. But it was rare to see stars in the city. A child stopped and looked up at the sky, saying very seriously, “Mom, if I charge the stars, they’ll light up.” Everyone who heard this couldn’t help but smile.

A moment later, someone in the plaza started setting off fireworks. The brilliant red and yellow fireworks bloomed and fell in the dark night sky like flower petals. The light reflected in their eyes and magnified infinitely.

Yan Liao remembered the equally grand and beautiful fireworks outside his window on New Year’s Eve. He was video-calling Tang Shaocheng from under his comforter, and his eyes only wanted to look at this person. He even impulsively kissed the screen a few times.

It was peaceful to be in an unfamiliar place. In moments of such happiness, it was easy to say things without thinking, like:

“Let’s be together forever.”