The Lady I Flirted With Is Here - Chapter 42

Chapter 42: Tossing and Turning

After revealing the deepest secrets of her heart, Lin Xian saw no reaction from Fang Daiyu. Disappointed, she sighed and turned to open the kitchen door. Just as she was about to step out, a force restrained her hand, gripping her firmly and pulling her back into a cedar-scented embrace.

The emotional turbulence made Fang Daiyu’s voice sound a bit strained. “It’s just a bit of depression—look how it scared you!” Her tone was light as she gently massaged Lin Xian’s back. Lin Xian’s tight muscles gradually relaxed, and Fang Daiyu released her from the embrace to face her.

The two “red-eyed rabbits” looked at each other. Fang Daiyu gently pinched Lin Xian’s cheek. “Silly girl. Do you think I’d just let go of the girlfriend I’ve chosen so easily? Have you ever seen a couple give up on each other over a little illness?”

Her frozen heart warmed again. Lin Xian lowered her head, letting Fang Daiyu knead her cheeks. Usually, she would dodge such affection, but now she felt that every interaction was too precious. Precious things are easily lost; Lin Xian lifted her head again, her brown pupils like shimmering gems in wide, expressive eyes. “Really?”

Looking into those clear eyes, Fang Daiyu was deeply moved. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything harsh, so she whispered comfortingly, “Xianxian, give me a little confidence too, okay?”

She had long noticed that Lin Xian’s emotions were unusual—more prone to extreme highs and lows than most. One moment she was as happy as a bird, as if every ray of sunshine was shining on her feathers; the next, she was as tragic as a widow at the Great Wall, her tears flowing like an endless spring. Fang Daiyu had never been in love before and had heard that people in love are never quite “normal” and that emotional sensitivity is common. Therefore, she had planned to give Lin Xian more security so the younger girl wouldn’t overthink things all day.

She had guessed many things, but the one thing she hadn’t considered was that Lin Xian was ill. Everyone has heard of depression, but hearing about it is one thing; dealing with it is quite another.

The reason Fang Daiyu was so shocked was that the word “depression” is often tied to the word “suicide.” In the information age, she had seen too many reports of students and celebrities taking their lives. The sudden thought that Lin Xian might one day despair and vanish locked her heart in fear, making it hard to breathe.

…

The fragrant rice was white, plump, and piled into a small mountain. On the table, a white porcelain bowl held steaming yam and pork rib soup. When bitten, the meat was so tender it fell away from the bone, which had been simmered until even it was soft. The rich aroma filled Lin Xian’s mouth. Lin Xian loved good food, and so did Fang Daiyu; meeting Daiyu felt like the greatest stroke of luck. Yet, as she ate with focus, she was caught off guard by Fang Daiyu’s praise: “Xianxian, you really are my blessing.”

Lin Xian looked up, dazed. She ate with a sense of reverence, focusing entirely on chewing and rarely speaking. Besides the soup, the table was laden with a feast: cola chicken wings in a thick sauce, vibrant spinach with nuts, and shredded potatoes with green peppers—each strip cut perfectly uniform. All of these were Lin Xian’s favorites. In Fang Daiyu’s phone notes, there was a list titled “Two or Three Things About Little Xianxian,” recording all her likes and dislikes.

Lin Xian knew this; her own notes had a list called “Everything About the Fairy Daiyu.”

Actions done casually in the past felt profoundly comforting when put into practice. Even so, Lin Xian still worried: Is Daiyu doing this out of humanitarian concern? Is she afraid I’ll break down because of my depression if she leaves, so she’s just pacifying me?

But looking at the delicacies, she suddenly yearned for another possibility: What if Fang Daiyu truly loves me? What if she’s keeping me around simply because she likes me?

As she mulled this over, Daiyu’s comment about her being a “blessing” filled Lin Xian with a spark of hope.

“A singer loves an audience who appreciates them. I used to enjoy cooking for myself, but it was just a simple meal for one. Meeting a girlfriend who doesn’t diet and sincerely loves my cooking—that’s a true blessing.” Seeing Lin Xian eating so heartily, like a little animal, Fang Daiyu felt her own once-diminished appetite begin to return.

“That’s because your cooking is amazing!” Lin Xian tilted her empty bowl to show Daiyu.

“You ate every bit!” Fang Daiyu reached out to pinch Lin Xian’s nose. Lin Xian laughed sillily; it was these small, inconsequential joys that proved her importance in Daiyu’s life. It wasn’t about utility, only love.

What is love? It’s being so bored that the other person turns mundane things into something fresh. If Daiyu had praised her for being capable or skilled, Lin Xian wouldn’t have been this happy.

Seeing her happy, Fang Daiyu brought up the main topic: “Xianxian, since you want to live away from school for a while, why not come live with me?”

“Don’t you want to see me every morning?” Fang Daiyu began to tempt her. “When the morning sun hits the window, I’ll be the first person you see when you open your eyes. We’ll have our own little home, matching daily necessities. You can drop me off and pick me up from work, and study in the room when you’re free. If you want, we can get that pet you’ve wanted for so long, and watch movies at home on the weekends…”

As she spoke, she watched Lin Xian’s expression. It shifted from clear resistance to hesitation, and finally, Lin Xian interrupted her. “Enough. Don’t say any more.”

Hesitation was swallowed by determination. “I do want to live closer to you, but I don’t want to move in here with you.”

“Why?” Fang Daiyu was confused and felt a flash of impatience. Does Lin Xian still not trust her?

“I’ve seen too many couples who live together and end up fighting. The result is either becoming strangers or a bitter ending for both. Daiyu, I have many unlovely parts of myself. I want an independent space where I can hide those things.” Lin Xian looked away, unable to face Daiyu’s gaze.

Fang Daiyu suddenly felt a jolt of realization. “Xianxian, what do you think I am in your heart?”

Tapping the table lightly, Fang Daiyu suppressed her internal struggle. All of Lin Xian’s excuses boiled down to one thing: she was afraid of the future and afraid of a breakup. If she was walking on thin ice in this relationship, how could she ever enjoy it?

Under the indoor light, Fang Daiyu’s pale skin looked almost translucent. In her light blue striped loungewear, she looked youthful, the faint blue veins visible on her slender neck. She remained gentle, polite, and restrained—likely why they rarely fought.

Unless Lin Xian fell into a fit of paranoia and started a one-sided row. Such a perfect, considerate girlfriend who never showed her emotions was nothing like the couples Lin Xian had seen. Her friend Jingjing and her boyfriend would bicker over nothing but be laughing and making up minutes later.

It was precisely Daiyu’s restraint and poised character that made Lin Xian addicted to her, yet it also made her feel like there was a veil of mist between them. Sometimes she wished Daiyu would scold her or show intense emotion. But then, that wouldn’t be Daiyu. As an emotional person herself, Lin Xian hated emotional volatility.

She yearned for everything Daiyu was. Sometimes she felt that she loved Daiyu not just for the hormones and affection, but because she was searching—searching for her other half, for a place where her soul could rest. Daiyu’s precise self-discipline fascinated her to the point of madness.

“You are perfect, of course—consistent inside and out. You make my heart yearn for you.” Lin Xian’s answer was solemn, even tinged with infatuation.

This certain attitude made Fang Daiyu, not Lin Xian, feel panicked. She suddenly realized a dangerous thing: she and Lin Xian had never truly known each other’s real selves.

If Lin Xian believed she was perfect, did that mean any flaw she revealed would lead to a judgment of rejection?

“And my flaws, Xianxian?” Fang Daiyu’s voice trembled slightly.

Lin Xian shook her head like a rattle. “How could Daiyu have flaws!” At any other time, this would have made Fang Daiyu happy; now, it made a chill run down her spine.

“What about our argument? My hiding the truth about Zhang Ying? Are those not flaws?”

Remorse flashed in Lin Xian’s eyes. “No, that was because of me. Daiyu, I know I’m sensitive and overthink things. The last incident was my fault; you had your reasons.”

“What if,” Fang Daiyu looked at her, “what if one day you discover another side of me? Something dark, ugly, something an ordinary person couldn’t accept? Would you leave me?”

“Impossible!” Lin Xian blurted out, standing up so quickly her knee banged against the table leg. In her panic, she denied it with all her might: “I wouldn’t misjudge you, and I would never leave you!”

Her lips were pressed tight as she stared at Fang Daiyu, her facial lines tense. Her hands were braced on the table as if in resistance. Her eyes were full of Daiyu. Daiyu looked humble, but the corners of her eyes showed shock. She tilted her chin up slightly to look at Lin Xian.

The two stared at each other in a silent stalemate. Fang Daiyu wanted to convince her that no one is perfect; Lin Xian refused to believe it. To be honest, she refused to accept that her spiritual idol was as imperfect as herself.

Lin Xian couldn’t accept her own excellence, nor could she accept her girlfriend’s lack of it. The more paranoid Lin Xian became, the more serious Fang Daiyu felt the situation was. The shell had to be broken. All the “beauty” Lin Xian saw was just a glass house she had built.

One, two—

Three! Fang Daiyu suddenly stood up. She walked around the table, moved Lin Xian’s chair aside, and swept the girl up in a princess carry.

The sudden weightlessness made Lin Xian gasp. She instinctively wrapped her arms around Daiyu’s neck. Feeling the tremor in her girlfriend’s throat, Daiyu let out a low chuckle. Lin Xian finally found her voice: “What are you doing?” Her voice was soft and sweet.

“I’m letting you see me.” The husky voice sounded like a long, resonant cello note pulled from her throat.

Fang Daiyu carried Lin Xian into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. Before Lin Xian could react, Daiyu took off her shoes. She closed the windows and doors and pulled the blackout curtains. The dim, quiet room was almost frightening. Lin Xian instinctively shrunk into a corner, unsure of what Fang Daiyu was doing as she heard a clattering sound from under the bed.