The Innocent Heart - Chapter 38

In the following days, Guan Yueyao quickly became busy. He was, at most, a low-ranking military officer and was not privy to the various affairs of the court and army. Every day, Guan Yueyao merely assisted Wei Qing in drilling the four hundred elite black-armored soldiers currently in the camp.

And an elite force was indeed an elite force; the physical quality of these soldiers, even in Guan Yueyao’s view, was first-rate. After receiving more scientific, modernized training, their combat effectiveness unexpectedly showed explosive growth.

Of course, a militarily managed place like a barracks affected more than just the soldiers. Guan Yueyao, having spent a long time there, also gradually became accustomed to acting according to the collective will and fighting in a way that maximized the collective strength. Guan Yueyao found that he actually enjoyed this life very much.

But ultimately, considering that he was, in reality, female and living in the barracks was truly inconvenient, Guan Yueyao gave up the idea of moving into the military camp. At this time, he seemed to be gradually and deliberately concealing his true gender. Because he clearly knew that once he exposed his true gender, he would no longer be able to freely enter and exit the military as he did now and utilize all his talents.

In this era, the mere status of being male already represented a starting point and freedom in life far superior to that of women.

“It’s truly unfair…” Guan Yueyao couldn’t help but complain. This was the first time he had realized the vastly different lives of the two sexes living under the same sky. To gain the same opportunities as men, women had to disguise themselves as men and had to perform better than men.

Guan Yueyao actually didn’t like this feeling. Although his current tall stature and the very late development of his secondary sexual characteristics relative to his height made him genuinely look like a handsome, refined young man, whenever the generals and soldiers in the camp put their arms around him and called him brother, a sense of guilt involuntarily arose in his heart.

If the misunderstanding upon meeting Huo Qubing—being mistaken for a youth—was his unintentional action, then all his actions in the military now were his deliberate concealment. Guan Yueyao knew clearly that he was deceiving these comrades-in-arms, who trusted him so much, for his own self-interest.

Especially when Wei Qing often mentioned that comrades fighting side-by-side should trust and rely on each other and work together in unity—that this was the key to their survival and victory on the battlefield. Whenever this topic came up, Guan Yueyao looked preoccupied compared to the excited reactions of his comrades.

How long can I keep the fact that I am a woman a secret? When the night was deep and he was alone, Guan Yueyao couldn’t stop worrying. But the desire to continue living as a soldier in the camp made him choose to temporarily stick his head in the sand.

“I’ll just continue until I absolutely can’t hide it anymore. Maybe things will work out eventually?” Lying in bed, he thought this to himself, somewhat deceiving himself.

As the days went by, not only were high-ranking military officials like Wei Qing starting to get busy, but even small fries like Guan Yueyao began to hear rumors.

“Hey, Langzhong Guan, have you heard? It seems His Majesty intends to use military force against the Xiongnu next spring!”

During a break in training, three or five soldiers gathered to discuss the rumors that had been circulating in the army recently.

“Oh? Is that so? I hadn’t heard,” Guan Yueyao blinked, acting as if he was hearing this for the first time. He was indeed very busy. During the day, he trained with the soldiers, and in the evening, after returning to the Wei residence, he would do extra training with Huo Qubing.

Those who spread rumors loved it most when their audience hadn’t heard the news yet. Seeing that Guan Yueyao was truly unaware, the soldier became excited and leaned in conspiratorially.

“I have a compatriot who works in the armory in Chang’an. He told me during his leave a few days ago that troops from all over the country have been gradually assembling and garrisoning outside Chang’an since the beginning of this month. He’s at the armory, and the army naturally has to apply for weapons there. He’s the most sensitive to the movements of these armies. I’d say the scale of the war His Majesty is preparing to launch this time won’t be small.”

He spoke with absolute conviction and certainty, which convinced everyone. According to the Han Dynasty’s military readiness procedures at the time, the first step was to conscript able-bodied men from various regions to Chang’an and Luoyang. Only after obtaining weapons from the armory and completing troop assembly would they collectively set off for the front lines.

“Doesn’t that mean we can soon enter the grasslands and fight the Xiongnu to the death!” someone exclaimed excitedly.

“This time, we’ll teach those barbarians a lesson!”

The mood began to grow fervent. Someone put an arm around Guan Yueyao’s shoulder and clapped him excitedly: “Right! Just as Langzhong Guan said, always sacrificing women for Heqin to gain momentary peace—where does that put the dignity of hot-blooded men like us?!”

“Exactly, exactly. Dignity only comes from the point of the sword. He’s indeed a person of quality, to be favored by His Majesty and promoted to Langzhong at such a young age.”

The sincere praise from his comrades made Guan Yueyao even more embarrassed. This phrase was just something he had unintentionally seen while browsing a social media app; it wasn’t genuinely his own.

“Oh, no, no, I didn’t say that; I heard it from someone else too,” He quickly waved his hands to deny it.

The focus of the group’s conversation was still on the war, which might arrive at any time, so the topic was quickly dismissed, and no one took it to heart. These soldiers, conscripted from good families near Chang’an and carefully trained by the court, were not as battle-hardened as the border guards and lacked a sober realization of the dangers of war. Everyone seemed to be dreaming of achieving great deeds on the battlefield, slaying the barbarians, and exchanging the enemy’s heads for merit and rewards.

“Hey, Langzhong Guan, you’re so close to Lord Wei; why don’t you go ask and see what the court’s plan is exactly?” someone suggested.

“Alright, I’ll ask when I go home tonight,” Guan Yueyao didn’t find it difficult and lacked political sensitivity, not considering whether this kind of military secret was something small soldiers like them needed to know. He casually agreed simply because he was in a good mood.

That evening, while riding horses with Huo Qubing at the stables, Guan Yueyao remembered what his comrades had said.

“Qubing, you’re with His Majesty every day. Have you heard any rumors? It’s spread throughout the camp that His Majesty is preparing to use military force against the Xiongnu.”

Guan Yueyao spoke casually, but Huo Qubing frowned.

“Who did you hear that from? Spreading such rumors in the army is punishable by beheading, according to the law,” Huo Qubing’s face darkened, his tone holding a seriousness that didn’t suit his age.

“Ah, it’s that serious?” Guan Yueyao rubbed his nose, feeling a little scared afterward.

“Of course. In the future, if they spread gossip again, don’t get involved. Just focus on training. The martial skills we’re learning will be useful one day,” Huo Qubing expertly twirled his sword and then made a few practice moves in the air. The sword Liedi (Cracked Earth) that Liu Che had promised him was already forged and was now held in his hand.

“Hey, they even wanted me to go ask Lord Wei about it…” Guan Yueyao stuck out his tongue, looking at Huo Qubing somewhat uncertainly and asking: “Are these things not supposed to be asked about casually?”

“Of course. Military secrets are not something just anyone can be privy to. Soldiers just need to obey the officers’ commands; there’s no need to ask about other things,” Huo Qubing nodded, then earnestly instructed: “If anyone asks you to inquire with Uncle again in the future, regardless of whether they have malicious intent, you must refuse.”

“Oh, I understand,” Guan Yueyao nodded decisively. Although he wanted to make fun of Huo Qubing’s sudden mature attitude, the current atmosphere seemed inappropriate.

“Qubing, if the court really uses military force against the Xiongnu next year, do you think I can go to the battlefield?”

The two rode side-by-side, jogging their horses as they talked again. The rumors were still unverified, but hearing this possibility suddenly made Guan Yueyao, who had lived in peaceful times since childhood, nervous. Even with all the exposure he had in the military camp, the battlefield still seemed like a place both anticipated and feared to him, someone who had never seen war.

“I don’t think His Majesty will let you go to the battlefield, even if there is a war in the next two years,” Huo Qubing said confidently after a moment of thought.

“Why?” Looking at his friend’s unwavering certainty, Guan Yueyao couldn’t tell whether he felt more disappointed or relieved.

“How long have you been practicing your riding and archery? Sending you to the front lines now is no different from sending you to your death. Furthermore, Uncle says that although the soldiers have memorized all the moves of your sword technique, they still need more training and your guidance. You are a valuable person now. If we are to venture beyond the Great Wall in the next year or two, His Majesty will likely be reluctant to let you accompany the army.”

Moreover, looking at Guan Yueyao’s current state, Huo Qubing would do everything he could to persuade the Emperor against letting his friend join the campaign. Huo Qubing always kept a close eye on his only friend. In his view, Guan Yueyao was not yet ready for war. He was not even as prepared as Huo Qubing himself, who had already made up his mind to dedicate himself to the cause of resisting the Xiongnu.

At the very least… Huo Qubing felt he needed to make Guan Yueyao understand what war was, and why one fought, and why one would sacrifice oneself. Only after Guan Yueyao understood these things did he feel he could gladly gallop onto the battlefield with his friend.

Huo Qubing looked at his friend beside him, seeing him still in the spirited, innocent state of one who had experienced little of the world, and couldn’t help but smile.

The Emperor often said that Huo Qubing had a pure, innocent heart like flawless jade (chìzǐ zhī xīn). But in Huo Qubing’s view, the friend walking beside him was the one who truly possessed the chìzǐ zhī xīn.

Huo Qubing himself, whether he wanted it or not, had seen too much of the political infighting and struggles for power in the court and palace due to his family and relatives, and had lost much of his childhood innocence.

“Living in this place, though against My will, it is truly difficult to remain untainted…” He listened to his friend’s gasp caused by the horse’s sudden acceleration and smiled somewhat helplessly, urging his horse to catch up.

But at least, I can protect one other innocent smile.